Chapter 58

CHAPTER 58

SLATE

I woke up right before the rooster crowed, blinking hard when I realized the numbers glowing on the clock on the nightstand read 4:53 a.m. Damn . I can't remember the last time I slept that long.

Groggy and disoriented, I sat up in bed, yawning. I stretched my arms out above my head and waited for the cobwebs in my brain to clear. I'd come to bed just after Jess had left to go to the hospital, before Austin and Doug had even arrived home.

As my head slowly began functioning and my body woke up, I rolled out of bed and grabbed a quick shower, deciding against shaving before I went to get dressed. The stubble on my jaw was getting longer again, and while it wasn't a beard quite yet, it was getting there. I liked it.

For now, anyway. For however long I have left here.

Deciding that I needed coffee at least before I fell down the rabbit hole that was my future again, I wandered downstairs, thrown off by the fact that the house didn't smell like Jeanie's cooking. It also wasn't filled with the sound of clattering pots and pans or sizzling bacon.

When I walked into the kitchen and found Doug and Austin looking morose as they ate bowls of cereal, my brow furrowed. "How is she doing?"

Doug swallowed the bite he'd just taken and smiled. "She's been cleared to come home this afternoon as planned."

Relief gripped my senses and I grinned, feeling slightly lightheaded as I crossed to the coffeemaker. "That's great news. It sure feels weird waking up around here without her. Even for me. It must be much worse for you guys."

"She's been too good to us," Doug lamented, lifting his bowl as if it was a testament to what he was saying, which I supposed it was. "This is the most disappointing meal I've had since I was a bachelor."

"It's the most disappointing meal I've ever had in this house," Austin agreed, sighing as he looked longingly at the stove. "We thought about cooking, but it felt wrong somehow."

"I'd offer to make you something, but I doubt either of you want food poisoning on top of everything else."

Doug chuckled. "We've had enough of that hospital for now, but thanks. We'll survive. Plenty of people eat cereal for breakfast and they seem just fine."

"That's me," Austin volunteered. "I'm plenty of people. Usually, anyway. It's just weird having it here."

I laughed. "It's me, too. If I even eat in the morning. More often than not, I just have coffee and I grab a smoothie or a protein bar later in the day."

Doug's eyes widened as he looked between Austin and me, pointing at us with his spoon. "You boys need to start taking better care of yourselves."

"Easy for you to say," Austin teased. "You'll have Mom home by lunchtime. I only have myself in the city and so does Slate."

"Maybe she should teach you how to cook before you leave," Doug said thoughtfully. "Once she's feeling up to it, I mean."

"She's spent my whole life giving me tips and recipes and I'm still shitty at it," Austin said. "She might have better luck with Slate, though."

"You're only shitty at it because you've never applied yourself," Doug retorted. He shot me yet another grateful grin. "Thanks to Slate's quick action the other night, you have another chance to learn from your mother. You should take it."

"Yeah, man," Austin said, suddenly serious as he turned to face me. "I don't know how we're ever going to thank you for that."

"You already have," I said. "Plus, anyone would've done the same. I was here. Of course, I had to help. It was the least I could do."

"Well, we were lucky that you were here," Doug said, his features tightening and his face going pale once more as he thought about it. "I honestly don't know how things might've been different if you hadn't been, son. So thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, fixing my coffee when it was ready and going over to join them at the table. "Did Jess get home okay last night?"

I'd been wondering since I'd woken up, but I hadn't wanted to sound too eager to ask. I was worried about her, though. She hadn't had that much sleep before she'd gone back there and I'd asked her to wake me when she got home to let me know she was okay, but I didn't remember being woken up.

Doug nodded, smiling as he tilted his chin toward the ceiling. "She's still asleep. We're letting her rest since she got back pretty late."

Once again, relief took hold of my insides and I sighed quietly with the force of it, my eyelids slamming shut for just a moment. As they opened again, I picked up my coffee and brought it to my lips for a sip. Then I nearly spat it all out at what Doug said next.

"I think she'd be happy if you decided to stay." He didn't make eye contact with me, but when Austin nodded his agreement, it was clear he knew his dad hadn't been talking to him. "You belong here, Slate. I hope you've realized that by now."

Shit. He really isn't speaking to Austin. He even said my damn name . I'd been thinking the same thing, of course, but that was very different to hearing Jess's father actually say the words.

I glanced at him, blinking back my surprise. Before I could respond, he shrugged and looked deep into his cereal bowl. "If you wanted to stay, that is. We could make room for you pretty easily. You're already like family and it wouldn't be a problem."

"Don't scare him off, Dad." Austin chuckled, turning his head to wink at me. "I think he gets the point, but for what it's worth, I agree. I think you belong here too."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "Not so long ago, you told me I wasn't the type for cow shit and open pastures."

He shrugged. "I believed it when I said it, but things have changed. Clearly, you're enjoying being here, and besides, I really do think Jess would be happy if you stayed."

I didn't say anything to that, but my gaze remained on his and something in it told me he knew. I held his eyes, not about to start a fight but also not willing to back down if he didn't like me being with his sister.

Our stare-off lasted only a few seconds before he smirked and went back to his cereal, though. I frowned. Well, he's definitely being a lot bigger about this than I was when I found out about Logan and Mira.

Suddenly waiting for the other shoe to drop with him, I eyed him suspiciously, but he just kept eating. When he was done, he stood up and went to wash his bowl. Then he slid his hands into his pockets and made eye contact with his dad, jerking his head toward the door.

"Are you ready? We should get out there."

Doug nodded, following his son to the sink and rinsing out his own bowl before he turned to me. "We're headed out to do the chores so Jess doesn't have to worry about it when she wakes up. We're all going to want some free time to spend with Jeanie when she gets home, so we'd rather get it done now." He clasped my shoulder as he passed me. "This scare with her health has really put things into perspective for us all. The oil is no longer our first priority. The family is."

I felt that in my bones. I got up and transferred my coffee to a thermos before heading out with them and going through the motions on the farm with the men of the Merrick family. I also felt the weight of the knowledge that I wasn't part of that family. I didn't know why it suddenly kept hitting me in the face so often, but it was like I just couldn't shake that awareness.

So often while I'd been here and particularly during my time in Jeanie's hospital room with them, I'd felt like part of the family. Doug had just said I practically was, but I wasn't really, and after I'd had that realization yesterday, I was more aware of it than ever.

The early morning passed in a blur of cows, chickens, crops, and farming equipment. Austin and I chatted, but he didn't bring up my relationship with his sister. Both he and Doug had seemed okay with it earlier, but that didn't mean they were.

The possibility of something was very different to the reality. I knew that better than most. The possibility of one day becoming part of this family, for instance, was a far cry to the reality—which was the fact that this would all be coming to an end for me very soon.

In time, my consulting services would no longer be needed, and once that happened, Jess and I would have to decide what we wanted to do. The last time I'd been in the city, I'd been so sure that I would marry Jess one day and move out here for good, but despite Doug's offer, I wouldn't feel right staying unless it came from her.

I certainly wasn't going to move into her home like he'd suggested without knowing that she was very serious about us. Even if she was, I didn't know if I could live with them indefinitely. I loved them and everything, but shit.

Drawing in a deep breath, I thought of my life outside of Jess and Merrick Meadows. A job wasn't the only thing I had to consider. I had a place in Manhattan, a house I didn't love, but I did own it.

More than that, Mira was there. Logan. Baby Beau—and the life I'd always thought I wanted. I couldn't just walk away from all of that on a whim. For a girl who might not even see a future with me.

I didn't doubt that she cared about me. I didn't even doubt that it was more than that. That her feelings were as deep and real as my own. But again, feelings were one thing. Commitment was another.

As the sun came up and the sky slowly turned from pale to bright blue, I kept working alongside the Merrick men, still more aware than ever that I wasn't one of them. Doug's offer had been very kind and I knew he'd meant it, but I couldn't take him up on it. No matter how much I might've wanted to.