Chapter Six

Andy

I should have been at the race right today. I should have cheered Leo on as he ran his first Daytona 500, but instead, I chickened out and came back to my hotel room. My brain was telling me what an idiot I was, while my heart reminded me how much was at stake. I wasn't afraid of Ezra, Noel, or anyone else. I was terrified that Leo was going to friendzone me. Force me to stand back and watch as he fell in love with someone else. Married them. Started a family. Lived happily ever after. I couldn't be just friends with him. It would destroy me.

I smacked myself across the face. Get it together, Andy. You're a huge star. You could have anyone you wanted.

Yeah, and I still wanted Leo. He was the only person I had ever wanted. The only one who I truly wanted in a sexual way. It wasn't for my lack of trying. I had been set up on plenty of dates with models, actresses, and reality stars. I just didn't feel any connection. I posed on the red carpet, put on my best fake smile, and held their hand or kept my arm around them, but it was all fake.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

And mine wanted Leo McCormick.

I dropped onto my back on the hotel bed and let out a long sigh. I felt like I was out of control. Spiraling so fast that I might throw up when I finally came to a stop.

How had my life become whatever the hell this was?

I had been happy once. My fathers were amazing. They loved me and catered to my ever need. Some might think they spoiled me, but that's not what it was. They loved me. I had two friends who became my foster brothers. Guys I trusted with my life. Who started a band with me, and we became huge stars. I'd had a beautiful boyfriend who'd loved me. Cheered me on when I was down on my life. Supported me. Yet I had fucked that up. I had listened when Ford told me it would be better if I were single. That the fans would appreciate that more. What a load of crap.

All it did was make me angry. I hated the life I was living. I wanted to go back to the younger version of me. The one who didn't have a care in the world. When I was just a boy who only wanted to see his boyfriend smile.

My heart thumped against my chest, and despite everything, I felt a smile tug at my lips. I thought of the first time I had seen Leo, walking the hallways at school, dressed in a pair of skinny black jeans and a bright blue sweater that hung off his shoulder. He had been talking to one of our classmates, his back to me, but when Leo turned around? That was the moment I had realized I wasn't straight. Those baby blue orbs that flashed my way, the flush that covered his neck and face, the way his ass had looked in those pants. I came out to my dads that night, and two weeks later, asked Leo out on our first date.

Maybe crashing back into Leo's life was a terrible idea. He was better off without me. He was thriving with his career, his friends, and maybe he would be happier if I just disappeared again. I shook my head. No, no, that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to let RJ Shepard steal my boyfriend. Or whatever Leo was to me. I stood up again.

I could go talk to Leo. By the time I drove home, he would already be there. I could go over to his place, tell him that I would give up everything for him. That I still loved him. That I thought about him all the time. Yes, yes, I could absolutely do that. I shoved my sneakers on, grabbed my phone, and left the room, hoping that I wasn't about to make yet another horrible mistake.

***

Leo was still living with his brother Noel and his boyfriends, Wyatt and Seth. I only knew this because of my father. He could be a bit of a gossip at times, but I knew deep down he still wanted Leo and me to be together. He was tough at first, didn't want me to date or make any hasty decisions at a young age, but now he loved Leo like his own. My father had a big heart despite his icy exterior.

Once I parked the rental car in the driveway and thought about who would answer the door, I almost lost my nerve. Noel, maybe? Wyatt was on a road trip, so I didn't have to worry about him. Even though he wasn't as tall as I was, all those years of playing hockey made him bigger and stronger. I didn't want to fight anyone. I just wanted Leo. I would take my chances with whoever greeted me. I didn't care.

I shifted from one foot to another as I rang the bell, hoping Leo was alone. What if he wasn't home? Or if he brought someone home with him. What would I do if Leo had another man in his bed? The thought made me sick.

The sound of the door unlocking caused that horrible thought to disappear, and then he was there.

Beautiful, perfect, Leo.

"Are you kidding? I don't want to talk to you." Leo started to shut the door, but I pushed my way inside. "Andy, what the heck!"

I stared in horror as he began to back away from me, his face full of fear. "Ricky, I would never hurt you." I sank to my knees. "I'm sorry." I buried my face in my hands as the tears started. Why was I such a mess? Why couldn't I get it together?

Warm arms suddenly wrapped around me, and Leo's sweet, cinnamon scent invaded my senses. "Oh, hon," he whispered, his voice gentle in my ear. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"Andy," Leo cooed, and when I looked up, my heart thumped loudly in my chest. How was he so beautiful? "Come with me." He climbed to his feet and held out his hand. When I took it, he smiled. "Let's get you comfortable."

I stood up and followed Leo through the house and up the stairs. He had his own room at the end of the hall, and it felt surreal seeing it all again. Colors were splayed all over the walls, bright and vibrant.I remembered the day Seth had painted all of this, how Leo had smudged pink and blue into my hair before he cupped my cheeks with the palm of his hand and told me he wanted to be with me always.

"Ricky."

I felt sick. I had ruined everything we had. I didn't deserve a second chance. I stumbled, nearly falling, and shook my head. Why was I such an asshole? Why couldn't I just man up and tell everyone what I wanted? That Leo was what I wanted?

I felt a hand on my arm. "Come on."

Leo reached for my hand and laced our fingers together again. I willingly went with him into the bathroom off his room. I glanced around at the sky-blue walls, the seashells, and beach pictures that adorned the room. The ones we had picked out together. God, this just kept getting worse. The memories, the good times. I had ruined them all.

"I can't do this." I shoved my hands into my hair. "Ricky, baby, I fucked up. I fucked up, and I am so damn sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I didn't mean to upset your life again. I only want to see you smile. Your happiness is my happiness, and I just... This was a terrible idea."

Leo smiled at me as he pulled back the curtain to the bathtub, dropped the mat onto the floor, and turned on the water to begin filling up the tub. Then he stripped off his shirt, his pajama pants and underwear. I stared at his gorgeous body, taking in the smooth planes of his chest and the way his cock began to fill. God, I missed him.

Leo didn't say anything as he stepped into the bathtub; he only held out his hand to wave me in. Was this actually happening?

I struggled to tug off my shirt, kicked off my sneakers, and ripped my jeans off. I climbed into the tub in front of him and bit back a moan when he wrapped his arms around me.

"What—"

Leo stopped me with a finger over my lips. I resisted the urge to turn around, to force him to talk to me. Instead, I let Leo scoop water up in his hand and pour it over my head and down my shoulders.

It was, well, rather erotic. Something we would have done when we were together. We had taken showers together but never a bath. I heard Leo squirt shampoo into his hand, then he massaged his nails into my head slowly. I couldn't stop the whimper that escaped my throat. Tears blurred my vision, and when they slipped down my cheeks, I let them. I didn't deserve the tenderness Leo was showing me. I didn't deserve him.

"You know, I always wanted to do this with you," Leo murmured, his fingers gliding over my hair. "Wash you, from head to toe, make you moan. Listen to you beg me to let you fuck me. I dreamed about it."

I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Leo stopped to rinse out my hair. Then he rested his chin on my shoulder. "What happened to us, Andy? What did I do that made you just stop responding to me? Was it something I said or something I did? If you had told me—"

I quickly got to my feet, splashing water over the side of the tub. "It wasn't you, okay? It was me. I let them convince me that being in a relationship with my high school sweetheart was wrong. That I was more marketable as a bisexual, single man, and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I didn't want that. I wanted you. The beautiful boy who always made me smile. But I was an idiot. I did what they wanted, and now I spend my days and nights miserable. Missing you, missing us , and everything we had. I shouldn't have come here tonight."

"Yes, you should have." Leo calmly removed the plug in the tub, stood up, and grabbed a pink robe covered in red hearts. He slipped it on and tied the rope around his slim waist. "You needed me."

I nodded. "I will always need you."

"Talk to me about what's really bothering you." Leo moved toward the sink and began to run a comb through his dark hair. He watched me in the mirror, his eyes searching my face. "You didn't just show up because you missed me. We've been in the same location numerous times, hon, and you've never come to see me. That kind of sounds creepy now that I've said it aloud, but I've kept up with your schedule." He spun back around. "You used to tell me everything."

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that my mother showed up at the show, high as a kite. She told everyone that I was her son, that I was the picture-perfect boy, and that she loved me. That she was proud of me. Proud of the person I had become.

It was disgusting.

She was a horrible woman who chased high after high, had us living in a car when I was a kid, and left me at the police station so she could run off with some guy. Part of me had hoped she was dead. I wanted to tell Leo all of this, but I was ashamed. I let her into the backstage area, let her fawn all over me, and never said a word as she acted like the mother of the year, then asked me for money. Which I gave her.

"I can't," I whispered, shame washing over me. I dropped my gaze to my feet and remembered I was still naked.

Leo hummed softly. "Are you tired?" I glanced up. "Want to lie down for a bit?"

"You don't want me to leave?" I asked.

Leo reached for a towel and moved closer to wrap it around my waist. His fingers brushed over my stomach, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin. He used another to dry my hair before he took my hand again so we could go back into his room. He urged me to sit down and then Leo went to his closet, digging around until he found whatever he was looking for. He held out a pair of sweatpants and an old Mulligan Downtown shirt that I recognized. They were both mine.

"You can sleep in these." Leo walked back over to where I sat. He dropped the clothes on the bed next to me. "I kept them, just in case you ever came back."

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hold him against me and never let him go. I didn't deserve Leo or all the kindness he was showing me. Not after what I did.

I put on the clothes and climbed into bed next to him.