20. Sophie

CHAPTER 20

SOPHIE

S ophie had been living with Noah for almost two weeks now. To her, it still felt like Noah's apartment. Not home. But she felt optimistic that her feelings about it would change eventually.

It would take some time to get used to living with someone, especially her fake fiancé. Sophie knew their engagement was real but calling their relationship fake somehow made her feel more in control of the situation. More distant from the emotions of it all.

It was difficult at first, knowing how to interact with him in his natural environment. She felt awkward and out of place. The only time they saw one another at home was mealtimes. Usually Sophie was running errands for the wedding or working. Sometimes Noah would accompany her and other days he would not. They both managed to reduce their office hours and only went in about three days a week.

Sometimes they cooked and ate separately and other times they would cook for one another. They used those moments to talk about things like the wedding and work.

Thankfully, Noah's idea seemed to be working. Though delayed, the Nova issue came out featuring their amazing photos from the engagement shoot. Sophie's favorite was the one of her head on his lap where each of them sported giant laughing smiles. The largest photo displayed was the one of Sophie and Noah kissing. The collection made them appear both happy and connected. It was exactly what they needed.

They had even been featured in two other magazines since then. One, where Noah was helping her pick out flowers at the florist. And the other was somewhat staged. It was a photo of them walking hand in hand at the park. Noah had been the one to spot the paparazzi; he and Sophie had taken advantage and put on a healthy show of PDA.

Sophie had decided to cook dinner tonight. Noah was working so she'd figured it would be a kind gesture and an opportunity for them to talk.

The food was almost ready when she heard the elevator arrive. Noah made his way to the kitchen, handsome as ever in his navy suit. "Something smells good," he commented.

"I made enough for both of us, if you want to join."

"Sure, I just have to get changed real quick," he replied and disappeared, presumably to his bedroom.

Sophie still hadn't seen the inside of his room yet. She had considered peeking when he wasn't home but felt too creepy to actually do it. She didn't know why she was so curious; it wasn't like he was hiding anything of importance in there.

She set the table and was dishing out the plates of food when Noah emerged, now wearing a pair of gray sweat shorts and a black T-shirt.

Though he looked good in suits, Sophie much preferred the loungewear he sported at home. He was softer at home — more average, but in the best way possible.

"Look's good," he said as he took a seat.

Sophie thanked him and took the seat across from him. The same ones they sat in from her first day here.

"How was work?" she asked.

Noah shrugged, cutting into his steak. "Not bad. I think Colin is struggling with the added workload, but I think I managed to delegate it a little better across the departments."

Sophie listened and offered advice when appropriate. She wanted to get the small talk out of the way so she could bring up the real reason she wanted to have dinner with him tonight.

As the conversation came to a natural end, Sophie tried to gain the courage to bring it up. It wasn't a big deal but it felt like one.

"So I know I brought this up last week, but I wanted to remind you that I have my twelve-week ultrasound tomorrow." She pushed her food around on her plate.

When she'd mentioned it last week, Noah had agreed but was quickly distracted by a work call. He hadn't mentioned it since then and her anxiety told her that he had forgotten, whether accidentally or on purpose.

Noah looked up from his plate, confused.

"You forgot," she stated. Part of her had still held out hope that he cared enough to remember.

"I did. I'm sorry, Sophie." Noah looked sincere and she could tell he felt horrible about it.

It didn't stop her from being upset. "It's no big deal. If you can't make it…"

"No, I'll be there," he promised. Though she could see he was already thinking about how to move around his schedule.

"Nine thirty," she offered.

Noah nodded, trying to appear in the moment. "Great."

Sophie went back to eating. She didn't know why she felt so hurt that he had forgotten. Her pregnancy hormones were certainly beginning to take a toll on her moods lately. It was unfair to expect that Noah would keep track of her pregnancy milestones and appointments. The only reason he was being involved in the first place was so that she wouldn't feel so alone.

"Twelve weeks, huh?" Noah said, drawing her from her thoughts.

"Yeah," Sophie confirmed. "It's crazy, right?"

It was hard to believe how much had happened in the past three months. They had gotten pregnant, engaged, moved in together, and were in the process of planning their wedding, which was only a month and a half away.

"Completely," he agreed. "But in the best way."

After dinner, Noah agreed to clean up and Sophie retired to her room feeling exhausted. She got ready for bed even though it was only eight thirty.

When she laid down, she tried to think positive thoughts as she rested her hands on her belly. She was going to hear her baby's heartbeat tomorrow! She already knew she was going to cry at the appointment because her eyes teared up just at the thought of it.

Her mind drifted to how Noah would react. Would he be happy too, or was this just something he would endure for her sake? Suddenly she wasn't sure if she wanted him there at all. After all, why should she allow his reaction to dictate her emotions? She knew she wouldn't be able to hide her feelings if Noah didn't seem interested. So would it be worth it?

She considered asking her mom to attend but knew that she would question Noah's absence. She didn't want her parents to dislike him, nor did she want them to know about their arrangement. Maybe that was the reason she'd been avoiding her friends and family lately. Not because she didn't want them to be involved, but because she was too embarrassed that they would find out her secret. What would Amy think about everything?

Sophie didn't want to acknowledge the hopeless feelings settling within her, so she settled deeper into her pillow and closed her eyes.

Sophie woke up in a panic. Her heart was pounding.

The room was dark and she took a second to ground herself. She was in her room. In Noah's apartment.

It was just a bad dream.

Sitting up in her bed, she reached out for her glass of water with a shaky hand. But her grip was weak and she dropped it. A loud sound echoed through the darkness as it shattered all over the floor.

She turned on the lamp on her nightstand, hoping she hadn't woken Noah. There was water and glass everywhere.

Sighing, she climbed out of bed. Sophie had been cleaning earlier that day, so she already had some paper towel handy and began soaking up the liquid. She heard footsteps down the hall and Noah appeared in her doorway a few moments later.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I broke your cup. I'm sorry." She kept her back turned, but her voice betrayed her. Sophie was about to cry.

Noah entered her bedroom and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Hey…" He bent down to her level, catching a glimpse of her face. "Hey, Sophie. It's just a cup. Seriously, it's no big deal."

Sophie ignored him and ripped off a new piece of paper towel.

Noah's hand moved from her shoulder to her cheek and she paused. He wiped the tears from her face and helped her to her feet, motioning for her to sit on the bed.

Noah bent and began cleaning up the mess.

"It's not the cup," she sniffled.

"Then what is it?"

Sophie wiped under her eyes with her fingertips. "I had a dream."

Noah glanced up from tossing the soaking-wet paper towels into the trash bin. "What was it about?"

"I barely even remember now. I was with a toddler. I think they were mine. But I was terrible, I kept messing everything up."

Noah finished cleaning and sat beside her on the bed.

Sophie's lip trembled. "Do you think I'm going to be a bad mom?"

"What? Sophie no. Not at all," he assured her.

Sophie knew he was just saying what any decent person would say.

He hugged her then, for the first time in weeks. Since their staged moment at the park. Sophie began to sob and Noah held her, not saying a word.

If her dream was right and she was a terrible mom, then she would be completely alone. She wouldn't be able to count on Noah to help her after the baby was born. Sophie thought she could be everything, mom and dad, that she could be anything her child needed. But what if she couldn't?

Noah shushed her and rubbed her back. It began to soothe her enough that she stopped crying, exhaustion falling over her once again. She didn't want him to stop comforting her, to stop holding her. If he did, she thought she might fall right back into tears.

Please don't leave , she begged silently.

But eventually, Noah realized she was better and figured he was good to leave. Sophie's chest physically hurt when his hands slid from her body. As his feet moved closer to the hallway.

She couldn't stand it.

"Noah," she called.

He paused. "Yeah?"

"Can you… stay with me?"

He hesitated in the doorway. She was asking him to cross the line, she knew that. But at this moment, she didn't care; she didn't want to be alone.

They hadn't talked about what happened at the dress shop two weeks ago. And they had avoided any non-staged touching since then. But Sophie craved the safety of his comforting touch, and needed him to stop the ache slicing across her chest.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "I'll stay."