Chapter 62

KNOX

When I see Mila,she’s clutching Jax’s hand tight.

She quickly pulls away from him and races toward me.

I look at Jax and he gives me a nod.

Mila lunges for me and touches my face.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“She’s… I never… I just…”

“Speak, brother,” Mac says.

I see the panic and terror in his eyes.

He’s obviously having some intense flashbacks to his own father’s death.

“She collapsed into my arms,” I say. “She didn’t even know I was there until the last second. I can’t stop thinking about if I wasn’t there…”

“But you were there,” Mila says. “You were there.”

“What the hell did you do to her?” Jax yells.

“Easy, Jax,” Mila says.

“How is she right now?” Ruby asks, trying to be somewhat of a voice of reason.

Gabriel stands behind her. He doesn’t speak.

“Can we see her?” Violet asks.

“I think soon,” I say. “Doctors are keeping a close eye on her for the obvious reason.”

“The baby,” Jax says.

His chin suddenly begins to quiver.

He doesn’t want to ask the next question.

“The baby is okay,” I say.

There’s a collective sigh of relief.

I’m not sighing. I’m not relieved.

I’m not anything… except so goddamn guilty over this…

“She was still on campus, man,” I say to Jax.

“I was just going by what she told me she was doing,” Jax says.

“I knew where to look,” I say. “I knew what to do. Me. Not you, Jax. Not you.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Gabriel says.

My eyes move to him. “Excuse me?”

“He’s right,” Villi’s deep voice says from behind me.

I turn around and Villi is coming down the other end of the hallway.

Vera is by his side.

“We’re not picking fights,” Villi says. “And if I’m the one saying that… you know it’s serious.”

“When can we see her?” Violet asks.

“Yes,” Mila adds. “We need to see her.”

“Want me to push at the nurses and doctors?” Vera offers. “I can use my mean, professional voice.”

“No, we’re good,” I say. “Thanks though.”

“Knox,” Jax says, gaining my attention. “Can we talk alone for a second?”

“What the hell is this about?” Mac asks.

“Nothing,” Jax says.

I won’t move an inch away from where Willow is.

Jax closes in on me.

It’s like the guy is going to kiss me.

“Did you… show her…?” Jax whispers.

“No,” I whisper back. “By the time I got to her, she was already starting to pass out.”

Jax nods and backs away.

“Thank you all for being here right now,” I say.

“You’re not alone in this, man,” Mac says.

“Neither is Willow,” Mila adds.

That does matter to me. I’m not sure how to effectively show emotion. Again, everything in my life is supposed to be planned out. Start. Stop. Pivot. No time for emotion. Life pushes forward. Time always continues.

I feel like my brain is made up of small phrases that have designed my entire life.

And ironic - or sad - enough, it’s why I’m standing right here.

Unable to pause and assess the entire situation before making a decision…

I walked away from her. I left her alone in that apartment.

“I have to go be with her,” I say. “You all don’t have to stay. I’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as I can.”

“Give her our love,” Vera says. “Make sure she knows she’s not alone.”

Villi puts an arm around Vera and kisses the top of her head.

I’m left to just nod. That’s all I’ve got left for everyone.

I slip back into the hospital room.

When I see Willow asleep I pause.

I stare at her.

She’s slightly sitting up in the hospital bed. Her hands resting on her belly. Her head is to the right.

Everything about her is beautiful.

I slowly approach the hospital bed.

Right now she needs to just rest.

Sleep. Let her body calm down.

More than anything else - make sure the baby stays perfectly fine.

Which she will.

That’s right… she…

I’m having a girl.

We’re having a girl.

I can’t even explain what that makes me feel.

I reach for Willow and I gently touch her right hand.

Her hand touching her belly.

We’re both touching her belly.

Loving our baby.

I just stand there and stare down at her.

It feels too close… too much…

How fast someone can be gone.

In more ways than one too.

Willow had been planning to leave campus and rush back to her little hometown and hide under the guise of her father’s construction company.

Of course there’s the other way she could have been gone.

I opened the door to the cafe and looked around.

I knew she had to be there.

This was her spot.

If she wasn’t here, then she was definitely gone off campus.

I ran through the cafe to the side door.

That was when I saw her.

Swaying.

And I mean literally swaying.

She looked like a sunflower in a tornado.

Something was very wrong with her.

I called out her name a few times but she didn’t respond to me.

Something was very wrong with her…

When I ran up to her and touched her shoulders, she acted like she didn’t know I was behind her.

Then she started to freak out.

Throwing her elbows at me.

Wanting me away from her.

As quick as that started, it stopped.

Willow looked back at me and seemed relieved for a moment.

Only for a moment though.

Because that’s when she collapsed into my arms.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets in my head.

I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if I wasn’t there.

But I’m not some hero.

I’m the one who caused all of this.

I’ve never had to think beyond myself the way I do with Willow and our unborn daughter.

Willow’s eyes gently flutter and they slowly open.

She looks at me.

She looks away.

There’s a lot I can say to her right now.

I fear most of it will feel like empty words and even emptier promises.

That’s where I know actions speak louder than words.

And for me… there’s no greater action than putting it all on the line for Willow’s love.