Chapter 57

CHAPTER 57

JESS

B ack at the hospital, I sat in the armchair by my mother's bed. Dad and Austin had gone back home to get some sleep and I hoped Slate was finally doing the same thing.

I looked at my mother as she happily ate the egg-salad sandwich I'd made at home. Figuring she might prefer that to hospital food, I'd packed us a little picnic so we could eat together here, and I smiled. She was looking so much better this evening than she had when we'd left here after her surgery.

Her cheeks were almost back to their usual color, her eyes vibrant and alive. Remnants of the last twenty-four hours clung to her in the form of slight smudges under her eyes and her unbrushed, tangled hair, but outside of that, it was easy to see that she was definitely on the mend.

Sipping my crappy hospital tea, I swallowed and finished my sandwich, happy to be here with her and that I'd brought her some food from home. Mom glanced at me, amused light dancing in her eyes as she slowly raised one of her eyebrows.

"You look happy this evening," she said, proving that nothing she'd endured today had dimmed her powers of observation. "I'm assuming you and Slate had a nice afternoon at home."

"We did." My cheeks flushed, but I definitely wasn't about to share the details. Instead, I plopped my chin in my palm and sighed. "I'm so in love with him, Mom."

She beamed at me, her brows sweeping up in surprise at the confession and a wide grin spreading on her lips. "That's the best news I've heard in a long time, baby. I'm so glad you finally realized it."

"What?" I scoffed down a laugh. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you've been in love with him for weeks now. I was just wondering if you'd ever admit it." Sitting up, she bent over a little and brushed her fingers through my hair. "Slate is a good man, darling. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. He's one of the good ones. One of the great ones, even. I have no doubt that he'll take excellent care of you. Look at how well he took care of me."

"Yeah, I'm still in awe of that, actually," I admitted. "He handled himself so much better than I did."

While he'd made it sound like it'd been worse for me because she was my mother and not his, I knew that wasn't the only reason he'd handled it so much better. Slate had an innate sense of calm to him, a strength I just didn't have.

In our time of desperate need, he'd been our hero and I would never be able to repay him for that, but I did admire him for it. There were so many men who were cocky and would proclaim for all to hear that they handled their shit, but Slate didn't bother boasting or prancing about like a peacock.

He wasn't arrogant, broody, or mysterious and yet he was the most attractive man to me on every single level possible. An embodiment of inner strength and control. He didn't need to get all fancy about who or what he was. He just lived it, and that was about the sexiest thing I could imagine.

Dad and I would've gotten Mom the help she needed eventually, but we'd never have gotten her to the hospital as fast as he had. We also wouldn't have made sure that she was seen to as quickly as he had. When we'd walked in last night, I'd seen the tail end of the action and I knew he hadn't taken no for an answer.

For a moment there, I'd thought he might tear the whole ER apart to make sure my mom's health was the top priority. "You were right, Mom. He is going to make an incredible father to some very lucky child or children one day."

She chuckled, nodding slowly as she leaned back against her mattress. The hospital bed was in a sitting position, the top slanted up with some pillows propped behind her for support, but if not for that reminder of where we were, I wouldn't even have felt like we were in a hospital.

Mom looked just about the same as she always had, and that loving, warm light in her eyes was all I needed to feel right at home. My discomfort over being here from last night had faded and instead the room was even starting to feel cozy.

I looked around, my gaze skipping over the chairs we'd piled in the corner before Dad and Austin had left, the flatscreen TV on the wall, the sofa in front of the window, and even the little side table filled with flowers from all of us. It was nice, and we had Slate to thank for even that.

I let out a dreamy sigh. "I just wish I could be the mother of those children."

"Why can't you?" she asked. "Assuming that he feels the same way about you and that you both want children one day, I see no reason why you couldn't be their mother."

"It's not that simple." I brought my tea to my lips and took a small sip, knowing I'd spoken to her about this already, but still not sure she really understood how complicated it was. "Slate's life isn't in Firefly Grove, Mama. I know you said that I shouldn't let that stand in the way of my happiness and I'm really trying not to let it, but in the end, there is no clear path to a future for us."

"There's never a clear path to a future, baby," she said, shrugging as she smiled at me. "The people who are living their happily ever afters are living them because they built a path to the future they wanted together."

"Sure, but people who live in the same city don't exactly face the same challenges."

She chuckled. "No, they don't, but there are always challenges. People who live in the same city will have had their own to deal with before they got to their happily ever after. It may not have been distance, but there's always something."

"I know." I shook my head. "I just don't know how we're going to overcome ours."

"No one ever does, darling. That's why it's called growth."

A soft giggle fell out of me, but as much as I knew very few couples had it completely easy right from the start, I still didn't know how Slate and I could ever work. Not unless I moved to the city to be with him and I couldn't do that.

I could never leave Merrick Meadows and Firefly Grove, but even if I might've considered doing it for him, I couldn't leave my dad alone on the farm. He'd worked hard all his life and I was inheriting the Merrick legacy.

I couldn't yank him out of semi-retirement and abandon eighty years of building said legacy. Besides, I loved it. I lived for it.

Austin hadn't felt the same, but he'd also had me to fall back on. He'd known the legacy would continue because I would pick up the torch. I didn't have the same kind of safety net he'd had.

"Growth or not," I said, glancing back up at my mother after I'd swallowed my tea. "Eventually, we'd need to live in the same house. I mean, sure. We could try to do things differently. We could try being in a relationship while he lives in the city and I stay at home, but would that really work?"

"Probably for a little while," she said after considering it for a beat. "People find ways to make that kind of thing work, but they both have to want it."

"That's the thing," I said. "I don't want that. I want to live together in the same house like you and Dad do. I want us to raise our kids together and argue about what we're going to have for dinner. Even if Slate has to go away for work and even if he ends up having to stay away for months at a time, I'd still want him to come home to me."

"If that's what you want, then perhaps it's time to ask him to stay in Firefly Grove." I opened my mouth to protest, but she wasn't done yet. "I know you have hesitations and I know you don't want to make him sacrifice anything, but love is serious and precious. Besides, he seems to like it here. Maybe he's waiting for you to ask him to stay."

"He wouldn't be waiting," I said sadly. "If he wanted to stay, he'd have found a realtor and bought a farm by now."

Mom frowned at me. "Is that really what you think?"

I nodded. "He goes after what he wants, Mama."

"Well, that much, I already know, but I don't think you're seeing things from his perspective, darling. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment."

"Okay?"

"The man came here to do a job, which he's currently doing. He really does seem to like it here, but maybe he's waiting for you to give him a reason to stay."

"I don't know," I said, feeling the corners of my mouth turn down. "I just don't feel like I can ask him to do that. Mira just bought him out of their company a few months ago. He hasn't even figured out what he wants to do next. It doesn't feel right to ask him to give up all the possibilities that are out there for him in favor of a life that doesn't even offer annual vacation time."

She chuckled. "There's still time, honey. You don't have to ask him right away, but why don't you just suss him out a little bit? Until the oil extraction is sorted, he's here to stay. That means that you'll have plenty of opportunities to find out how he feels about the place and what he's decided to do with his future. Plus," she said before I could respond. "Farming could offer annual vacation time. Once we can afford to hire a couple of extra people, you could even leave for months on end, knowing that the farm was being taken care of."

I rocked my head from side to side. "I don't know if I'd ever be able to do that, but I guess it is something to consider."

"Just keep it in mind," she said. "There are as many ways to farm as there are farmers. You two could work out your own way of doing it. Together."

My heart warmed just at the thought of it, but I still wasn't sure how realistic it was. Ultimately, she was right about having time. Slate would still be here for a least a couple more weeks and once the work was done?

Well, I'd cross that bridge when we got to it.

"Thanks, Mom." I stood up to give her a hug, then grabbed the deck of cards I'd brought with me out of my handbag.

A smile spread on my lips as I dug out the little box, remembering all the jokes Slate had made about playing cards this afternoon. I even felt my cheeks heat up at the memories, but I carried the cards over to my mom's bed anyway and sat down again.

"How about we just forget about all the hard stuff and play a few hands?" I suggested.

She nodded eagerly and I dealt us in, filled with overwhelming gratitude that she was still here and she and I could do this together instead of the alternative. Just thinking about what my family and I might've been doing tonight if things had gone the other way made me appreciate this moment so much more, and I decided then that things with Slate would work out the way they would.

I could hope and pray that I'd be dealt the hand I wanted, but I knew better than to accept things would happen that way. For now, I was going back to appreciating what I had to the fullest extent I could. Lord knew, everything could change in the wink of an eye, and I didn't want to look back again and wish that I'd been more present.

Instead, I was just going to be present. Future Jess would be there to be present in her moments, but right now? Here? This moment was mine and mine alone.