Chapter 11

It'sthe evening when I finally get back to Rush House. I spent the day surfing, trying to clear my head. Only when darkness fell, did I leave the water and sit on the beach, just staring out at the crashing waves–wondering how I'd managed to fuck up the one good thing in my life. I must have been out there for several hours because when I finally wander back up to the house, it's after nine o'clock at night.

I shouldn't even be here. It's my own damn house, but the chance of running into Lux fills me with excitement, and that can't be good. God only knows what I'll do after she fucking blue-balled me in the study. I had to jack off twice last night, and once this morning, just to take the edge off.

I walk into the living room and find Christian hitting some balls around on the pool table, and Lucas on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels.

"Yo," I say, prompting them to look up. "Where is everyone?"

This place is usually swarming with people until at least one in the morning. It's still early, and the only ones here are Christian and Lucas.

"Jackson is upstairs, balls deep in some Deb. And Lucas was getting agitated, so I kicked everyone out," Christian says.

Lucas's gaze flicks over the wetsuit I still have on. "You just come in from surfing at this hour? Is it a full moon or something?"

I shrug one shoulder and lean against the pool table. "Why are you agitated?" I ask Lucas, ignoring his question about surfing.

Before Lucas can answer, Christian shakes his head while he lines up his shot. They answer for each other a lot. Must be a weird twin thing. "All this shit with the Burning Crown has him really twisted up. He was lashing out at people for no good reason."

"No good reason?" Lucas scoffs. "That douche Cole was talking so damn loud, and he just wouldn't shut up."

"See?" Christian shrugs. "He's on edge."

Yeah, I get it. We're all on edge. Lux is doing her very best to destroy our entire world, and it's stressful as fuck. As of late, it feels like we've been jumping from one shitty situation to the next. It's fucking exhausting.

"Have we heard anything from Jackson's uncle?" I ask.

Christian is still leaning over the table, cue stick in hand, but his eyes flick up to meet mine. "Yeah," he says, taking his shot, then straightening. "That's the thing, he looked over the bylaws and this shit might actually be legit. Lux clearly isn't fucking around. She's done her homework."

I rub my chin. Fuck. "So that's it? There's nothing we can do?"

"I didn't say that," Christian says, reaching for the triangle to line the balls back up. "There might be a workaround. He's checking into it."

"Any chance he plans on figuring it out before our tribunal?" Lucas asks, angry.

Christian straightens and glances at his twin. "Dude, you've got to chill. The lawyers are working on it. We'll figure this out one way or another."

Goddamn, I wish I believed him. I can't handle losing Lux, and the society, and my sanity.

Christian's gaze shifts to me. "So, uh, I talked to Lux earlier."

That instantly gets my back up. "What? Didn't I tell you guys to leave her the fuck alone?"

Christian lifts one hand in surrender. "I was just delivering the food you'd ordered for her, Dickwad. Plus, I had to tell her Nathan would be sitting outside her door. I figured she might need a heads up on that, so she doesn't have a heart attack when she steps out into the hallway."

I sigh, and my muscles relax. "How'd she look?"

"Pissed."

I nod, pursing my lips. "Yeah."

"And she's not your biggest fan, that's for sure."

"Yeah, why would she be?" Lucas practically snorts from the couch. "We did what we had to do, but that doesn't make it any less shitty."

I lift my chin at Christian. "Did she look okay? What did you talk about?"

He's chalking up a pool stick and pauses to flash me a look. "Damn, dude, do you need every last detail of our conversation?"

"He's in love with her," Lucas says casually.

I spin on Lucas. "Shut the fuck up."

I've admitted as much to myself already, but I don't need the guys knowing, because it's not like anything can come of it.

He shrugs like it's no big deal. "It is what it is, man."

Is he being serious right now? "I care about her, but that's different."

Lucas tilts his head back against the backrest and turns his head to look at me. "Is she all you think about?"

I blink at him. "That doesn't prove anything. We had a plan, and that obviously required my full focus."

"When she's not around, does it feel like you're dying inside?" Lucas asks.

I just stare at him. If he's talking about the dark, suffocating feeling that's pressing in on me from all sides, then sure. But there's no way I'm admitting that in this room. "I mean, it doesn't feel great."

Christian snaps his fingers, pointing at me. "I've got a good one. This will tell us for sure." He spreads his arm out, indicating the pool table. "If a Deb were lying here, naked, begging you to fuck her, would you do it?"

"Oh, yeah, that's a good one," Lucas says in approval.

I look between Lucas and Christian. My instinct is to say fuck no. All I can think about lately is Lux, and I doubt I could even get hard for another chick, at this point. I tested that theory not too long ago, and it didn't end well. I was too focused on how the chick wasn't Lux.

There's a tickle in my throat, and I clear it. "I'm not answering that."

I'd outright lie, but these are my brothers, and they know me better than anyone. Lucas, especially. He can sniff out one of my lies from underwater.

Lucas points at me. "See! Fuck. I knew it." He slams his fists on the armrest. "I knew it."

I lift my hands. "Whatever, dude. I just want to make sure she's okay. What's wrong with that?"

"Um, you've never given a shit about another chick before?" Christian answers, bending over the pool table to take a shot.

That's not entirely true. I've cared about other girls before…tangentially. But Lux is different. She's always been different. She is who she is, and she doesn't give a fuck what I think about it. And there's something magnetic about a chick who doesn't need me, or my money, or my approval.

And if I'm being honest with myself, she brings out the humanity in me. I want to be better for her. I want to do the right thing for her because that's what she deserves.

But it's too late for all that.

Months too late.

"I'm going back to my grandfather's office," I say because I'm so done with this conversation. "You said Nathan is outside her door?"

"Yup. He doesn't have class tomorrow, so he said he'd keep watch tonight. The security company said they'd send a couple of guys out first thing tomorrow morning."

I nod. "Good, thanks."

I walk the ten minutes to my grandfather's office. The sofa-bed is already pulled out, exactly how I left it earlier. It's a visual metaphor for my entire fucking life—messy and painfully devoid of Lux.

I pull my hand down my face and stare up at the ceiling. How the fuck am I going to do this? Just move through each day, breathing, eating, living without her. It feels impossible.

My cell phone pings.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I glance at the screen, breath held. Is it Lux? I'm caught between hope that she misses me and worry that something is wrong.

It's Nathan.

Hey roman i'm on guard tonight ill let u know if anything happens

I stare down at his text and shake my head. Learn some fucking grammar, dude. Punctuation is your friend. I type out a quick response.

Cool, thanks.

With a sigh, I plug my phone in, toss it onto my grandfather's massive mahogany desk, along with my wallet, and then fall onto the thin mattress. I don't even remove my clothes. I just kick my shoes off the edge of the sofa bed, then roll over onto my stomach, and pull one of the pillows under my head, bunching it.

That's a mistake.

The pillow was brought over from my bedroom a couple of days ago, and it still smells faintly like Lux's shampoo. I hug it a little closer, burying my nose in the fabric. I inhale deeply, closing my eyes, and for long minutes, that's how I fall asleep, with the scent of Lux in my lungs.

At some point, my phone rings. The sound jolts me awake, and I stand up and walk over to the desk to answer it. No one calls me, especially at this hour, so my pulse is already racing.

With the phone in my hand, I glance at the time. It's two o'clock in the morning. Damn. The number lighting up my screen is unknown, but the area code is Malibu, so I answer it.

"Hello?"

A woman's voice comes over the line. "I'm looking for a…" I hear paper rustling in the background. "...Mr. Roman Rush."

"Yes," I say, bile rising in my throat. "I'm Roman."

"I have you listed as the emergency contact for Mr. James Chandler."

"Yeah, he's my brother. Is he okay?"

"My name is Tracy, and I'm with Lockly Recovery Center. Your brother, James, was transferred to our facility a few days ago."

My heart is pounding against my ribs. So, far, it's sounding like a routine call, but it's two o'clock in the fucking morning, so this can't be good. "Is he okay?" I ask again more forcefully.

"Um, I'm not sure." There's a hesitation in her voice that alarms me. "He's…not here."

The fuck?

"What do you mean he's not there?"

"The night nurse checks on our residents every two hours, and just after midnight, she discovered him missing. We've searched the grounds, but we think he may have left the facility."

Fuuuck.

"We haven't called the police yet. It's possible he left and intends to return, but we thought we should let you know."

I'm already putting my shoes on, and grabbing my keys and wallet. "I'll be right there," I say, hanging up.

I head over to Rush House, and this time, it's Jackson in the living room, alone and playing video games. "Hey," he says, glancing at me. "Christian and Lucas said you were sleeping at the office again tonight."

"I just got a call. My brother is missing from Lockly. I'm heading over there now to see if I can find him."

"Oh, shit," Jackson says, dropping his controller, and standing up. "I'll come with you. Should we text Lucas and Christian? They went to check out a party across town."

"We don't have time to hunt them down," I say, practically flying out the door.

Panic courses through me. If my brother is missing, I know why. His priority will be getting to Lux. Thank God, he doesn't know she's attending ExU. I never told him where she was, or that I even knew her. But her location wouldn't be hard to find. A quick internet search would reveal her name in the University's online directory unless she had the foresight to make her information private.

Climbing into my car, Jackson and I peel out of the driveway, and onto the main coastal road.

"Where do you think he went?" Jackson asks, concern in his voice. And Jackson is never fucking concerned. Not like this.

I push out a breath, going as fast as I can "No idea. It's two in the morning, so he couldn't have gotten far."

There's a minute of silence before Jackson vocalizes the one prevailing thought in my mind. "Do you think he's going after Lux?"

I swallow. "I don't know. It wouldn't be hard to find out where she is."

My mom is the one who toured the facility, so I'm not sure how much internet access James was given. If he had any at all, then it was probably restricted, but how restricted, is the question?

We drive to Lockly in fifteen minutes, pulling right up to the front doors. I shove the car into park and pop out. Jackson is right behind me. We walk up to the doors, but they're locked, so I pound on them. After a solid two minutes, someone behind the reception desk finally comes around to let us in.

"Someone just called me," I say, already out of breath. "They said my brother was discovered missing from his room."

The young girl's eyes light up with realization. "Oh, right. Tracy said you were on your way. Let me call her down to reception."

A few minutes later, Tracy shows up with two security guards. She looks polished, black hair pulled into a low bun. She reaches out to shake my hand. "Mr. Rush. Thank you for coming so quickly."

I introduce her to Jackson, and she talks me through all the places they've looked as she takes us upstairs to James's room.

"He doesn't have a cell phone," she says. "Your mother was setting that up, but it isn't due to be delivered until tomorrow. And as far as we know, he doesn't have any cash."

I step into his room and look around. It's really nice, decorated in soothing tones of gold and white with exotic plants perched on every flat surface. There's a small desk, and a balcony with a view that usually looks out over the ocean. Right now it's dark, but I can hear waves crashing in the near distance.

"He didn't bring anything with him from the facility he was in previously." She doesn't want to say jail. "Mrs. Rush brought clothes, and other necessities for him yesterday before he arrived. But, like I said, no phone."

I walk over to the desk. There's a laptop resting on the glossy white surface. "Where did this laptop come from?"

Tracy looks at it and shrugs. "I believe Mrs. Rush brought that with the rest of his things."

I curse under my breath. I specifically told Mom not to give him any fucking devices. Nothing that could connect to the internet. But James has always known exactly how to manipulate our mom. He probably told her he needed it to look for a job, or school, or some bullshit.

"Did he have access to the internet?" Jackson asks as I open the laptop, and try to guess his password.

"Yes," she says. "We don't restrict internet access here."

On my second try, I guess the correct password. I guess it's a good thing my brother is a creature of habit. For years, he's only ever used two passwords for everything.

I immediately pull up his browser, and as soon as I do, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. Several tabs are still open, one with a search for Lux's full name. But it's the third tab that makes my blood run cold.

It's Bree's social media page, which hasn't been taken down since her death. On the screen is a photo of Bree and Lux, standing in front of the Exeter University West sign with the caption, "We made it to Malibu! Let the partying begin! #ExU #collegelife."

I slam my hand on the desk. "Fuck!"

"What's up? What's wrong?" Jackson comes up behind me, reading the screen quickly. "Oh, shit. He knows."

"Yeah, fuck." Shoving my fingers into my hair, I tilt my head back and start pacing.

"Is everything…okay?" Tracy asks.

My mind is whirling, trying to determine what our next steps should be. Thankfully, I have someone posted outside Lux's door, but it's fucking Nathan. Before James was forced to move up north a couple of years ago, he and Nathan were good friends. Nathan idolized my brother, which wasn't hard to do. A lot of people did. Myself included.

"If James returns to the facility," Jackson says, taking charge of the situation. His voice is remarkably calm. "Can you give us a call? Doesn't matter the time."

She clutches a blue file folder to her chest. "Sure. But…he was here under a court order, so in the morning, I'll need to inform the police that he's left."

Jackson nods while I'm still pacing. "Sure, yeah. We get that. But he couldn't have gotten far, right? And we wouldn't want to create a bunch of unwanted attention, so why not give it 24 hours, and if he's still not back, then give them a call?"

Tracy just nods. "I'm not sure if we're allowed to do that, but I can run that by administration."

We're paying Lockly a fuck-ton of money, so I'm sure the administration will want to keep this quiet. Plus, who wants a bunch of cops poking around a rehab facility? But Lockly can't keep this shit quiet forever, so we're racing against time here.

We leave Lockly quickly, peeling out of the parking lot, tires squealing against the asphalt.

"You think he headed straight to campus?" Jackson asks, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

It's a fifteen-minute drive from Lockly to campus, but walking, it would take more than an hour. "I don't know," I say. "But even if he pops up on campus, he wouldn't know where to find her."

But this is the thing about my brother, he's determined, and he's resourceful. If he's after Lux, it's only a matter of time before he finds her…