Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

JESS

A t four the next morning, I was out milking the cows, dead tired after staying up half the night. I sat on my overturned bucket, my gloves oily and full of cream, getting lost in the monotony of the chore.

When I was little, this used to be one of my favorite things to do. I loved the cows. Loved knowing I was helping to make them more comfortable by milking them, but today, the magic was just completely gone.

The bright light of hope I'd been carrying around in my heart since I'd drilled into that oil had been snuffed out by that conversation we'd had with Slate last night. I appreciated him being honest with us, but shit.

We'd come so close to being millionaires and now we couldn't afford to take the next step that might or might not get us there. It was as infuriating as it was soul destroying.

As I worked, I vented to the cows. "Capitalism is so stupid, don't you think? The rich keep getting richer and the poor can't afford to do the same thing, even if they've got what they need to be rich. They can't afford to do anything about it. It's ridiculous."

The cow I'd been milking mooed sympathetically and I smiled, patting her hindquarter. I got up to move on to the next one. "Thanks for understanding. You're such a good girl, Pepper."

She turned those kind brown eyes on me and I melted a little bit, giving her another pat before I picked up my bucket to get started on Daisy. Maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

This was why I loved cows. My cows, at least.

I worked with them for hours a day, and while I knew Pepper hadn't understood a word I'd said, sometimes, I swore she did. They were so gentle, their eyes so soulful and sweet, that when they looked at me, I felt like everything would be okay.

In this instance, it was unlikely that it would be, but at least she'd kept me from screaming in frustration. Feeling a little more upbeat, I milked Daisy and then moved from one cow to the next for hours before I wrapped it up.

Heading across the farm from the dairy barn to the chicken coops, I lifted my ball cap and wiped sweat from my brow. The sun had only risen a couple of hours ago and it wasn't even eight yet, but it was already hot, the day promising to be another scorcher.

The thought made my slightly improved mood take another dip. Our original problem with the water hadn't simply disappeared just because we'd found some oil. Come summer, we were in trouble if something didn't change.

Since we'd decided not to keep drilling on the farm at all for now, I was still faced with the very real possibility of not having enough water for the crops. I closed my eyes and raked my fingers through my ponytail, breathing in deep and deciding that I would not let this beat me.

Even though I wasn't feeling it at all, I forced myself to smile when I walked into the chicken coop. "Good morning, my winged non-fliers. How did everyone sleep?"

I spread some seed and refilled their water, finally letting them out of their house. Some of them rushed over to peck at my boots and I waved my hands at them. "Shoo. No. You're not getting more food out of me. Shoo."

They took off with flapping wings and clucking their complaints, but as much as I'd always loved the cows, I really didn't like the chickens. They were dumber than fence posts and rude little creatures who only cared about their food.

Leaving them to do their thing, I headed back inside and collected some fresh eggs, bringing them to my mother to cook for breakfast. My dad was in the kitchen when I walked in, sitting at the table and sipping a hot cup of coffee.

I toed off my boots, setting down the basket of eggs and smiling at my mom. "Are the boys still asleep?"

Mom chuckled. "They did rise a lot later than usual, but no, they're not. Austin has taken Slate for a walk."

Dad got up and poured me a cup of hot coffee. He carried it to the table for me as I went to the sink to splash some cool water on my face. "How is everything out there?"

"Under control," I said lightly, knowing he was referring to the animals and not the oil. "Did I miss anything here?"

"Nah," Mom said, giving me a knowing smile. "Not unless we did as well. I'm sure they're talking about it on their walk, but neither Austin nor Slate has said another word about the money this morning."

I sighed, patting my face dry with a kitchen towel before I joined my dad at the table, but I glanced at Mom too, wanting to know where both their heads were at about this. "What do you think about everything Slate said last night?"

Dad held my gaze and I braced myself, already knowing when Mom came over to give his shoulder a supportive squeeze that I wasn't going to like where he was going with this. "We're considering going down to the bank and discussing our options for taking out a loan."

My stomach dropped and I blinked rapidly. "A loan? We're barely making ends meet as it is. We can't take on more debt."

"I know, but I've got a good feeling about this," Dad said. "If we're approved for a loan, and that's a very big if, I feel it in my gut that this is all going to work out in the end."

I swiped my tongue across my lips and slumped back in my chair, wishing I felt the same optimism, but I just didn't. My dad had always been wired that way.

He believed that good things came to good people, and so did my mom, but I saw the worry in her eyes and at the corners of her mouth. She exchanged a silent look with me. "We're still discussing it. No decision has been made yet, but it's something we need to consider if we're ever going to be able to get that oil out of the ground."

With that, she nodded at me and patted Dad's shoulder. Then she strode back to the counter where I'd set down the eggs. "I'm about to start sausages and bacon. Why don't you go wash up? There's enough time before we eat."

"Thanks," I said, taking my coffee with me when I headed upstairs.

Alone in my bedroom, I sank down on my mattress and put my head into my hands, focusing on my breathing for a moment. My heart pounded in my chest. If we took out a loan for that amount of money, we'd really be strapped.

More so than we had been in my lifetime.

It would leave us with no wiggle room and no way in which to finance anything else—including extended irrigation for the crops. Which meant that if it turned out that the oil was nothing, just a tiny deposit as Slate had mentioned, Merrick Meadows would go belly up before the end of the season.

We'd simply have no way to recover.

The stakes had never been higher and the knowledge turned my blood to sludge in my veins. It made my head hurt and my limbs slow, but I got up anyway, grabbing a very quick shower. Then I headed back to the kitchen.

The shower hadn't helped clear my head like I'd hoped it would. I still felt like my brain was trapped in a galaxy far, far away, and Mom blinked hard when she realized my hair was wet when I rejoined them.

"Are you done for the day?"

"Nope. I just needed a minute," I said. "Have you mentioned the loan to Austin?"

Dad nodded. "I spoke to him about it briefly this morning, but then Slate came down and we don't want to bother him with our finances, so we cut the conversation short."

"What does he think about it?" I asked, trusting that my brother would've at least tried to talk some sense into them.

Dad shrugged. "Let's just say he's about as skeptical as you are. He's not convinced it's the safest thing to do."

He was right. "It's a huge gamble. If it turns out that there's almost no oil out there?"

"We lose the farm," Mom said gently. "If it turns out there's a bunch of oil out there, we also might lose the farm. We know, honey. We're just trying to work with what we have."

At the sorrow blooming in her eyes, I swallowed a lump in my own throat. Who knew getting rich would be so darn emotional?

I sure hadn't.

That day we'd found the oil and I'd realized what it was, I'd thought we had it made. Now I was starting to feel like that had been the discovery that would make us break.

Slate joined us a little while later and Mom poured him some coffee, fixing it the way he liked. He gave her a huge grin in response. "Thank you, Jeanie. Austin had some calls to make. He said to start breakfast without him."

Mom nodded, waving him into a chair. She started breaking eggs into a pan she'd had ready. Everything else was already spread out on the table, and since it was coming up on a thousand degrees even at this hour, none of us were too concerned about the food getting cold.

"I'll talk to some of my connections today," Slate said as he sat down with me and my dad. "I'm going to see if I can curry some favor with anyone. Maybe Mira will even be able to lend a hand in some capacity as well. I want this to work for you and I know she does too. Before I came here, she told me to do whatever it took and to call her with whatever we needed, so let's hope that between her and me, we can find someone to make a deal with."

There was an earnest light in his eyes that I liked. As much as I'd been uncertain about him before, I was fast learning that there was a reason Mira trusted him so completely.

"Thank you, son," Dad said, shooting him a truly appreciative smile.

Mom did the same thing. She even gave him a quick hug after setting a plate of eggs down in front of him. "Help yourself to the rest, honey. We'll be here when you hear anything."

I got up to fetch my eggs from my mom and wondered whether being tight-lipped about the loan was the right thing to do. I knew why my parents didn't want to bother him with it, but I couldn't help but think that if he and Mira knew exactly how high the stakes were, maybe they'd work their contacts just a little bit harder.

As I walked back to the table and looked at Slate though, wearing his new jeans and one of his new tees, his hair neat but not styled, I decided against it. This guy was already doing everything he could and I knew Mira would too.

I couldn't put the possibility of us losing the farm on their consciences. They were trying their level best to help us. Whatever happened, it wouldn't be on them.

After breakfast, I went back out to work, watching Slate on the porch for a moment as he paced back and forth. He'd been out here for a few minutes, having excused himself immediately after practically inhaling his food.

Gripping his phone tight, he spoke rapid fire into it, a furrow on his brow that told me the conversation wasn't light and easy. Sending him all the good vibes, I turned on my heels and left him to it, hoping that he could make something stick.

Just last week when he'd arrived, I'd had so many doubts about him, but it was incredible how fast that had changed. Slate had managed to win me over without even trying, simply by being there for my dad and being honest even when I could see it was hard for him to give us news that wasn't great.

Ultimately, he was a good guy and I just had to trust that between him and his sister, they would come up with a way to help us get that damn oil out of the ground without us having to gamble with the farm to do it.