Chapter 53

KNOX

Practice endsand I’m the first in the locker room and the first in the shower.

I finish showering and get dressed and the other guys are still in their sweaty gear, talking.

“Where’s the fire?” Gabriel asks me.

“It’s ultrasound day,” I say. “Have to meet Willow and we’re off to the doc.”

“Can’t she just get that done here?” Jax asks. “We have plenty of machines and scanning stuff, right?”

“You just want to see Willow with her legs spread, don’t you?” Mac asked.

“What the fuck, Mac?” I growled.

“Wait… how do they…” Jax asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Now it’s her stomach,” I say.

“Yeah, they stick a wand up there,” Villi says.

“How did that make you feel?” Jax asks.

“I’m not even going to pay attention to you,” I say.

Jax cracks up laughing.

“Thought you were running off for a meeting with your father,” Gabriel throws out.

“Man, you have to let that go,” I say. “Life is too crazy to hold on to that shit. Your father is a scumbag who got caught. Simple as that. You should really move on from it. You have a long life ahead of you, Gabriel. A good life too. With Ruby. Why not just focus on that? You think I’m taking a dime from my father? You think I benefit from this? Grow up.”

“Wow,” Villi says. “That was the most adult attack of words I’ve ever heard. You okay, Gabriel?”

Gabriel simply nods.

I’ve always had a clear sense of maturity, but lately things are just… clearer.

What am I going to do here? Keep getting into fistfights with Gabriel because of our fathers? My father has a job. His father committed a crime. It sucks. But move on. Live life.

I give a head nod that suffices to all the guys in the locker room and I’m out of there.

Actually, something happens as I’m moving across campus to my dorm.

I start to look around and I start to feel a sense of peace with the place.

I’m not so sure Puckford University even feels like home right now.

There are some deep feelings running wild through my body.

I kind of toss it all aside as I meet Willow at my dorm.

We greet each other with a kiss.

I almost instinctively touch her belly.

I mean, how can I not?

Her belly is getting a little bit bigger each day it seems.

“Ready for this?” I ask her.

“Of course. It’s just an ultrasound.”

“Not exactly,” I say. I open my dorm room door and toss my bag. Then I shut the door and lock it. “This is the one where they’re going to ask us if we want to know what we’re having.”

Those words seem to ring deep in Willow’s mind.

She doesn’t bring up the subject as we leave campus, hand in hand.

Our ride shows up and takes us to the appointment.

In the back of my mind I’m thinking about how much I’ve been spending on getting rides.

Might be time to get a car, right?

Well, no, not a car.

I want something bigger. Safer.

I want a good SUV that will keep Willow and the baby safe…

“Knox?” Willow asks, breaking up my thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m here,” I say. “Right here.”

I hold Willow’s hand again.

We are quickly taken back into the ultrasound room.

It’s a different room than the first one.

The ultrasound tech is different too.

She introduces herself as Charlotte.

She’s smiling. Happy.

Then she gets down to business and she focuses.

Watching her watch the screen makes my heart race.

What if something is wrong?

What if…

What if?

So many of those what if questions hit me and hit me hard.

I stare at the shape of the baby too.

The weeks have been flying by so fast yet in some ways they felt so slow.

It’s mind-blowing that we’re here.

In this room.

Our baby has grown.

There’s a big head.

Legs. Arms.

Toes… fingers…

Our baby.

Willow’s baby. My baby.

The baby we made…

“Hey, are you okay, Dad?” Charlotte asks.

My tongue suddenly feels three times its size and my legs give out.

“Knox!” Willow cries out.

I fall to the floor.

Fuck! Not again!

“This happened the last time he was at an ultrasound appointment,” Willow says.

Charlotte begins to panic.

I reach up and wave a hand.

My tongue stops swelling.

I can talk.

“I’m good!” I call out. “Just lost my balance!”

Charlotte is far from as attentive as the first ultrasound person we had.

I take a deep breath and manage to pull myself up.

As I start to stand all the way up, Charlotte points. “You should take a seat.”

“I’m good now. I promise. How’s the baby?”

“The baby?” Charlotte asks. “The baby is fine. How is the father?”

The room slightly starts to spin. I chase the feeling away.

“Everything is okay? For sure?”

“Has something been going on that would give you concern?” Charlotte asks, her eyes moving toward Willow.

“He’s just being extra worried,” Willow says.

“I’m going to do the rest of my scan, but I can tell you everything is perfect. Heart rate. The blood flow. The size of the baby. Everything is just… perfect. Now, the question of the day… do you want to know what you’re having?”

Willow and I stare.

In complete silence.

A good thirty seconds go by.

“I’ll print it and put it in an envelope,” Charlotte says. “That way you can decide what works best for you.”

That’s just what Charlotte does too.

I watch the envelope carefully for the rest of the appointment.

I watch as she hands the envelope to Willow.

Then Willow hands it to me.

Charlotte again reassures us everything is perfect.

The appointment is over.

I leave the office holding Willow’s hand with my right hand and holding the envelope with my left hand. It’s a strange feeling. Knowing the envelope contains the reality.

A boy. A girl.

Either way, my child is definitely going to be a hockey star.

Once we’re outside, Willow asks, “Should we get something to eat? I’m starving.”

Without missing a second, I turn and face her.

She’s thinking about food.

I blurt out what’s on my mind.

“Let’s get an apartment together and get things ready for this new family.”