19. Audrey

CHAPTER 19

Audrey

M y cheeks were still warm after earlier, but despite that, I hadn’t taken his jersey off. I was wearing white jeans and my favorite casual tennis shoes, my hair pulled half up with a pink ribbon.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and I knew it wasn’t nerves. No, it was because something about tonight had felt so real. The way his face had lit up when he’d seen me running towards him, picking me up and spinning me around in his arms before kissing me…

And oh, that kiss .

I barely had my hand ready to knock on the door when it was pulled open to Parker standing there, leaning on the doorframe. “Hey.” He leaned in, kissing my cheek.

“H-hi,” I said, feeling suddenly shy. Which wasn’t me. I wasn’t the one who was quiet or shy. Except that suddenly, the way he was looking at me had me feeling like maybe earlier hadn’t been a fluke.

The last few weeks, we’d barely even seen each other between sorority events, classes, and the musical. It felt like the only time we did was in the theater building or at dinner. His practices would often run long, and that didn’t even take into account his away games.

“I’ve missed you,” I admitted, wrapping my arms around his waist as we walked inside.

“She finally admits it,” Parker said with a grin, pulling me in tight and pressing his lips against the crown of my head. I liked how we fit together like that—how if he stood behind me, he could wrap me up and tuck me under his chin completely. “You saw me earlier, though.”

I hummed in response, enjoying his body heat.

“Let’s go.” Instead of heading into the kitchen like I expected, he headed for the stairs, tugging me up behind him.

“Oh,” I squealed.

“What?” Parker looked back at me.

“Nothing, I just…” Somehow, going into his room with just the two of us now felt incredibly real. Before, this was fake. Now… I wondered if maybe we were going to pick up where we left off earlier on the lacrosse field.

He interlaced our fingers and marched me up to his bedroom, and I decided I liked this Parker. A little bossy, but still undeniably sweet. And I really wanted more of the dominant Parker. Because I trusted him wholly, implicitly. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. That he cared about me. When he bossed me around, all it did was make heat pool in my stomach.

Thoughts I should not be having right now. Even if the way he’d kissed me earlier set every nerve in my body on fire. When he brushed his hand against mine, it felt like fireworks exploded on my skin.

His bedroom door closed behind us, and I looked around, anywhere but at him. I’d been in his bedroom dozens of times before, but it had never felt like this—like the energy in the room was charged . Like if I looked at him, at his lips, I was going to do something I would regret.

“So…” I started, trailing off when Parker walked to his desk, holding up a bag of food.

His cheeks were warm. “I wasn’t sure if you had eaten dinner, so I ordered Chinese. Hopefully that’s okay?”

Okay? That was more than okay. I blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the moisture pooling in my eyes, as if anything could stop them now.

“Fuck.” He stepped closer, cupping my cheek. “Are you okay? Rosie Girl, I didn’t…”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. It’s great, actually. I—I’ve never had anyone take care of me. Not like this. I just…”

Parker wiped under my eyes with his thumbs. “I’ve got you, baby.”

I was starting to realize that. It was the little things with him—I didn’t have to ask him for help, because he was there before I even could. He knew how I liked my sandwiches, how I took my coffee. Somehow, he anticipated my thoughts and needs before I did. And he always put my needs before his own.

No one had ever treated me like this. Like I was something special.

And he was just my fake boyfriend.

My chest was warm, those butterflies at full force as I pressed my cheek against his chest. “Thank you,” I mumbled. “You’re too good to me.” I couldn’t address the elephant in the room. That this felt a lot like we were actually dating. Because I was worried if I did, it would break the spell. And I wanted to be here—in his arms, in his room, wearing his shirt. I wanted to be the girl on the sidelines with fifty-nine painted on my cheek, screaming for the first boy who’d ever had my heart.

“You deserve nothing less than everything, Audrey.”

I looked down at my feet, trying to hide my blush.

“Let’s eat,” Parker said, guiding me onto his bed.

I ran my hands over his comforter, the soft gray fabric comforting against my skin. In all the time we’d spent together, I’d never thought about it before. How comfortable I was in his room, laid out across his bed like I belonged there. Heat flared in between my thighs as I thought about him joining me. How it would feel if we’d continued that kiss from earlier, with him between my thighs and?—

Parker made a sound in the back of his throat.

“Don’t look at me like that, Rosie,” he murmured, his voice low. A shiver ran through me. Fuck, did that turn me on? Yes. I was surrounded by his scent—his comforting, soothing scent, and I wanted to get lost in it. In him.

I just stared at him as he opened up a box of sweet and sour pork and shoveled some onto a plate, adding white rice and noodles before handing it to me. “Here.” His eyes were filled with heat as I took the plate from him. “Eat,” he murmured. “Then we can go downstairs and hang out with everyone else.”

But what if I didn’t want to go back downstairs?

What if I asked him to kiss me again? To really kiss me. Not as something fake—but as something real?

Shoveling in a bite of food to stop myself from asking the stupid questions, I couldn’t hold back my moan at the tangy and delicious flavor as it exploded in my mouth. The chicken was perfect: tender, soft and juicy, and I closed my eyes, savoring it.

Parker’s cheeks were tinged with the slightest shade of pink when I reopened them to take another bite, finishing the entire plate in no time.

Huh. I guess I had been starving. I hadn’t eaten at the game, too excited to leave my seat during the short intermission, and I’d only grabbed a granola bar at lunch today.

“Sorry,” I whispered, embarrassed at my display.

He crossed his leg over his knee, shaking his head as he took another bite of his dish. I assumed it was probably teriyaki chicken, because that was his favorite. “You don’t have to apologize to me.” His bore into mine and I swallowed, my mouth suddenly feeling dry.

I’d never felt like this before in all the time we’d spent alone, but I couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was tonight. The way his hair looked like he’d run his hands through it a few hundreds of times, his tight t-shirt that clung to all of those well-honed lacrosse muscles. His thighs, stretched and visible to me from the spot where I perched on his bed.

“I’m gonna… I’ll be right back,” I murmured, sliding off his bed, needing a moment to myself.

“What do you need?” Parker stood up, setting his plate aside. “I can go get you something.”

Shaking my head, I waved him back down. “It’s fine. I’m just gonna run to the bathroom and grab some water.”

And maybe some fresh air, too, because the heat I was feeling right now was unreal. Maybe if I cooled down, I wouldn’t feel like I wanted to straddle his lap and ride him until I came.

Fuck, it had been so long since I’d had a good, non-battery operated orgasm. My vibrator did the trick, but it didn’t compare to the real thing. Only my last boyfriend had been selfish and never cared about getting me off first, so I’d been taking care of myself longer than I could even recall.

“Okay.” He curled his finger around a strand of my hair before tugging on it slightly. “We should go rejoin the party, anyway.”

Now that he fed me, it made sense that he’d want to go join his friends. Even if I could have stayed up here alone with him all night. Listening to him talk about whatever book he was currently reading or the video game he’d been playing was infinitely more exciting to me than listening to his teammates, but I couldn’t exactly say that to him. He’d probably think it was weird.

Secretly, I liked that he loved swords and dragons, and always played the hero in any story. It shouldn’t have been sexy, but his secret nerdy side was absolutely attractive to me.

“Yeah.” My voice was breathy, and I hoped he didn’t notice. “Probably. Otherwise, your teammates are probably going to think we’re getting up to something in here.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And would that be so bad, Audrey?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Would it be so bad if people thought that? Or would it be so bad if we did get up to something ?

But I couldn’t clarify.

“See you down there,” I murmured instead, pushing his door open and leaving him inside his room.

The spring air and the bottle of water I’d snagged from the fridge instantly made me feel better, and I sat on the steps of the porch, enjoying the calm that was outside.

Inside, it was chaotic—lacrosse players everywhere, as well as god knew who else from campus. For a Wednesday night, there were a lot of students here.

All I wanted to do was disappear back into Parker’s room, but how could I after I’d practically run out of there like a scared kitten?

“This isn’t you, Audrey,” I scolded myself. Maybe someone would think it was weird if they walked by and saw me talking to myself, but for once, I didn’t really care what anyone else thought of me.

The only person whose opinion I cared about was Parker, and he’d made it clear time and time again that he liked me just the way I was.

“So, why are you being a coward?” I whispered to the night.

Because I was. I was too scared to admit what I was feeling was real, so I was hiding from the man who knew me best.

I sighed, staring up at the stars. Wishing I could ask them for help. Maybe tomorrow I’d call my mom. She always gave the best advice. Right now, I could use it.

My thoughts were so jumbled up, and I was so lost in them, that I didn’t hear the pair of footprints walking up the sidewalk until there was a pair of legs standing right in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” I squeaked. “I’ll move so you can get?—”

“No need.” The voice instantly sent my hackles rising, and I looked up to find the one person whose face I didn’t want to see tonight standing in front of me.

Duke.

My voice was tight. “What are you doing here?”

“Friends on the team invited me.”

I paled. “What?” Of course, he had friends on the lacrosse team. I should have known that, but it wasn’t like he introduced me to his friends. He’d kept me isolated, emotionally dependent on him. I hadn’t seen how emotionally abusive he was until it was too late.

Standing up, I went to go into the house. “Sorry, my boyfriend is waiting for me?—”

“Your boyfriend?” He grabbed my wrist, pulling me back hard, so I stumbled down the steps and into him.

“Ow!” I cried, wincing as my ankle rolled underneath me.

He didn’t even seem to notice that I was in pain, or how my eyes filled with water as he tightened his hold on my wrist. “ I’m your boyfriend, Audrey.”

Suddenly, I was pinned against the siding of the house, a position that felt all too familiar with earlier this semester.

“Are you delusional?” I yelled. “How can you not get it through your head that I. Broke. Up. With. You?”

God, why was there no one around right now? Maybe if I screamed loud enough, someone would come from inside and then there would be proof. “I’ll scream,” I said, deadpanning. “And I’ll tell everyone on campus what you did. How you cheated on me. No one will even want to come near you after that.”

I opened my mouth, only to have him cover it with his hand. My eyes widened.

“You’re not going to do that.” He narrowed his eyes. “You see, Aud. Girls don’t break up with me.” A slimy grin spread over his face. “I don’t care if you say you’re with that lacrosse player now.” He eyed my jersey with distaste. “You’ll come running back to me before long.”

I whimpered a little, unable to move as he held me tight against his body. His body spray was potent, and the smell was enough to make me gag. Ugh, how much had he even put on? It was nothing like the way Parker smelled—woodsy and masculine all at once. No, this was all wrong.

There was no way I’d be going back to this possessive, controlling, manipulating jerk.

His hand was still covering my mouth, and I bit down, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to startle him, so he let go of me. “The fuck!?”

He reached out, the palm of his hand making contact with my cheek, and I flinched. No matter what had happened before, he’d never hit me. Not like this.

Tears rolled down my eyes, and I stepped backwards, wrapping my arms around myself. “Leave me alone , Duke.”

Clarity filled his eyes, and he was suddenly crowding in front of me, his hands gently. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just—I miss you. Please. Forgive me. Come back to me.”

“No.” The word was barely more than a whisper. “Just—just go.”

And for once, he finally did what I asked, and I turned to go inside.

To look for my safe space—the only place I wanted to be right now.

Parker’s arms.