Chapter 5

5

Joey

Nick’s warm, calloused hand holds the side of my neck, and he deepens the kiss, encouraging me to kiss him back.

Without looking, I set my cup on the floor and reach for his arm, holding on to his wrist. I need the anchor. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is because nothing has ever felt as right as Nick. No other man, no woman, just Nick.

Some piece inside my chest that I didn’t even know was misaligned, clicks together. It steals my breath.

Putting my hand on the bed, I lean into him, wanting him to lie back. I want to feel him against me. I need it. This is as intoxicating as the vodka humming along my skin.

“Hey, wait.” Nick pulls his mouth from mine, and I whimper. Fucking whimper. What the actual fuck was that? My face heats with embarrassment at the pathetic sound and for mauling him after leaving the way I did earlier. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” I jerk out of his hold and try to flee to my own room, but Nick is just as fucking fast as I am, and he tackles me into the door. I lean my forehead against the wood with my eyes squeezed shut while trying to hold back the panic.

“I’m sorry.” Heat burns my face. “I know I’m giving really mixed signals, but I can’t stay away from you.”

The heat of his body warms my back, and I’m not sure if I should like it or not. I do like it, more than I should since I barely know him.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Nick’s voice is soft next to my ear. We’re pretty matched for height, though I’m bulkier than he is. “Trying to figure yourself out is hard. It’s awkward, and sometimes you have to fight the roles society has ingrained in us with what we want or need. It’s okay.”

I lift my head and drop it back onto the door with a loud thud. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I should be doing. I don’t know anything anymore.

“Turn around,” Nick demands, and my body is turning before I’ve had a chance to think about it. Yeah, I’m a team captain. I play an aggressive, full-contact sport, but I like when he makes decisions for me. I don’t want to think anymore. It’s dangerous in my head. My body reacts to him like it never has before, and I’m already desperate to see what else he can do to me.

He’s smirking at me, crowding my space, and almost leaning over me. Why do I like him in my space?

“Good boy.” His voice is husky, and it sends tingles deep into my gut. I swear the color drains from my cheeks. He turns serious but doesn’t put any distance between us. “Listen, I know the pressure you’re under. If you want to experiment, I would not be opposed to it. I’m not really out, but I’m comfortable with who I am, and if you need to explore this part of yourself, then we can do that. No one has to know if you aren’t comfortable talking about it. We’re both busy, so we can meet up when we can, and you can call the shots.”

“I don’t want to call the shots.” The words are out of my mouth with zero direction from my brain. Come on, brain. What the hell was that? I flick my gaze to anywhere else as I die of embarrassment.

The smirk returns to Nick’s face as he chuckles. “I can do that too.”

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Guilt eats at me. “If I decide in a month or a week or tomorrow that this isn’t it for me, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m a big boy, I’ll be okay.”

My face floods again, and Nick wraps his arms around me for a hug I didn’t know I needed. I bury my face in his shoulder and let him hold me, let him comfort me when my insides are a chaotic mess of what-ifs. For the first time since my dad died, someone is letting me be weak, and to take comfort. He’s not demanding that I be strong and hold in my emotions. It’s freeing and terrifying.

My “Thank you” is muffled by his shirt and the muscles that hide underneath.

“Your sexuality doesn’t define you. You’re still you, no matter what gets your dick hard.”

Some of the tension in my body releases. I didn’t know I needed to hear that. Nick is safe. I don’t know how I know that since I met him twenty-four hours ago, but I just know. On a cellular level, I know.

We stand there for a few long minutes, just existing in the space where teammates and roommates aren’t a part of the world.

“You should stay here tonight.”

“I should check on Riggs,” I grumble, not really wanting to, but if he’s got alcohol poisoning, I need to make sure he gets to the ER.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He chuckles, and it rumbles against my face.

“Was it a question?” My voice is quiet, unsure. I hate it. I’m confident in my abilities usually, but tonight, I feel so out of my depth.

“You can always say no.” Nick cups the back of my head and lifts my head so I’m looking at him. “First and foremost, I know you are giving up control to me, but you hold all the power. You say no or stop, and it stops. No hesitation.”

At the word power, my eyes drop back to his lips, and my tongue drags across my bottom lip. Fuck, I want to kiss him again.

“Keep looking at me like that, and I’ll make sure you leave this room with a hard-on.” There’s an edge in his voice I’ve not heard before. I pull my gaze to his and see the lust burning in the dark depths of warm brown eyes. Unease and excitement war within me. A part of me likes it. Likes that I’m turning him on, but that preteen kid that still lives in my head fears being found out.

I’ve seen too much shit in the last ten years of playing hockey. I’ve seen my teammates be attacked, and my classmates be bullied. Not that I really had time to figure out what I liked while I was still at home. Instead of risking distraction and Mom’s wrath, I didn’t date. At all. More than anything, I’m not sure where I fit and I hate how awkward everything feels.

Heat warms my neck and my ears the longer he looks at me. Being the sole focus of his attention is uncomfortable, but I don’t want him to look away either.

Nick puts a hand on the door next to my head and leans in like he’s going to kiss me, but stops just a breath away, letting me close the distance. Our breathing mixes in the frozen moment as he waits for me to decide. I search his eyes for just a second before I press my lips to his.

He groans and leans his body against mine, pinning me to the door. I love feeling his weight on me, taking what he needs from me. I want him to use me.

Reaching for my pants, I quickly unbuckle them and then reach for his. He grunts into the kiss when I wrap my hand around him and pull his thick cock out, along with my own.

I break the kiss and look down to line us up, tip to tip, and use our foreskins to create a sheath.

“Oh fuck,” Nick groans. “I’ve never done docking before.”

I wrap my hand around us and jerk us off together. A breath catches in Nick’s throat, and I lean my head forward to suck on his neck. I want to leave marks, but I don’t know if anyone saw us come in here, and I don’t want him to have to lie if someone asks about them. So I’m careful not to suck too hard. I nip at his skin but don’t sink my teeth into him.

Nick grabs my hair in a tight fist and brings my lips back to his. He pants into my mouth as I pick up speed, our hips working in tandem to get to the precipice of ultimate, mind-numbing pleasure. I want it. I need it.

“You gonna fill us up with cum?” he growls against my skin, setting off shivers.

“Yes,” I whine in that little voice he seems to bring out in me.

“Good boy, do it. I want your cum all over my dick so I can use it as lube.”

Tingles break out over my skin, deep in my pelvis and in my spine.

“Oh fuck, please,” I whimper, needing something but not sure what. I’m so fucking close that I’m afraid it’s going to be stolen from me if I don’t figure it out quickly.

“Give it to me,” Nick demands through gritted teeth, and that’s it. I fill our foreskins with cum, my knees buckling and my mouth ravished by the only man to get this response from me.

He chuckles and catches some of the drips leaking from us in his hand.

“You look so sexy when you come, baby.” Nick nips my jaw, and my hand falls from us, limp and weak from the orgasm strong enough to short-circuit my brain. He gets a good amount of cum in his palm and turns me to face the door.

“Feet apart, ass out, come on.”

I bend at the hip and stick my ass out, but Nick taps the inside of my ankle with his foot to get me to open wider.

Warm, slick fluid is spread around my hole, and a finger is inserted. I bite my lip to hold in my moan. God, I love the feeling of having someone inside me. To be used for someone else’s pleasure is everything. The few times I got close to coming with a hookup was when I was bottoming and being used as a cum dumpster. Last night was not the first time I had sex with more than one man on the same night. When I got to college, I went a little crazy on the hookup scene. I’m definitely not a virgin but I also didn’t make a habit of hooking up with the same guy more than once.

Hockey keeps me busy half the year, not leaving much time for hookups. In the off-season, though…

Nick works me open with ease since it hasn’t been very long, and he knows what he’s doing. Soon, the slick head of his dick is pressing against my hole, and he slaps my ass hard enough for it to sting and burn.

“You like being used, Joey? Filled with cum and sloppy?”

“Yes,” I hiss as he thrusts in.

“Good.” He leans over me to brush his lips against my ear while he speaks. “I’m going to fuck you like I hate you. Make this hole gape for me.”

My spent dick twitches and goosebumps break out along my skin. Nick chuckles at the shudder.

“Such a dirty boy, getting turned on by being used.” He bites my shoulder and starts moving. Every thrust is harder, faster, deeper than the last until he’s pounding into me like his life depends on it. I love it. I don’t ever want him to stop.

“Use me,” I whimper in that innocent tone that belies what I’m doing.

“I get so hard when you talk like that,” Nick growls. “Do sweet boys like being used as a fuck toy?”

My cheeks heat at what he’s insinuating, it’s embarrassing but my cock thickens. Oh God. I reach for my dick and stroke myself, not sure I’ll be able to come again but willing to try.

“Answer me,” Nick demands, wrapping a hand around my throat and pulling me until my back is arched and I’m almost leaning against him.

“Yes, use me,” I sob, overwhelmed but knowing I need this release, I need him to force me.

“Your hole is sloppy with your own cum, Joey.”

His dirty talk goes straight to my balls. I’m achingly hard again and ready to burst. My brain can’t process his words and the sensations and how much I like all of it.

“Show me how much you like being a fuck toy. Squeeze your used ass around my cock and make me come.” The palm of his hand presses against my throat while his fingers dig into my jaw and cheeks. Nick bites my earlobe and pulls, forcing more sensation on my body until I can’t tell which way is up and my balls empty, shooting cum onto the floor and the door. My body tightens and Nick grunts, his last few thrusts harder than just a minute ago as he fills my ass.

My knees buckle, and I fall forward against the door to stay standing. Nick leans against me too, both of us panting and sweaty.

Holy fuck, that was the best sex of my life.