23. Noah

CHAPTER 23

NOAH

T he next morning, Noah felt dreadful. He'd been up half the night tossing and turning, going over what he had said to her. He felt horrible. How could he have been so cruel towards her? He didn't even realize why he had gotten so angry.

He also believed it was for the best. His true feelings for Sophie didn't matter. Not that he took the time to even acknowledge them as they arose; he simply stuffed them deep down. This is was how things needed to be in order for their scheme to work.

Sophie didn't say anything to him as she made her coffee.

"I'm sorry about last night," he offered.

She didn't turn around but she tilted the kettle up, stopping the stream of steaming water. It was the only clue that she had heard him.

Noah took it as a sign to continue, "I shouldn't have been so harsh. I—"

"Don't," she said, cutting him off.

"Don't what?"

"Don't apologize," she replied, finally turning to face him. Her expression was cool and unreadable. Seriously, Noah, you have nothing to apologize for. I was out of line."

Wait, what?

She turned back and returned to making her coffee. "These pregnancy hormones are no joke. I was being too emotional."

Noah had never seen her behave like this before. She was acting like it was no big deal.

For some reason, her coldness made him question his words. "Look, you were right about my father. The truth is my parents never loved each other. The only reason I was born was so my father could capitalize on portraying the perfect family."

Sophie scoffed.

He continued, her reaction fueling his need to connect, to make her understand. "I never really had a relationship with them. It messed me up a bit more than I care to admit. And I just… well, I promised myself that I would never do that."

The fridge closed and she brought her coffee to the opposite side of the island, resting her elbows there as she scrolled on her phone.

"I told you, it's fine," she said.

"Why are you acting like this?" he demanded.

She glared at him. "Acting like what?"

The look in her eyes took Noah aback. It was like she was staring right through him. Like he meant nothing.

"I'm just trying to be honest with you."

Sophie huffed a laugh and sipped on her coffee. "You don't owe me an explanation. Let's just pretend that last night didn't happen, okay?"

Noah wanted to say fine, okay. But he couldn't. If they pretended last night didn't happen, then they might ruin whatever positive relationship they did have. Not to mention, his father would never give him the promotion if they messed us up.

He didn't want her to hate him. They just needed boundaries.

"Can we talk about this?

"There's nothing to talk about," she insisted

His frustration was rising. "You asked me if I loved you."

"Look, I have to get to work. I'm going to be late."

Sophie grabbed her keys and purse off the island and set her mug in the sink.

"Please don't make me out to be the bad guy," Noah begged. "I really do care about you, Sophie. I just don't want things to get messy."

Though he knew, it was already too late for that.

Sophie halted her steps. "You know, for someone who hates their father and wants to be nothing like him, you sure are doing a bang-up job," she spat.

She stormed off before he could answer. Noah listened to the sound of her heels on the floor until they disappeared into the elevator.

Her words hung in the air above him like bricks, slowly toppling over him. His eyes snagged on the kettle on the stove and he understood what Sophie was trying to tell him. He was the pot calling the kettle black.

In all his efforts to avoid being like his father, Noah had ended up following directly in his father's footsteps. How had he ever thought that he could repeat his father's actions and still be better than him?

He watched Sophie from across the office. She did not look his way and he did not blame her. He was the one who had gone cold and avoided her like the plague. He was the one who decided to pull back and refocus on his work.

Their confrontation last week had scared the hell out of him. Sophie had asked him if he loved her and he'd told her no. And then she'd completely shut him out. She'd pretended it didn't happen, that it was simply her hormones getting the best of her.

Noah took the papers from Colin and headed back into his office, closing the doors behind him. He tried to review them but her words seized his mind.

She had barely spoken to him since that morning. Only when it was absolutely necessary.

Why was he so angry when she was only doing what he asked? When she was shutting him out the same way he was shutting her out? Noah knew it was unfair but he couldn't stop himself.

Though her coldness subsided throughout the week, she was not herself. She didn't laugh or smile at him. They no longer shared jokes or discussed their days.

He couldn't even bring it up to her because she wasn't doing anything wrong. She was playing her part perfectly. She even continued to cook for him on her days off.

The changes she made were subtle and quiet. She simply stopped asking his opinions on flowers and invitations, and stopped inviting him to attend her appointments.

Their interactions became intentional, driven not by their need for connection or pleasure, but by duty and responsibility.

When Sophie had said she wanted to pretend like last night didn't happen, he'd thought that they would go back to normal. Friends.

Perhaps they never were friends. Maybe that was a side of Sophie that she kept private, only for her intimate relationships. Perhaps that's what she was trying to convey to him. That the person she was with him and the relationship they were navigating wasn't that far off from something real. Noah wouldn't know. He never had a real relationship before. And if that was true, that meant he would never see that side of her again.

The thought physically pained him.

Part of him was angry that she had strayed from their arrangement but in truth, it was him. Noah had promised to become more involved, Noah had been the one to ask her to move in, the one who helped her decorate the nursery, who had bought the child a stuffed bunny.

Could he blame her for believing that things had changed between them? He said he didn't want things to get messy but it was his fault. He had caused this. Sophie never asked for Noah to do those things for her. He created this mess entirely on his own.

Wasn't this what he wanted? To be friends? To be married in name only?

So if Sophie thought that they were moving towards a real relationship, and Noah wanted to go back to that, did that mean that Noah wanted a relationship with Sophie?

Noah leaned back in his chair, his mind spinning.

He stayed late that night, trying to finish the work he had procrastinated over all day.

What was happening to him? Work has always been easy. The only thing that was ever on his mind.

And lately, that had changed; the only thing on his mind had been Sophie and the baby.

Maybe this was all for the best. They had become too comfortable and it was taking him away from his work, the only thing that was important to him. The entire reason he had offered this arrangement in the first place. Focusing back on work would be a good thing for him.

When he finally returned home it was eight p.m. Sophie had left some food for him in the fridge.

He was halfway through eating it when he heard a clattering sound, followed by another one. Noah followed it into the hallway and saw that the light in the nursery was on. He stood in the hallway frozen, unsure if he should check on her. After the last time they were in that room together, he wasn't sure it was a good idea.

But concern for her grew when he heard another clatter. It was the sound of wood against wood. He heard her grunt in frustration.

Noah approached the door carefully. "Is everything all right in here?"

Sophie looked up at him from the floor. He could tell she was angry but she forced a smile, trying to pretend that everything was fine. "Yeah, everything's good."

The crib lay on the floor, slightly more put together than the last time he had seen it. It looked like she was trying to align all of the individual sides sticking out of the bottom into the top frame piece. Clearly she was having some trouble doing it by herself.

Reluctantly, Noah offered to lend a hand.

"No," Sophie said. "Thank you, though."

Again, he froze, unsure of whether to push her or to leave her be.

Sophie's fake smile grew bigger. "I got it, don't worry."

Noah left without another word.

After another week, Noah was finally beginning to find his groove again. He arrived at the office early and stayed late.

Thankfully, his father made no comment on the increase in his hours. Most likely he wasn't even checking, was probably off on some tropical island without cell reception. Perhaps that was the reason he hadn't responded to the wedding RSVP.

Despite the lack of formal confirmation, Noah knew he would be there. Richard knew how much his presence would mean, not to Noah, but to Birch Industries.

Work became his life again and he was able to fall back into his normal routine of discipline and corporate responsibilities. Everything seemed to be coming together and Noah told himself he couldn't be happier. His focus was directed solely on the future and the things he would accomplish as official CEO.

Though, he had to admit that the nights and days off were harder. He couldn't remember how he used to entertain himself before Sophie. Usually it involved drinking and women. Not only would it tear down the image he was beginning to create, but Noah no longer had interest in it. And because Sophie no longer wanted his help, he didn't know what to do with himself.

Things between them were slowly improving, at least at work. They began to talk more casually about their days and even shared a smile or two. But there was always a sense of distance, of holding back. Like having a wall between them. It reminded Noah of the time before the arrangement. When they were just coworkers.

It was better this way, he told himself. The more time they spent apart, the easier it was to forget the old dynamic of their relationship.

But there was one thing. One thing, that no matter how hard he tried to ignore, it continued staring him right in the face. At work, at home, in his mind, and even in his dreams.

Noah was deeply and unavoidably attracted to her.

He did his best not to notice the fullness of her curves in her tight dresses or the smoothest of her legs when she wore an oversized T-shirt at home, but they had become programmed attractions of his gaze. Seizing his attention.

And he could not control the feelings that arose when she looked up at him through her dark lashes in conversation, or when he smelled the fresh scent of her shampoo lingering in the hallway. Or the feelings that took over when she appeared in his fantasies.

His mind had begun to forget the true image of what lay beneath her clothing. And he could no longer remember the sounds of her moans. It felt like a fitting punishment. He didn't deserve to hear them. Not after the way he treated her. Not after he pushed her away.