Chapter 9

9

Nick

I’m numb as Joey walks away from me. What the fuck just happened?

He steps into the elevator and hits a button but as the doors close, his eyes find mine. My soft boy that just wants cuddles and attention is hidden behind the hockey player mask. That side of him isn’t mine. It never was.

The only part of him I got was the one he keeps locked in the dark. I guess even that is gone now.

Somehow, in two weeks, my feelings got involved, and he became more than a fuck. I told him we could be friends, but now I’m not so sure of that. If I see him with someone else, it might break me.

With a sigh, I run my hands through my hair and head back to my dorm, taking the stairs. The fear on Joey’s face when Neal caught us will forever be etched in my memory. I never want to see that look on my lover’s face. Ever. But especially while we’re in bed.

I find my way back to my room in a daze. If anyone spoke to me, I didn’t hear it or acknowledge it. Was there even anyone in the hallway?

Neal flicks his gaze to me for a second before looking back at his phone. “I see your winter break was more fun than mine.” He does something on the screen then huffs and puts the device down. “I got to see my sister have a baby then spent every day with her, the crying lump of flesh, and her obnoxious husband.”

I don’t know what to say but his sarcasm isn’t lost on me. Don’t tell anyone seems obvious, but he’s also not freaking out, so I kind of want to thank him for that…

“You don’t like babies?” Really, brain? That’s all you got?

“No, kids are gross, messy, usually sticky or smelly, and loud.” The big man ticks things off on his fingers. Being a defenseman means he’s got weight to throw around and he’s a hairy bastard on top of it. He’s solid as a boulder and probably twice as thick as I am.

I laugh in my head at the unintentional dick joke.

“So are ninety percent of the guys on our team.” I scoff and run my hand over my hair. I want to find Joey and demand that he listen to me, but I doubt he will. I don’t know enough about his history to be able to figure out what’s going on in his head right now.

I need out of here. The longer I stay in here, the worse I’ll spiral. “I gotta go,” I mumble before I grab my shoes, a hoodie, and my phone, then leave. I can’t be in here where I can still smell Joey on my pillow. Where I can picture him lying in my bed, hear his sweet voice in my head.

It’s cold outside since the temperature has dropped below freezing, but I don’t care. I just start walking. The wind bites at my cheeks and nose, my breath a cloud in front of my face, but I keep going with nowhere in mind.

The streets are busy, people are in a hurry like always. It’s easy to get lost in the crowd and let my mind wander.

I’m not typically a relationship guy because football takes up so much of my time. Spring training, summer training, the season, practice, traveling, and gym time all take up a lot of my energy. Add classes on top of it and I’m not left with much else. Most people want to spend time with their boyfriend. Most athletes’ significant others don’t last long. Once the season starts, they bounce.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I text Joey.

NICK:

This doesn’t have to change anything. We can still just mess around when you get that itch.

I wait for him to see it but either he didn’t hear the notification or he’s ignoring me.

NICK:

We can be friends, like we agreed on.

Fuck, I sound desperate. Clingy.

I scrub a hand over my face and call Brent. He won’t bullshit me.

It rings a few times before his face comes up on the screen.

“What’s up, numbnuts?” He smirks at me and my bright red cheeks.

“Neal caught me having sex.” I sigh.

The smile on my best friend’s face falls and his eyes widen.

“Oh shit, with that hockey player?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yeah. He panicked, ran, and said we’re done.”

“Sounds like you were more than hooking up, man.” He pauses for a second, then the light behind him changes as he moves. “You catch feelings or did you just not want to tell me the whole truth?”

As I walk along, I find a bench and sit down. The cold seeps through my jeans so fast I’m afraid my ass is going to get stuck to the metal.

“I offered to let him explore some shit with me, told him I wanted to be friends.” I look up at the gray clouds that are just as stormy as my head. “He’s an athlete. He knows how hard it is to keep relationships up, so it was a good deal.”

“Right…”

“Shut up. It was a good plan!”

“Yet here you are looking like a kicked puppy. Something isn’t adding up, dude.”

I huff out a breath in agitation. “All right. Fine. I caught fucking feelings, you jackass. Happy now?”

“Uh, yeah, actually, I am. ’Cause I’m right.” Brent reaches across himself to pat his own shoulder.

“Yeah, great, yay for you. How do I fix this?”

“Fix it so you can have an actual relationship or so you can fuck him again?”

“I really fucking hate you.” I switch hands holding the phone and shove my now red fingers into my armpit to warm up. “I want an actual relationship but if all he’s willing to give is sex, then I’ll take that.”

“Does he want a relationship? Isn’t hockey still going?”

“Dude. I’m real tired of your logic right now.” I take a deep breath and think about his question for a minute. “I don’t know if he’s against a relationship or not, and yes, hockey is still going, but I understand the lifestyle he has to live right now. I’m not going to be whining at him because he doesn’t give me enough attention.”

“You’re literally doing that right now.”

“Why do I talk to you again?” I stand and head back toward the school. It’s too damn cold for this.

School doesn’t start for another few days, which means Neal will be in our room constantly. Looks like I’m about to get a new hobby.