Chapter Eleven

J ill wrapped the reins around her hand as tight as she could without cutting off circulation. She was the only Texas girl she knew who wasn't entirely comfortable on the half-ton beasts, even though she loved them. Still, she might not be at home on horseback, but she loved a long ride around the property, especially now that the teachers were onboard with a senior-year program that would give students who earned an internship both pay and school credit that would transfer to a college or university.

It was win-win. Jill still had to run it all by Maggie, of course, but how could her friend find fault in a plan that would integrate them in the community as well as keep the business afloat? She'd been feeling better the past day and a half, so Jill figured she'd swing by tonight and fill her friend in.

A flash of blue in the corner of her vision flagged her attention. Something had been nagging her since her first night with Jax, something she felt like she was forgetting, but that was probably just because she wasn't used to her new rhythm with him. Everything on her list had been taken care of, and she could wait for the last phone call from the district on the back of the horse.

"C'mon, girl," she said to Betty Blue, the recently rescued horse that had been boarding at Maggie's. "Let's take advantage of this nice day and see what we can see."

She nudged Betty Blue's sides with her heels and guided her out of the small arena and onto the dirt path that led along the creek on the east side. Upstream was a crossing she'd wanted to check out, but for now this was perfect riding weather and scenery.

And a welcome break from thinking about a certain hunky cowboy ad nauseam. An endless loop of every touch, caress, and kiss she and Jax had shared nagged her with bids for attention.

That would be fine, if she had a darn clue how to deal with it.

Needless to say, this ride was exactly what she needed.

"As long as our carnivorous friends don't try to join us," she said, more to herself than Betty Blue, who ambled along as if she didn't have a care in the world.

The day was beautiful and likely one of the last of its kind they were slated to get that year. Fall was in full bloom along the valley floor. Indigo-blue Texas bluebells still cuddled up next to tender white and yellow blackfoot daisies, the latter resembling clouds in a bright, blue sky. They were framed by tall, lime and jade-green grasses with pale white tops just waiting to spread their seed. And alongside the picturesque flora, the river danced and sang with unrushed purpose.

"With days like this, I can't recall why I liked the city to begin with," she said. Betty Blue neighed in response, her easy manner seeming to agree with Jill's assessment of their surroundings. "I mean, I liked the nightlife and there's nothing like the noises of a city to remind you you aren't alone in the world. But this is kinda perfect."

Betty Blue chose to park on the edge of the path to chew on the grass rather than put in her two cents.

"Speaking of perfect," Jill muttered under her breath.

Up ahead, Jax and Ren were at the creek side that bordered the Marshall property. Jax wore a tight white T-shirt and a backward ball cap instead of his usual ball cap. Each of his muscles was on display and in use, and she sent up a little word of thanks to whatever deity was in charge of hunky cowboys that her neighbor, work partner, and kissing friend was such a fine-looking specimen.

Both men had a pair of reins in their hand, but only Jax had successfully tied his up to a tree so the horses could get a drink. He showed Ren how to tie the knot so the horse had some lead but not enough that he could get into trouble. Not that Lightning was much trouble unless you wanted him to, say, move faster than a tortoise.

She snapped a photo with her camera.

As she watched Jax's hands twist and bend to work his knot, her body recalled what they'd felt like on her body the night before.

He'd come over with a bottle of wine once Ren had fallen asleep, as he'd done each night that week. Thankfully, Ren was so tired with all the fun and adventure the two got up to, he didn't seem to notice his dad sneaking out like a horny teenager in the early evening.

Last night, after more wine and laughter than she'd had in a long time, they'd made their way to the bedroom and spent most of the night using each their hands and lips and tongues to satisfy the other. Nothing terribly different than they'd been doing, on the surface anyway.

Honestly, she'd been waiting to take the sexy cowboy to bed since he'd walked in the door in jeans and a white button-down shirt this time, daisies and bluebells in one hand that somehow matched the dress from their first date perfectly, a bottle of pinot noir in the other. A subtle scent of cinnamon and something earthy—pine? Woodsmoke?—had followed him and inebriated her more than wine ever could.

When his lips had met hers, the spark buzzing between them became a blaze that no fire team could put out. His hands had tangled in her curls, while hers slid up his shirt, relishing in the soft strength beneath the linen. She'd sat in his lap, her body pressed against the solid wall of flesh still wearing too many clothes, her core aching. She'd known lust before—she was only human after all.

But the fire burning between them had quickly raged out of control with mumblings of passion and desire and whispered promises that turned into an inferno.

Thank goodness Jax's phone had gone off, stopping her from replying to his whispers of things that bordered too close to love. The intrusion had done what Jill needed but didn't have the courage to do herself, namely, take a step back and keep their relationship what it was—friendship with a side of kissing, maybe a naked entreé now and then.

Not a four-course meal with candlelight and crème br?lée at the end of the night.

She shook her head free of the memories and waved to the guys.

Jax sent her an enthusiastic wave back, and Betty Blue, seeing her friends from the barn, stopped munching on grass and moseyed over.

"You two had the same idea, huh?" she asked.

She slid a leg over and hopped to the ground, tying off Betty Blue near the geldings. She gave Lightning a sideways glance, then resumed her snacking.

"Great minds and all that."

"You're getting the hang of that," she commented to Ren as he attempted another go at the tie off. "As a fellow city-dweller-turned-ranch-manager of sorts, I can say you've made more progress in the past week than I have in almost two months."

"Thanks. Yeah, it's not that hard, but man, there's a lot to remember. How to saddle a horse, how to ride one, how to groom it when you're done, and how to take care of them when they're out."

Jax laughed, sliding up next to Jill. "Just be glad we started with that, because you won't like what comes next. Mucking and bathing and feeding—that's the real fun stuff."

Ren just smiled. She had to hand it to the kid; he was into all of it, anything with animals. He'd make a good rancher if he ever decided to follow that path someday.

"He's getting good."

"He is. Just needs the confidence to go with it."

Jax's hand snuck in the back pocket of her jeans. She gasped the same way she did every time they touched. So much for putting a little distance between them. Ren's tongue was out, his eyes fixed with determination, so he didn't see the flirty move his dad made.

"What're you doing?" she whispered. She didn't dare move and break the spell, though.

Damn traitorous body.

"Hanging out with my kissing friend. The real question is, what are you doing, Henley? You stalking me?"

She nudged him playfully with her shoulder. "I wouldn't dream of it. I'm actually ahead of the curve with Steel Born so I thought I'd take a ride."

He kissed the top of her head then put his arms up in supplication, a wicked and delicious smile making her knees weak. "Don't worry, he didn't see anything. Anyway, he knows about us. Did after that first night."

"Seriously? Why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugged, his trademark gesture that had rubbed off on Ren.

"I didn't want to scare you. Make you think that meant we had to trade letterman jackets or something."

"It has been a while since you dated, hasn't it? Letterman jackets? No one does that anymore."

"I'm gonna make Ren bring it back. But hey, good work with Steel Born. Maggie must be thrilled. I'm sorry I left you hanging with the final details. I'll be there for the fair, though."

She waved him off. She hoped Maggie would be thrilled, but it was possible she'd be upset Jill hadn't told her sooner. "What about the job in Austin? Have you gotten your contract yet?"

He shook his head. "They said it's coming soon, but—"

Her phone rang, interrupting Jax. "Speaking of Maggie." She let it go to voicemail; she could fill in her friend later.

"Do you need to get that?"

Yes. I should , her head argued.

No, the day is gorgeous and so is the man in front of you , her heart argued.

"No. Anyway, you were saying?"

"Nothing. Just sorry for dipping out on you while Bennett and Maggie are out. That's a lot of responsibility to handle yourself."

"No apology is necessary. I'd think you were crazy if you kept up that workload when you have this." She pointed to Ren, who'd moved on from the rope and was feeding Lightning. Little did he know he'd probably made a friend for life with that carrot. "Besides, if it wasn't now, you'd have wanted to get out anyway, right?"

His gaze landed on Ren, and he sighed. Jax's laid-back shoulders, combined with the wide smile, made him look ten years younger. And… happy.

"I dunno anymore."

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted more, or out of here at least."

Jax sat and pulled her down onto his lap. She squealed and caught a laugh and headshake from Ren.

"Jackson!" she hissed.

"What? He's fifteen and noticed the way I was looking at you after thirty seconds. He can handle a little PDA. In fact, he said if I don't pursue you, I'll miss out on something amazing."

"Oh." Something shifted in Jill's chest, like a lock clicking into place.

Jax didn't offer any more insight, so she didn't pursue it. But her heart didn't slow its steady thump-thump as it imagined what pursuit from a man like Jax might look like. Feel like. If it was anything like what they'd been doing, it would probably feel pretty dang good.

But did those kinds of feelings—and what came with them—fit into the life she was building?

How will I know if I don't try? A tiny bulb of heat pulsed behind her ribs.

But if I try again, I have so much more to lose if it doesn't work out.

Her job, the family she'd found in Maggie and Bennett, and even Grace Marshall… Sure, they'd all be there in some form, but things would be different, lines drawn.

Her heart. It'd recovered, as a heart did after its first love tried to shatter it, but the way she felt about Jax already was so much stronger than anything she thought she'd felt for Liam.

Losing him would break her. Especially if she kept getting to know Ren; being a mom was high on her list of priorities, but now? To a fifteen-year-old who needed someone to stay steady in his life?

What would it do to him if she and Jax went separate ways?

Oof. This was as complicated as the maze of trails behind the Marshall and Newman properties.

"So, you think you'll stay now?" she asked. She needed another topic, another distraction.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. If you'd have asked me a month—hell, a week—ago what I wanted my life to look like, I'd have painted you a picture of living on the road, the open air in front of me and my past behind me. Bennett always wanted to turn this place around as a way to say eff you to the old man. Not just for being a prick, but for trying to take us down with him."

"What did you want?"

Jax clasped her hand and pulled it to his lips, but his gaze stayed pinned to Ren, who'd walked down the riverbank.

"I wanted to leave the memory of it all in the dust." He paused and looked down at his feet, his cheeks turning a light red. From the heat or something else? "I'm ashamed to admit it, but when the fire thrashed the canyon last year, I secretly wished it would keep going. I wanted this place to die in flames and didn't care what it would've done to Bennett if I could just watch it burn. But now—"

"Now you see it in a different light?" she offered.

He nodded.

She got it. She'd felt the same when Liam got hurt. Like she'd have personally torched every last rodeo arena herself, even at the expense of her parents' livelihood, their empire. Especially at the expense of their empire, in fact.

"I do. I mean, everything this place was—is gone now. What's left is actually something… something safe. We have this in common in a way my dad and I could've. Does that make sense?"

"It does. It's something you're making with Ren now. What happened to get you here doesn't matter because you're here now."

"Exactly." He squeezed her hand. "You know, your photos helped me reach that conclusion."

"I hoped they would. They're what made me fall in love with this place, too."

"God, you're incredible, you know that, Henley?"

"I might've had an inkling." But, goodness, was it nice to hear from those amazingly kissable lips.

Speaking of those lips, they bent down and brushed Jill's in a tender kiss that had the same effect as if she'd swallowed lighter fluid and Jax was a lit match.

If only she could ignore what the romance was doing to the part of her that agreed to sex only with Jax as a way to sate her craving for the man. But she could no sooner make that happen than she could tame the sun and make it rise on her schedule.

So instead, she gave in.

She opened her mouth and moaned as his tongue found hers. It tasted of mint. Too bad they didn't have all afternoon to explore each other.

Jax's hand cupped her cheek, and he broke their connection to whisper in her ear, "I want you, Jill Henley."

"Mmm. Ditto," she whispered.

"I mean more than just want your body."

She pulled back, her eyes searching his for any hint of jest. All she found was love reflected. Maybe mirrored?

"Jill, I think I—" He stumbled, biting his lip.

"I know. Me, too." Not saying the words felt somehow safer, for now at least. But it didn't mean she didn't feel them.

"Can I take you to look at the stars and maybe be more than just your kissing friend tonight?"

"You asking me on a date, Jackson Marshall?"

"I am. Will you come with me?"

Please say yes , her heart shouted. To everything. For once, she listened to it.

She nodded but just before they could seal their promise with a kiss, a loud crack preceded a thud and piercing scream.

Jax bolted to his feet, his whole body tense, his eyes wide.

"Ren," he whispered. His voice broke as he ran toward the sound and screamed, "Ren!"

Jill's heart slammed into her stomach and her skin went cold when no reply came.

*

Jax's legs and lungs burned with exertion. He sprinted across the rocky beach along the creek's edge, dove into the icy water, swam across it in one breath, and scrambled up to the small ridge Ren had fallen on.

His breath came in short, shallow gasps, but he couldn't tell if it was from the inadvertent triathlon he'd completed or the terror holding his limbs and organs hostage. At the sight of the Nike trainers sticking out from behind the boulder that hadn't been on that ridge earlier that day, Jax ran.

"Ren?" he asked. He knelt beside his son, everything he loved in front of him as still as the boulder. His chest barely rose and fell. Jax lifted his hand and placed two fingers over where his pulse should be. It was there, but weak. Almost imperceptible.

Ren didn't move, just laid there, his legs splayed awkwardly in front of him.

Please, please, please , Jax prayed, though to whom? It didn't matter as long as someone heard him and helped his son.

"Jill?" he called out.

"I'm down here. What can I do?"

"Call 9-1-1."

"I already did. Jax—" Her voice shook. But he couldn't worry about her feelings just then. He needed to help his son. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know," he admitted, and a shudder rolled through him.

Ren moaned, a good sign if only because Jax could exhale.

He's alive.

"Ren," he said, choking out a sob. "Can you hear me?"

The boy nodded and tried to sit up.

"Don't move. You might've broken something. Just lay there until we can get you down, okay?"

"Okay. But what about Lightning?"

Jax smiled, his cheeks wet with tears. Of course, his son would be concerned about the horse he'd ridden in on instead of his own health.

"I'll take care of him, don't worry." He brushed the hair from Ren's forehead, and his chest constricted. If he'd have known Ren as a baby, who knew how many times he'd have done that, but instead this was the first time.

It just can't be the last.

It wouldn't be. Ren would be okay. He had to be if he was talking, right?

Sirens rang and reverberated on the canyon red rocks.

"They're up there," Jax heard Maggie say. She instructed them on how to get up the ridge to where Ren lay, his eyes still closed, his skin still pale.

"Help's here, Ren. How are you feeling?"

"Stupid." He coughed and winced. There was a good chance he'd bruised his ribs, a better chance he'd broken at least one. "I shouldn't have been up there without any gear." He hissed out a pained breath. "I might be a city kid, but I knew better."

"It's okay. We'll work on that, too, alright? We've got time."

Please let that be true.

"You're not mad?"

Jax held Ren's hand and squeezed until Ren's mouth twisted in agony. He set it down gently and rubbed the pad of his thumb on his son's forehead again instead.

"Of course not. You're allowed to explore, kiddo. I'm just mad at myself for not being there when you fell."

"It's okay. I forgive you, Dad."

Jax wiped at the tears that wouldn't freaking relent.

"We're gonna need you to clear the area," an EMT called out from behind Jax. He turned around, not caring one damn bit about the way his shoulders shook with sobs or how he must look.

"Please help him, Bobby," he said, recognizing the man in the climbing gear as a kid he'd gone to high school with. Ironically, Bobby had been one of the most risk-averse kids in school. Look at him now.

"Hey, Jax. I didn't know it was you up here. What happened?"

"My son fell while he was climbing. But I-I didn't see it happen. I don't know how bad it is."

"Your son? Well, damn. We got it from here, and I promise we'll take the best care of him we can. But you need to go down there and wait so we don't have two victims on our hands, okay?"

"Can I ride with you?"

"I'm afraid not. But we're taking him to Round Rock if you want to follow us. I'll let them know you're right behind."

Jax nodded, but he was paralyzed.

"Jax, come on down. I'll drive us there." Jill's voice broke through the numbing fear that he'd lost everything. She was still here, and she'd drive him to see Ren.

He made his way down the steep path he'd somehow made it up without slipping and waded back across a shallower bend in the creek.

When he got to Jill, she wrapped him up in her arms and, like every time before, he felt safe, like everything really would be okay. He sobbed against her shoulder, and she rubbed his back. The EMTs were still up on the ridge with Ren, but his son was talking, and that had to be a good sign.

It just had to be.

"He'll be okay. They know what they're doing, and he was chatting up a storm; I could hear him from here."

"I should've been there," Jax whispered.

Jill's hands froze for a brief moment, then resumed their concentric circles on his back.

"You can't be all places all the time. It's just not possible."

"But I could've been there. I was a hundred yards away, and this was supposed to be about him and I spending the day together."

"And you did that. You didn't do anything wrong letting him explore a little."

"Sure. Maybe not, but I ignored him so I could make out with you. What kind of parent am I if I put my kid second so I can get laid?"

She winced, and he sighed, running a hand through his wet hair.

"Sorry."

"No, it's good to know what we are. It got a little confusing there for a second, and I was actually wondering. Thanks for explaining it in terms that are pretty damn clear."

"Jill—"

Her phone rang again. "I should get this. It's Maggie again. Should I tell her about Ren?"

Jax shook his head, spraying water. "Not until we know more."

The two EMTs shuffled down the embankment with Ren posted up on a red backboard. Jill shivered, and a memory surfaced in Jax's head. Her boyfriend—though Jax only knew him as the great Liam Walker back then—had been taken out of the arena on a stretcher like that. It was the last time he'd ridden a bull, the last time he'd walked into a stadium or any other place. This had to be hard for her, but with his son at risk, he couldn't worry about consoling her, too.

"Fine, okay." She walked away, and a different kind of guilt set in.

It was getting a little crowded in Jax's head.

It wasn't like he set out to be a jerk, but he had set priorities and he'd let sex—damn good sex with a woman he cared about, but still—get in the way.

And his son had paid the price.

Even still, he couldn't keep his eyes off Jill as she walked toward the copse of trees where the horses were tied up. Columns of sunlit dust surrounded her, as did the jade and evergreen of the spring grasses, the bone-white bark of the birch, the crimson walls of the canyon.

All that natural beauty and he still couldn't keep his gaze from her. She spoke with wild hands, then her chin fell to her chest. Her curls sprung in all directions making him wonder if it was too late to help her tame them.

But wasn't that the point? His child was being loaded into an ambulance, and he was enamored with a woman who would leave as soon as their presentation was over.

Ren was all that mattered. He was all that could matter. But Jax wavered when Jill returned, her eyes watering and her chin trembling.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. How is Ren?"

"They're loading him up now."

"Sorry for making you wait. I can take you to the hospital if you're ready."

Jax reached out to touch her shoulder, but she dodged it. "Are you sure? I'm okay to drive now."

"Um, maybe that would be best then. I, uh, missed a call from the motor suppliers, and they're closed for the day. They called Maggie instead. Coincidentally, at the same time Caitlyn showed up at her house looking for me and Maggie didn't know who she was."

"You… you didn't say anything about the internship yet? I thought at dinner last night—"

"I was going to, but she fell asleep halfway through dessert. Anyway, I should stick around and help Maggie sort this. The stress isn't good for her pregnancy."

"I'm sorry, Jill. What can I do?"

"Nothing. It's my mistake, and I have to fix it."

Jax opened his mouth to reply, but Bobby waved him over.

"We've got room if you want to hop in." Jax nodded and started jogging backward toward the rig.

"Go, be with Ren. I'll swing by the hospital when I'm done and check in on you both."

Jax hated the way her arms crossed tight over her chest and how the creases around her eyes were born of stress, not delight like they'd been during the nights they'd spent together. In a perfect world, he'd do his best to calm her worry, but the sound of the ambulance doors shutting and the sirens blaring his pain for the whole town to hear also meant shutting Jill out of his mind and heart.

Maybe a perfect world didn't exist for him. Maybe he should just be grateful he had his son and the possibility of a new life outside Deer Creek.

He hopped in the passenger seat of the ambulance, everything he loved behind him. His heart might not find this enough. Not when he'd known the love of a woman like Jill. How would losing something like her ever be okay?