Chapter Four | Brody

I moved a few file folders around on my desk, making sure they maintained the categories I had placed them in. I didn't have too many cases on the go but enough that my legal assistant, Alesia, was kept extremely busy. On cue, she popped her head in through my doorway as I was about to check my email again. "Do you have a minute? It's personal stuff."

"Sure." I waved her in. "Come in and shut the door."

Alesia shut the door, dropped into one of the plush, brown leather chairs in front of my desk, crossed her legs, leaned back, and sighed dramatically. "My life sucks."

"I thought things were going well. How's Lucy?"

"I'm sure she's fine. She's not the one who had their heart broken."

"She broke up with you?"

I honestly hadn't seen that coming. Alesia and Lucy had been inseparable for the past six months. Maybe that was the problem. Not enough personal space.

"Over text, Brody." She tossed up her hands. "Who does that?"

"An asshole?"

"An assholette."

"Right, well she doesn't know what she threw away."

"Damn straight." Alesia groaned and leaned forward. "I am a catch, aren't I?"

"I might be biased … plus, I'm gay, but I think you're worthy of love."

"Not a glowing recommendation but I'll take it. "

I touched my chest. "Not into women, remember? I'm not qualified to determine whether you're appealing to other people." Not that I hadn't tried to make a go of it with women. My father had made it quite clear while I was growing up that queers weren't to be tolerated. It must have slipped his mind that he had no room to judge when it came to healthy relationships. I'd tried to date in high school, but I had still been overly awkward when it came to personal relationships at the time. Most girls wanted nothing to do with me when there were better catches among my peers.

"Distract me," Alesia said. "What did you do this weekend?"

"Did my best to maintain order around the house. Who knew four cats could cause so much chaos and mess. Glad I bought that second litter box."

"You and your cats."

"And Bentley … and the rest."

"I can't believe that dog is still alive. What is he now … seventeen?"

"That's what the vet figures." I'd found Bentley hunkered down near a construction site five years ago. Emaciated and missing most of his fur. I had never rescued a dog before, but this poor mutt had looked at me with such desperation and sadness that I hadn't hesitated to take him home.

He'd been added to my menagerie of three cats, two parrots, a hedgehog, and a gecko. It had taken him months to fully trust me, but now he was a full-on cuddle monster. Last month, I added another cat to my family. An old, crotchety feline from the shelter that no one wanted.

I wasn't ashamed to admit, I might have a problem. I hadn't been allowed to have animals as a child and now I wanted to rescue every single stray I encountered.

"And your love life?" Alesia tipped her head. "Hook up with any hot guys? "

"No, but I had an interesting pseudo-date."

"What on earth is a pseudo-date?"

"It wasn't a date, but it felt like one."

"Is that a thing?"

"It felt like it. I had intended it to be a hook-up, but it didn't turn out that way."

"The guy from the pub?"

I had told Alesia about Noah. How I was attracted to him and how he seemed to be a nice guy. People always smiled at him as he spoke to them. And he was close to his friend Liam. They were always touching each other. Affectionate but it didn't appear to be sexual. They never got that look in their eyes that signified they were attracted to one another. Just smiling eyes.

"Yeah, I waited for him after work on Friday."

"He didn't think that was odd. You waiting for him?"

I slumped my shoulders. I knew I should have run my idea past Alesia first. She was my sounding board to see if I was about to do something odd . I'd had thirty-four years to learn how to navigate in a neurotypical world, but some things were still beyond my understanding.

Like my sexuality. In elementary school, it never occurred to me that boys weren't supposed to like other boys. The concept of only liking the opposite sex did not compute in my brain. Why not just like who you were attracted to? Even today, I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

Thankfully, I'd kept my mouth shut about any crushes I had at school. As with most things, I didn't tend to talk much about anything. My dad must have sensed something in me, though, because by junior high school, he started going on tirades about gay rights eroding our society.

By the time I had my first boyfriend, my dad was already out of our lives.

"He accused me of stalking him. "

"Jeez, Brody. You probably scared the hell out of him."

"He was nice about it. Invited me to eat pie with him."

"The pseudo-date."

"I asked him questions." The kind you ask when getting to know someone. I had those types of questions scripted in my brain from the time I was a young teenager. My mom had helped me with them, practicing questions through role-play. Now I barely had to think about it.

"Did he ask you any questions?"

I looked down at my desk and picked at my mousepad.

"I wish you weren't so afraid to open up to people," she said, reading my response.

"I don't trust them … you know that."

"You don't have to trust someone right away. That builds with time." Alesia reached forward and placed both her hands on the edge of my desk. "Small steps. Maybe this is the guy."

I looked up at her. "He has crystal blue eyes."

"Those would be nice to wake up to every morning, don't you think?"

I nodded. I was tired of talking. "I need to get back to work."

Alesia rose to her feet and headed to the door. "Think about what I said." I was already back looking at my email program when she shut my door.

It was a weekday, so I was going out for dinner tonight. My new favourite, the wings at The Lion and Pheasant . Noah's pub. I walked into the warm hum of the building. It was quieter in there than it had been on Friday night; a simple two-piece acoustic band playing.

I spotted Noah immediately. He was behind the bar, squeezing back and forth behind Liam as they both poured drinks. Sometimes he'd put his hands on Liam's hips to facilitate slipping past him. I knew he meant nothing by his actions, but the intimacy still made me feel jealous.

I slid onto a vacated barstool and opened my email app on my phone, checking to make sure nothing had come in since I'd checked last at the office.

"Hey, handsome." His voice was low and smooth and after having him answer my questions on Friday night, I'd know his sultry voice anywhere.

My cheek lifted slightly, producing a shy smirk, as I looked up from my phone. I concentrated hard on keeping eye contact with him. "Hey, Noah."

"Your usual?"

My heart thudded hard in my chest. I'd committed myself, that I was going to take Alesia's advice tonight. If Noah took my order and walked away, I might not get another chance.

"I'm on the spectrum," I blurted out.

Noah's eyebrows rose. "Autism?"

"The autism spectrum . I'm high functioning but sometimes I can mess things up. Like Friday night when I waited outside for you. It seemed like the right thing to do."

I took a deep breath. I'd spilled a ton of information in a few seconds. I refocused my gaze on the bar top and away from Noah's eyes, even though I knew they might soothe me.

"I'm not sure what to say," Noah replied.

I chanced a glance at him. He didn't look angry or disappointed. His brow wasn't furrowed, and he wasn't frowning. "I'm sorry for being so blunt with you that night."

Noah wiped the bar top in front of me. "To be honest, it was refreshing."

I narrowed my eyes and then looked away. "What do you mean?"

"Let me get your G it would be a short trip to kiss him. I studied his lips and then returned to his eyes.

"I mean," he said, launching into his answer to my earlier question of what do you mean ? "You asked for what you wanted. You didn't say much else, but your soul spoke volumes."

The best I could do was blink at him. I abandoned his gaze, looked down at my drink, and stirred the ice cubes with my straw. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to answer.

Thank you?

"You don't have to say anything," Noah said. "That was kind of heavy."

My mind stuttered. "I'd like buffalo wings."

"Already rung them up for you."

I took a sip of my drink. "You found me refreshing … tell me more."

"You were direct, but you were also interested in me … as a person. Let me tell you, that is rare in the world I've been living in."

I focused on his eyes. "You sleep with a lot of men?"

His lips gave me the prettiest smile. "I do."

"So do I."

"I hadn't detected that about you. I just thought you were gay or bi-curious." He pulled away from the bar. "Just give me a sec. We're getting backed up."

While Noah was busy away from me, my wings arrived. I set into them. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. I had gone home to take Bentley out to do his business after work. I'd typically take the opportunity to munch on an apple before going out for dinner, but tonight, I hadn't.

I'd been distracted by my impending conversation with Noah.

Noah wandered up to me. "Good wings?"

"The best."

"We aim to please." He tapped the bar top. "So, you're a professional gay then."

"I only like guys. I don't like labels."

Noah tipped his head. "Noted."

I cleaned as much of the sauce off my fingers as I could, but I was making a mess of things. "Can I have some more napkins, please?"

Noah reached beneath the bar and produced some. "I'd rather lick it off you."

I coughed, nearly choking as my face burned and my cock thickened. I hadn't been expecting that. I'd convinced myself that Noah wasn't interested. His statement spoke otherwise.

"Maybe some other time," I responded, barely believing I had laid out a flirtatious line.

"Maybe I'll hold you to that."

Then he was gone. Once I finished up, I sought him out. He always seemed to know when I was leaving. He smiled at me, nodded, and winked. That wink went straight to my dick.

The fact the simple action had been directed at me was still making my imagination run rampant the next day at work. After a long day of preparing for my next trial date, I finished up and made my way home to take Bentley out, which took less time than I needed it to.

Time crawled as I sat on my couch and waited for when I needed to show up at the pub. Noah seemed to keep the same schedule. I'd gone in earlier one day, and he had spent the first hour I was there out on the floor, assisting the other staff. I needed him to be behind the bar.

I rolled my eyes.

Maybe I was stalking him.

The smile Noah gave me when he spotted me coming through the doors waylaid those fears. He was happy to see me. If I was freaking him out, his facial expression would be different.

"How's my most gorgeous customer?" Noah said as I sat down. My cheeks and ears burned, but I couldn't help a subtle smile from creeping onto my face.

"Oh … so you do know how to smile," Noah teased.

My throat emitted a quiet grunt and I almost shifted straight to telling him my order to avoid answering him. But there was no need. Noah patted the bar top. "I'll get you your drink."

I appreciated that he seemed to know when to back off. Not many people did. They would push and push, not satisfied when I would give them the only answer that came to me. Life wasn't like work. Being a crown prosecutor, I knew what needed to be said. I knew how to pick a case apart and ask the right questions. I knew how to respond to the answers given.

Then came my personal life.

Alesia was the only one outside my family who knew how to handle me. She was the only one other than my mom and brother whom I trusted. Even still, I picked and chose what I told her.

"Here you go." Noah set my drink in front of me. He had set two lime slices on the rim. He must have noticed me wringing out the single one that usually came with the drink.

"How has your day been?" I asked as a conversation opener.

A quick flash of surprise flitted across Noah's face. Maybe he'd read about autism spectrum since last night and hadn't expected me to open a dialogue with something so mundane. There were some drastic misconceptions when it came to what people on the spectrum were like. They called it a spectrum for a reason. We all landed somewhere different on it.

"It's been good," Noah replied. "Busy. You?"

"It was a long day." I looked down at my drink. I hated small talk. "We had a bunch of paper files go missing. Someone took them to photocopy. Left them in the machine."

"Nothing missing when you got them back?"

"No. It was all good." I searched for my next question. "The pub doing well?"

Noah leaned on the bar top, the same as he had yesterday, bringing him so close, I could feel his breath on my lips. "Honestly, Brody … I'm not feeling the best about it."

"What's got you worried?"

"It's not where I wanted the pub to be after four years."

"Where did you want it to be?"

"A total refresh from the way it was when I bought it. I had so many dreams of fixing it up."

I peered around to see what he was talking about. There was nothing wrong with the place. It was a British-style pub. Lots of wood. Lots of brass. Busy carpeting. Cheery atmosphere.

I turned back to him. "I don't see it. What's wrong?"

"The upholstery. The carpet. The fact we're barely breaking even."

"But you are breaking even." I took a chance and held his gaze. His beautiful blue eyes dove into mine, chasing something I hadn't known was there before. I felt the warmth in my gut.

"Yes, but not enough to do any renovations. "

I drank in his frustration, really tried to feel it for myself. I'd never seen this look on his face before. He honestly thought his pub wasn't good enough.

"Are you making enough to live on? I asked.

"Yes."

"Do you pay your employees a living wage?"

"Yes."

"Are your employees happy at work?"

"I think so."

"Do your customers enjoy coming here?"

Noah shifted from one foot to the other. "We have the ratings to prove it."

"Then I'm not sure what the problem is."

Noah didn't speak. Just swallowed. Then turned away from me and strode to the other side of the bar where Liam was working. He didn't come back until I had almost finished my wings.

His face before walking away had registered as angry.

Now it was soft. Remorseful.

"I'm sorry," he said to me. "You're telling me the same thing my friends always tell me. I shouldn't have gotten upset with you."

"It wasn't my place to say anything. We barely know each other."

"No … no. I needed to hear it from someone not so close to the situation."

"Can I say one more thing then?"

"Sure. Shoot."

"What you have created here, it's a safe and comfortable place for the community to gather. That's no small feat. You should know, I'm in awe of what you've achieved."

Noah licked his incredible pouty lips. "Thank you, Brody. I needed to hear that. "

I left cash on the bar top and slipped off my seat. "See you tomorrow night."

Noah smiled at me. "I'll be waiting."

I studied his face before turning to go. I wanted to memorize the way he was looking at me. We'd made a significant connection tonight. His smile wide. The disappearance of some of the blue in his eyes, replaced by dark dilated pupils. Those were both signs of attraction.

I wondered if my body had given off similar signals. I'd certainly felt them inside. Driving home, I picked apart how I'd reacted and chastised myself for not smiling back at him again.

I'd need to work on that with him.

I rubbed my left pec. I'd never longed for someone before. Just to be near him. To see his smile. To look into his eyes. I wanted to gather Noah up and hold him in my arms. Sex had been at the forefront of my mind when I thought about him before. Now it was making its way to the backseat. I wanted to know everything about him. I was excited to unearth more about Noah.

After I took Bentley out and feed everyone, I hung my clothes in my closet, put on some boxers and a t-shirt, and slipped into bed. Two of my cats eventually found their way onto my pillow. One at my belly. One by my feet. Bentley slept on a super plush dog bed beside my bed.

Those eyes of Noah's.

I hummed and gathered up my pillow and fell asleep thinking about Noah and those blue eyes that I had immersed myself in for more elapsed time than anyone else's eyes in my life.

And he had been immersing himself right back.

Noah was causing little bricks to be removed from my protective wall.

It was scary but it felt good.