Chapter Nine

January 21, 1818

Baselton House

St. James Place

Evan couldn't help the sigh of pleasure that escaped his throat when he slipped into the porcelain bathtub full of moderately warm water. The footmen had placed it in front of the fireplace in his bedchamber where a cheerful fire danced behind the grate, for the weather outside was quite chilly and there was the hint of snow in the air.

Because of that, he didn't take his usual walk in Hyde Park with Vivian. In fact, after the events of yesterday afternoon, he battled with both anger and embarrassment. Yes, he'd known his wife had let another man court her while he'd been missing, but it still didn't sit well. Especially since Starkington kept coming ‘round. And yes, Evan was well aware that he wasn't the same man Vivian had wed all those years ago, but the fact of the matter remained that they were married, and he wasn't willing to give up on that bond.

Where did that leave them? Attraction between them was there and intense, but what did any of it mean if she harbored feelings for another man? To say nothing of Evan's own inability to remain in the present. No one should have to be shackled to a burden such as him.

For long moments, he soaked in the bath and rested his head against the back with his eyes closed while listening to the snap and pop of the fire. When the faint but unmistakable sound of the door from the corridor opening in the adjoining dressing room filtered to his ears, every muscle in his body tensed.

"Who's there?" After everything that had happened with the members of his club and the drama with Starkington overstepping his bounds, if a representative of the criminal network was coming for him, he would meet the threat the best he could and hope they hadn't already attacked his wife.

"Stand down, Baselton. It is merely me."

The whisper of Vivian's voice caused him to relax, but only marginally. He flicked his gaze to the adjoining door, and when she appeared in the shadows clad only in her shift, a breath shuddered from his throat while interest shivered through his shaft.

"What do you want?" He couldn't keep the gruffness from his tone, for he was still out of charity with her. It didn't matter that he'd understood why she'd accepted Starkington's suit or that she'd thought him dead, the fact that she might have given up on their marriage left him annoyed, especially when desire was continually evident between them.

"I, uh…" It was far too late for her to be out and about, for the carriage-style clock on his bureau had chimed the midnight hour a few minutes ago. Emotion shadowed her face, but the illumination in the room was too dim for him to read. "I wanted to apologize for my part in the contretemps from yesterday." The long waterfall of her blonde-brown hair tumbled about her shoulders and back, and he wanted nothing more than to tangle his fingers in that mass.

He waved a hand that dripped water. "It is forgotten."

"I'll wager it hasn't been. I can still see the hurt on your face when you saw Edward with me, and it has stabbed through my chest since then." As she came closer to his tub, he discerned the wash of tears in her eyes. "I am sorry just the same. Please believe me when I say I had told Edward I couldn't see him any longer because I wished to stay loyal to you, that I wanted to see if there was anything worth reviving in our marriage, but…"

He truly tried to ignore the hard points of her nipples beneath the thin lawn of her chemise, but he couldn't unsee the dusky pink buds. "But you have doubts after what you witnessed yesterday when I was lost to a day terror, and now you don't know if you can endure a lifetime of such a thing."

There was no sense in dancing around the issue.

"Perhaps slightly, but truth be told, I am frightened. Of all of it. Your nightmares. The fact that your memory doesn't seem to be coming back despite being here amidst the trappings of your old life." A waver had entered her voice. As she spoke, Vivian came closer. When she arrived at the bathtub, she dropped to her knees and rested her hands on his naked shoulders. "The threats against the Rogue's Arcade members… and not knowing where I stand with you in all aspects of our life… It all has me on edge and quite emotional."

That light touch he felt through each nerve ending, but it also brought a healthy dose of despair. "No would blame you if you wished to ask for your freedom." Fear twisted down his spine and squeezed his heart from the words. "It's not fair that I ask you to remain here merely out of the bonds of a marriage we entered into when I was a different man." It mattered not that he desperately needed her, that her very presence helped him maintain a thin vestige of calm. "If you want to be with Starkington, I will let you go."

"No!" The utterance was propelled by perhaps disgust and fear. She leaned close, grabbed the bar of finely milled French soap from a small round table near the tub, then began to glide the bar along his chest, dipping it into the water here and there to help with the lathering. "I won't lie and tell you that Edward's presence in my life didn't provide comfort and companionship at a time when I desperately needed both."

Hurt ricocheted through his chest so acutely it had the power to steal his breath, but he concentrated on her hands as she moved them over the planes of his chest as she soaped his skin. "How could you prefer me, this broken version of myself who cannot remember even the most basic things about himself or his life, over a younger man who can provide for you, give you everything you have ever wanted in a marriage?"

"Stop." The rhythmic slide of her hands along his skin both soothed and aroused. "Yes, Edward is all those things, but you are still you, Evan. The essential parts of you that first drew my notice and my love are still there. Some are hiding, of course, but some have bubbled to the surface, and still there are sides to you I'm only now beginning to learn about. Different but good."

"How can that be true? This is no life."

"It is a life, and it is ours. Those wedding vows about sickness and health are put into practice now, for we both require healing." When she put the bar of soap onto the table, she returned to his chest and the style of her caresses changed. Her lips were at his ear, the warmth of her breath fluttered across his cheek. "Like I told Twinsfield last night, I will remain with you for as long as you have need of me, but you will ultimately need to make the decision on whether we will continue as a couple. I don't want it said that I gave up because I'm a fickle woman or a woman who didn't have the fortitude to work through the challenges facing us."

Every word she said was like a balm to his tattered soul. "Thank you." Emotions he couldn't begin to unravel slammed into him, but he shoved them away to examine later. "Sweeting, I do need you, for everything that matters, I suspect." He took one of her hands—the same one with the thin line of scabs on the back from where he'd slashed her with the letter opener—and he brought it to his lips. "I am so sorry we are stuck in this morass."

"It isn't your fault. I am here, committed to you, and we will get through to the other side." She pressed her lips to the skin of his jaw beneath his ear. "You are not alone. I promise."

That was all the permission he needed, and it was much a sign from the heavens that he was in the right place on this path. Slowly, he rose to his feet in the bathtub. Rivulets of water slipped down his body, and when Vivian more or less devoured his form with her gaze, arousal went through his shaft, hardening it. "I want you, Vivy, and even though I might not remember how you enjoy being pleasured or even if I have any finesse at all in the act, I want to take you to bed this night."

As she stood, she offered him a wide grin. "I don't believe I bid you nay." When her regard dipped to his erect member, awareness prickled over his skin. "Though I wouldn't mind reintroducing myself to you in every carnal way you'd like to explore."

The flickering flame of the single candle burning in its holder near the bed sent shadows dancing over the walls while the flames in the hearth gave the room an eerie yet comforting glow. "God, you are going to kill me simply by offering me the world." After stepping out of the tub, he extended a hand to her. "But what a way to go, hmm?"

"Don't you dare make jokes about that, Evan." Yet she slipped her fingers into his palm. "Tonight, I need to feel safe and protected." When he didn't answer, her shoulders slumped, and her chin trembled. "I want to share this intimacy with you, because I need you."

"Then we shouldn't delay any further than we already have." Insistent throbbing went through his length. "How fortunate for you that I'm nude, for we won't be delayed by clothing."

The joke brought a tremulous smile to her dark pink lips, and the world tilted from that tiny gesture. "I am coming to adore that sense of humor, and I hope you continue to cultivate it." Then, with a look that could only be interpreted as come hither, Vivan climbed up onto the bed. She didn't bother to turn down the bedclothes, but she patted the mattress next to her. "I have waited a long time for this."

Dear God. "I would be a nodcock if I said I haven't, but I do know something has been missing from my existence, and some of the holes in my soul don't seem as acute when I'm in your company." With haste, Evan joined her on the bed, and wasted no time in spooning her from behind. When he wrapped his arms around her, they both sighed.

"I'm glad there is at least a spark of recognition there." Her body went pliant as she wriggled deeper into his embrace. "Thank you for this. The tension between us is growing terribly and requires an outlet."

"You're welcome." For long moments he held her, felt the beat of her heart, gloried in the warmth of her, let the floral scent of her inebriate his senses while the silence of the night was broken only by the hiss of snowflakes against the window glass and the pop of the fire. A modicum of peace settled over him, and for one splendid minute Evan allowed himself to think upon the future and the possibility of living a respectable life with his wife in a world where the current problems wouldn't challenge them so much.

"I have missed this, missed having you close."

"Since I cannot remember my past or our interaction therein, I won't comment, but I can say I'm enjoying the hell out of it right now," he whispered and followed the statement with fleeting kisses to the side of her neck. The silkiness of her hair beneath his fingertips urged further exploration, so he combed his digits through it. "From all accounts, you have handled adversity this past week or so with true aplomb."

"I wasn't given a choice." She gently stroked his arm. Awareness rippled along every nerve ending from the casual touch. "And I will continue to do so because you deserve to carve out peace from the life you've been given." When he nuzzled the spot where her shoulder met her neck, she shivered. "There is still hope."

"I am trying my level best to remember that."

"Good." When she half-twisted, Vivian kissed the underside of his jaw, let her lips glide down the side of his neck. "We must take comfort where we find it."

"Yes." Need shuddered down his spine and surged through his shaft. Not wishing to waste this time, he cupped her breasts. When she made a sound between a gasp and a moan, he grinned. "I apologize in advance if my skills aren't as you recall them." The warmth of her seeped through the thin fabric of her chemise, and when he gently squeezed the pleasant handfuls of flesh, his sigh mingled with hers.

"There is sure to be certain delight in the learning about each other all over again." She covered his hands with hers, edged his fingers toward her hardened nipples. "Let intuition guide you."

"I will try." He strummed the pads of his fingers over those erect tips, worrying them until she squirmed against him. With every pass, each tiny sound of pleasure she made, his own need grew. After all, she was his wife, and this desire had been building since the first time he'd seen her in that ballroom months ago.

"Evan, please…" Vivian turned fully in his arms to lay on her back, wedged beside him, the chemise pulled tight over her breasts. She laid a palm to his cheek and met his gaze. "Show me that you still feel something for me, that moving forward together isn't the mistake I fear the ton believes it to be."

The words were honest and without guile, and they evoked a strong response of connection and protection. Emotion clogged his throat, for what he'd put her through these past five years or so. "I couldn't have survived any of this without you," he finally whispered. "Should never have gone on that damned hunting trip knowing you were here waiting for me." Then the need for her superseded everything else and he crushed his lips to hers.

What he'd hoped would be gentle, teasing kisses soon became desperate meetings of mouths. With a heartfelt cry, Vivian molded herself to his naked body. They drank from each other; hands were everywhere exploring, teasing, rubbing various bits of flesh until their moans blended in the dim light. Oh, how he wanted this woman!

"Take me home, Vivy. Tell me I haven't made a mistake in coming back."

Those words and the emotions behind them brought tears to Vivian's eyes. "No mistakes, dearest. Only new paths we could never think to trod." She spent the next few minutes returning his kisses, exploring his chest with her fingers and lips, rubbing her cheeks against him in an effort to get drunk on the scent of him. "We will trust that our hearts will heal enough through new discovery that they will cease to ache and forget what we believe we've lost." She tried to smile, but it was a watery affair. "In the meantime, there is just you and me. Here, together. The way we should have always been."

"You and me. I like the sound of that." He cupped her cheek and holding her gaze, he slowly drew the pad of his thumb along her lower lip. Sensation zipped through her veins, for each touch was both familiar and new. "You've been good for me, and I'm so damned grateful you didn't immediately give up on me when I came stumbling into that ballroom." The intensity lurking in his dark brown eyes stole her breath. "I truly believe it would have been the end of me in that moment."

"Don't talk like that." But worry crept in to temper the pleasure she'd already found with him this night. "I'm fighting for you, Evan." Tiny fires erupted into her blood from his touch, his words, and as he continued his caresses, the anticipation nearly carried her away. Vivian trembled the longer they played, and as she roved her gaze over his bare chest, catalogued the scars that marred his skin, she promised herself to ask him about the wounds, to find out if he remembered. Somehow, the return of this man had changed her life, had sent her world tilting, and there was no recourse except to discover the man he was now and chase a new existence with him. "Evan, I need you."

"I know." With a low growl, he pulled her more firmly into his arms and brought his lips crashing down on hers. This kiss held so much power and heat behind it that she was soon lost. It was much like kissing the man he used to be but now there was a tinge of the unfamiliar, an edge to the overture she couldn't wait to explore. The moment she slid her palms over his chest and the mat of crisp, dark hair tickled her skin, and the lingering drops of water from his bath wet her hand, electric awareness of him flooded her. I want to be claimed by my husband! It didn't take much for her to surrender to his kisses, or let him sweep her away with the intense desire that filled her. There was no recourse but to meet his tongue again and again as he sought hers, explore his heated skin as if she'd never done so before.

"Dear God, this is insanity," he murmured against her lips.

"Mmm, perhaps, but it feels right, don't you think?"

He didn't answer with words, instead he set out to apparently devour her as if he were starving. And frankly, his skill wasn't all that objectionable. Baselton shoved her arms over her head, pinning her wrists to the pillows and then continued kissing her as if he feared she'd vanish into thin air if he didn't. Perhaps in his mind, that was a real fear. And through it all, she kissed him back, nearly driven wild when the scrape of his stubble enhanced everything he did.

It took all her concentration to match his passion. Where she assumed she would teach him how she enjoyed being touched and teased, he must have taken the instinct comment to heart, for he was fully engaged in putting her through her paces. So much so that Vivian shivered, wriggled from his attentions. When he released her wrists, she looped her arms about his wide shoulders in the effort to pull him closer or rather cling to him, for the connection growing between them was fierce. He dragged his mouth from hers to press a line of kisses down the side of her neck then licked and nibbled the skin over her collar bones. All the while, his hands at her breasts kneaded the flesh there, teased her nipples into hard, stiff peaks through the fabric of her chemise.

"We should pause so I can remove the shift," she said in a breathless sort of voice.

"But that would take too much time away from kissing you."

"True." A moan shuddered from her, for he was quite correct, and she didn't wish to release him that long. Molten heat replaced the blood in her veins. She slipped her palms down his arms, exploring, wondering at the virile strength of those muscles. The callouses on his fingers, made from working wood, added another level of pleasure as they danced along her skin. Squirming from his attentions, she gave as good as she got, and when she explored the skin of his abdomen, he gasped.

"I'm naught but a drunkard around you," he said against her breast, shortly before he took the nipple into the warm cavern of his mouth and suckled hard.

"Oh!" Intense sensation streaked from her breasts to her core, and the throb that made itself known between her thighs stole her breath.

"God, I adore your reactions." As he said that, Evan slipped his hands beneath the hem of her chemise to squeeze her buttocks. It took a bit of doing, but he hauled her tighter against his body if that were possible. "I want to feel all of you."

"You are doing a fine job of it." She released a gasp of her own, but he kissed her again, swallowing the sound then he kissed and caressed and licked a path around and between her breasts while doing wicked things between her thighs. "Please, touch me here." With firm pressure, she guided his fingers to her center until he encouraged that swelling button out of hiding.

"Tell me what you like, what you wish for me to do." Strain roughened his voice, but he rose to the mark beautifully while she showed him exactly how to pleasure her.

"Ah, God. Like that, but with more friction." When he did what she asked, she nearly broke apart from the waves of sensation washing over her. Needing more to heighten everything, Vivian plucked at one of her nipples. She rolled the nub between her own fingers and squeezed it. The action doubled the flood of pleasure she found while her husband played between her thighs. "Yes!"

He groaned as he watched her but increased his ministrations. "So damned beautiful."

The first release caught her by surprise, but it had been a long while since she was with Evan, and perhaps she'd been far too primed over the last week. It was easy enough to tamp down on the worst of the scream leaving her throat, but she bucked and squirmed beneath him, and her hunger for him hadn't dulled.

"Evan, I need more."

"So I'd gathered." As he chuckled, he gave one of her arse cheeks a pinch.

"I think it will be you who kills me this night." While passion fogged her brain, he kissed her again. Tingles of anticipation fell down her spine. Shameless, Vivian slipped a hand to his nape and kept him steady so she could better explore his mouth, his sensual lips. Needing so much more from him, she rubbed her breasts into his chest and moaned when the coarse hair there stimulated her sensitive nipples.

"Then we will expire together." On the heels of a groan, he gripped her thighs and opened her more fully while the hard evidence of his arousal lay hot and silky between her legs teasing her sex, the head of his length rubbing along her folds. "Though I suspect that dreams of doing this with you sustained me through the damned war."

"That is a lovely thought, but I don't want words just now. Only you."

"Agreed."

Then they communed with caresses and kisses, using sighs and moans as the guttering candlelight threw long shadows over the walls and ceiling, and the flames from the fire burnished his skin. Dear heavens, he was magnificent, and she started the fall for him all over again. Baselton didn't waste time in the claiming of her, for he speared his shaft deep inside her body, impaling her completely and so fully tears prickled the backs of her eyelids, and he didn't stop until he was buried there. Though her husband might feel lost or even frustrated, she was glad he'd come home, for this was where he belonged.

And she belonged to him.

For long moments, he didn't move but remained connected with her body, choosing instead to stay joined with her. "Thank you for this, Vivy." Then he made love to her mouth, her breasts, any part of her he could reach. "God, but I cannot wait any longer." When he finally flexed his hips, the languid grace of his movements stole her breath. Wild sensation pinwheeled through her insides until she was so lost in the feelings he evoked she released her hold on reality and simply… floated.

"Oh, Evan." As she met his gaze in the shadows, emotions shadowed those dark depths, and she hoped he realized it didn't matter all the years he'd lost or how broken his mind was. "Keep going." She wriggled her hips to better receive his strokes.

"Most definitely." He kissed her again, hard enough to send her senses reeling, as he shoved the hem of her chemise upward to bunch at her waist. "So soft, so warm, so lovely." With a soft kiss, he thrust and joined them completely once more. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. As he held her gaze with his while gently stroking into her, Vivian let herself continue to fall into a second time of love with him. The uncertainty of their future didn't matter; deep in her soul, she knew they would come out right. "Perhaps unconsciously I knew I needed to come home, because I need you."

"Oh…" A piece of her heart flew into his keeping, for in those handful of heartbeats as they stared into each other's souls, something was exchanged between them, something beyond what she could have ever dreamed of knowing he couldn't remember his life before, his life with her. "You'd best stop else I'll become a watering pot." But she couldn't help a smile, which coaxed one from him. Then he changed his rhythm, went deeper, shifted his approach so that his hardened length rubbed against the swollen button at the center of her pleasure. "Yes!"

Tension built like a hungry beast, coiling through her core and lower belly. Vivian stretched, reached around him until she squeezed his taut arse cheek, held him even closer, ensuring that he went deeper. With a half growl, half groan, he shifted yet again, guided her legs about his hips as he drove faster and more frantically into her. That, she remembered from him, and she adored him all the more. For a few seconds, she matched his rhythm but eventually surrendered merely to enjoy this triumph and repose from the world. Of course, she couldn't leave well enough alone. Would he remember this. With a giggle, she put a hand around his arse and quickly found the sensitive spot behind his stones.

"Vivy!" He gave a startled shout of surprise. "I nearly shot my wad just then," he whispered and then kissed her with all the insistence of a man who meant to completely claim his woman. "Turnabout is fair play during a satisfying fuck." One of his hands drifted between them and he bedeviled her swollen nubbin, never ceasing even when her back arched off the bed and she gave into a quick, shuddering release.

"Finish me, Baselton," she practically begged as she held onto his shoulders. "I cannot survive anymore."

His hips worked more frantically, and she was lost again, bobbing on a sea of pleasure. He laced his fingers with hers, holding her hands to the mattress above her head, but it was the look in his eyes that sent her hurtling over the edge into bliss a third time, for she dared not attempt to hope that he felt affection for her, remembered or otherwise, yet it was pleasant to contemplate. Another thrust sent him into his own release, and when she sucked in a breath to scream out her jubilation, Evan kissed her, taking the sound into himself as if he wished to keep that utterance to himself like a miser.

All Vivian could do was ride the waves and hold onto him as he collapsed onto her. His weight was comforting and slick with sweat. She wrapped her arms around him, pressed her lips to his shoulder. Tonight, they'd come together despite fear and confusion. Perhaps that connection would usher in healing for them both and show them the way toward a new path. As the sound of his labored breathing rasped in her ear and he nuzzled the spot between her shoulder and her neck, she sighed.

"That was quite lovely, and much needed." Then she licked the side of his neck, gave his skin a light bite, for she couldn't have enough of him.

"Indeed." He rolled to his side and took her with him, but his arms were no less tight about her. "Give me an hour or so to recover, and we'll have another go ‘round. I haven't nearly had my fill of you."

"Cheeky." With a sigh, she couldn't help a grin as her eyes drifted closed. Nothing had truly been resolved or puzzled out between them, but for now, it didn't matter. In this moment, he was hers, and there was hope.