43. Caspian

Ihold her. Stupid little fae. Spoiled, greedy, selfish fae. I hold her in my arms and make her go silent. I press my mouth to hers. I kiss her so deeply it hurts just to make her silent.

But she isn't. I will never be able to silence her again.

Because…

She is in my skull. In the place that Cassius used to rest, linger, and slither. She is there now, all mine, gentle and soothing. Frantic and panicked. She is in my skull now, Niamh, and she says…

Caspian. Caspian. Don't leave me. Caspian. Caspian.

"Shut up," I tell her out loud. Hiss it against her quivering throat. I ignore her bleeding blood, and I tell her over and over again. "Shut up. I am here. Shut up!"

I am here, with her in a room that is unfamiliar, around bodies that are unfamiliar. With other vamryre that are unfamiliar.

Not part of the collective. Part of me. They don't reek of Cassius.

They are different. Broken toys that wiggled free of the all-encompassing web. They escaped into the mortal realm. Hide here like vermin. Free but fearful and scurrying. Always scurrying.

I don't know this. Don't know their names. She does.

Altaris. Poppy. Scythe. Her thoughts unfurl to me like those books she loved to read. Loves to read, still. Her mind is unending to me, cleaner and neater and emptier than Cassius'.

Her mind is the most beautiful fucking thing I have ever felt in all of existence. Even her body didn't feel as welcoming and soft. As inviting. As tempting to break and tear.

But I won't. Her mind is a paradise, and I won't tear it. I won't break and destroy. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

I lurk in her mind, and it is a safe place. A beautiful, perfect place.

Cassius can never touch me here. In her mind, he can never find me again.

"I missed you," she tells me. Over and over, she says it, her voice rasping, tears still spilling from her eyes. "You left me. You left me. I missed you…"

She missed me. A greedy, stupid emotion. Selfish. Wrong. Disgusting. Missed.

I would never ever miss Cassius. He misses me. Misses owning me. Controlling me. Misses smothering me.

Her desire, however, differs from his. It feels cleaner than his. As gentle as her thoughts are, there is a desperation in her loneliness. Her longing for me is genuine, not boastful. Prideful. Jealous.

Her longing for me is so damn sweet, like honey. Wine. It makes my mouth water, and my blood starts to pump and surge beneath my skin. Or perhaps it is her blood? Her mind is connected to her body and therefore, I feel it the same way I can feel my own. Pulsing and alive and free.

Not dead.

Not decaying.

Not endless, wallowing Cassius chasing after dreams and things he doesn't truly want and can never have.

Her mind is so damn sweet.

Her body is so damn soft.

She is all mine. All mine.

Apart from Cassius, I will never know hunger again.