15. Jake

Why do I feel so fucking nervous?

I'm standing outside the hotel room, and my palms are sweating. I wipe them on my slacks, take a deep breath, and press the key to the reader. The door beeps, and I pull it open slowly. I find Caroline sitting on the edge of the bed. She has changed out of the designer dress, stripped off the expensive jewelry, and is wearing a simple oversized t-shirt that shows a lot of bare leg. Her curly brown hair surrounds her face. She smiles, pushing up her glasses when she sees me.

"Hey," I say.

"Hi," Caroline says. "I think we need to talk about something."

My gut wrenches. I think about what Jesse told me. I tried to blow off his theory, but there was no point in lying to myself. Ever since he planted the idea in my brain, it feels like it's taking root at an alarming speed. The look on Caroline's face isn't helping.

"Alright," I say.

Caroline pats the bed beside her. I kick off my shoes and sit with one leg folded beneath me and the other dangling off the edge so I can face her. I glance at Walker, who is awake, but sucking on his pacifier in his crib and apparently content for the moment.

"At the gala, I was planning to tell you something."

That weight from before slowly grows until I feel like I can barely hold my head up under the pressure of it. "What did you want to tell me?"

I've known Caroline for two years, and I've never seen her cry, so I"m too stunned to react when tears suddenly well up in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. I stare at the wet trails for a few seconds before I think of pulling her into a hug.

"Shit," I say, uncertainly rubbing my hand down her back. "Did I do this?"

She laughs, then snorts and sucks in a breath. "No. This is my fault."

"What is?" I ask. I gently let her out of the hug so I can look at her. The sight of the tears still rolling from her eyes makes me feel like I'm about to split in two, though. "Whatever it is, I can help. Just… stop doing that, please."

She laughs again, wiping at her eyes. But her humor is quickly replaced by what looks like so much pain she can hardly bear it. "There's something I haven't told you," she manages after calming her breathing a bit.

Jesse was right. Jesse was right. The words start repeating in my brain as mental alarms screech. Red Alert. Defcon Four. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

But no amount of terror is worth making Caroline feel any worse than she clearly seems to feel. So I plaster a neutral, calm look on my face and hope to hell it's convincing. If she knew how much I was freaking out inside, she'd probably start crying all over again.

"If you never forgive me, I'll–" she says, cutting herself off as her voice breaks. Fresh tears roll from her eyes.

"Hey," I say, pulling her in and kissing her because it's the only thing I can think to do. Her lips are salty from the tears. She shudders against my touch, and another quiet sob shakes her. I cup her face gently. "Walker is mine, right? That's what you're trying to tell me?"

More tears come. She nods shakily.

"It's okay," I say, hugging her tight and shushing her. How am I supposed to be mad at somebody holding this much regret and pain? What kind of monster could do anything but try to comfort her right now? My own feelings can take a back seat, at least for tonight–at least until I find a way to calm her down and stop her from beating herself up like this. "It's okay, Caroline. I get it. I'm not mad."

"You're not mad?" she asks. She seems stunned enough that it has stopped her crying for the moment.

"I'm not mad. I mean, shit. I'm surprised, sure. But I'd have to be pretty dim-witted not to suspect it was possible, right?" She doesn't have to know I didn't suspect shit until about thirty minutes ago when Jesse planted the idea in my head. Or that I'm taking this a hell of a lot better because I had that half hour to go through the initial shock on my own.

"Yeah," she says, laughing and nodding. "I knew you weren't stupid. But… I meant to tell you. So many times. And then there was the press conference, and I didn't want you to think of me like you thought of that woman, so I made up some guy because I freaked out and panicked. There was never any other guy. It was only ever you. For the last two years, it has only been you." The words come out in a rush from her like water breaking from a dam.

"It's okay," I whisper. I kiss her cheek, then her earlobe, and then I find her lips again. "It's okay," I say, kissing her more.

I can feel myself shutting off my own flood of emotions. So much wants to break through into my mind, but it's like when I'm on the ice–when my teammates need me to step up in a big game. Sometimes, the team needs their leader to show confidence, even if he's not feeling it. Caroline needs calm right now. She needs reassurance. I can worry about me later.

It doesn't hurt that my body has been wanting this for what feels like an eternity. The feeling of her body against mine again. The way she sounds when she comes for me. The heat of her breath against my bare skin. I've craved it all so fucking deeply.

So I kiss her deeper, softly pushing her back until she's lying on the bed beneath me. There's one way I can think of to get both our minds off this.

"Jake, I don't know if we should…" she whispers.

"I need your mouth," I say, trailing a fingertip down her shoulder to her chest until I can feel the soft swell of her breast through the thin t-shirt. "I need to feel you again. All of you."

She grins. "It has only been a year."

"365 days too many," I breathe.

"Last year was a leap year. So it would actually be 366. Although, technically, it hasn't been exactly a year. It's more like–"

"When I said I wanted your mouth," I say, cutting her off with a fingertip on her lower lip. "I wasn't talking about those sounds you're making."

Her hand trails down my back and lifts her eyes to mine. There's mischief glinting in them. "So you want to sleep with me but don't want to hear me make a sound? That seems like a fun game." Her eyes are still puffy and red from crying, but I'm glad to see the physicality is already distracting her from the guilt she feels.

I grin. "I'm pretty certain you'd make several sounds."

Her breath is coming in heavy, quick gasps.

I can feel my own heart pounding like crazy as I stand, staring down at her as I start to tug at my tie like I can't get it off fast enough.

"Is that a challenge?" she asks.

"It's a fact," I say. I peel off my shirt, pants, and underwear while she watches, biting her lip hard. I grin when I see she hasn't started to undress. "Were you waiting for help with your clothes?"

Caroline's eyes fall.

"Shit," I say, kneeling in front of her. Suddenly, I feel like an ass, even if I don't know why. "What did I say?"

"It's just… You haven't been with me since I had Walker. Maybe I could just keep my top on? Or we could turn out the lights."

Wait. Is she self-conscious? The thought takes a moment to catch because it seems ridiculous. How could she possibly think there's something wrong with a body like that?

"You're perfect, Caroline." I run my hands down from her cheeks to her shoulders, kissing her forehead. "If you want the lights off or your shirt on, I won't complain. But I'm also not about to give a shit if you're a little curvy because you just gave birth to a living human being two months ago."

She laughs, eyes still down. "Curvy is a generous word for it."

I bring my mouth to her ear, kissing her everywhere as I take greedy handfuls of her breasts. "Then call me generous because I fucking love your curves." I push her back on the bed and she scoots up toward the pillows as I position myself above her. She's only wearing the t-shirt and panties, which I discover as I slide a hand up her bare thigh and find silky fabric.

She breathes hard at my touch, arching her head back.

Is this really happening?

Her body spread out for me.

All her senses, mine to command.

The promise of release so thick I could practically pluck it from the air.

I've wanted this so badly.

I kiss her areola, smiling with satisfaction as I watch her nipple immediately harden for me into a firm point. I take it between my lips, teasing her with my tongue.

Caroline rocks her hips upwards, gasping heavily. Almost absently, she plucks off her glasses and sets them on the nightstand with a clatter.

"Loud breathing," I say, purposefully letting my lips brush against her sensitive nipple as I speak. "Some might call that a noise. Would you?"

Caroline stuffs a corner of the pillow in her mouth, eyes closed as she shakes her head.

I move my palm down her stomach and find the top hem of her panties. I trace it with my thumb, slowly moving from the front of her to her hip bone and back again.

I can almost feel how badly she wants it.

It's in how she's rolling herself up and into my touch.

It's in how her eyes are squeezed shut so tightly that it's making cute little creases spread across the bridge of her nose.

Her desire is everything.

"Want to know something I've never told you?" I whisper.

She jerkily nods her head, keeping her eyes closed.

"Watching you get off is the closest thing I have to a kink. I didn't realize it completely until we stopped hooking up. But it's true. There's just something about it. Fuck," I hiss through my teeth, eyes hungrily taking in the way she's writhing from nothing but my fingertips on the edge of her panties.

"I dream about it, sometimes," I say. Now, I use the flat of one knuckle to slide my touch down from the top of her underwear. It glides over the swell of her mound.

Her breath catches, and she goes absolutely still. When I teasingly bring my knuckle back up toward her belly button, she starts lifting herself, urging me to touch her where we both know she wants me to touch her.

"I dream about watching you come for me. Again and again. My favorite is the one where I catch you touching yourself and moaning my name." I smile at how her eyes finally snap open at that, locking with mine. "It's so fucking hot."

Caroline's tongue slips out over her lips. Slowly, purposefully, she moves her fingers between her legs. Her throat twitches as she swallows hard.

"Holy shit," I whisper.

The corner of her mouth twitches. I drag my gaze down to her fingers, watching as they press against the silky fabric of her underwear, circling. I watch how she does it. Studying the motions she uses to get herself off–memorizing them. After all, who better to teach me how she likes it than herself?

I'm consumed by my fantasy playing out before me. She's breathing harder, and I'm kissing her nipple again, hands roaming her body. I move my mouth to hers, kissing her deeply and loving the immediate intensity of her motions. She's so turned on she can barely hold it in, and she's definitely not alone.

I occasionally pull away from the kiss to look down, watching her fingers move. She has slipped them inside her panties now, and her wrist is moving in a way that tells me she's not just rubbing her clit anymore. She's fingering herself.

I bite my lip as an idea occurs to me. I take her wrist, pulling her hand out of her panties and up between us. She looks a little worried like she thinks she's done something wrong.

So I smile, meet her gaze, and put her two still-wet fingers in my mouth, sucking her taste off them.

Her whole body tenses at that.

"Are you close?" I ask.

She nods.

"Still trying to make no sound?" I ask. "That's admirable."

Caroline actually looks a little worried now.

"You're not just going to be moaning my name, though. You're going to come harder than you've ever come. You'll still be feeling it tomorrow."

I enjoy the look of shock on her face as I lower my face between her legs. I still haven't taken her panties off, and there's a dark, wet patch from her arousal already marking the fabric. I hover just inches from her so she can probably feel the heat of my breath, and then I turn my head just slightly to kiss the inside of her thigh.

She lets out a breath, opening her legs wider, practically urging me to kiss her where she wants it.

Not yet, Princess. I reach up, running my hands down the sides of her body and then beneath her, cupping her ass and lifting her hips off the bed. I breathe in deep, then press my lips to her mound, to her hip bone, to the tops of her thighs.

She's pumping against me, body all but begging now.

I know how close she must be. How long would it take to make her come like this with my mouth? Seconds?

I press my lips to her clit through the fabric of her panties and she shudders, letting out a gasp. To her credit, she still hasn't made an actual sound beyond increasingly heavy breathing. We'll see how long that lasts.

I give her about three seconds of contact before I'm too worried she'll come. Then I pull back, making her wait in what has to be pure agony.

She lifts her head, giving me a confused look.

"Not yet," I say, smirking. "I think I'd like to hear you ask for it. Nicely. Desperately would do, too."

Caroline's nostrils flare. I know her well enough to know I've triggered her stubborn nerve. She's thinking it won't happen. Even in the middle of all of this, she's determined to prove me wrong.

Good. That just makes it more fun.

I drive her to the brink again and again, doing my best to pick up on the increasingly obvious cues from her body that she's on the razor's edge and could come with one more touch.

I pull her panties down, taking my time running my fingertips up and down her skin before I give her my mouth again.

I bring my mouth close to her clit, lifting my eyes to see she's holding her breasts and circling one nipple with her thumb, body practically shaking with need.

So fucking hot.

"I've decided just one word will do. Please. If you ask nicely, I'll let you come all over my face. Sound fair?"

Caroline says nothing, so I keep waiting there, determined to win our little game, even as my own body is white-hot with my own need by now. I want nothing more than to be inside her. To feel her walls warm and wet around me. To connect with her again like we used to–body and mind.

Caroline suddenly pulls away from me, sitting up. For a split second, I think I've misread the whole situation and pissed her off–that she's about to tell me to go fuck myself.

And then she blows my mind by taking my shoulders and tugging me to lay on my back. She crawls above me, eyes locked on mine with the most insanely hot look of determination I've ever seen.

"What are–" I ask. A moment ago, I was completely in control. Now…

Holy shit.

Caroline straddles me, reaches between us and grips me, and then teases herself with the tip of my cock against her wet folds.

I groan in unison with her. I think she's about to sit down on me–to give all of herself to me. Finally.

Instead, something devious flickers in her eyes.

I stare back at her, not understanding at first. Then my eyebrows raise. "You have to be fucking kidding me," I say, half-laughing.

Caroline gives the smallest of shrugs, still poised there, perfect in her nudity, as she hovers above me with my dick in her hand. She has it poised and pressed to her entrance, but she's not going to let me fuck her until I ask nicely, is she?

I consider my options. Fuck my options, though. I want this too bad for pride. She can win the game if it means I get to be inside her.

"Please," I say. "Let me fuck your perfect pussy. Please, please, please."

Caroline finally laughs. "I win." And the amusement is erased from her face almost instantly. It's replaced by ecstasy as she lowers her hips and takes me in.

"Oh, God, Jake," she breathes. Now that she's won, she's apparently willing to make noises again.

And damn. She wasn't the only one who was close to coming. I'm not sure how long I'll last right now.

"Slow," I say, warning her. I don't want this to be over too fast. Not after waiting so long.

She just puts her hands on my pecs, gripping me tight, and shakes her head. Her hair bounces with the movement as she bobs up and down on me. She's grinding into me, rocking her hips forward and back with absolutely no intentions of slowing down.

Holy shit.How did I ever think I could live the rest of my life without doing this again? Without her?

"Caroline," I say tightly. I'm gripping her thighs hard, trying to keep myself from coming after just a few seconds of fucking her.

"I want to feel it," she says between heavy breaths. She's riding me hard now. Our bodies are slapping together with a rhythmic sound of skin on skin. "I want you to come inside me. I want you to fill me."

And shit.

I go tense all over, my body rigid as an orgasm rips through me like a tsunami.

It's perfect oblivion.

It's ecstasy so white-hot I can feel it burning its way through my veins.

She doesn't stop riding me, though. She is moaning hard as she continues on top of me, eyes squeezed shut as she gasps my name again and again.

When she's finally lying beside me, our bodies radiate heat and are slick with sweat. I feel like I just ran a marathon. "That was… different," she says.

She's lying on her side, facing me, with her curly brown hair splaying out in every direction.

I reach to push a sweaty strand away from her forehead to tuck it behind her ear. She smiles, leaning into my hand and gripping my wrist.

"Careful," she says. "Touch a girl like that, and she's in danger of falling head over heels."

"Hah," I say, laughing softly. "Caroline Prince falling for somebody. I'd like to see the day."

I think she's about to speak, but she rolls her bottom lip into her mouth and lowers her eyes.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I just… I don't want to get hurt again. This feels nice. It feels really good. But it feels different than the other times."

Honestly, I feel her same insecurities. What if we're just riding on the high of the last few days? Because of this arrangement, we've both taken a step outside our normal lives and responsibilities. Who's to say we'll feel the same when she's back in Frosty Harbor and I'm back on the road with the team? But I don't want to think about that. Not tonight, at least. "Yeah," I say softly. "I guess we have a kid together. That does feel like it changes things."

She hesitates, eyes flashing as if that wasn't what she meant. But she nods quickly. "Yeah."

I open my mouth to say something but can't find any words to smooth the discomfort from the air. I lay there, hands threaded over my stomach as I stare at the ceiling for several minutes.

"Do you think we'll actually go through with it?" she asks. Her voice sounds small and vulnerable.

"Get married?" I ask. "I think we both need to. I'm not about to watch that asshole steal your BB. That place practically is Frosty Harbor. And, well, I guess now I've got an even more vested interest in protecting it. What if Walker wants to help you run it someday?"

She rolls to face me again, eyes squinted with surprise. "You'd be okay with him running the BB? After learning he"s yours, I would've thought your first impulse would be hockey."

"Nah," I say slowly. "Hockey is great, but it's like a black hole. You want to be the best at something and you'll never be able to give it enough. Not if you really care about being the best. You'll pour everything in and still wonder what else you could've chucked in. I mean, the feeling of being out there in the zone is like nothing else on this Earth. The connection to the ice. The bond with your teammates. It's a fucking drug. But it's not one you can take your whole life, either…" That last thought it surprisingly bitter. Walker could run a BB until old age if he wanted. Trying to be a pro athlete was fleeting. You got a brief moment in the spotlight. Eventually, somebody would yank that light away, and you'd spend the rest of your life trying to live off the memories of how great it had been.

But it's not my time yet. If I worked hard enough, maybe I could stay in the league for a few more years. I didn't know if there was anything I wouldn't sacrifice for that.

"You talk like you'll never be passionate about anything after hockey is gone," she says.

I hesitate. Basically, she's hitting the nail on the head, but I don't know if it would be too sad to admit that. "Nah," I say. "I just know I'll miss it."

"I think life has a way of filling the gaps. One door closes, and two new ones open…"

"Or," I say. "We can stick our foot in the door and punch whoever is trying to close it in the mouth. That's always an option."

Caroline sighs. "Men."