35. Harper

35

HARPER

"Are you going to tell him tonight?" Oliver asked as I paced the living room.

"I don't know."

"He showed up here last night and I had to lie to him."

"I know!" I snapped, spinning to face him. "I know exactly how it looked."

"You can't keep up that lie forever. He's going to notice how tired you are at night. And I doubt you can have the flu for weeks on end."

I knew all this. I wasn't an idiot. I just hadn't figured out how to break it to him yet. I rubbed my hand over my forehead as I struggled to come up with the perfect wording.

"Why are you delaying?"

"Because—" I stopped myself from admitting the truth, though maybe that's what I needed. I slumped down in my chair and let the tears fill my eyes that had been threatening to make an appearance for the last hour. "Because if I tell him, it'll all be over. And I'm not ready for that yet."

"Do you really think he'll walk out on you?"

"I know he will," I whispered. "He doesn't want this."

"But the way he's treated you?— "

"Is nothing," I sighed. "He's comfortable with the way things are. He was willing to let me into his life this little bit, but…he won't give me more than that."

His hand wrapped around mine and held tight. "Then he doesn't deserve you."

I swiped the tears from my face and laughed. "Now isn't the time to tell your knocked up sister that she deserves better. If I hadn't been so stupid?—"

"It's just as much his fault. Don't put this all on yourself."

"And who do you think he's going to blame?"

"Then it'll be us. We'll raise the baby. I know I'm not the best big brother in the world, but that kid is my blood and I'll take care of him."

I smirked at him. "And what if it's a girl?"

He tried to hide his horror but failed miserably. "Then…I'll learn how to do braids."

It was a nice dream. "And we'll just live down the road from him, knowing that his father is close but won't lift a damn finger to help? How would that work?"

"It doesn't fucking matter," Oliver growled. "I can't imagine anyone from OPS would be too thrilled working with the asshole."

"Hey, he's not an asshole yet," I reminded him.

"No, but you're certain he's going to leave you. I'm planning my future annoyance."

My stomach let out a loud growl. Oliver was on his feet in seconds, rushing into the kitchen to get me food. He'd already noted over the last week that when I was hungry, I had to eat or I'd get sick. He really was a good brother. It really wasn't fair that my own family was there for me when I needed him, but Edu wouldn't be. I knew it, and the longer I put it off, the harder it would be to tell him.

"Here," Oliver said, shoving a plate of crackers and cheese under my nose.

I grimaced, but took the plate. "Thanks." I chewed the food mechanically, forcing every bite down my throat. When half the plate was gone, I looked to my brother. "You know he'll come over here tonight. "

"Yeah, I figured."

"I need one last night with him."

"Harper—"

"Please," I begged, hoping he wouldn't argue with me on this. "I know what you're thinking, but if this is going to end, I need to?—"

Oliver sighed, leaning back in his seat. "One night. I'll make myself scarce."

"Thank you. I'll tell him tomorrow night."

After he went to work, I cleaned my room and then the kitchen, doing anything I could to pass the time. My stomach fluttered as nerves sprang up, knowing how close the time was. This was my last night with him, assuming he stopped by. And then I would have to give him the truth. He deserved that much, even if he was going to leave me for it in the end.

I kept an eye on the clock, doing everything to distract myself, but when the bell rang at five o'clock, I knew it was time. I wouldn't allow myself to cry. After all, I had the fantasy that I never imagined would ever happen. My daydreams came true. The books just didn't tell you that in real life, none of those HEAs ever really happened.

I ran my hand over my hair just to give myself something to do, then put a smile on my face and pulled the door open. "Hey!"

"Hey, you look like you're feeling better. No more throwing up?" His words were kind, but forced, along with the smile on his face. For some reason, it felt like he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

"Nope," I smiled.

"That's uh…that's good." He pulled a bag out from behind his bag and held it up. "I uh…brought soup."

"Oh, perfect."

"Good. Is Oliver home tonight?"

"No. He's going out."

He nodded, frowning slightly. "That's good. Listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Sure. Just let me grab some bowls."

I busied myself in the kitchen, trying my best not to start shaking as I touched my stomach. He couldn't actually see anything. It wasn't like I became pregnant and my stomach blew up. But that didn't stop me from freaking out that he might somehow find out before the night was over.

"Got them," I smiled, setting them on the kitchen table.

He brought over the soup and pulled it out, setting it down. "Listen…I was thinking about our situation."

"Uh-huh."

"And how we practically live together."

"Well, I mean, I still live here."

"Right." He frowned again. When he didn't immediately start talking, I grabbed spoons and found some napkins. Then I went back for drinks. Hell, there was nothing else I could get. I was just going to have to sit down at the table with him and eat.

"So…what did you want to talk about?"

The seconds dragged on before he shook his head. "Uh…it can wait."

I gave a half-hearted smile and dumped my soup into the bowl. As I stirred it, the smell wafted up to my nose, making me groan as my stomach turned. Maybe soup wasn't such a good idea.

"No good?" Edu asked.

"Uh…I think my stomach just isn't ready for anything else."

"Yeah, I might have caught what you have."

That was highly unlikely.

"Maybe I should just go," Edu said, shoving back his chair.

No, if he left, I wouldn't get one more night with him. I needed it like I needed air. "Wait!" I shouted, my eyes filling with tears. He turned and watched me carefully as I nearly fell apart in front of him.

"Just…don't go yet."

"I can see you tomorrow."

"I know, but you were gone and—" Shit, how else was I supposed to explain my tears?

"Harper," he sighed. "You know I'll be out on jobs in the future."

I nodded, my heart already breaking as he slid his hand around my neck and pulled me closer. I was desperately trying not to break down like a mad woman in front of him, but it was nearly impossible.

"This is…this isn't going to work like this," he muttered.

"I know. I'm sorry I'm being so emotional. "

He sighed, pulling me against his body. When his lips connected with mine, I sucked back the tears and ignored all the warning signs going off in my head, telling me I was only going to hurt myself.

As he picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist, never letting my lips leave his. I was desperate for one last time with him, to feel him inside me and know there was something between us, even if I was the only one who felt it.

He laid me down on the bed, quickly working my pants off. His hot breath skimmed over my flesh, heating up the room faster than a flame. But when he grabbed my hips and tried to roll me over, I stopped him.

"Not tonight. Just…make love to me tonight."

I could feel his terror as I pressed my hand to his heart. But he nodded and lowered his lips to mine, gently pushing inside me. His lips were everywhere, kissing my neck and breasts, his hands caressing me. He was better at this than he knew, and it was exactly what I needed to feel like I could make it from here on out alone.

With every pump of his hips against mine, I held him tighter. And when he gripped my leg and pulled it up against his stomach, I felt him even deeper inside me. Every second was pure bliss.

My breath hitched as he buried himself inside me and stared into my eyes. For whatever reason, this felt like the end, but not only for me. It was as if he could read my mind. He knew something was different—that I was saying goodbye.

He spilled his cum inside me, panting hard as he gently pressed his lips to mine. My eyes slid closed as I memorized the feel of his lips against mine one last time. Then I choked back a sob and reminded myself this was always meant to turn out this way.