44. Niamh

Iam at peace. I know him, and I am at peace. Peace becomes a part of me, such a fragile little thing. It slips into my skull, unaware. It blots the bad things out.

Poof.

Misery and fear no longer exist. In my mind, there is Caspian, a brilliant, blazing thing. He makes the darkness vanish. He makes the fear insignificant.

He makes it no longer matter whether I am fae or not.

Whether I am a monster or not.

I hold onto him, and I can breathe again. I hold onto him, and I feel again. I hold onto him, and I forget…

All of the dark, ugly things that threaten to swallow me.

I hold onto him, and I can forget.

Not everything, of course. Altaris is still here, watching and waiting. I hate him, and he is still here. I hate him. Want to kill him. Want to rip.

He took me away from my Caspian, almost. He almost took me away.

"Why?" The voice isn't mine, but the question is. It's in my head, glaring and wailing. But I don't ask it. Caspian does. My face is pressed to his chest, his arms around me, mouth low near my ear so I can hear him speak.

Even though I can also hear him think.

I will protect you from him,he says. Kill him for you. Protect you from him. But you want to know why.

So I will ask him.

And he did.

"We had an agreement," Altaris explains, his voice muffled, coming from across the room. A room strewn with blood and groaning, writhing creatures in their death throes.

A room of death.

"I think you understand that, or you would be at my throat right now, boy. I had a theory to test and I have. How marvelous a test it was."

"A test?" I whisper.

Caspian grips me tighter. After days of lost staring, he stands rigid and tall. I'm the one who is shaking on my feet. I'm the one who can barely stand up. I press my face to his chest as if I mean to burrow inside of him and steal his strength.

I can't stand up on my own.

So he holds me tight and keeps me standing.

"A test," Altaris echoes. "One we agreed to enact. To bring him back. Remember? You offered me an exchange, and I accepted. You wanted him back sooner rather than later, and so he is. You are a very interesting, singular creature. Very interesting indeed."

He moves. I can hear him floating across the room with excited, graceful steps. He stoops for something, hissing under his breath. Then he sighs.

Din. Din. Din. It's that noise again. A constant ringing that has never ceased. Not since the men fed that device, whatever it is, my blood.

Din. Din. Din.

"Inconclusive," Altaris murmurs, his voice trembling with shock. "Oh my. What a surprise this is. A marvelous, wonderful surprise. You, my dear, are inconclusive."

"What does that mean?" Caspian is the one who demands it. No longer can I speak. I just hold onto him. Hold him. I close my eyes and hold onto him.

"It means that she is even stranger than I expected," Altaris explains. "Oh my, this is strange. You both are so strange. I'm sure you know why, little Caspian. I am sure now that you know why. This creature plucked you from your old collective and made you hers. Made your mind a part of its own. Oh, how devious. How marvelous. How very interesting."

No more. I don't want to hear him anymore.

I want him silent. I want him gone.

But we can't kill him. Because Caspian alone wants to hear more.

"Explain," he says.

Altaris chuckles. "You, my dear boy, are the explanation. She sobs over you for days, but when her life is in danger, when she truly needs you. You come. For her you will always come. You are one in her collective, that corrupted little mind. I hope you don't come to regret the choice you have made."

One of her collective. A corrupted mind.

Nonsense. I want him gone. I want him to shut up. I want to make him shut up!

"Hush," Caspian hisses to me. In my head, he promises, I will protect you. I will always protect you. Trust me.

I will always protect you.

"You two should go," Altaris says. "I will clean up this mess. But you need to leave and stay somewhere safe. I have another home on the other corner of the city. Go there. Stay there. I will come to you with answers."

No! He will come to us with lies! With devious villains and stabbing knives. They will hurt me. Kill me. Take me away from dear Caspian?—

"Don't let her mind corrupt yours," Altaris says. Hateful, evil Altaris. "You can hear me clearly enough, boy. Your will is still intact. That is the marvelous thing. The most wondrous thing. Your will is still intact and you can hear the truth in what I say. As long as you are in its twisted little mind, I will help you. I will protect you. I owe it to you, after all."

"Why?"

"You don't remember," Altaris says sadly. "One day you will. One day you will know full well why you have every right to hate me, Caspian. But not now. Go. The address is Cage's Street. The number is 621. A whole building, just to yourself. Stay there and wait for me to come. Go now. Before the sun rises."

Before the sun rises, go now.

But the sun has already risen, and he is all mine.

Caspian is all mine, unchanged, unbroken.

He is all mine.

Even as I die, he is all mine.

"Wait," Altaris says before letting us fade away. "There is something you should know. Both of you."

"What?" Caspian demands. Impatient. Restless. He's sat idle for too long. Sat still for too long. He needs to pin me down and see if I've changed. Inspect my body inch by inch. See if I have changed in my time without him.

"There is a bounty on her head," Altaris says. "On you both. You think Mo Farley sent you here to square some debt? That was never the case."

We know.

"She sent us into a trap," I say. Not Caspian. My voice is so broken and frail. I laugh at the sound of it. Laugh and laugh.

"Hush." Caspian grips me tighter. Then he lifts me off my feet and cradles me to his chest like he did that first night in the mortal realm. He holds me now as he held me then.

Even tighter.

"What's wrong with her?" he asks.

"She is dying," Altaris explains. "Which is why you need to listen. Why you still need my help. I will save her, but for a price. That we can discuss later. After you go."

"Bounty," Caspian grates. "What bounty?"

"The fae wants her for the death of her litter mate, I suppose. The heir to house Aurelius. He is dead. It happened the night you left."

Dead.

Day.

Day is dead, but how? But why?

Caspian knows. He thinks of an answer to himself and squares it away in his corner of our huddled, fragile mind. Cassius…

Cassius did something.

For him. To punish him.

"They say that she killed him and then corrupted you. Dragged you off into the mortal realm. Made you her accomplice. Cassius has demanded you back, but it is out of his hands, of course. The council wants you both. Oh, how badly they want you both. They've even held off on their little ceremony of the ages, or whatever the hell it's called. They've called it off, until they've brought you both back."

To punish.

To kill.

To steal away and hurt.

"Never," Caspian tells me.

Never will they have us again.

"Now go," Altaris demands. "Go now. Before the sun rises?—"

"Her," Caspian hisses. "Save her."

"I can't… But you can," Altaris says. "You give her your blood, or you let her die. It is your choice to make. Your sin to commit—just keep that in mind. You know the risks."

A sin. One even Cassius wouldn't let me commit.

"Now, I told you where to go," Altaris snaps. "Go!"

He does, my Caspian. He takes me in his arms and carries us out into the night.

He carries us away, where the council and no one can ever find us again.