Chapter 14

The following morning, Tess stretched, or at least attempted to. Her body was trapped beneath an arm and a leg. Hairy ones. She knew she needed to get up for work but snuggled closer to Miles for a few more minutes. They'd made love slowly last night, enjoying the quiet of the dark early morning hours.

She felt all warm and gooey inside waking beside Miles. Closing her eyes, she reveled in being held, having someone care about her and put her first. It went beyond the physical. The orgasms were great—phenomenal, really—but the simple touch of his hand on her hip, simultaneously possessive and supportive, undid her. She wanted more. More of this, more of him.

He tightened his arm on her waist, pulling her deeper into the curve of his body.

"I have to get up."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm taking you hostage. No work today."

"Sorry, my captor. If you get up now, I'll make you breakfast."

He nuzzled her neck. "I'd rather starve and have an extra fifteen minutes of this."

"You make an excellent case, but I need a shower and food. If I don't eat now, coffee might be my only fuel for the rest of the day."

"They can't make you work without a lunch break. There are labor laws, you know."

He was so cute. "My lunch pales in importance to helping a sick kid. Some shifts are crazy busy. Others are quiet. There's no way to know which I'm walking into."

"Responsible people like you make the rest of us look bad."

She rolled away from him and glanced back as she walked to her dresser. "From where I stand, you look pretty damn good."

"Then get back in bed."

"Don't tempt me." Ignoring the desire to crawl back in bed, she went to the bathroom to shower. Moments later, Miles came into the bathroom and peed.

"Can I join you, or is that too much of a temptation?"

"You're always too much of a temptation. But water conservation is important." She nudged the door so he could step in.

"Damn. That's hot," he said as he held his palms under the spray.

"I thought you liked things hot." She tilted her head back and rinsed the shampoo. He skated his hands over her breasts. "I can handle the heat just fine."

She twined her arms around his neck and kissed him. "As much as I'd like to stay here and play, I have to leave you now."

"You suck."

"Uh-huh." She smiled and kissed his cheek before slipping out of the shower, drying off, and wrapping her hair in a towel.

By the time Miles came downstairs wearing yesterday's clothes, Tess was dressed, drinking her first cup of coffee, and had eggs and toast made. "I take it you're not much of a morning person."

"Not when I was up half the night enjoying myself." He accepted a cup of coffee. "Speaking of enjoying myself, I'm meeting up with friends tonight. You should join us. I want to introduce them to the hot woman I nabbed."

Tess laughed. "While being your trophy sounds great, I can't. I'm working all day and into the evening. Then I have to get back here. William is leaving for vacation today. My mom is going to take care of the kids until I get off."

"Can't she babysit while we go out?"

Tess thought about it for a minute. "I can't ask her to do that. I already dumped today and tomorrow on her last minute. Plus, I'll be dragging by the time I get home. I won't be much fun."

His expression sank. She hated disappointing him, but she knew if she went to a bar tonight, she'd be ready to go home after one drink. "Go have fun with your friends."

"Can I come over later?"

"After going out? It'll be too late. I'll be asleep."

"Unguarded and undressed."

She laughed again. "Wrong. Totally dressed. Kids will be here."

He gave her another look of disappointment, so she added, "Come over for dinner tomorrow."

"Sure."

He inhaled his food and left. Then she went to work and tried not to think about Miles and how she'd managed to let him down.

As long as her day was, in some ways it felt longer because the floor was quiet. Angie was working, which usually made time go by faster. Tonight, though, time stood still. She'd played more games of Go Fish and Uno and read more stories than she'd done with her own kids in quite a while.

After she'd tucked in a young boy and said good night to his grandma, who was staying with him for the night, Tess plopped on a swivel chair beside Angie and swirled back and forth in half-circles, thinking about what Angie had told her earlier about budget cuts being imminent. She considered going over the nurse manager's head to see if there was a way to secure her job. Or maybe she should put feelers out for a position at a different hospital. The kids were older now. A regular full-time position might be the way to go.

"You've been holding out," Angie said.

"About?" Tess asked, stopping mid-spin.

"Your man is not only hot, he's a party animal." Angie turned her phone to face Tess. It was a picture of Miles surrounded by a bunch of people. She handed the phone back. "Why do you have a picture of Miles on your phone?"

"Remember when we first looked him up on social media? I started following him. He's been real quiet lately, but he's blowing things up tonight."

Tess had no idea if that was supposed to be good or bad. Miles looked like he was having fun, which was what Tess had told him to do. And she was tired. Going to a bar was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Uh-oh," Angie said.

"What?"

When Angie didn't answer, Tess took the phone from her. Another picture, this one of some woman kissing Miles's cheek while he smiled at the camera. A jealous poke stabbed her. If it had meant anything, Miles never would've posted it on social media where she might see it. Logically, she knew that. She didn't think he'd cheat. But she was still bothered by another woman's lips on his face. "We're not supposed to be on our phones."

She handed the phone back and stood and stretched. "I'm going on break. You want a coffee?"

"Sure."

She knew it was petty and jealous, but she wanted to hear his voice, to reassure herself, so she left the PICU and called Miles. It rang and rang, and before she got to the coffee shop, his voice was asking her to leave a message. She disconnected and sent a text telling him she hoped he was having fun and that he should call when he got a chance.

By the time she'd finished working her shift and gotten home, the call still hadn't come.

Miles satat the table and finished his glass of whiskey. He felt the vibration of his phone, and he fished it from his pocket. He'd missed a call and a text from Tess a while ago. She was probably already in bed, so there was no point in calling and trying to convince her to come meet him. Tony yelled from the bar to ask if he wanted another drink, and Miles held up his empty glass.

Pam bumped his shoulder with hers. "No phones. We haven't seen you in forever."

"My girlfriend. I'll talk to her later."

"Girlfriend? You didn't say anything about a girlfriend."

He hadn't? He shrugged, because he didn't have a reason for not mentioning Tess.

"Where is she? Why didn't she come tonight?"

"She was working. Then she had to get home to her kids."

"Whose kids?" Tony asked as he set drinks in front of everyone.

Pam leaned closer to Tony. "Miles has a girlfriend. And she has kids. Like plural."

Tony chuckled. "Are any of them yours?"

"No, smartass."

"I want to hear all about her. What's her name? How long have you been dating? How serious is it?" Pam asked.

Miles took a drink and let the alcohol warm his throat. "Her name is Tess. We've been going out a couple months, give or take." He let the last question fall, because he wasn't sure how to answer.

"You screwed all the childless women in the city, so you've moved on to the mommies?" Tony asked.

Yeah, Tony was about as funny as he'd been in college. "I met her at a work thing. We hit it off. She's divorced and has three kids."

Pam tapped her lips with her long red nail. "Hmm… Have you met them?"

"Who?"

"The kids."

"Yeah."

"Has she met your family?"

Is this an interrogation?This was why he hadn't said anything about Tess. "Yeah. They all came over for our Labor Day barbecue."

"They?" Tony asked. "Damn. You move fast. Did you buy her a ring and write your vows yet?"

The mention of a ring and vows made Miles's heart thump. He and Tess had only been dating a little while. "What are you talking about?"

Pam shook her head. "Please tell me you're not really that clueless."

Miles stared at his glass of whiskey. A simple conversation shouldn't have me this confused. Then he remembered Pam rarely kept things simple.

"Miles, baby, a mother is nothing to screw with. If you're doing the whole family thing—and I do mean whole family—this is the real deal for her. If you're not on board, you better set sail."

"It's not like that with Tess. We're having a good time and seeing where things go. She's not rushing me into anything." He drained his glass again.

"You sure?" Tony asked. "She might be looking at you as a nice meal ticket."

"What? No." Of that much, he was absolutely sure. "In fact, Tess hates when I spend money on her or the kids. She does things on her own."

"Suspicious." Not surprising that Tony would take that stance since he was a lawyer. "If things progress any further, give me a call. You should have a prenup ready to go long before anything else."

Prenup? Damn. Were his friends trying to kill him? Although he'd been enjoying his time with Tess and the kids, he was far from thinking about marriage. His gut churned, because although he wasn't there yet, he couldn't answer for Tess.

Pam cackled, startling him. "We better stop, Tony. He looks like he might pass out."

"I'm fine," Miles muttered. "I thought we were out to party tonight. Don't the two of you have anything better to talk about than my love life?" He tossed some bills on the table. "Let's get out of here and find a better party."

Anything to get his mind off the weight of the conversation.

On Sunday,Tess worked a short shift at the hospital and then spent her afternoon running errands. She still hadn't heard from Miles. He'd said he'd come over for dinner, so she worked on the assumption he would call or just show up. It took a lot of restraint to not call or text him all day. More than that, it felt weird. They talked every single day. Although it had only been a little over twenty-four hours since she'd seen him, it felt longer.

He usually sent her a text in the morning, or she called on her way to work. Maybe she should've called him, but she didn't want to be the needy, possessive girlfriend. She wouldn't like herself that way. And it wasn't who she really was.

As she carried groceries into the house, she yelled for Zoe. Her mom came from the kitchen.

"Need some help?"

"That's what kids are for."

Zoe bounded down the steps.

"Go get the rest of the groceries." Tess looked at Billy and Andrew sprawled on the couch with their tablets. "Boys, start putting food away."

They grumbled but managed to get moving without another reminder.

Tess moved straight to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup. One thing she could always count on with her mom was a constant flow of fresh coffee. "Any problems today?"

"Of course not. The kids are great. Those tablets are a menace though. The boys turn into zombies with them."

"Gifts from William," Tess said as she took a gulp of coffee. "I'm hoping the novelty will wear off soon. You want to stay for dinner?"

"I get an invitation?"

"You never need a formal invitation."

"The kids mentioned that the man you've been seeing sometimes comes over for dinner."

Ahhh. Mom's looking for information.

"Miles is supposed to come over for dinner. You are welcome to stay if you'd like."

Zoe came in hauling more bags and set them on the kitchen floor. "That's it."

"Okay. Thanks."

Billy said, "That's not fair. She only had to make one trip. Now we have to put all of this away." He pointed to the piles of food.

"And you have help." Tess pointed to Andrew. "Leave the strawberries and watermelon on the counter and I'll take care of them in a little bit."

Then she took her coffee and went to the dining room with her mom following.

"So tell me about Miles," her mom said as soon as they were seated. "It must be serious if you let him meet the kids."

Tess thought about that a moment. "More serious than a fling, but we're not talking about forever. We're letting things run their course."

"What does that mean?"

Tess sighed. "He's a few years younger than me. Never been married. No kids. At some point he might want all that and it won't be with me."

"So then why start at all?"

"Because I'm tired of my life spinning in circles. This at least feels like forward movement."

Her mom shook her head and stared at her cup. Tess knew the drill. Her mother would sit there and judge, but she never offered advice or comments unless Tess asked. It was a dual-edged sword. Part of her didn't care. She was enjoying her time with Miles and it had been a long, lonely few years. But she also knew if she didn't let her mom vent, the opinions would fester into something uglier and ultimately put a strain on their relationship.

"Go ahead, Mom."

"I understand you're young and you have needs, Tess. I was young once, too. But introducing him to the kids? I never brought a man home to you."

"Why not?" Tess always wondered but never had the guts to ask. She never knew if her mom had any kind of social life when she was younger.

"I didn't want to bring someone into your life who might abandon you like your father had. I wanted to spare you any hurt I could."

"I appreciate that, Mom. But you also never let me see you be in a relationship. I never got to see you happy."

"But you also never saw me miserable either."

Her mom had a point, but William hadn't abandoned their kids. He might not be the most involved parent in the universe, but he was there. "I think the kids are old enough to handle things. Being with Miles makes me happy."

"And what happens when he decides to move on?"

The hot coffee sloshed around in Tess's stomach. She'd been telling herself from the beginning that Miles would leave someday, but she hated thinking about it. "Then he moves on and I lick my wounds alone, like I did when William and I split."

"But that was your choice."

"It wasn't an easy one to make. But I did it and survived. So did the kids." She finished her coffee and stood. Her feet protested and her back ached. Sitting down to chat hadn't been a smart move.

"So, are you staying for dinner?"

"What are you having?"

"I think I'm going to throw some burgers on the grill." Her mom didn't eat much red meat, so she said, "I might have some chicken I can toss on, too."

"No, a burger would be fine." She rose to follow Tess back into the kitchen. "Just please tell me the kids aren't allowed to have the electronics at the table."

"Of course not. Dinner time is family time. It gives us all a chance to catch up. I'm going to fire up the grill."

"What can I do?"

"Make a salad?"

"Sure."

Tess stood over the grill and turned the conversation with her mother over in her head. The burgers sizzled and smoke curled around her. She'd made a burger for Miles too even though he still hadn't called and she wasn't sure if he was coming. She must've checked her phone fifteen times in the last twenty minutes. He knew they ate early, so she was pretty sure he could guess what time to show.

She growled at herself. Since when did she let a man dictate how her night would go? This was family time before the craziness of the week took over. The more she thought about how Miles had spent his weekend and how hers looked, the more her mom's words weighed on her. Those same haunting thoughts about how mismatched she and Miles were came back to poke at her.

Billy and Andrew came out and ran down the stairs. She smiled. Her mom must've chased them outside. They tossed a ball back and forth.

"What'd you guys do all day?"

"Played on our tablets. Dad called and we talked to him," Billy answered.

"You have homework to do?"

"Nope."

"How about you, Andrew?"

"Not on Fridays."

Tess tried not to let him see her sigh of relief. "How about we go get ice cream after dinner?"

"Yes!" they both answered.

"You have to eat your dinner and that includes salad. And we're walking."

"Okay," they said eagerly.

"Good. Go wash up. Dinner is almost ready."

They ran back in and she slid the burgers onto the platter she'd brought outside. See? She could have a good night hanging out with her kids just like she always had. Miles could have his partying all night.

Miles satup and looked at his phone. Fuck. He was supposed to have dinner at Tess's house. He'd thought he'd nap on the couch for an hour, but it had been four. He rubbed his eyes again and pushed off the cushions. He walked stiffly to the bathroom, splashed water on his face, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked as horrible as he felt.

Grabbing his keys, he headed out the door. He thought about calling, but since he hadn't returned her call last night, he needed to face her. He drove as quickly as he could to her house. A few lights were on, but no one answered when he knocked. Damn. He wondered how pissed she was.

She hadn't mentioned any other plans for tonight. The kids didn't have practice on Sundays and her car was parked at the corner. He thought about looking in the front window to see if maybe she was just ignoring him, but that was too stalkery. He rang the bell again and waited.

Nothing.

Taking a seat on the top step, he pulled out his phone and stared at it. Just as he debated what to say, he heard voices down the block. Tess and the kids were nearing the house. He stood and leaned against the rail. Andrew saw him first and yelled for him.

They all looked happy, each licking an ice cream cone.

"Hey," he said and stepped down to the sidewalk toward them.

"I didn't know you were coming," Andrew said. "You shoulda come earlier so you could have ice cream, too."

"I wish I had," Miles said, looking at Tess.

She handed Zoe her keys. "You guys run ahead. We'll catch up."

Zoe looked at her and then at Miles, knowing something was up but not asking. Thank God. He didn't want to have to explain to a teenager as well as her mother why he was an ass.

The kids took off, and he and Tess walked. She said nothing. He knew it was a mom tactic; his own mother had used silence to get a confession out of him more than once. They walked side by side until they stood in front of her house.

He didn't even try to fight it with Tess. "I'm so sorry. I meant to be here for dinner. I lay on the couch and conked out."

"Late night, huh?" Her voice held no emotion.

"Yeah. I met up with a couple of friends. We hit a few bars, and then Tony wanted to drive to the Brat Stop. It was far from the wisest choice I've made in a while."

"The Brat Stop? You drove all the way to Wisconsin after midnight?"

"How did you know how late it was?"

She bit her lip. "Angie saw some pictures you posted on social media."

Miles's thoughts scrambled. What had he posted? "Pam likes to snap pictures all the time."

"Pam?"

"My friend." He reached for Tess's arm to make her stop. "That's all she is," he reassured. "Tony, Pam, and I met in college. We hung out a lot back then, and we get together a few times a year to catch up."

"Okay."

He had no idea how to interpret that one word. "Are we okay?"

She shrugged, which wasn't any better.

"I'm not lying about Pam. If you want, we can call her right now. She'll tell you the same thing."

Tess blew out a breath. "I'm not accusing you of cheating. I'm frustrated. You didn't return my call or text last night. You said you were going to come over for dinner, and you blew me off. Blew us off."

"I'm sorry. I hadn't planned on sleeping that long. I was just beat."

"I get it. You can do whatever you want. It's the lack of communication that's the problem." She turned and sat on the concrete step.

Miles joined her, not liking the fact they were talking outside instead of being in the house. Although he wasn't sure he wanted the answer, he asked, "What are you thinking?"

"I think we're in different places in life, Miles. You stayed out most of the night partying. My partying days are long over. There's no way you can convince me that driving to the Brat Stop at one in the morning was a good idea."

"I'll make sure to leave that off the list of possible dates."

"This isn't a joke." She licked her lips. "I've already been through a marriage with someone who routinely ignored my needs. I'm not looking to be the center of your world, but I also don't want to be an afterthought. I deserve better."

"You're right."

She twisted the napkin that had been wrapped around her ice cream cone and looked up at him with eyes shining with hurt and confusion.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back and that I missed dinner." He took her hand.

She sighed. "Miles, this isn't?—"

He had a bad feeling about what she was about to say. "People fight and they fuck up. This is the first time I've done this. What's this really about?"

"I've tried talking about this before and you dismissed it. We're in different places. I have to put my family first. That's not what you're looking for."

"I'm not asking you to change. I don't need you to come out and party. Although it might be nice if you could join me sometimes. I know you and the kids are a package deal. Have I done anything to give you the impression I have a problem with that?"

She angled her head, bit the inside of her cheek, and slowly shook her head.

"I like being with you and the kids. Sometimes we need adult time. But I don't think me missing a dinner should make you doubt me. Doubt us."

"It's not just the dinner. I don't think you're hearing me." She filled her lungs and her chest rose.

Miles half-expected her to start yelling, but he couldn't imagine what that would look like because she was always so even-tempered.

"What do you want, Miles?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want for your life? Where do you want to be next year? In five years? What's your plan?"

He opened his mouth and quickly shut it. He suddenly realized how he answered would determine what happened next. The thing was, he didn't have a plan.

"You see? That's it. I have to have a plan. I can't just float by. I'm not mad." She smiled. "I was. I was pissed you went out and posted pictures with friends at a bar at midnight while I was working. Then I felt petty and small because it made me mad." She stroked her fingers across his knuckles. "And you're right. Missing one dinner isn't a big deal in and of itself. But I think it's a symptom of the bigger issue."

Everything she said made sense. He couldn't argue. But his gut clenched, and he wanted to rage against it. He didn't want to walk away from her.

"Before you decide we're over, can I step back and think about what you've said?"

Her eyes widened as if he'd caught her off-guard with the request. "What do you mean?"

"I mean don't run off and find a new boyfriend. Don't assume we don't have a future. I need to sort some things in my head."

"So you want me to sit around and wait for you?"

"Not forever. Just a little while."

"Why? You obviously have the same misgivings I do."

"That's where you're wrong. I don't. I've listened to everything you said, and I'm taking you seriously. I don't have answers for you right now. You're hinting we're done, but my gut—my heart—says hell no."

"Considering you're my first boyfriend in decades, I don't think you need to worry about me finding another one soon."

"You weren't looking. I'm asking you not to. Because, believe me, when you look, they're gonna flock to you."

She laughed, and he wanted to pull her into his arms and keep her forever. But he knew he needed to figure out his life first.

"Can I call you later?"

"Uh… I thought you needed to think. Won't that cloud your head?"

He smiled. "I like the way you cloud my head." Then he kissed her cheek. "I'll call you before bed."

He walked away and tried to convince himself it was the right move. Tess deserved someone who would put her and her kids first, and he needed to decide if he was that person. If not…he needed to let her go.