19. Chapter 19

Chapter nineteen

Juliette

I was sitting at my desk, going over my books, when the front door opened. Nate walked in holding a brown box and looking as impeccable as ever. My stomach lurched to my throat. I had been avoiding him. Plain and simple, chicken-shit avoidance. We flirted via text occasionally, but I made sure I was always too busy when he asked for a second date… over a month of too busy… a lifetime of too busy...

"I was beginning to think you started shipping USPS to avoid me," he said while sauntering in.

I considered it, I thought, smiling as wide as I could to cover up the truth.

I was still flustered by his presence and scrambled to pull myself together. He looked damned good in that uniform. I noted that he switched to shorts now that the weather was warming up, and that cringey snake tattoo was visible again. It highlighted the sharp line of his calf, so it didn't knock him right off my non-existent roster.

"I've been so busy. Studio things. I'm sorry I haven't texted in a while." Almost a week.

"Are you too busy for tomorrow night?" Nate pinned me with his gaze.

"Friday? I teach a heels class at seven." I had doubts that we were ever going to be in a long-term relationship for a multitude of reasons. The way my intuition told me not to tell him about Kelsey and instead entertain him with strategically posed selfies was enough proof for me that my mind was already made up about him. Better not to lead him on.

He persisted. "Saturday?"

Caleb and Kelsey were going out on Saturday .

And I really, really, wanted to get laid. Needed to.

A wave of shame swept over me. It wasn't because of the way I was premeditating sex with Nate. It was actually the opposite. The memory of a lapse in sanity when I had lusted for Caleb on a Sunday morning over French toast. Oh, I hated remembering that. Yet, the memory plagued me like a bad case of poison ivy. Logically, I knew it had been because I was ovulating at the time, and it had been a long time since the last time I was decently fucked… but that did not excuse the way I'd looked at him.

Or how lurid thoughts rudely intruded on our conversations late at night after Kelsey was in her room.

I hated that—abhorred the way my insides flipped inside out when our shoulders touched at the island while talking about... everything. Caleb and I could talk about anything. Truthfully, anything.

And I liked it. I enjoyed talking until we were drowsy and plotting our next move with Kelsey. The way my attention snagged when Caleb cradled his chin in his hand while listening to stories from the studio. It was those moments, when his eyes were on my lips as if he needed to read them in order to hear me better, that my mind would detour to the forbidden.

But it didn't mean anything!

Caleb was just there, and it was easy for my mind to run away for a second and imagine his hands on me.

Snapping back to reality, I looked up at FedEx Man and decided without hesitation to have sex with him . "Okay," I smiled.

Nate and I flirted about his hands being on me. I wanted them on me.

Right?

Right. I did.

Nate closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. A flutter of excitement awakened in my chest. "Can't wait. We can go out to dinner and a movie?"

Maybe Nate wanted the same thing I wanted, a quickie in the back of his car and a booty call scheduled for the last of every month. That would be nice. I could benefit from a steady routine like that. I'd forget all about the shape of Caleb's quadricep muscle cutting up his thigh in those shorts.

When I was certain Nate was gone, I groaned into my hands and refused to feel conflicted about going on this date.

The clock moved at the speed of smell until it was time to pick up Kelsey. She dropped into the passenger seat of my sedan with a heavy sigh. Dr. Liu waved us off from her driveway. "How was therapy?" I asked.

"Very therapeutic," she replied with a wry smile.

"You have such a way with words," I teased.

"That's why I'm a straight-A student."

I drove her to my favorite shop across town. Caleb had bought the tickets as a surprise, (after consulting me on what company to go see) and it was the perfect move. I was proud of our scheming as I watched Kelsey suppress her excitement. She fidgeted with her fingers and buttoned her lips to hide her smile. I hated to admit that I was impressed with his thoughtfulness—and a little stung that I wasn't invited.

"I like the chiffon on you," I commented, fluffing the blush pink skirt.

"It's clinging to my legs a little," she said.

"Do you like the shade of pink?"

"It's nice and subtle."

"Maybe something less plain?"

"I don't mind the simple design."

Kelsey rarely ever said what she wanted. Evasion was the language she spoke from a life of not being heard, or worse, being punished for speaking her mind. "I'll be right back, I saw something on the rack that was tulle."

"I can't wear a tutu for every occasion!" she said to my back as I scurried away.

Time had blurred the boundaries between us until we formed an amorphous bond I couldn't quite describe. I was her teacher, her mentor, her protector. I was the buffer, the confidant, the roommate. I forced her to wear sunscreen, and change her nail polish while gossiping about celebrities. I read her essays and edited her grammar. I made sure she ate her breakfast.

When I presented the dress and her face lit up, a bittersweet whisper threatened to steal the innocent joy of shopping. I was a surrogate, a placeholder, and this would end one day. The knowledge, usually buried deep in my psyche, poked me on the shoulder and demanded to be felt. I swallowed and cleared my throat. "Try it on," I said, the rim of my bottom lashes stinging.

Kelsey disappeared behind the curtain and I took the opportunity to shove it all back where it belonged. Everything was fine and working out. I agreed to this. I wasn't allowed to get misty eyed in a fitting room hallway with bad overhead lighting.

Kelsey popped her head around the fitting room curtain and wiggled her brow. "What are you doing with your night of freedom?"

"I'm actually going on a date."

"Shut up!"

"Let me see the dress. I will not shut up. Nate and I are going to dinner but don't tell anyone," I said.

"I swear," she said.

"You can tell Caleb. He's been bugging me to go out with him for weeks."

"We want you to be happy." Kelsey drew back the curtain and turned for me to zip up the last few inches.

We made eye contact through the mirror. "I don't need a date to be happy. Having you around makes me plenty happy."

Kelsey went quiet, rolled in her lips and bit down. After examining herself in the three-way mirror she smiled, nodding, "This is the one."

I agreed. She looked adorable. We left with the dress, and I badgered her into trying it on and modeling it for Caleb.

"Understated. Classy, yet trendy. Love it." Caleb tilted his head and grinned at me. "What did you get for your date ?" He and Kelsey shared a look .

Kelsey had burst through the door with the news. I'd gone upstairs to change for class to escape their teasing. I rolled my eyes at him, "Something from my closet."

"Don't want to over-commit with a new outfit?" His playful grin did things to me. Things that having sex with Nate would satisfy.

I scoffed it away and replied sourly, "I don't buy new outfits for men. He'd have to be a permanent fixture in my life for me to ever buy anything for the purpose of impressing him."

"You never know," Kelsey shrugged.

"I know you two are really invested here, but I don't think FedEx Man and I are as committed." I fluffed her dress, the intricate beaded lace at the hem catching the light. The tulle needed a good steaming before the weekend. I continued, "You should lower your expectations."

"It could be true love, Juliette," Kelsey fluttered her lashes.

I could feel their alliance brewing between them as Caleb stood from the couch, went to her side, and they both folded their arms across their chests. Caleb's smile turned sly and suggestive, "She's right you know."

"Okay," I held up a hand, "We're done. Kelsey, go change out of that because you don't want to stain it while you're eating."

Caleb leaned sideways to Kelsey, their heads together because it took two of them to torture me. "She's resisting her feelings. Should we tell her?"

"Nah, she'll figure it out on her own."

"Now, or adagio in center twice," I threatened. Tonight was their night to have dinner together while I taught. Then Caleb would drop her off at the studio and I would take her home. It all felt so normal, our routine.

Kelsey laughed while she turned on her heel and left, her glossy brown hair bouncing as she took the stairs two at a time.

Caleb put a hand to his heart. "Ganging up on you and your love life brings us closer together."

I rolled my eyes. "I take it for the team."

"Oh, I know you can take it."

"I walked into that," I said flatly. "You," I paused for effect, "need to grow up. "

Caleb approached me and leaned in so that we were almost nose to nose. The invasion welcome and familiar. Heat bloomed in my chest. "Never," he whispered dramatically.

A charged energy I was sure only I felt sparked between us and shot low in my belly. Caleb's gaze dipped down to the rogue strands of hair on my collarbone. With the tip of his middle finger, he brushed them aside so that they joined the rest of my hair down my back. I felt that touch in every nerve ending splayed underneath my skin. Imagining for a split second that this platonic touch could be an excuse, a pretense, a guise.

My breathing faltered.

When his eyes met mine again, the inky black of his pupils were wide, the playful grin had dropped a fraction. "So, what are you going to wear?" The tip of his middle finger traced the slope of my shoulder, trailing down to my wrist, the rest of his fingers joining the exploration somewhere along the way.

My heart was racing.

"Jeans, probably. Why do you care?" I refused to back up, stuck in a stalemate with him, our noses just inches apart.

"Oh, it matters. You can tell what a woman wants by how she's dressed."

I tsked. "Damn, someone leaked our secrets."

Caleb's gaze dropped to my lips, lowered to the simple gold chain resting between my breasts, then dragged back up. "You ready to share those secrets, Juliette?"

His voice changed, low and playful in a way that felt threatening. Like the countdown during a game of hide and seek. My blood rushed warm in my veins when he used that voice. When our teasing blurred into a charcoal subtext so smudged it was illegible.

"You couldn't guess them if you tried," I whispered, wetting my lips. Preparing for…

Stop. Juliette. Stop. I screamed internally.

Caleb's chuckle rumbled low in his throat. "I was never good at guessing games. Always preferred show and tell. "

Turning his back on me and going over to the stove, Caleb broke the electromagnetic current between us. The undeniable thread of carnal attraction that made the air between us practically pulse.