Chapter 18

WILLOW

Wherever I go,I feel judged. Watched.

I feel like I have a big red X on my stomach.

Anyone who asks where I’m going, I tell them it’s just my normal womanly doctor appointment.

And believe me, anyone who has experienced that evil speculum instantly feels sympathy for another woman.

Of course I’m not going to have that happen.

But I am going to have a wand up there.

Yeah, I did some research, okay? I have an idea of what’s going to happen to me today.

Weird enough, I wish I could just call Mila and ask her.

Or better yet, ask her to go with me.

Nobody knows a thing except me. And Knox.

The rest of the world knows nothing.

At least for now.

In my mind I have a list of things…

First, take a million pregnancy tests. Check. They’re all positive.

Then, make a doctor appointment. Check. Heading there right now.

After that… well… yes, it’s time to start preparing to tell people what’s going on.

I mean I don’t have to right away though, you know? It’s my decision to tell people when I feel like it. I also have to really sit down and think about my life.

Pregnant. In college.

I can’t have a baby on campus…

Thinking that stuff makes my heart climb up into my throat.

I’m in my last year of college and I have no real direction yet. I never chose a major. I just kind of floated around with classes. I’m just sort of getting a degree to get a degree.

Of course, I can just go back home and work for my father’s construction company. That’s kind of what he hoped for anyway. Well, he wanted Ward to take over the company at some point. That’s not going to happen anytime soon.

As for me…

I don’t know.

Maybe there is no plan.

Maybe I’m just all alone.

I touch my stomach.

That’s not true.

I’ll never be alone now. I have a baby inside my belly. Growing by the second.

I’m a mother. Right now. I’m in it. I’m…

“Okay, here we go,” the driver says.

I realize the car has stopped. I’m not sure how long it’s been stopped.

I climb out of the car and look at the building.

Just some generic medical building.

I guess in my head I pictured a banner that declared me pregnant.

A silly thought, that’s all.

I walk toward the building, knowing it’s Suite 104.

As I reach for the door, I get really nervous. Like pass out nervous. And I cannot pass out right now. Not for the sake of myself, but for the sake of my baby.

I pause and take a deep breath.

Hands touch my sides. I gasp.

“It’s okay, baby,” a voice whispers.

I gasp a second time and look back.

“Knox?”

“Willow,” he says.

“What…”

“I told you before I’m not going anywhere,” he says. “I want to be here.”

“I didn’t think…”

“I know. I’m not mad at you, Willow. I’m here for the same reason you are.”

Knox then opens the door and holds it for me.

I swear for a second my feet float off the ground.

My cheeks are burning hot.

I wasn’t actively trying to push him away or keep him out of the loop of things.

But here he is… he’s really here to be with me…

Knox takes my hand and holds it tight.

We walk down a clean-smelling hallway to the doctor’s office.

As soon as Knox opens the door for me and I step inside, I look right at a woman who looks to be about twenty months pregnant.

Her belly is so big and round, her back is arched.

She’s waddling toward us and I step out of the way and smile at her.

Knox holds the door for her.

She thanks him.

There are two other pregnant women in the waiting area.

They have round bellies too.

Beautiful women.

Glowing.

What am I doing here…

That’s when I move in a blur.

I speak to the receptionist. I’ve already done all the pre-paperwork stuff online and submitted it. I’m in their system. And then it’s my turn to wait.

Knox and I sit next to each other.

I can see him looking around. Taking it in.

Glancing at the pregnant women.

Looking at the pictures on the walls of happy families and all that.

The TVs are on.

One is the news.

The other is a gameshow.

I lose track of time so when someone calls out my name, I’m not sure if I’ve been sitting for a minute or an hour.

I stand up.

Knox jumps up.

He touches my lower back.

We walk side by side together.

I feel like we are the youngest people there… which we might be… but it’s not like there aren’t any other people who are twenty-two and having babies, right?

The idea of being in college and living on campus gives this such a bigger youthfulness to it.

We’re functioning adults.

Well, maybe not functioning… but we are. We have to be.

I mean, Knox is the best goalie in the country.

Well, college goalie.

He’s going to be fine in life. He’s going to make major deals and make a ton of money.

I guess in a way that’s good for the baby.

I would never try to mooch off his money or anything like that. Just as long as our baby is taken care of, you know?

My thoughts are beyond invasive as we enter a mostly dark room.

Windows shut. Blinds closed.

A large table.

An ultrasound machine.

The pictures on the walls are all different stages of pregnancy.

Some very interesting pictures too.

Birthing pictures… of what… everything… looks like…

I catch Knox staring for a second too long.

I touch his arm and he looks at me, shock written across his face.

“How do you think it happens?” I whisper to him.

“I know how it happens,” he whispers. “But… just… it really opens up, huh?”

I touch the bridge of my nose and sigh.

“Okay, first off, my name is Lana. I can tell this is all new to you both. First timers. I get it. Nerves. Jitters. All that. So what you’re going to do is take off your pants and panties and I’ll come back. And, hey, if you need to find some kind of solace, I’ll tell you a story about me. My name is Lana. Which is anal backwards. Someone figured that out when I was in fifth grade and it went with me all throughout high school. Hope that makes you smile for a second. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Lana leaves the room.

Knox and I stare at each other.

“I can leave,” he says. “For a minute.”

“Or you can just turn around.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Knox turns around.

I quickly step out of my shoes and take off my pants and panties.

I reach for a large paper towel and sort of wrap it around myself.

“Okay,” I say.

Knox turns around. “You look good like that. Very fitting.”

“Why? Because it’s made of paper and you can just tear it away?”

“Would that be a bad thing?”

“You stay away from me, Knox. Your dick is no good…”

“Oh, I disagree. I think my dick is epic,” he says as the door opens.

“Well then,” Lana says.

I gasp and blush.

Knox shrugs his shoulders.

“I’m sorry you heard that,” I say.

“I’ve heard worse,” Lana says.

She smiles, trying to lighten the mood.

I’m terrified right now.

I know Knox is nervous.

Lana looks at me and asks…

“Ready to do this?”