Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

SLATE

A ustin and I stayed out on the porch talking after Jess headed inside. Something about the direction the conversation had been going had clearly gotten to her, and I had a feeling I knew what it was.

"Do you think she's okay?" I asked Austin as he and I settled on the chairs beside the little coffee table that held our jug of special lemonade.

Austin shrugged as he sipped his drink, staring thoughtfully into the dark. He finally glanced at me. "To be honest, I don't know. I should be asking you. You've been here since it all started. Has she been okay until now?"

Shit .

I didn't really know how to answer that without cluing him in on how well I'd gotten to know her, but I also didn't want him to worry.

"On and off," I said. "Sometimes, she seems just fine. She's happy and doing her thing, and then the next second, if anything goes remotely differently to how it was going before, it rocks her boat a little bit."

He chuckled. "That's exactly what I thought. I knew this whole act of hers that she was handling it was crap. Anything happens on Merrick Meadows, and Jess's world turns upside down."

"She loves this place," I said. "I don't even know her that well, and even I can see how much it means to her."

"It's everything to her," he agreed. "That's how I knew it would be okay if I left."

"I've been wondering how that happened." I refreshed my lemonade and took a long sip. "This is one hell of a place to give up."

"Yeah, but it never felt quite right to me," he admitted. "Jess and my dad? They don't even want to try to imagine that life can be different, but I'm just not like that."

"It can't have been an easy decision to make." Yet, it was one I could very much relate to. "It's hard to walk away from everything you've ever known."

"Tell me about it." His head shook as he glanced back at me. "For the longest time, I thought I was just going to suck it up and forget about leaving."

"I know what you mean," I said. "It can feel damn near impossible to get out once you're in that deep."

"There was a time I believed it was completely impossible, but deep down, I knew this wasn't where I belonged. Why do I get the feeling that you understand all this better than probably anyone else I've ever spoken to about it?"

"You were born into farming. I was born into oil, but we're not talking about me right now."

He chuckled. "Maybe we should be."

"Later," I said. "I'm interested to know how you finally realized that it was possible to leave."

"I worked damn hard for a long time to make my dad proud," he said. "I knew I just didn't have this gene. Jess inherited it, I guess. To be honest, I wish I had it. I wish I didn't feel the way I do, but I just don't belong here. I never have."

"How did your parents take it?" I asked, curious because I'd always wondered how my own dad would've reacted to the news that I wasn't really in the oil business anymore.

Austin let out a heavy sigh. "At first, they took it like a brick to the forehead. It caused a huge fracture in our family. I'm the son, you know. I was supposed to carry on the Merrick legacy with no questions asked, but I was a preteen when I started asking myself those questions."

"I know what you mean," I said honestly. "It's not easy to walk away from something your old man spent his life planning on leaving to you."

"Thank God for sisters, am I right?" He glanced at the door Jess had disappeared through and sighed. "It never bothered her that the town is so small or that she'd live her whole life right here on the farm she was brought home to from the hospital after she was born."

"But it bothered you?" I guessed out loud.

He shrugged. "I love Firefly Grove. It's a great little town with friendly people and where neighbors still get together for homecooked meals, but it always felt just too small for me."

I thought about the main drag and the boarded-up windows. "Well, it is small. If Manhattan is more your speed, then it's no surprise Firefly Grove didn't cut it for you."

He chuckled. "I'd have taken anywhere over Firefly Grove, but at least Manhattan is close enough that I can visit more often than I'd have been able to if I'd landed someplace else."

"How did you end up there?" I asked. "If you'd have taken anywhere, you must've had other options in mind."

"I did." He raked a hand through his hair and let out a long exhale as he turned his gaze back to the dark fields. "When the time came to start applying for college, I applied to every school I could think of. I didn't even care how far away it took me, as long as I got away."

I winced. "Your parents must've been thrilled about that."

"Yeah." He snorted softly. "For a while there, I didn't think they'd ever forgive me, but I'm at peace with my decision now and so are they. I think I chose to go to school in the city so that I could tell them I'd be home often. I was hoping it would appease them."

"Did it?"

He shook his head. "Dad told me that if I was hellbent on leaving, then I might as well go as far away as I could from this place I hated so much."

Surprise ricocheted through me. "Doug said that? I didn't think he was the type."

"Back then?" Austin grimaced. "He was a different man. He was never a mean dad, but I shocked the damn life out of him when I told him I didn't want to take over the farm. It took him a long time to come to terms with it. Over the years, I like to think that age has made him wiser. He understands now."

"Probably because Jess is doing a good job," I said, needing to give credit where it was due.

He nodded his agreement wholeheartedly as he laughed. "Like I said, thank God for sisters."

"I'm curious," I said, following his gaze when he moved it back to the fields. There was a serene expression on his face, a peace that seemed strange for a guy who claimed he didn't belong here. "Why didn't you want to farm?"

"The work is mundane and repetitive. The possibilities around here are few and far between. I always just felt like I was made for something else."

"You seem to enjoy being here, though."

"I do," he said easily. "This is home, man. I love it. I just don't want to be here permanently anymore."

"Now that , I understand." I had very similar feelings about the rigs. "Do you regret leaving?"

"Nah." He shot me a grin. "It's New York City, Slate. You know what I'm talking about. For a youngish, ambitious, single guy, there's no better place to be."

I laughed, my shoulders shaking. "Not so long ago, I'd have agreed with you, but now, I'm not so sure."

He frowned. "Are you serious? Why? I left Firefly Grove when I turned twenty to go to school and I've never looked back."

"Yeah, but the difference is that you went there, but I'm from there. Lately, I've also been wondering if there's something else for me someplace else."

"The oil business isn't working for you anymore?" he asked curiously, deftly turning the tables.

I shrugged. "I guess we share the common ground of striving to fill our fathers' shoes but falling short."

He lifted his glass to mine and I clinked it, chuckling as he pumped his eyebrows at me. "Maybe we should form a club. Or a support group. Are you really thinking about getting out of the industry?"

"I'm already out," I said on a long sigh. "I took this project as a favor to Mira, but she bought me out of the company a few months ago. Technically, I'm a free agent."

"She bought you out?" His brow furrowed as he turned to stare at me. "Wow. I didn't see that coming."

I nodded slowly. "Neither did I, but I'm damn grateful to her for it. She's given me the opportunity to pursue my own dreams for once in my life."

"Which are?" he asked.

I laughed. "I'll let you know once I figure it out."

Austin's laughter joined my own as he leaned back in his chair. "Well, whatever your dreams are, you don't strike me as a cow shit and open pastures sort of guy. Where will you go next?"

"I'm really not sure," I admitted. "None of the possibilities I've investigated feel like the right fit. I've lost interest while I've been looking into all of them and before I've even started working."

He let out a low whistle. "Maybe this project came at the right time for you, then. At least it gives you lots of space and silence to figure it out."

"Yeah," I agreed softly. "It sure has given me that. I won't lie to you, though. When I first got here, I was cursing my sister for sending me out into the sticks."

"I can imagine." He chuckled. "If you've been used to Manhattan, Firefly Grove must've seemed like a whole different world."

"It did, but compared to the rigs, it's still a hive of activity. At least there's a market here," I joked. "Out there on the open ocean, there are no markets or milkshakes."

"Fair enough." He sipped his drink, a thoughtful expression on his features as he stared out into the dark. "It sounds like our humble little town might be growing on you."

I shrugged. "It's not as bad as I thought it was, that's for sure."

He frowned. "Do you think you might stay? Investigate possibilities around here?"

"All I know right now is that I'm in no hurry to leave," I admitted. "I like it here for now. The slower pace of life. The easy friendships. The sense of community, and family, and common good. I've been missing a lot of those simplicities in my life so far."

"At the rate you're going, you'll be moving into Jess's dream loft when this is all said and done," he said, sounding like he was only half joking. "I'm sure they'd appreciate the help on the farm, though. Lord knows, they could use it."

I laughed. "No matter what, I'm not moving into that loft. She'd murder me and I'm not sure promising to help her out on the farm will stop it from happening."

"You've got that right," Austin agreed, grinning at me before he suddenly chuckled. "It'd be a bloody murder, too. No poison or single gunshots to the heart for you. She'd make it slow and dirty."

I could think of much better things I'd prefer for her to be doing to me slow and dirty, but her brother didn't need to know about those. Besides, I didn't have any of the answers he'd want from me, so I kept my mouth shut and told him a little more about life on the rigs.

Austin and I had a lot in common, and by the time we went to bed, it was after midnight and the jug of spiked lemonade was empty. I felt like I'd made another friend out here though, even if this particular friendship was bound to crumble if he ever found out about all the things I'd done with his sister—and all the things I still had in mind for us to do together.