Chapter Eighteen | Brody

I was glad I was in court today. Being in my office meant I had access to my computer and plenty of opportunities to be on my phone. The freedom to use both of those devices meant I could stalk Noah on his social media accounts, scrolling through pictures of him.

They were older pictures. Many of them with whom I assumed were his Salish Sea Society friends. My stomach tumbled and my heart ached every time I caught an image of him flashing his gorgeous smile at the camera or directed toward one of his friends.

There was so much love there.

I realized; he'd given that same smile to me many times.

I cleared my throat and looked down at my notes, seated at the prosecutor's table in the courtroom. The case against the guy who had been in possession of the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre's stolen computers was on the docket today. Jamal sat quietly beside me. Noah must have told him what happened between us. Jamal's usual sunniness was not going to shine on me.

I chanced a glance over each shoulder. At the very back of the courtroom, I spotted Noah. He was staring at me, and he looked miserable. He swiped a tear off his cheek and then looked away.

"All stand for the honourable Judge McCain."

I rose to my feet as the judge walked into the courtroom. Once he was settled, everyone in the courtroom retook their seats. "Can I have some opening statements, please? "

I walked around to the front of the table.

"Brody Carlisle. Crown Counsel."

"Keep it short," the judge said.

"This is a clear-cut case. The defendant broke into the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre and stole all their computers and printers, and the defendant was found to be in possession of them."

"Do you have a list of what was stolen?"

I retrieved the list and handed it to him. He perused it and then looked at the defence.

"What do you have to say?"

I went back to my seat and the defence attorney took the floor.

"The Crown has no proof that my client stole the computers. It could have been anyone. My client was in possession of the computers but only after someone sold them to him."

I sighed. This trial was going to be short but tedious.

"Mr. Carlisle. Your first witness, please."

I took the floor again. "I'd like to call our first witness Jamal Kumar to the stand." Because Jamal was in a wheelchair, he placed himself at the foot of the stand.

"In your own words," I started. "Tell us what you discovered at the scene of the robbery."

"Well …." Jamal clutched the arms of his wheelchair. "I came into work, same as usual. Early. Around 7 am. The first thing I do is wheel myself through the entire facility, making sure everything is in order for when the kids show up. We have programs all day long."

Jamal frowned. "When I reached the library, I knew something was wrong. It was freezing cold in there. When I came around the corner of one of the shelving units, I saw that all the computers and printers were missing, and the big window at the back was smashed. "

"Do you have any reason to believe it was one of the youths who frequent the centre?"

"No. Those kids rely on those computers. Plus, they're not worth much. I can't imagine anyone fencing them. Most of the computers were found but they were damaged beyond repair. Like someone had destroyed them on purpose. I'm positive this was a hate crime."

The defence attorney stood. "Objection. Speculation by the witness."

The judge nodded and looked down at Jamal. "I'll ask you to stick to the facts, please."

It was the turn of the defence to cross-examine. I let him have the floor.

"Jamal, yes?" he asked.

Jamal nodded.

"Jamal, did you see who stole the computer equipment?"

"No, it happened overnight when I wasn't there."

"So … you have no way of knowing who committed the crime, correct?"

"No, sir, I don't." Jamal slumped his shoulders.

The judge banged his gavel. "Okay, let's get the accused up here."

The defence attorney turned to his table. "I'd like to call our first witness, Tommy Duncan, to the stand." The accused, Tommy, rose and made his way to the seat beside the bench.

"Tommy, how did you come to be in possession of that computer equipment?"

"A guy sold everything to me. It was a good deal. I jumped at it."

"You were never inside the youth centre? You didn't break in?"

"No, sir." Tommy shook his head. "I'm not a thief."

Well, that was a blatant lie. Tommy had a record of burglaries, but I was going to let it slide. I hoped my prepared set of questions would convince the judge that Tommy was guilty.

"Crown," the judge said. "Your witness."

"Almost every item of that computer equipment was visibly destroyed. It was worth nothing, yet you would like us to believe that you purchased the pile of junk. How much did you pay and what were you planning on doing with what was essentially parts?"

Tommy frowned at me. I had looked up what the parts of that equipment might be worth. Tommy likely hadn't. What he said next would prove that he had no intention of selling the computers and printers for parts … or that he was a very bad businessman.

I hoped the judge would see it as the former.

"Five hundred bucks," Tommy said finally.

"Your honour, I'd like to submit into evidence the approximate value of the usable parts of the equipment that was recovered." At best, the parts were worth one hundred fifty dollars.

The judge read the evidence sheet and raised his eyebrows at Tommy.

"I'd also like to submit printouts of the defendant's social media posts that clearly show he is an aggressively homophobic person, who brags about how he's taught those queers a lesson ."

The defence attorney grumbled, but none of this was new to him. He knew his client didn't have a leg to stand on. It was just a matter of sitting it out.

I turned back to Tommy. "No further questions for the defendant."

My closing argument included how I believed the crime was motivated by hate that the accused had a history of committing against the LGBTQ community. The reason the equipment was damaged was because he wanted to deprive the youth of having the resources.

The judge leaned back in his seat. "I'm satisfied. Will the accused please stand?"

Tommy knew he was going down. He stood with his arms crossed.

"I find the accused guilty as charged. Eighteen months probation and fifty hours of community service. Twenty hours of those hours in service to the LGBTQ community."

Tommy whispered fuck under his breath.

Everyone rose as the judge did. Once he was out of the courtroom, I collected my papers and put everything into my briefcase. I turned to face the back of the courtroom.

Noah was gone.

It felt strange to be in a restaurant other than Noah's pub, but I couldn't go back there. I needed to cut Noah right out of my life. We were early enough into the relationship that Noah's love for me would fade with less pain than if we had stayed together and I inevitably let him down.

I scanned through the menu even though I wasn't hungry. My brother, Charlie, had phoned me at work today, suggesting we meet for dinner. I'd agreed because I needed to find a new place.

I tensed and turned when someone patted me on the shoulder.

"Hey, Brody." Charlie walked past me and took a seat across the table.

I nodded at him. His expression registered as concerned. Mom must have spoken to him about what happened between me and Noah. That's why he'd invited me out for dinner. It had been over a week since Noah told me he was in love with me. Nine and a half days to be exact .

"I don't want to talk about it," I said and took a long sip of my ice water.

"Come on, Brody. You know I'm not going to judge. What happened?"

I flipped open the drink menu.

"Brody."

I glared at my brother.

"Brody."

I balled my hands into fists on the table. "He's too good for me … that's it. All right?"

"Bullshit. No one is too good for my little brother."

The server intruded, asking for our drink orders. I was switching my drink to whiskey. My days of gin and tonic were behind me. They reminded me too much of Noah.

"It's over with Noah. Please leave it at that."

"Mom says you're in love with him."

"I am but I can't. I can't love him. Not like I should."

Charlie's eyebrows dipped. "Where on earth is that coming from?"

I sighed. "Ricky came to see me."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Brody. Don't be listening to that little shit."

"I was cold to Ricky. I tried not to be … but he's right, I was."

"Noah is not Ricky. Are you cold with Noah?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. It feels different with him."

"You love him more than you ever loved Ricky."

Charlie was right. My love for Noah eclipsed any love I'd thought I felt for Ricky. Knowing how my heart felt now, I wasn't sure I had ever loved Ricky. Not really.

Pretty sure, he hadn't loved me either. What we had was convenient. His little display the other day had been just that—a display. That's the look I'd seen on his face. I realized now that what Ricky had been showing me was insincerity. He'd never loved me. I hadn't hurt him.

Charlie's question. Did I love Noah more?

I nodded. "So much more. With my entire heart."

"Then what the hell are you doing walking away? Does he not love you back, is that it?"

I felt tears forming. "He told me he loves me. Told me he's mine."

"Jeezus, Brody. Then what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to protect him."

"Little brother, Noah is a grown man. It's not your job to protect him. He told you he loves you. And you trust him, don't you?"

I did. I absolutely trusted him.

"I do."

"Then let him give you his heart in exchange for yours."

I shut my eyes.

God, what have I done?

I had to fix this. If it was possible to get Noah back, I needed to try. My heart leapt around in my chest as I realized the urgency. I'd pushed hard. What if he'd given up on me for good?

I rose to my feet as my drink arrived.

"I need to go."

Charlie smiled at me. "Go get him, tiger."

I'd never driven more than the speed limit before. But then, I'd never been in love like this before. If my head had been clearer, I would have noticed the transport truck running the red.