Chapter 10

After blue-balling Roman last night,I found Ash and said goodbye, then retreated to Roman's room, which is where I've been ever since. It's nearly noon, and I haven't been brave enough to go downstairs, because if I'm being honest, the mood last night was pretty tense.

I mean, I didn't expect cheers of joy necessarily, but the undercurrent of hostility I felt just walking from the study to the bedroom was so dense I could bite into it.

It's noon, though, and I'm starting to feel hungry—and if I don't eat, I get so nauseous that I'll throw up.

Morning sickness.

I clench my jaw at the reminder of the pregnancy. Most of the time, I can push it to the back of my mind, and tell myself I'll deal with it later. I have so much on my plate right now, it's just easier to ignore it. But every once in a while the vague sense of nausea rises up to remind me.

Rolling over, I glance at the clock on the nightstand. It's nearly noon. I should think about food before I start dry heaving. I've discovered recently that throwing up on an empty stomach is the absolute worst. It's so much better if something is already in there.

Sitting up, I yawn. I have that sleep-drunk feeling as I reach for my phone. I have almost a dozen missed texts on my phone. Shit, I must have had my notifications set to silent.

Blinking, I read the contact names; Wyn, Ash, and a number I don't have programmed, but the preview line says, "Hey, this is Christian…"

I'm assuming Ash and Christian want to talk about last night, so I pull Wyn's text up first. It's a series of several texts, spaced just minutes apart. The last one was ten minutes ago.

Are you up? Shit is going down, and we need to talk.

Are you still sleeping, seriously?!?! Call me.

Lux, I need to talk to you, like, RIGHT NOW. It's urgent.

I shoot her a text back.

Sorry, my phone was on silent. What's up?

I take my phone off silent, then head to the bathroom, so I can go downstairs and grab some cereal or something, anything to tide me over until I can get some real food.

I'm in the middle of brushing my teeth when there's a knock on the bedroom door. That must be Wyn. She probably started heading over here when I didn't text her back. Heaven forbid she call me. I would have heard the phone vibrate on the nightstand, and it would have saved her a trip.

"Just a second," I call out, spitting and rinsing quickly.

Rushing to the door, I unlock it and pull it open. "What's the emergen—" My words die the second I see who's on the other side of the door. It's definitely not Wyn. "What are you doing here?"

It's Christian, and he pushes past me, into the room without even being invited in. Fucking asshole. He glances around with appreciation. "It's actually clean in here. Impressive." He smiles at me. "How do you like staying here?"

"Great," I say flatly, still standing at the door in a silent invitation for him to leave. "Is that why you're here? For my review?"

He rests an asscheek on the edge of Roman's desk and crosses his arms over his chest. His blond hair is tucked under a backward ball cap, and his angular jaw is set like he's trying hard to bite his tongue.

He's so damn hot—all the Sacred Sons are—and it occurs to me how unfair that is. Rich, hot, and powerful. It's no wonder they run around campus like a rabid pack of wolves. People are too mesmerized by their beauty to stop them.

It's on the tip of my tongue to ask Christian where his evil twin is. It's so rare I see them apart, but I decide against it because provoking him isn't going to help me. Especially since I'm holing up in enemy territory.

"Yo!" he calls out. The door is still open, and a figure fills the doorway. It's Nathan, and he has a fast food bag in his hands. He steps into the room and places it on the desk.

As he's leaving, he glances at me, but his gaze skates away quickly. He doesn't even smile. It's like he's uncomfortable just being here. I'm sure it's about all that shit that went down last night. And I remember now, he was close to James, wasn't he? Ash told me that. Does Nathan know who I am? Does he know I'm the reason James was in jail?

Fuck. Whatever. I can't worry about who hates me. I've dethroned their precious Sacred Sons, so I'm sure everyone hates me by now. I genuinely don't care. My bucket of fucks is so empty there's a hole in the bottom.

"What's this for?" I ask Christian, flicking my chin at the food.

"Roman wanted to make sure you were eating," he says with a shrug.

I cross my arms over my chest. "It's probably poisoned."

"If there's anything you need," he says, ignoring my comment. "I've got you. Just reach out."

He's got me? "I'm dismantling the Burning Crown. Why help me? Why do you even care if I'm eating or not, Christian?"

That stops him cold, and I think I actually manage to set him off balance with that question. He turns back to me. "Whether you like it or not, Lux, you were initiated, and you're family now. We look out for our own."

I snort at the absurdity of that statement. "Is that what you guys tell yourselves?" I shake my head. "Typical. You fuck me over so hard, and yet you still manage to make yourselves the heroes of the story. Brilliant."

I did say I wasn't going to provoke him, but damn. He's not making it easy for me to bite my tongue. I have so much anger swirling around inside me, and it's impossible to keep it all contained.

"Lux." He drops his head and then looks back up at me. "You have to believe me, Roman didn't mean for any of this to happen."

I just look at him like, are you kidding? "What did he seriously think was going to happen?"

He lifts his hands. "He'd get you to retract your statement, and then you two would go your separate ways. No harm, no foul."

No harm, no foul?

Holy shit.I can feel myself losing it again. I can't believe what's coming out of Christian's mouth right now. It's unreal that someone could be so delusional.

"Christian, he manipulated me from the second we met. Before that, even!"

It all makes sense now. Me getting accepted to such a prestigious school. And Bree getting accepted, too. The scholarship I thought was such a God-send. The Preference Ceremony. I was all manufactured to draw me in and make it easier to manipulate me.

Christian shifts on his feet. "Lux, listen. Don't be pissed at Roman—"

"Don't be pissed at Roman?" I practically scream.

He holds his hands up. "Okay, yes, be pissed at him. He deserves it. We all do. It was a collective decision. But Roman and his brother are insanely close. He thought he was doing the right thing."

I'm not even going to get into this with him, because it doesn't matter what lies they tell themselves. Everyone thinks they're the hero, right? What matters is the truth.

"And Bree?" I swallow hard. "Did you guys have anything to do with her death?"

I don't know what I expect him to say. He'd be stupid to admit any involvement in her murder. But maybe I can tell if he's lying.

He just shakes his head.

I narrow my eyes at him. "So this was all just a coincidence. Is that what I'm supposed to believe? You guys bring us here, involve me in all this shit, and then my friend just randomly ends up dead?"

My mind is cast back to what Bree wrote in her last note to me.

…I've discovered something about the Sacred Sons…

Maybe she'd discovered why they brought me here? It would make sense. Did someone tell her something? Did she overhear something? And knowing that, of course, she'd want to get us both out of here. Someone obviously stopped her before she could tell me, though. Who?

"Okay, granted, all of that looks fishy. But, Lux, listen, we'll find out who killed Bree. But don't take this out on the Burning Crown as a whole," he says. "I'm asking you to put a stop to this bullshit with Ash."

I can't even respond to the absurdity of that last statement, so I don't. Instead, I lift my arm, indicating the door. "You need to leave now."

He must realize the futility of his argument because he moves to leave. But he stops just before he's about to cross over the threshold. "One more thing."

I roll my eyes and lift my hands, urging him to tell me and get on with it.

"We have some guys posted outside the house, and you might notice them following you around campus. They're ex-Navy SEALs, so they may look a little intimidating. "

"Ex-Navy SEALs?" I gape at him, like why? "Is this because I turned off my location sharing?" Knowing what I know about Roman, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been tracking me this entire time. It must be why the guys told me to turn my location off after the initiation ceremony. They didn't want him to find me.

"It's just a precaution. Roman wants to make sure you're safe."

I tilt my head to the side, one hundred percent certain there's something he's not telling me. "A precaution for what?"

I can see his mind working like he's considering lying to me. In the end, though, I suspect what comes out is the truth. I have no evidence for that, though, other than a gut feeling.

"Some threats have been made online."

I swallow. "What kind of threats? Do you think they're serious?"

He shakes his head. "Roman just wants to be careful, especially after what happened to Bree."

I push out a breath, unsure what to say, so I just nod in response. I don't love the fact that some random guys will be following me around, reporting my whereabouts to Roman, but I know people are probably pissed about what I'm doing to the Sacred Sons. So, yeah, I guess some protection wouldn't be a bad idea. It's only temporary, anyway. Once I find out who killed Bree, I'm out of here.

As soon as Christian's foot crosses into the hallway, I slam the door shut, then turn the lock. I should have known Roman would have an excuse for every shitty thing he did to me. He's so fucking predictable.

But tell me why I want to believe him. Tell me why I want to forgive him, and put all of this chaos behind us. If only it were that easy.

I have the windows open to let in the fresh ocean breeze, but it's cold, so I walk into the closet and pull out a hoodie from one of the many built-in cabinets. The hoodie is one of Roman's, of course, and not only is it three sizes too big, but it smells like him. I'm not exactly sure what comes over me, but I bury my face in the fabric and inhale deeply, pulling his scent into my lungs.

That's when it happens. That's when I burst into tears, and start sobbing into the hoodie with my whole chest. I scrunch the fabric to my face and scream into it so loudly, I strain my vocal cords.

Everything pours out of me. Every emotion I've bottled up for the last few weeks. James. Bree. Roman. The pregnancy. It's a Tsunami of emotion engulfing me, sucking me under, making it impossible for me to breathe. I'm drowning in the pain.

I cry until my head is pounding, and I don't have any more tears left. Drained, I move into the bedroom and collapse onto the bed, my head falling onto Roman's pillow.

I'm surrounded by him.

No matter what I do, or where I go, Roman Rush is a part of me, branded on my heart…

How will I ever find the strength to move on without him?