Chapter 18

HANNAH

George walked out of the kitchen wearing purple flip flops, pink flamingo board shorts that ended three quarters of the way down her thighs, and a light-gray tee. Her arms and legs were tanned and strong.

I forgot the bad news I had to tell her and stared, taking this vision in. She looked so relaxed and tropical. While I’d had a hard time imagining her growing up in Florida, I could see it now. It made me feel even worse for what I was about to say.

George stopped when she saw me, an expression I couldn’t pinpoint flickering across her face. “Hey! You’re still here? Sorry, I didn’t realize you were waiting for me.”

Heat crept up my cheeks. I’d assumed we’d walk down to the kayak rental together, an assumption that sent my heart pounding nervously each time I thought about it. That walk would be the obvious opportunity for us to talk about what happened last night.

The conflict-avoidant side of me did not want that talk to occur. Neither did the side of me that liked to have my thoughts properly gathered before embarking on a conversation like this. I found talking about feelings, especially in situations like this, where you weren’t sure what the other person thought, challenging.

But at the same time, I wanted to know what George was thinking. If she didn’t want anything more to happen, then that would nip the whole thing in the bud. I could stop agonizing over what I wanted, because the decision would be made for me. And based on George’s behavior today, that currently seemed like the most likely outcome. She’d been perfectly pleasant to me, but our interactions had been minimal, and I couldn’t shake the feeling she was keeping her distance.

And then there was that expression that had just flickered across her face—had it been dismay? My stomach sank. She was displaying all the signs that she regretted our kiss.

I should have felt relieved. After all, George not being interested seemed like the simplest resolution—I could go back to focusing on writing, working at Novel Gossip, and enjoying my budding new friendships with George and her gang without worrying about jeopardizing it all by pursuing a relationship with George. But disappointment crept up my body at the thought.

“Oh. Sorry. I, um…I assumed we’d walk down together, but I can just head off now if you’d prefer,” I said, wincing at how awkward I sounded.

“No, no. Sorry, I thought you were going to go change first, but if you’re not doing that, then of course it makes sense for us to walk together.” George’s voice was friendly, and she was smiling, but I sensed some underlying hesitation. My chest tightened. It’s for the best, Hannah. You need to buckle down and finish that book, for both your and Barb’s sakes, not strike up a romance with your boss.

“I’ve got a tank top under my blouse, so I figured I’d be okay if I wore that and my shorts,” I explained. I’d also swapped my glasses out for contacts—I didn’t want my glasses ending up in the bottom of the Hudson.

An uncomfortable silence fell for a moment. I shifted my weight on my feet. God, this conversation felt markedly more awkward than the easy-going discussions I was used to with George.

“Well, should we head off, then?” George asked, her voice bright.

Shit. I’d forgotten to break the bad news to her. “Um…actually, there seems to be something wrong with Hugo. I was just making a mocha when the espresso stopped running. I took the portafilter out, and there’s no water coming out of this part.” I pointed to where the water usually ran.

“Shit,” George groaned, looking at the clock on the wall. We were meeting everyone down at the kayak rental at 3 p.m. “I’ll have a quick look and see if I can fix him. If you’d prefer to just head off now, that’s fine.”

I paused. Was George trying to encourage me to leave now to avoid walking together? The idea of walking down alone, when George would likely only be a few minutes behind me, didn’t sit right with me. I took in a deep breath and exhaled. Since the kiss last night, everything had felt off between us. While I’d been worried that pursuing anything with George might throw off the new life I’d been building for myself in Sapphire Springs, this awkwardness between us was threatening to do the same thing. Working at Novel Gossip, spending time with George and her friends, would be nowhere near as enjoyable if the warm, comfortable interactions I was used to having with her were replaced with these painful, confusing encounters. My throat ached at the thought. As difficult as the conversation would be, we needed to have it.

I swallowed. “That’s okay, I’m happy to wait. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

George’s face was turned away from me, gently inspecting Hugo, so I couldn’t see her reaction to my response.

“It might be an issue with the water pump. I’ll just text everyone to let them know we’re running late.” George shot off a text and then opened one of the drawers under the counter, returning with a screwdriver. She began taking the coffee cups off the top of Hugo, and I jumped in to help, relieved I could contribute.

Once Hugo was cleared of cups, George opened him up and inspected his workings. While I didn’t have a clue what George was doing, I was mesmerized by the intense concentration on her face as she carefully adjusted things—her lips slightly pursed, her brow furrowed, the way her arms moved, revealing lean muscles at various angles. I told myself I was standing so close to her, watching her so attentively, just in case she needed me, but the truth was I couldn’t look away. Seriously, why do I find everything this woman does sexy?

My eyes kept finding their way to her mouth, reliving last night’s kiss. My tongue darted out, moistening my lips, without thinking. I firmly pushed them together. Good Lord, Hannah. Stop salivating over your boss in public. I looked around Novel Gossip to check no one was looking at me. Thankfully, while a number of people were hovering near the counter, waiting for their takeout coffee orders, they were all engrossed in chatting with each other or checking their phones, not watching my visceral reactions to George’s hotness.

After a few minutes, George stepped back. “Okay, hopefully that’ll fix it.” She screwed Hugo back together, flicked the power switch on, and tried to get the water running again. It flowed out, just like normal.

“Great work!” I said, grinning with relief. “It looks like the citizens of Sapphire Springs won’t need to go uncaffeinated after all.”

George returned my smile and then turned to Ben, who’d been taking orders at the counter. “Are you sure you two will manage without us?”

“Of course!” Ben said as he shooed us out of the café.

As we walked down to the river, we chatted about comfortable topics, like how obnoxious Rory Goldsworthy had been this morning when he’d tried to send his brunch back for being cold because he’d been too busy watching YouTube videos on his phone to eat it when I’d delivered it steaming hot.

George didn’t mention last night’s kiss, and neither did I. I tried psyching myself up to raise the topic, but my confidence wavered. What would I say? Hey, you clearly think last night’s kiss was a mistake, and that’s totally fine. Can we just pretend it never happened? I swallowed. It would be much easier if George initiated the conversation. Maybe we didn’t need to talk at all. I was now so sure George wasn’t interested that I should just proceed on that basis. Why did I need verbal confirmation?

We arrived at the kayak rental, a rundown log shack next to the river, fifteen minutes late. Blake, Jenny, and Olivia were paddling around near the shore and cheered when they saw us. Blake and Jenny were sharing a tandem kayak. Olivia was in a single.

“A high school group just came through earlier, so we’ve only got tandem kayaks left. Is that okay?” asked a young woman behind the counter, wearing a red Sapphire Springs Expeditions t-shirt.

George paused for a second, looking around almost as if she was hoping she’d spot two singles the woman had missed. My heart dropped. Yep, there is no need for verbal confirmation.

“That’s okay by me,” George said, shooting me a questioning look.

Memories of Tania complaining about my kayaking skills came rushing back, and I swallowed.

“Yep, that’s fine,” I said, hoping that my kayaking game had improved in the past four years. I had gone on a rowing machine a few times since then, so that might’ve helped. George, with her strong legs and arms, was probably an accomplished kayaker. Growing up in Florida she’d likely spent half her time on the water.

“Great! I’ll just have you sign the waiver and then grab life jackets and the kayak. You can either leave your phones on shore or put them into a waterproof bag.”

We opted to leave them on shore, stowing them along with my satchel and George’s wallet in a safe behind the counter of the rental shack, and then signed our lives away on what looked to be a very over-the-top waiver.

You agree to release, waive, and hold us harmless against any personal injury, death, or property loss arising out of or in connection with kayaking, including, without limitation, drowning, collision with other watercraft or stationary objects, overexertion, hypothermia, ingestion of polluted water, foot entrapment, dehydration, riverine fauna, and other wildlife.

“I didn’t realize kayaking was so dangerous,” I murmured to George as I leaned against the wooden counter, only half joking. What the hell type of life-endangering riverine fauna lives in the Hudson River?

A few minutes later, after giving us a brief rundown of the kayak’s features, including its reclining seats, the young woman pushed our kayak—me in the front and George in the back, both wearing blue life jackets—into the water.

The kayak looked more advanced than the colorful, fat plastic one I’d gone in last time with Tania. Hopefully that didn’t mean it would be even more challenging to use, or I’d be screwed.

“Okay,” I said, gripping the paddle tentatively. How do I do this again? I should have asked for a refresher.

I turned to George, grimacing. “Um, I probably should have said this before you agreed to share a kayak with me, but I’m not very good. I’ve only done it once before, and it was a long time ago.”

She chuckled. “I probably also should have told you, before you agreed to share a kayak with me, that I’m a terrible kayaker.”

“Really?” I laughed, relieved.

“Yep! Appalling. The last time I tried to do it, probably about five years ago, I kept going round in circles and basically didn’t leave the shore. I blamed the kayak, but I’m pretty sure it was all me.”

“Well, that’s good. We can be terrible together,” I said, grinning, already feeling more relaxed.

Olivia kayaked over to us, deploying strong, powerful strokes that sliced through the water. She made it look easy. Behind her, Blake and Jenny were bobbing in their kayak, chatting.

“So we were thinking we’d kayak up the river, past Breakback Ridge, and over to Battersby Island, which has that ruined castle on it. Sound good?” Olivia asked.

It sounded rather ambitious to me, but I didn’t want to be a killjoy, so I nodded.

“Okay, folks, let’s head off.” Olivia powered ahead.

I tried to emulate her technique, but I didn’t get the angle of the paddle slicing into the water right and sent a big spray of water over George instead.

“Shit! Sorry about that!” I tensed, remembering Tania’s criticisms. Thankfully, I’d been sitting in the back of the kayak when I’d paddled with her, but if I’d splashed water on her, she would’ve been furious.

But when I turned around, George was smiling, brushing drips of water off her face with her hand. Thank god. “That’s fine. It’s eighty degrees, so that was actually quite refreshing. And if you were sitting behind me, you’d be getting much worse.”

I relaxed and turned back to see where everyone else was.

Olivia was now well ahead of us. Blake and Jenny were not far behind her.

Refocusing my attention on paddling, I carefully completed a few more strokes. My technique seemed to be improving, but I was doing it so tentatively I’d hardly moved us along. I glanced at George, who seemed to be experimenting unsuccessfully with different grips.

“Hey! How are you doing?”

I looked up to see Olivia floating in front of us and nearly jumped out of the kayak. How the hell did she get back here so quickly?

“Sorry we’re so slow. We’re just getting the hang of it,” I said, feeling guilty that after running late, we were still holding the others up.

Olivia looked unperturbed. “Do you want me to give you a few tips? I used to kayak a lot in high school.”

I said, “Yes please,” at the same time George said, “That would be great.” The fact that George was in the same boat as me—I grinned at my pun—made me feel slightly less self-conscious about my ineptitude.

Olivia showed us how to hold the paddles and then gave a slow-motion demonstration of how to slice the blades of the paddles through the water, providing blow-by-blow explanations that sailed right over my head.

The more we focused on trying to emulate her movements, the more uncoordinated we became. Our paddles collided, I splashed George again, and we started turning around in circles.

After a few minutes of Olivia attempting different ways to teach us what looked to be a simple stroke, George spoke. “Thanks, Liv. I don’t think we’re going to be able to make it all the way to the island. Why don’t you guys go on, and we’ll practice our technique, and next time we’ll be able to join you? If that’s okay with you, Hannah?”

I breathed out a sigh of relief at George’s suggestion. My arms were already aching from paddling, and we’d barely left the shore.

“Yes, I think that’s a good idea. We don’t want to hold you back,” I said.

“Well, if you’re sure? After this, I was thinking we could grab a drink in the beer garden at Builders’ Arms if you’re interested, so if you get tired of paddling we could meet you there.”

“Sounds great.” A vision of relaxing in a chair in the sunshine, sipping an Aperol spritz, appeared in my mind. That was very appealing right now. Perhaps we could head straight there…

Olivia raced off, leaving a trail of bubbles in her wake.

“Good Lord, she’s fast!” George said, followed by something I didn’t catch.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked, turning to her so I could see her face clearly when she responded.

“I was saying why don’t we just try to kayak over to Little Pebble Point and back again, and then head to the pub? Unless you’d prefer to stay out here, of course.”

George waved her hand toward a point covered in green trees. I squinted at it. It didn’t look too far away—less than half a mile at a rough guess. That should be doable…and then there will be Aperol spritz.

“I like your plan,” I said, feeling more motivated.

“If you start paddling, I’ll try to sync with you.”

“Sounds good, Capt’n,” I said over my shoulder to George before turning back to focus on trying to recreate Olivia’s technique. For the first few paddles, it felt all wrong, but without the pressure of Olivia’s gaze on me, I was able to relax a little more, and suddenly something clicked. With my core engaged and my torso rotating like Olivia said, my paddles began rhythmically slicing through the water.

“Woo hoo! I think I’m getting the hang of this!”

George started paddling too, and we picked up speed. This is more like it! Now I understood the appeal, powering up the river, surrounded by sparkling water, blue skies, and gorgeous scenery. Maybe we could catch up to the others and go to the island after all. I felt strong and powerful and?—

Whack! George’s paddle smashed into mine. “Shit! I’m sorry!” George yelled.

“That’s oka?—”

“Oh fuck!” George exclaimed.

The kayak tipped violently to the left, sending my stomach lurching into my throat. I grabbed the side of the kayak to steady myself and then turned to see what was going on.

George leaned out of the kayak, frowning, trying to grab her paddle, which was in the water and floating quickly away from her outstretched fingers. I winced. There’s no way she’ll reach it.

George must have independently formed that conclusion, because she gave up attempting to grab her paddle, sitting back in her seat. “Goddamnit. Olivia recommended a relaxed grip, but mine was clearly a little too relaxed—I dropped it when our paddles collided. Sorry about that. That waiver didn’t mention death by paddling partner!” George’s cheeks were pink, whether from embarrassment or exertion I couldn’t tell. Either way, she looked damn cute, all hot and flustered.

I smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’m totally fine. I’ll paddle after it.”

With newfound confidence, I headed toward the paddle floating in the water. Slice, slice, slice. It was only two feet away now. I tried to maneuver the kayak so George could reach out and grab it, but the only skill I’d mastered so far was the art of going straight ahead. Olivia’s crash course on kayaking hadn’t included tips on turning and stopping. In fact, every time I tried to pull the kayak closer to the paddle, it seemed to float farther away again.

After a few failed attempts, I decided to see if I could drag George’s paddle back using mine.

Holding my paddle at one end, I carefully put it over George’s paddle, effectively pinning it down, and started to draw it closer to me.

“Great work! You’ve nearly done it!” George called.

A puff of warmth expanded in my chest. You can do this, Hannah.

And then a gust of wind kicked up, and the kayak began to turn.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered under my breath as I struggled to keep my paddle over George’s. I leaned out, twisting my body into an awkward position. The kayak lurched, sending my heart with it, and, in panic, I grabbed the side of the kayak again so I didn’t fall in—with both hands.

“Oh no!” My gut clenched as my paddle slipped into the water. Still holding one side of the kayak, I tried to grab it, but it was already bobbing away, well out of arm’s reach.

“I’m so sorry!” I looked around, hoping to spot someone who could come to our rescue, but Olivia, Blake, Jenny, and the kayak rental were all out of sight, and the only sign of life was a ferry in the distance, heading in the opposite direction. I peered down at the water. The sides of the kayak were too high for us to paddle back using our hands. My stomach sank. I’d been so close to collecting George’s paddle, and now we were even worse off than before.

I peered back at George to see how she was taking it. “The expression up shit creek without a paddle is suddenly making a lot more sense to me,” I said, grimacing.

George erupted into laughter, apparently unperturbed by the loss of both our paddles. “We’ll just have to wait until someone comes past. At least we know Olivia, Blake, and Jenny will be back this way in the next hour or so.” George grinned at me. “Time to lie back and relax!” She adjusted her seat down, reclined, and closed her eyes.

I chuckled, but anxiety bubbled in my stomach at the thought of being stuck out here for an hour or more. I self-soothed by gazing at George, taking advantage of her eyes being closed to admire her tanned, strong-looking legs. The brown hairs covering them shone in the sun. My eyes traveled up her legs, past her flamingo shorts, life jacket and t-shirt to her face. She looked so peaceful, a faint smile on her lips, as she lay soaking in the sunshine. My gaze lingered on her lips. Despite all the reasons why dating George was a terrible idea, a sense of loss washed over me at the idea of not kissing those lips again.

Worried that George would open her eyes and find me gazing dreamily at her, I followed her direction and lay back, trying to relax my body and focus on my breathing.

Okay, this is quite nice. The sun was warm on my skin and sent a golden glow filtering through my eyelids. The kayak bobbed gently in the water. I let out a deep breath.

“Hey, Hannah.” George paused. Her voice sounded different. Perhaps more tender than usual, or slightly tentative?

Shit, she’s going to talk about the kiss.

My heart skipped a beat.

“Yes?” I said. I drew in a breath and held it, waiting for George’s response.

“You mentioned your hearing loss made it hard to hear at the café. Is there anything I can do to help with that?”

I exhaled at the unexpected question.

As I considered how to respond, the sun’s warmth seemed to penetrate deeper through my body. My hearing loss had happened gradually over the past few years, its cause unknown. There was a history of hearing loss in my family, so it might have had a genetic component. The only person I’d really spoken to about it was Tania, but she hadn’t been very sympathetic. She’d certainly never asked if there was anything she could do to help and had grumbled every time I turned subtitles on the TV, complaining it was distracting. I think I’d known deep down that Tania’s response wasn’t reasonable, but it had undermined my self-confidence, making me feel guilty or nervous every time I had to ask her or anyone else to repeat something.

“Thanks for asking. I really just need to find my hearing aid.” Or go and buy a new one, which I probably should do. But the thought of forking out thousands of dollars was not appealing, especially not when I had so much financial uncertainty at the moment. Once I turned in my manuscript and The Realm of Furies was released and was, fingers crossed, selling well, I’d feel more comfortable about spending that kind of money. “But the main things you can do are facing me when you speak, being aware that if you’re on my left side, I may have trouble hearing you, speaking clearly, and not having the background music up too loud, which you don’t do anyway.”

Novel Gossip’s brick walls, expansive glass front windows, and wooden floors weren’t great in terms of noise reduction, but they were gorgeous, and there was no way I was about to suggest George cover them up for me.

“Thank you. That’s good to know. And if you don’t hear me, please tell me. I’d rather that than you accidentally agreeing to something you don’t want to do.”

I laughed. “Yeah. Although, it turned out pretty well last time.” Apart from the days of guilt and agonizing over when to tell George, which were decidedly not enjoyable. And us both nearly having a heart attack when George discovered me signing books in the middle of the night.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. It’s the best miscommunication I’ve ever had.”

My heart warmed at George’s words and I let out a deep breath, soaking in the sunshine. Some of the general anxiety I’d been holding floated away on the warm, gentle breeze. While this wasn’t how I’d anticipated my afternoon playing out, it might be exactly what I needed.