7. Maddy

Chapter 7

Maddy

W e work on the design for the shield for the rest of the day, and once I feel like we've got the drawing of the bear right, Sarra tells me how to transfer the image to a sheet of metal once I'm in the forge. I'm furiously scribbling notes until Sarra stops talking. I look up, and her head is tilted as she watches me.

"What?" I ask her.

"Why do you need to take notes if you can store all this in your magical ice gallery?"

It's a strange sensation, being asked about that by anyone other than my sister. "You're right. Keep going, and when you're done, I'll store it all."

"And then, when you're in the forge, you'll be able to bring it all back?"

"If nobody is looking, yeah." I shrug. "Sometimes I'm subtle enough to do it while people are around. If it is a memory of an actual thing, like a piece of paper or an item, then I get a shimmery version of it that only my sister can see. If it is something I heard, I can hear it play out in my head. If it's a whole experience, like the Frost Giant attack, then it's harder to do in public because I kind of relive it in my head and it's really vivid."

I didn't have many memories like that in the gallery though, because my own experiences were so limited. At least, they were before I came here.

"That's amazing," Sarra says, and there's genuine awe in her tone.

"You don't think it's weird?"

She snorts. "Everything is weird, Maddy, and you're not exactly normal. I think it's incredibly powerful. But I do get how dangerous it makes you to others."

It's my turn to snort. "Fates, I wish the other rooks her thought I was dangerous."

She grins at me. "You get that bear back and they'll believe it."

The memorial at the temple later that evening is a short, somber affair. We all stand inside the small, beautiful wooden church.

Erik holds one hand up. "Send whatever words of prayer you would like to the gods, and remember the fallen. They were brave and valiant, and may they grace the halls of Valhalla."

"May they grace the halls of Valhalla," we all repeat.

I can't help but wonder if Branka would make it to Valhalla. She didn't exactly choose her end, but would that awful bloodlust earn her a place in Hel?

Please, send her to the fields, I pray. That place between the worst and the finest of afterlives. She didn't want to kill me. Her bloodthirsty wolf did.

A frisson of fear that she may have had glimpses of an independent wolf in the run-up to her craziness ripples through me.

No. Her wolf possessed her, for sure. And Kain said he saw the signs of what was coming. Fates, he watches me enough that he will see the signs if I am ever about to suffer the same end.

I look around the tiny church for him, but I already know he's not here. Given that he is responsible for the demise of one of the four fae we are remembering, his absence seems appropriate. I wonder if he will pray alone, later.

But hasn't he forsaken the gods? If they are responsible for his punishment, then he will likely not consider them favorably. The desire to know what he did lurches through me, so intense it makes me clench my fists.

Maddy, you are not entitled to other's secrets, I tell myself. After years of being force-fed them, though, it's tough to want one this badly and not be able to get it.

I follow the other rooks to the feast hall, and rather than the somber mood lifting, it seems to intensify once we're seated around the tables. There are a few rooks with cuts and bruises, and I assume a few who have slept off Erik's healing today would have looked worse yesterday, but for the most part, everyone looks okay. Just incredibly uneasy.

I remember back to when the fae returned from the Oskorela , the injured Garda carrying the dead body of her partner. The reaction of the other rooks was shock, but not fear. We are supposed to be safe inside Featherblade. Now we know that isn't the case.

I take a second to assess my own fear. Am I more interested in my bear and the infernal fire-fae because I'm avoiding actually thinking about the fact that I was nearly killed by a monster that should never have been able to get to us? Or is the fear of imminent death already so ingrained in me that it didn't shock me like the others? A lot of them are from wealthy families, and although they've trained to be warriors, it occurs to me now that few of them will have actually been in life-or-death situations before.

The Wild Hunt, or the Oskorela , is designed to expose us to exactly that. We're forced to go out there and face dangers beyond the safety of Featherblade to avoid this muted, sober reaction to death. The Frost Giants came before the new trainees were ready.

Harald bangs his chest plate and stands. "A toast to those fallen," he calls, and everybody lifts a mug of mead or honey water or whatever it is that they're drinking. I do the same with my own water. "May the fates have mercy on their souls," we all call.

"Hersir?" calls a voice. It's Henrik. All the Valkyrie are sitting at one table together, aside from Kain, and they all look at him .

"Yes, rook?" says Brynhild.

"We thought that Featherblade's defenses were unbreachable," he says. "How did the Frost Giants get in?"

Everyone holds their breath.

Brynhild stands. "Sigrun has returned and has reinforced our boundaries," she says. "You need not worry about another attack." She's not answered his question, but most fae look relieved all the same, and I hear Sigrun's name muttered around the room.

"Is she still here?" someone close enough to Brynhild for her to hear whispers, and she snaps her eyes to her.

"She has better things to do. She's the gods' own missionary," she says. The rook nods meekly.

"They don't how they got in, do they," Eldith whispers to me. It's not a question.

I look sideways at her. "Sigrun will work it out," I say eventually, around spoonfuls of stew.

"Do you think she can work out how to stop us all turning into bloodthirsty, crazed lunatics at any moment, too?" she mutters. I wonder if Eldith is more worried about what happened to Branka than fighting monsters.

"Do you think your val-tivar will be a wolf?" I ask her.

"I'm really hoping for a bird," she says.

I smile at the unexpected and welcome insight. "Yeah?"

"Wisdom is powerful." She nods. "And I wouldn't mind the extra speed." She looks at me. "I'm assuming you want a snake? "

My smile falters. "Of course," I answer, unsure what else to say.

"Well, I can't imagine a bird or a snake doing as much damage as a wolf or bear," she mutters, and it's clear she's trying to reassure herself more than me.

There are a few moments of silence between us as we eat. The room is relaxing around us, conversations starting up. Navi is at the end of our table, and she looks as serious and alone as always, but the fae either side of her look less tense.

"There are rumors you were with Kain when the attack happened," Eldith says.

I'm surprised by the question, but I nod.

"After what he did?" she asks.

"You don't approve?"

"I don't dis approve," she says. "She would have killed everyone in that room if she could have. She had to be stopped. But burning her alive? I feel like there must have been a better way."

The instinct to defend Kain rises before I can stop it. "Erik confirmed that there was no way of saving her. She'd have kept killing and never have returned to how she was before," I say.

Eldith nods, a resigned look on her face. "I can believe that. Her eyes…"

She almost shudders, and I reach out to rest my hand on her arm. She looks at it, unsure, then at me. "You won't lose control of your val-tivar ," I say quietly. "You have more control than almost every other rook here."

She wants to believe me; I can see it. "You don't know that," she says quietly. "In this place, nobody knows anything. From one day to the next, we can't know what to expect."

It's true. "I know you're more confident in yourself than this," I say, trying a different tactic. Her shoulders square a little, and I remove my hand. "You'll get your bird, Eldith," I say.

I see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and then she smiles at me. "Thanks. I hope so. Do you want to put in some extra training tomorrow?"

"Combat training?"

"Yeah. We can all use as much as we can get."

"I agree," I say.

"Good. I'll see you in the weight room first thing."