Chapter 19

GEORGE

While being stranded on a kayak with my employee-slash-favorite-author-slash-crush was not consistent with my plan to keep a professional distance from Hannah until I’d had more time to assess the situation, it was very pleasant. Extremely pleasant.

And on the plus side, now that I was lying on the kayak, eyes closed, the sun’s rays warming my skin, I couldn’t see Hannah in her distractingly figure-hugging tank top that was only partially covered by the life jacket. And there was definitely no way I could kiss her without capsizing the kayak and us both ending up in the river.

It also made it easier to ask Hannah if there was anything I could do to accommodate her hearing loss—something that’d been weighing on my mind ever since she’d mentioned it on Thursday night. I’d been worried I might use the wrong words or accidentally offend her, but if I had, she’d given me no indication. It was a shame, really, that I hadn’t had enough time to work out what to do about our kiss, because this would have been the perfect opportunity to raise the subject. Although, perhaps not, because if it didn’t go well, then my only options would be to abandon ship or stay lying there, in awkward silence, until we were rescued. No, our current state, relaxing in the sun, enjoying the gorgeous weather and Hannah’s company, was too pleasant. I didn’t want to rock the boat—literally or figuratively—by bringing up the kiss. I exhaled.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve felt this relaxed for months. Maybe years,” I said. Conscious that Hannah had her eyes shut and that she’d just said it was easier to hear when she could see the speaker’s face, I made an effort to project my voice and speak clearly.

“Tell me about it. Perhaps we should try getting stranded on kayaks more often.”

I smiled at the warmth in Hannah’s voice. “We could set up a business where we offer people a relaxing meditative experience in kayaks without paddles.”

“Yesss! We could call it the Paddleless Peace Experience.”

I chuckled. “Or Oarless Oasis.”

Hannah laughed. “I love it! Where can I sign up?”

We spent the next twenty minutes imagining our new business, making suggestions that were more and more absurd. At one point, Hannah laughed so much I could feel the kayak shaking. Damn, I like spending time with her.

Finally exhausting the topic, we lay there in comfortable silence.

Well, it was initially comfortable.

The longer I lay there, the longer I had to think about Hannah and the elephant in the kayak. Our kiss.

The more I thought about it, the more I itched to know where I stood with Hannah. It wasn’t in my nature to put off a conversation like this. Not only that, but my plan to wait until after my day off had been based on me keeping our interactions professional and avoiding one-on-one time with her. I hadn’t factored in us being stranded in a tandem kayak in the middle of the Hudson River.

Would waiting until Tuesday to speak to Hannah really give me more comfort about my staffing concerns or clarify my feelings for Hannah? Josie had done a great job today. It seemed highly unlikely that everything would fall apart tomorrow without me, especially with Ben and Hannah working as well.

While I hadn’t worked through my feelings about the fact Hannah was H. M. Stuart, did that really matter? The important thing was what Hannah was like in real life, not her pen name or who I’d built H. M. Stuart up to be in my head. And Hannah in real life was great. Our time trapped on this kayak had only cemented that.

While my concern about how awkward it would be if the conversation went badly while we were stuck on a kayak with no way of escape was reasonable, it was now beginning to feel just as awkward not discussing it. I didn’t need to have all the answers before we spoke. We could work through it together. The first thing I needed to clarify was the power imbalance situation.

“Hannah?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could. “Look, about last night”—my pulse thudded in my ears—“I got a bit carried away in the moment and, um…” My voice trailed off as I tried to think about how to best to phrase what I wanted to say. “But, um, I’m conscious that it was—or might have been—inappropriate, given I’m your boss and that I shouldn’t have kissed you like that but…

Shit. I wanted to say something to make it clear I really liked her and also try to explore whether Blake’s theory about the power imbalance not being a concern was right. But how could I say that in a way that wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable if my feelings weren’t reciprocated or if there was a power imbalance?

I took another breath, about to try to explain, when Hannah spoke.

“That’s fine. I totally get it. It’s not like it was all you—I kissed you too—but it won’t happen again,” Hannah said quickly. “Given I just got out of a long-term relationship recently, it’s probably a good idea for me to not, um…start anything new, anyway…and for us just to be friends.”

While Hannah’s response at least indicated she’d been a willing participant, disappointment flooded through me at her words. I totally understood not wanting to jump into another relationship—I’d felt that way after Alexis and I had broken up—and this outcome was less complicated. But that did nothing to ease my disappointment. I wonder if the recent breakup is really the reason, or if it’s just an excuse to let me down gently? I inwardly shook myself. Either way, it didn’t matter. The end result was the same.

Maybe I should say something to make it clear that if, in the future, she was interested in dating again, to keep me in mind? God, that sounds pathetic. No, best to leave it alone.

“But you don’t need to worry about the whole boss/employee thing,” Hannah continued. “I don’t think the usual dynamics that go along with that relationship apply here. I enjoy working at Novel Gossip, but it’s more like a…hobby, not a critical stream of income or anything. I think it’s helping with my writing, but I don’t need it…and I’m sure I could get a similar job if I had to.”

I exhaled. So Blake had been right about that. But it was no longer relevant given Hannah wasn’t interested in dating.

“Dippin’ Donuts would snap you up in a second,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Hannah sucked in a dramatic breath. “I’d never join the dark side. Who do you think I am? I was thinking more like Builders’ Arms or Olivia’s flower shop. Not a soulless chain.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry!” I smiled into the sun at the faux outrage in her voice.

Our banter hadn’t helped shake my unease about how our conversation had just played out. I hadn’t expressed myself very well, but now Hannah had made it clear she wasn’t interested in me, it would only make things more awkward and achieve nothing if I explained my feelings for her. Hannah wanted to remain friends, and I had to respect that.

“I’m sorry about your breakup,” I said. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I started overthinking them. Was I being overly nosy, given my feelings for Hannah, or was that just the sort of thing a friend and colleague would say?

“That’s okay,” Hannah said, pausing for a moment. “In retrospect, it was all for the best. We didn’t have the healthiest relationship. But because we were together for so long, our lives were very intertwined. We shared an apartment together, all our friends were mutual friends, so it’s been an enormous change. And to make matters worse, my ex was also my editor and was cheating on me with another, much younger, author she worked with.”

I winced. “Shit. That sounds really tough,” I said.

“Yeah,” Hannah said. “It turned out the whole cheating thing was also widely known in publishing circles, including our friend group, so that was pretty humiliating.”

I groaned. I knew how much Hannah valued her privacy and disliked being the center of attention. Discovering that not only was your ex cheating on you but that everyone else knew and had presumably been gossiping about it behind your back must have been awful. No wonder she wanted to leave New York. Suddenly, a thought struck me. “Oh god. Is she still your editor?”

“You sound absolutely horrified!” Hannah laughed. “No, I’ve got a new one. I couldn’t have kept working with her after what happened.”

“Oh, thank god!” I said, relieved.

“Did you always want to be a café-bookstore owner?” Hannah asked after a few moments of silence.

I chuckled. “Well, it had always been a fantasy of mine but not something I’d realistically considered. If you can believe it, I was actually a math and science nerd in school. I studied computer science at the University of South Florida so I could become an app developer.”

“You, a nerd?” Hannah exclaimed, her voice light. “I never would have guessed from your collection of physics and American history books.”

“Hey! You snooped around my bookshelves?” I asked in mock outrage.

“I was alone in your spare bedroom lined with books. I couldn’t help it. It’s a compulsion,” Hannah protested. “So what made you change career paths?” She sounded genuinely intrigued.

“I liked being an app developer. But after a while, the work began to feel monotonous and quite isolated. The idea of opening a café, where I’d have constant interaction with people, be able to pursue my passion for cooking—which I consider a science—and books, became more and more appealing. And like you, I had a relationship break down and decided to give it a go. I’ve never looked back.”

“Sapphire Springs, a safe haven for lesbians fleeing breakups since 2021,” Hannah said, laughing. “Sorry. I shouldn’t assume you’re a lesbian.”

“Well, I am.” I grinned.

“Me too,” Hannah replied.

I opened my eyes and peered down at Hannah. She was smiling into the sun, her eyes still closed.

“Well, now I know who to call when my laptop freezes,” Hannah said, her tone teasing.

I laughed. “‘Have you tried turning it off and on?’ will be about the extent of the tech support I can offer, I’m afraid. What about you? Did you always want to be a writer?”

“Pretty much. As I think I mentioned on Thursday night, I was one of those kids who was obsessed with reading and writing stories. My parents encouraged it but only as a hobby. They wanted me to go into academia or study law, like them. I studied English literature at NYU and did consider trying to get into academia, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I didn’t want to spend my life analyzing and dissecting other people’s writing. I wanted to create something new myself. So, much to my parents’ disappointment, after graduating, I increased my hours at the café I worked at to support myself, moved into a chaotic house full of artists and writers as roommates, and spent all my spare time working on what would become the first Realms book.”

I frowned. While Mom had been disappointed when I decided to leave Florida, at least she’d always supported my career choices. “Did your parents change their minds about writing once that took off?”

“I didn’t tell them,” Hannah said after a pause.

I opened my eyes wide in surprise. “What?! Why not?”

“As you may have gathered from the whole ‘I accidentally started working for you and then couldn’t get up enough courage to tell you who I was’ incident, I have a tendency to shy away from difficult conversations,” Hannah said sheepishly.

“But being a bestselling author is amazing and your books are incredible. Surely they’d be really proud of you.”

Hannah sighed. “Honestly, I don’t think so. As you can probably tell, I’m not close with my parents. Mom is a philosophy professor, and my dad is a professor of law. Growing up, they were always working—writing academic articles, going to conferences, and teaching. It was pretty clear to me where their priorities laid, and it wasn’t me. On the rare occasions they were home for dinner, instead of asking me how my day was, they’d ask me if I were a train conductor about to plow down ten people and my only option was to divert my train onto another set of tracks, in which case I’d only kill one person, what would I do?”

Good lord. Hannah’s parents sounded like the worse mix of absent and controlling you could imagine. And so intense. “Yikes. That doesn’t sound like a relaxing dinner table discussion.”

“Yeah, especially not when you’re four years old and just want to tell them about the dinosaur you drew at preschool,” Hannah replied, a wry tone to her voice. “My nanny, Barb, basically raised me, and I’m still closer to her than Mom and Dad. I’ve called them a couple of times this year, and they haven’t called me back. Honestly, I’m not sure why I even bother. Meanwhile, Barb likes to send me emails in size eighteen font, filling me in on her nursing home gossip, and we FaceTime regularly.” I smiled at the warmth in Hannah’s voice as she spoke about Barb. Thank god she had someone supportive in her life. “All I’ve gotten from my parents since Christmas was an email with their Greece vacation itinerary. They like to send me their travel itineraries in case there is a natural disaster or something, and they need help being flown out.”

My heart went out to Hannah. Her parents sounded like the absolute worst, pushing her to be someone she didn’t want to be and ignoring her all at the same time. It was rare for me to get angry, but rage at two people I’d never met welled up within me. While I hadn’t been close to my dad, at least Mom had always been there for me, even if we were very different people.

The kayak wobbled, and I peered down to see Hannah moving restlessly, her face serious but her eyes still closed. “I should have told them when I first got the book deal, but I didn’t because I was convinced it would be a flop, and they’d use it as evidence that I shouldn’t be a writer. And then, when it wasn’t a flop, I was convinced they’d say something that would put a damper on my success. They’re the sort of people who only read literary fiction and speak derisively about commercial fiction. And now it’s been five years since I signed the book deal and I’m about to publish my third book, and it feels like the opportunity has well and truly passed.”

I leaned back in the kayak, shutting my eyes again and taking it all in. So Hannah really wasn’t kidding when she said she had trouble with difficult conversations.

“I don’t know your parents, obviously, but I don’t think it’s ever too late to have a conversation. If you explained it to them like you did to me, surely they would understand?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Hannah did not sound convinced.

“So, what do they think you do?” I asked, intrigued.

Hannah let out an embarrassed-sounding laugh. “They think I’m a kept woman. While publishing doesn’t pay very well, my ex’s great-grandfather was the founder of Haynes Insurance, so she had a trust fund large enough that neither of us had to work.”

“Oh wow.” I couldn’t understand why Hannah would prefer her parents to think she was unemployed and reliant on her wife’s trust fund over being a bestselling novelist, but I didn’t want to press. I knew from first-hand experience how complicated parent-child relationships could be.

“Yeah. So in addition to my hatred of attention and public speaking, and the worry over my fans finding the real Hannah Taylor a disappointment, my parents are yet another reason why I guard my identity so fiercely.”

“I’m sorry.” My words seemed woefully inadequate. Hannah deserved better.

“George! Hannah!” a familiar voice yelled.

My eyes shot open, and I sat up as fast as I could, dazed. In the distance, I could see Blake and Jenny paddling toward us.

Goddamnit! In any other situation, I would have been relieved we were finally being rescued from our paddle-less state. But despite my disappointment over how our conversation about the kiss had gone, I’d quite happily spend another few hours stranded with Hannah on the kayak in the sunshine.

I managed a weak wave.

As they got closer, I could make out Blake’s and Jenny’s hair plastered to their foreheads with sweat and their faces several shades pinker than usual.

“What happened?” Blake asked, out of breath. “And where are your paddles?”

“We accidentally dropped them in the water. They were last seen heading down that way.” I pointed down the expanse of blue water, past Sapphire Springs, where the river wound around the tree-covered Garrison Point and disappeared from view.

Blake shook her head, chuckling. “So you’ve been stranded here, waiting for someone to rescue you? Good thing we turned back early and the current wasn’t too strong.”

“It’s actually been surprisingly pleasant,” I said, grinning. Based on Blake’s and Jenny’s exhausted appearances, we’d lucked out. A relaxing float in the sunshine with Hannah seemed infinitely preferable to a vigorous paddling session, especially given how hectic things had been recently. And at least we’d discussed our kiss, even though the outcome wasn’t what I’d hoped.

Hannah, who’d also sat up, turned around and shot me a small smile. My stomach fluttered. It looked like Hannah agreed.

Blake, focused on the matter at hand—rescuing us—ignored my comment. “So, how should we do this? Should we give you one of our paddles?”

I nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably the easiest option.”

“Okay, I’ll pass it over to you, George. Do. Not. Drop. It.” Blake stared at me sternly.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the paddle, even though Blake had every right to be concerned. Thankfully, the paddle transfer went smoothly, and within minutes, we were slowly heading back toward the kayak rental shack. I finally seemed to be getting the hang of paddling, my body and the paddle working together to rhythmically slice through the water. Huh. Maybe kayaking isn’t so bad after all.

We were only a few feet from the shore when we hit something, sending a jolt through the boat.

I frowned. “Do you know what that was?” I asked Hannah, unable to see from where I was seated.

Hannah peered over the front of the kayak. “It looks like there are some rocks.”

“I think I’ll just jump out then and pull the kayak onto shore. I don’t think either of us have the kayaking skills to navigate rocks—no offence—and the water looks pretty shallow here.”

Hannah turned to me. “Are you sure? I can get out.”

“No, it’s fine. You’ve got sneakers on, you don’t want to ruin them. At least I’m wearing flip flops.”

“What did that waiver say about foot entrapment and dangerous riverine fauna?” Hannah asked. Her voice was teasing, but I thought I sensed a genuine underlying concern.

I chuckled. “Don’t worry. There hasn’t been a shark sighting for years.”

“Sharks?” Hannah’s mouth opened wide. “Maybe you shouldn’t?—”

Ignoring Hannah’s concerns—people went swimming in the Hudson all the time—I held onto the side of the kayak and clambered out, trying not to rock the boat too much in the process. I winced as my feet and then legs hit the cold water. The bottom of the river was rocky, and the water was deeper than I’d anticipated, well above my knees. Bracing myself, I carefully waded toward the front of the kayak. As I came level with Hannah, my foot slipped on a slimy rock.

Fuck.

My gut clenched as I lost balance.

Without thinking, I grabbed the side of the kayak to stabilize myself. But the kayak, as I’d already established, was not steady.

The kayak tipped sharply toward me.

“George!” Hannah yelped as her body slammed into mine, sending me falling backward and Hannah following.

Cold water engulfed my torso as my butt hit the riverbed, my hands shooting back to brace my fall just in time to stop my head going under. A second later, Hannah landed on my lap, squealing as she made contact with the water. I wrapped my arm around her upper back to steady her.

We gazed at each other, wide-eyed, our faces only inches apart. Despite the shock of the fall, I was acutely aware of Hannah’s lips only inches from mine, my hand on her warm back and her shapely butt pressing on my upper thighs. A shot of electricity shot down my spine.

Oh boy, are we going to kiss again?Because I know for sure I want to.

“Are you guys okay?” Blake yelled from the shore, shattering the moment.

We blinked at each other and then the absurdity of the situation seemed to hit us both at the same time and we burst into laughter.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Blake called.

Hannah clambered off me and stood, then held out a hand to help me up.

“I’m so sorry I landed on you. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.”

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing. I’m one hundred percent at fault for capsizing the kayak,” I said as I grasped her hand and rose to my feet.

Our eyes caught for a moment, sending my heart bouncing in my chest. I gave myself a mental shake.

Hannah’s made it clear she doesn’t want a relationship. You need to respect that.