17. Chapter Seventeen

Casmir exchanges a worried glance with me as we walk back to the castle. I had been so focused on Emrys's mother that I completely forgot Cas was left standing in front of a large crowd, probably struggling with his speech after Em and I just ran off. Part of me wants to feel bad for just leaving like that, but I don't.

Em's fucking mother was there. His mother. I couldn't explain the red haze that covered my vision when I realized who she was. Something primal and possessive took over all rationale and the only thing on my mind was giving her a torturously slow, excruciating death. I had to reach deep into the unexplored parts of my soul to find the will that allowed me to step away when he told me to.

If he was not there, I wouldn't have hesitated to rip her from this realm. It would have been the most satisfying thing I've ever done. But Emrys was right…death would be too kind. The fates do not deal in subjectivity, so there would be no prolonged punishment. No painful afterlife to force upon her for what she did to her son.

I chuckle to myself. He was never her son.

As much as I wish to never be subjected to the sight of her again, I hope I am. Emrys's promise to let me have my way with her settles in my chest, fluttering around in contentedly.

And the way he said my wife?

Fuck, I nearly climbed him right there. Sure, we aren't married—yet—but the giddy thrill those two words sent through me was so intoxicating I'm still feeling the effects an hour later.

I shake my head, scrunching my nose. I need to stop thinking this way when Emrys is clearly not okay. He has not said a single word since we left the alley, though Cas and I have attempted to talk to him many times. When we step into the castle, the dark walls immediately calming me, I tug at the prince's presence in my mind, speaking only to him.

Could you give us some time, my love? I want to take him somewhere I think may help.He hesitates, wanting to be there for his best friend, but understands that Em needs something else right now.

Of course, princess. Thank you for taking care of him.

"I need to find Leia, so I'll catch up with you two in a while," Cas says kindly, stepping in front of us. He bends to kiss my forehead, then does the same to Em, though his lips hover for a moment longer.

When he walks away and there is no one else around, I pull my other bond forward, my heart squeezing tightly at the vacancy in his gaze. "Emrys, would you like to come to the pool with me?" No answer. He doesn't even appear to have registered I said anything; his brows scrunch while his eyes flutter, and I'm worried he's stuck in memories he's tried for years to suppress.

I wrap my arm through his and lead him toward the mountain, nodding politely to Romial and Saida when we pass them conversing on their way to the library, I assume. No one else knows of the cave, so I really hope that is not where they are headed.

Sweet petrichor and humidity caress my senses as we enter one of my favorite places. I would be content to just live here and forgo the outside world. The panic under my skin increases at Emrys's unchanged state, so I quickly drag him to the steps and into the water, not bothering to remove his clothes. He hisses when his feet enter, and I roll my eyes at how even in his state, he can still be insufferable.

I breathe out deeply when his tense muscles relax as I warm the water. Once I've pulled him to the deepest part of the pool, I wrap myself around him, resting my cheek on his shoulder. Heat creeps through my face when his arms automatically surround me.

"Trust me," I whisper, calling to my magic to pull us down through the darkness. He grunts, seeming to realize what's happening, and resists until I surround our heads with an air pocket. Once he fully comprehends what I'm doing, his hold on me tightens and he buries his face in the crease of my neck.

The vulnerability he's allowing me to see is like a scorched weight sitting in my heart. I feel utterly complete.

Once we reach the bottom, I detangle my limbs and rest in the safety of his arm while I wait. My fingers lightly trace the lines of his chest, leaving indents in his weightless shirt. I know I shouldn't be happy right now; I should feel angry and vengeful. And I do…but sharing this piece of me with him is special. It solidifies questions and worries that continuously threaten to break through the weak structures of my mind.

This is exactly where I belong. Where I am meant to be.

We lie like this for a long time. I'm certain the sun has set, if the slightly darkening water that surrounds us is any indication. Neither of us has spoken, instead just sharing breath and enjoying the silence. The intimacy soothes an ache for connection I didn't know I had.

"I'm sorry, love." The hushed words are louder than expected, jerking my eyes open from their sleepy haze.

"No more apologizing." I pause, not sure if I should ask what I need to know. "Are you okay?"

He's quiet for several minutes, and I can almost hear his thoughts rifling through that gorgeous head of his. But when he finally answers, I don't think shocked is even close to the right term to describe how I feel.

"Yes." I just feel the corner of his mouth tug into a heart-throbbing smirk. My only savior in not tackling him is the lack of light down here; I cannot see even the outline of him. He must also feel my glare because he chuckles, his fingers running the length of my spine. "Really, I'm completely fine."

"Em," I whisper carefully. "We've been down here for a long time. You haven't spoken in hours."

"I know. I'm just confused, I think."

I lean forward to blindly press a kiss on his cheek, my nose painfully bumping his jaw. "About what?"

"Honestly? I'm confused about why I am so okay." I open my mouth to ask what that means, but he continues. "I expected myself to feel sad or hateful. But I don't, Nell. I just feel…closure. So many fucking years I've spent hating myself for what she did to me. Years of nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat from memories I didn't know I repressed. It took me so long to get to a place where I was even comfortable hugging Teryn or Cas.

"But when I saw her today? Saw how she looked and how her life was clearly going? I just felt pity. She will never know what it's like to truly be loved and cared for. She will never be happy with her choices or content enough in her life to feel relaxed. I think seeing her uncovered the part of my past that has been haunting me for decades, and now? I feel nothing. It's like her and all of those memories were another life, and I no longer have the urge to hold on to them.

"I'm free, Nell. As horrible as she is, she gave me the best gift today."

I try so hard to stop myself from sniffling around the tears, not wanting to make any of this about me. My voice wavers when I speak, making me sob harder through the thought I need to release. "I love you so fucking much. You are the strongest soul I've ever met, and I am so fortunate to have you as one of my soul bonds. You are beyond amazing, Emrys. I'm so proud of you."

A drop of liquid that's not my own falls to my nose. I jolt and immediately panic, thinking that I somehow lost the hold on my magic and I'm going to drown the incredible male next to me. But when no more water shoots into the bubble, I realize it was Emrys.

One of his hands pushes through our pocket of air, gripping the back of my neck before pulling me to him. His lips press against mine so tenderly I nearly melt. I shiver as chilly water coats my dry skin, adjusting my body to get a better angle of Em's face. A breathy moan slips into his mouth as he forces mine open, his tongue leading mine in a sensual dance. The grip on my neck tightens, my abdomen clenching from how wanted he makes me feel.

We kiss unhurriedly, with no intentions of doing anything other than connecting our souls together.

I release him, completely breathless as I lay my forehead against his. A giggle escapes me when he flutters his lashes, tickling the tops of my cheeks.

There's only one way this euphoric feeling could be better…