Chapter 20

KNOX

My forehead is cold.

Really cold.

I shiver. I groan.

A little bit of panic sets in as I wonder where I am. I wonder what’s happening. I wonder who I am.

My eyes pop open.

I’m on the floor, looking up at the ultrasound lady.

Lana.

The one who said she got made fun of because her name backward is anal.

“Hey, rock star,” she says with a smile.

“Is he okay?”

I turn my head a little and I’m next to some giant table… or… wait…

That’s when I see Willow looking at me.

She’s slightly leaning over the ultrasound table.

“Nicely done,” she says.

“What happened?” I ask.

“Reality set in,” Willow says. “Now can you stand up so we can finish?”

I reach for a chair and I start to gently pull myself up.

I’m not sure I’ve ever passed out like that before.

“You’re lucky your legs gave out the way they did,” Lana says. “You kind of just folded.”

“Yeah, thanks for the details,” I say. “I’m fine. I just didn’t eat enough this morning.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s exactly what it is,” Lana says.

I pull myself up to the chair and sit for a few seconds.

Then I slowly stand back up.

I put a scowl on my face.

I need to look big, strong and tough.

Maybe even a little mean.

Willow reaches for me with her left hand.

I look down at her.

“It’s okay,” she whispers.

“Everything is okay with the baby?” I ask.

“Yup,” Lana says. “Everything is perfect. Right where we need things to be. So everyone take a collective breath. At least on this end. So what we do now is make more appointments. The doctor will meet with you. Go over everything we just did. Give you some advice. That’s really about it. How are you feeling, Willow? Any morning sickness at all?”

“Not much now,” Willow says.

“Okay. Well, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones. Fingers crossed.” Lana looks at me. “What about you? Feel woozy? Sick? Dizzy?”

Lana smiles.

I don’t smile back at her.

Lana hands me the ultrasound pictures and that’s all I can stare at.

Everything then starts to speed up again…

Lana leaves the room.

I turn around.

Willow gets dressed.

We go into another room and wait for the doctor.

Her name is Dr. Liu and she’s short, happy, wearing black-framed glasses.

She moves fast, talks fast, and the only thing I hear is something about prenatal vitamins.

I just keep looking at the ultrasound pictures.

Dr. Liu kind of makes fun of me for it. So does Willow.

That’s fine with me.

I’m taking it all in.

It’s tough to explain.

The pregnancy tests were one thing. And even before that - Willow telling me she’s pregnant. Something about being on campus, in a dorm, it just didn’t feel all that real.

Now?

It’s literally in black and white in front of me.

The appointment comes to an end.

Willow schedules her next one.

I make a mental note - I will be there. I will be there for every appointment. No matter what. I’ll skip practices. If I’m away for a game, I’ll make arrangements to travel separately from the team. There is no chance I’m missing any of this.

Thinking that makes me want to pass out again.

Willow and I leave the office and as soon as we’re back in the hallway, I grab her hand. This time our fingers interlock tight.

We both aren’t talking.

I stop.

I give Willow a little pull.

She stumbles toward me.

She looks up at me.

“You passed out,” she whispers.

“That’s not what you think,” I say. “I’m still here, Willow. I’m not going anywhere.”

Willow smirks, reaches up and touches my face.

She’s ready to say something. I’m actually excited to hear what she has to say.

Here I am thinking we’re going to have a moment.

And I don’t even know what that moment means… or is… or…

From the corner of my eye I see the door at the end of the hall opening.

There’s a split second when I think I see Mac.

I do a double take.

And I do see Mac.

“Oh, fuck,” I whisper.

“What?” Willow asks.

Mac is not alone…

I touch Willow’s face.

“Sorry, baby, but I think we’re busted.”