Chapter Ten

J ill turned in the mirror, admiring the cut of the sundress atop a special two-piece lace number she'd made that afternoon. The thin, white straps led to a sweetheart neckline made of the softest robin's-egg blue and white fabric she'd ever worn. The chevron pattern and sculpted boning was flattering to what she'd used to think of as inadequately sized breasts.

In this dress, they looked curvy, shapely, and more than perky. Her legs—and everything else that mattered—was shaved and groomed, lotioned and perfumed. Her lips bore just a hint of shine, and her eyes were framed in subtle mascara and only a touch of gold-brown eyeshadow to bring out the flecks of color in her irises.

The whole shebang had the effect of making it look like she hadn't tried too hard but somehow was dressed to kill also.

She nodded her approval at the confident, well-dressed woman staring back at her.

This was a world she knew, one where she was comfortable. Fashion and fitting clothes to her size and shape was a city-girl's game and she'd always been a star player. As she followed the silhouette down to the hem, which sat just above her knees, she broke into a grin.

It was almost unfair to Jax, like she'd cheated on a test or something to get this kind of upper hand, but it wasn't like he came to the table without his own set of advantages.

The man had shown up with Ren to the south fields clad in a tight black T-shirt, worn jeans that somehow both hugged his strong—and delicious, if she could say so—backside and thighs while also managing to have some give. His backward hat made him look like a country singer about to take the stage.

She'd gulped back a fresh wave of desire that only increased as she watched him teach his son how to get onto a horse outside of the arena, then walk the fence line to look for repairs that might be needed. His voice had been calm, his laughter big when Ren said something smart, and his demeanor comfortable.

If she hadn't known the man better, she'd have said he looked at home out there on the ranch.

But ooh, had she felt out of her element. Not because she was picking weeds at the house, covered in dirt when she should've been working on spreadsheets or creating content slides on market projection for the board, but because Jax had looked so fine out there in his element, she'd longed for him in a way that threw her off the metaphorical horse and into unknown territory two states away from comfortable. She spun in front of the mirror one more time. This outfit was her sweet revenge.

She could have used more time to work on the final slides she'd be presenting to the CAF along with Deer Creek High School's engineering teachers, but this was worth the tradeoff. She'd make time tomorrow by skipping her run. Hopefully, tonight would give her all the cardio she needed.

The doorbell chimed, and she jogged barefoot down the long hallway, stopping to fluff her curls, drape them over one shoulder, and catch her breath. She opened the door and—

Promptly lost her breath again.

"Wow," she whispered. "You look—You look great."

And that was an understatement of Texas-sized proportions. Jax wore newer jeans that had clearly never seen the dusty end of a horse but were still worn to a level that belied comfort. And then there was his button-down black linen shirt, rolled up over strong forearms and unbuttoned at the top just enough to see the definition of well-sculpted pecs that could've been an ad for a local gym.

That was if Jill didn't know just how Jax's muscles were made. He really did love working outside, being part of the land and the shaping of it through harmony of beast and man.

"Thanks." He grinned like she'd given him the exact response he'd hoped for. "And might I add damn ."

His gaze shifted over her petite frame, lingering on her hips then her breasts, and she swallowed a smile. Then he licked his lips, and she couldn't hold back the laugh, though.

"Come here, you," he demanded, whisking her into his arms and planting a heated kiss on her lips like they did this kind of thing every day. Her stomach flipped on itself, warm and squishy. Kissing Jax was an open flame, and her heart was on the griddle.

"Jax, the door is open," she said when he finally released her. It was a small complaint since she'd have stripped right then and there if he'd asked her to. But even though they lived in relative privacy, there were still ranch hands and contracted staff boarding on property.

"Let's rectify that."

He shut it and scooped her up from under the hips, then pinned her against the wood door. She moaned as he kissed her, his mouth as hungry as hers. His tongue drew hers into a game of exploration. The taste of mint and vanilla sent a surge of liquid heat to her core, dampening her new lace underwear.

"Oh my god," she whispered.

Jax took that as a vote of approval and slid her dress straps off her shoulder, then trailed his lips along her collarbone.

"Mmm. Yes." This is what I've been missing? Well, not anymore. If she was going to live next to a sexy cowboy who wanted to kiss her like this, she was darn well going to let him, and screw the consequences.

Jill leaned her head back against the door, desperate to give him access to every square inch of her.

He took advantage of it, sucking and nibbling on her exposed skin while his hands propped her up under her butt. He squeezed her flesh and his thumb moved across the lace of her underwear. She gasped.

"Sweet chilis, are you kidding me?" she asked.

He laughed, the heat from his breath warming her skin and giving her goose pimples at the same time.

"That's a new one," he said, breathless. Then, before she could answer, his mouth was on hers and she was in his arms, heading toward the couch.

"Mmm-mmm. Bedroom," she said, breaking the kiss for barely a moment.

He crashed back into her, and all she was aware of was her back landing soft on the feather comforter and her dress being lifted over her head. After that, every move, every kiss, every touch she gave into without thinking of them at all.

She simply let him enjoy her and gave herself permission to do the same, regardless of the fact it was further than they'd gone before. Much further. Not that it was unexpected or unwelcome, just… a lot.

Two hours later—which she only knew because the clock in Maggie's dad's old office chimed, marking the new day that was upon them—they finally came up for air.

After coming who knew how many times. Honestly, Jill had lost count.

"Holy crap," she said, collapsing on her side, her arm languidly draped over Jax's chest. There wasn't a solid bone left in her body. Jelly—she was made of jelly and smiles and a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest. "That was—"

She dropped her head against his shoulder. Nope. She had nothing left. Not even words. So how could she feel so full and good when she was completely empty? Jax was a gosh-dang magician, that was all that made sense. And boy, was she under his spell. Kissing alone had transfixed her but sleeping with the man had all but ruined her for sex with anyone else, ever.

Was there ever a day I wanted to work over doing whatever it was we just did?

"Yeah, it was." He kissed the top of her head.

"And, by the way, I really liked that dress," he said, taking her breast in his mouth and sucking while he fingered the soft fabric strewn beside them. "I mean, really liked it."

She hissed in a breath when he flicked her nipple with his tongue.

"Mmm. I could tell." She cupped his still-hard shaft. How either of them were still turned on after hours of pleasing each other was another of life's great mysteries. "I didn't mind the way your jeans showed off how you felt about me in the dress, either. Or what happened afterward."

She ran her hand along the length of him, and his eyes closed while his mouth opened. She took the opportunity to go in for a kiss.

Okay, maybe she had a little left in her.

"But you didn't look too shabby yourself. You clean up nice, cowboy," she whispered in his ear, then nibbled his lobe.

"Is it fair to say we both kinda knew what we were doing showing up the way we did tonight?" he asked.

Jill considered the outfit, the makeup, the care she'd put into choosing underwear Jax would enjoy taking off her. The idea that he'd done the same was heady and sent a thrill rolling through her.

"I'll cop to that if you will."

"In a heartbeat, as long as it comes with those lips again."

"They're all yours, cowboy." She kissed him gently.

As soon as those words came out of her mouth, though, the liquid heat coursing through her froze in the shape of a rogue wave, and the frigid mass would have toppled her if she'd been standing.

His? All his?

"I was hoping that was the case." Jax dove into her, his hands and mouth all over her body in a frenzy of passion and need like they didn't just finish doing exactly that. And like he hadn't overthought her last comment, which she was immensely thankful for since she'd be doing just that all night and day tomorrow.

God, what was she thinking?

Jax's hands teased at her center, rubbing her tight core until she spread herself open for him. He unlocked a deep want from somewhere hidden in her chest. It came with images of waking up like this each morning, holding this man tight to her each night, and other creature comforts that were off-limits. And for so many reasons that had nothing to do with his son and her need to work on her business.

She was, regardless of what she thought about Deer Creek, a city girl. And Jax was all cowboy. Hot, molten cowboy that she'd been close to making love to.

Too close.

"I want you," he whispered, peppering her neck with kisses. She wanted him—more than she'd ever wanted anything—but what would happen if she opened up too much?

"Dammit, Jill, you do things to me I didn't think were possible. You're incredible."

That was fine, but then he leaned back, gazed into her eyes to the secrets she held behind them, and rocked against her, filling her with his length and feelings she didn't know were possible.

He didn't release her until they both came, an emotional wave almost overpowering the physical one shattering Jill in half.

"I don't ever want to let you go," he murmured against her cheek, his breath warm but his words too hot to handle.

He cupped her cheek and kissed her too softly, too tenderly for her to feel anything but fear. That wasn't what they'd agreed to.

Kissing, yes. Sex, maybe.

But flowers and wine and romance?

The Post-It note she and Maggie had scribbled flashed in her head. She knew what was important and what wasn't.

Work, her goals, her future—all of these were at risk if she gave up too much of herself.

Thankfully, Jax's lips trailed south, helping her forget everything but the feel of him against and inside her. That, she could get used to, even if the rest scared the life out of her.

*

Jax had been in the middle of a deep sleep when the weight pressing against him lifted suddenly. His eyes shot open.

Jill was sitting up beside him. He glanced down at the red circle on his chest that was still warm to the touch. She'd been laying on his chest.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, stretching his back while he rubbed hers. "How'd you sleep?"

She frowned, sending him to high alert.

"Um, good. Too good." Her eyes darted around the room like a trapped calf.

"How's that?" He rubbed her back, but she squirmed away from his touch. Did he do something wrong? Did she regret last night? "Hey, you okay, Jill? What can I do?"

"I'm late, Jax. I overslept." She threw off the covers and made to sprint away from him.

He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her against him before she could escape.

That's it? She overslept? One of the hottest things about this woman was her drive and passion. But at some point, she had to realize there was more to life than only work. Maybe he could help.

"Uh-uh. Not on my watch. The sun's still behind the cliffs, which means it isn't even six yet. Come back to bed."

"Jax, it's five thirty. If I want to get a run in, shower, and meet with the teachers, I have to get up now."

He grinned.

"I've got a way you can burn some energy instead of running. It's more fun and a helluva workout."

To show her just how fun, he ran a finger along her silhouette, tracing the curves of her hips and legs until he got to the V-shaped copse of groomed hair at her center. He dipped beneath her folds to make her wet for him.

She gasped, arching her back, her eyes closed and mouth parted. He bent over her breasts, which were the perfect size to take in his mouth and sucked one until her nipple hardened against his tongue.

"Oh God, Jax. I can't. I've got so much to do—"

He nipped at her nipple. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered, but her hands were around his neck, pulling him on top of her. "No. Oh, you're so bad for me."

"Well, if we're going to be bad, we might as well go all the way."

Jax left her breast wet and moved his mouth down her stomach, licking and kissing every bit of her perfect, smooth skin as he went. When he got to the place his fingers still teased, he slipped two fingers as deep inside her as they'd go, and his tongue took their place at her core.

He sucked on her throbbing center.

"Yes! Oh, Jax," she cried out.

His name on her lips set a bomb off inside him, driving him into her with everything he had. Her fingers tangled in his hair while his fingers thrust against her.

Her hips trembled and she screamed his name, but only when her tremors subsided and her body relaxed beneath his did he relent, moving back up her stomach with lips that still weren't quenched.

God, he wanted all of her. He'd thought, as it'd been with most of the women he'd dated, he'd have fun but grow bored. But he couldn't imagine a day where he didn't want to devour this woman and make her scream his name over and over again.

Her hand wrapped around his very evident appreciation of what she'd just let him do to her. He groaned, the touch firm but soft at the same time.

Christ, what he wanted to do to Jill, to have her do to him…

"What're you doing?" he asked. She gazed up at him, her mascara slightly smudged beneath her eyes, her bottom lip drawn between her teeth, her hair messed with the fun they'd had the night before and that morning. She'd never been more beautiful.

"If you think you're calling that my workout, you're sorely mistaken. You've got a six-mile run to make up for, mister."

She guided him to her, and he shuddered with want. She was still so damn wet.

"Take me, cowboy," she whispered, rocking her hips so the tip of him disappeared inside her.

That was all the permission he needed. He thrust deep inside her, looking for any way to satisfy the need that consumed him.

An hour and two orgasms later, Jill ran out of the house like it was on fire. She had a smile on her face, so if he was responsible for that, he could take the heat for making her a little late for her day, as well. To be honest, he had to rush a little, too. He'd told Ren to sleep in, but it was dangerously close to the time they were supposed to meet Bennett to have him show Ren the property.

While Bennett played uncle and Jill met with the CAF board and teachers who were going to join the program she was designing, Jax had to head up to Austin to finalize some of the job details. Even though it wasn't how he'd imagined it would play out, this job was exactly what he was looking for. The damndest thing was, he wasn't excited about it.

Not near as much as he should be for a major life change.

As he strolled up to the back deck of his single-story ranch-style home on the Marshall property, his chest throbbed. He rubbed at it, but the ache didn't dissipate.

"Hey, Dad!" Ren called out from the deck.

The ache grew warm, almost hot to the touch. He couldn't hold back the smile he felt every time he saw his son. He may have missed the past fifteen years, but he was going to make up for it now.

"Hey, Ren. How'd you sleep?"

Ren jumped over the porch railing. Oh, to be fifteen again.

"Great. That bed is awesome. Plus, I know it might sound stupid, but I kinda like the sounds the ranch makes. Like the cows and birds and stuff."

Jax laughed. "You know I said the same thing when I was your age?"

"You did?" Ren grinned.

He seemed to like when Jax talked about their similarities, which was good. Jax liked finding them.

"Oh yeah. Bennett wussed out and got a white noise machine to cancel out the farm, but I liked the way it reminded me I was just a part of what was going on out there. That I might be a steward of the land, but I couldn't do it without the chirps and moos and barking."

Ren nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! Exactly. Uncle Bennett said I was crazy this morning, but I knew you'd get it."

Okay, now the ache was a full-blown pain in his chest. Jax breathed in deeply, which calmed his racing heartbeat but didn't do a damn thing to alleviate the pressure born of fifteen years of missing this. All he could do was appreciate that he had this time with his son, but loss still saturated everything. Maybe that would pass with time. Jax hoped so.

"Is your uncle around, then?"

"Yeah. He came to find you, but don't worry, I covered for you."

Jax frowned. "What do you mean?"

Ren's smile usually was so much like Bennett's, but in that precise moment, he caught the hint of his own mischief in his son's grin.

"He wanted to know where you were, so I told him I saw you headed to the barn. You know, so he wouldn't know you were—" Ren jutted his chin toward Jill's lodging.

"Why would you lie for me?" Jax was one part touched and two parts concerned. Did he have the right to tell his son not to lie when he was keeping secrets of his own? "Also—and let me stress that this is far less important—how did you know where I was?"

Ren shrugged. Yep, that was all Jax's biology. "I didn't know if you told anyone about Jill or if you wanted some time to, you know, figure it out first. And about the second question, I'm fifteen, not blind, remember? You two are so obvious."

Were they? Jax smiled, thinking of how she'd looked in her blue and white sundress. Okay, so maybe he was less than subtle.

Jax forced his brows into Bennett's I'm disappointed in you look. That was the closest thing to a father figure Jax'd ever had, or at least a father figure he wanted to emulate.

"Thanks for thinking of me, Ren. But I should've been straight with you about where I'd be in case you needed anything. In the future I'll figure that out."

"It's okay. I knew where to find you."

"Still, it's my job as your dad to be honest with you so you see that as an example. Our old man was a sonuvabitch most days, but he always told us the truth."

Ren's face went stoic, his lips passive, his eyes lined with something Jax couldn't suss out. "My mom never told me anything."

Oof. There was that stabbing pain in his chest again.

"I'm sorry she didn't. But I'm gonna hold you to a higher standard. Even if you think you're protecting me, you've gotta tell the truth, okay?"

Ren nodded, and his chin fell to his chest.

Jax tipped it up. "No shame in what you did. You didn't know my expectations. But now you do. And we're gonna do better together. 'Cause I've got to work on myself, too."

"I can do that. Thanks, uh… thanks for caring. My mom was nice and all, but she never, I dunno, took an interest."

Pressure flooded behind Jax's eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that because you're a pretty darn cool kid. And I'm lucky you're here."

"I feel the same way."

Jax sniffed. "Well, we've got a lot to look forward to, don't we? I'm checking out the job in Austin today, and you'll be set up at the high school there, so we'll find a place to live close by."

"I wish we could stay here at the ranch," Ren declared.

Jax just stared at him like he'd just heard a universal truth he hadn't been aware of until that moment. Gander sidled up beside them, and in a departure from his normal MO, ignored Jax entirely. He rubbed his chin along Ren's jeans, igniting a laugh and play session between the two. Ren was like that with all the animals at the ranch—horses loved him, the cows trusted him, and even the barn kittens had claimed him as one of them.

"Oh yeah? What about your friends and school and all that?"

"I don't have many of those. Have you ever met any high school kids? They're pretty immature," Ren said, petting Gander behind the ears. The boy's whole demeanor had shifted from one of cautious curiosity to open confidence. "Besides, if I leave, who's gonna help Gander raise his puppies?"

Jax let that permeate the invisible membrane he'd sheathed himself in, the one keeping Deer Creek from latching its hooks in him like it did everyone else. Including Ren, apparently.

"Whataya like about the ranch, though? Because there aren't many kids your age out here, except in town at Deer Creek High, and at some point, those puppies are gonna grow up and move on," Jax said.

"I know." The way Ren's smile tilted up in the corner warmed Jax's heart. "That's just part of it. I like working with you, for one. It's so cool watching you work on horses and chase cows and stuff. I dunno. I always wanted to be a cowboy when I grew up, but I didn't know I really could, you know?"

Jax shoved his hands deep in his pockets so Ren wouldn't see the way they shook like the sycamore leaves in the spring wind.

"I do know," he said, his voice almost a whisper.

At one point, it was all he'd wanted, too. But then his dad had squandered the ranch, drove their brother away, and Jax found solace in the rodeo. It was a different way of chasing the cowboy life, one that honored the wild side of him that never wanted to put a kid through what his dad had done to them.

But everything—absolutely everything—was different now.

Like Jill's internship program. Maybe Ren could—

No. He'd made a commitment.

"Well, no matter what our future looks like, I know two things with absolute certainty."

Ren's eyebrows shot up.

"First, we'll always have a home at the ranch if you wanna come play cowboy, and second, I'm glad we're doing it together."

Gander barked like he agreed, then trotted off with a rawhide he'd snatched from somewhere, most likely on the way to go see Lily. Jax had to give it to the mutt. For a dog who lived outdoors because he chose to let his wandering soul guide him around the valley, he'd shacked up and settled down pretty darn easily. Happily, too, it seemed, if the tail wagging away was any indication.

"How'd you do it, boy? Get a slick woman like that to fall for you?" he muttered to Gander.

Because, with Jax, it wasn't by being himself. That was only a liability—especially with a woman like Jill who knew what she wanted and wouldn't stop until she got it. What could Jax offer her?

Stop thinking about her for ten minutes, would you? He raked his hands down the stubble on his chin.

Jax turned back around to see Ren, his smile had fallen. "Hey, what's up, bud?" Jax ruffled Ren's hair, laughing at how it stood on end.

Ren opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again to the same result.

"You can talk to me about anything, Ren. I'll never be mad, and you'll never lose me, okay?"

"Promise?"

Jax's heart thumped twice in quick succession then shattered into a million pieces. "Yeah. I can't promise much, but that I can."

Ren sighed and sat down on the edge of the porch. Jax joined him, putting half his width of space between them; that thin line of how much space a teenager needed still eluded him.

While Jax gave him space to drum up the courage or words or both, he listened to the ranching sounds that had transfixed Ren.

Manny was whooping and hollering at Sassy. His shouts echoed off the canyon, punctuated by the staccato chirps of the yellow-billed cuckoo looking for someone to share his days with. Beneath both was the gentle, persistent babbling of the creek as it provided life to everything else at the ranch.

Who needed white noise when life was this rich, this teeming with its own harmony?

Ren's jaw was still set, and he didn't meet Jax's gaze, letting his sight settle on the bend in the water where the tire swing from the Marshall boys' youth still hung. Bennett had recently restored it.

"I'm mad at her. Like, seething, tear things apart mad," Ren finally said.

Jax nodded, even though Ren couldn't see him. "Your mom?"

"Yeah." When Ren finally turned his head, Jax bit his lip until searing pain shot through it.

Ren's eyes were brimming with tears, and if Jax thought he knew what it meant to protect and care for a son before, it was nothing compared to the protective rage that consumed him in that moment.

"I mean, I get it if she wanted to protect me from a jerk, you know? But you're not one, and to be honest, you're a better parent now than she ever was. And I never got to know that."

A tear fell on Ren's plaid Henley, staining the blue fabric dark.

Jax scooted closer and put his arm around Ren's shoulder. "Did your grandfather tell you how your mom and I met?" he asked.

Ren shook his head. "I think he was mad at you for getting my mom pregnant, so when he told me about you, he just gave me the basics, and her letter didn't say anything, either."

"Do you want to know?" He was raving mad about the whole missing-his-son's-life thing, too, but what could they do now but move forward? Besides, tearing Nora apart would only hurt Ren more in the long run when the anger subsided. After all, the boy was half each of them, for better or worse.

Ren shrugged as if couldn't care less, but Jax caught the Marshall lip bite that told a different story.

"We were young, but you knew that much." A nod from Ren confirmed that. "But the second I saw her at the rodeo I was riding in, I had to talk to her. So, after my competition—which I won, by the way; no way I was meeting her without the buckle to show off—I walked right up to her and told her I could give up rodeo right then and there, but I couldn't live another day without knowing her name and the chance to get to know her. She laughed, but she gave me both, and I never looked back. Man, she was incredible. Changed my life meeting her and look—she still is." Jax nudged Ren's arm.

A wave of nostalgia rolled over him. Jax's house stood where the old ranch house used to be, so he'd been not much older than Ren when he'd stood there and watched Nora ride away for the last time. Everyone assumed she'd been a cheap one-night stand when she stayed over that night after buying his father's horses for her dad. But he'd been seeing her for months before that night at his house—the night Maggie saw her and assumed it was Bennett kissing the woman on the porch.

Nora had altered more than just Jax's life that night. They'd created Ren, destroyed Maggie and Bennett's childhood love, and sent Jax on a bender of self-loathing that still lingered in his darkest moments.

A stillness settled over the two men as the truth of the love story that started it all fluttered to their feet.

"You rode in rodeos?" Ren finally asked.

Awe shaped his eyes into globes. Jax laughed, doubled over his stomach. Of course, that was the part of the story Ren would home in on. Not that he blamed the kid. He'd have latched onto that detail like a bull rider to the horn.

"I did. So'd your mom, actually."

"No way," Ren said, kicking at the dirt. "Not my mom. She was way too protective. She never even let me climb trees growing up."

Jax released Ren's shoulder. "I know it sounds crazy, but parents get that way around their kids. You should see how protective your uncle Bennett is around Aunt Maggie and she's barely halfway into her pregnancy. He won't even let her sip tea that isn't organic and steeped to just the right temperature. Never mind if she wants to drink out of the hose at the end of her morning walks. And this is the guy who did shots of tequila out of dirty glasses in Juarez for his eighteenth birthday." Ren laughed. "Even I'm a little overprotective when it comes to you, and we've only been in each other's lives a few weeks."

"Is that why you won't date Jill? Because you're trying to protect me?"

Jax felt like someone kicked him in the stomach.

Was it? It would be simpler if that was the whole answer, but Jax couldn't be sure it wasn't abject fear he'd screw it up while he was focused on getting to know Ren. He gave the ol' Marshall shrug.

"Maybe, or partly, at least. That whole thing is complicated, but it's why I'm leaving the ranch so I can be there in the city with you."

"You don't have to protect me, you know. I'm almost old enough to drive, and I—" He twisted his lips. "I like someone, too."

"Oh yeah? What's their name?" Jax asked. He didn't want to make any assumptions about who his son was or the type of person he might like. But that didn't mean he was prepared to have the birds, bees, and wear-a-condom conversation already, either. Man, this parenting thing was going to keep him on his toes, wasn't it?

"Florence."

"You kids and your millennial parents. So, what's she like?"

Ren dove into the conversation with a gusto he usually reserved for animals. Jax just listened, took notes, and marveled at how this kid—his kid—had more insight into love and women than Jax ever did.

But all the while, he kept glancing at where he imagined Jill was hard at work, bent over her computer trying to make her dreams come true. Would those dreams ever include a roaming cowboy, or was Jax heading toward a cliff at a breakneck speed with a woman who was gonna throw him off at the edge?

Because he loved her, or at least he thought he did. If wanting to be with her all the time, thinking of ways to make her life easier or happier, and imagining a future with her was love, then yeah, that was what he felt.

Except…

He'd better figure out for sure—and maybe how she felt, too—before he plunged down a ravine he wouldn't make it up from.