Chapter 33

Megan noticed a shift in Tasha’s mood on Tuesday morning. She had tried very hard since their talk on Sunday to be super positive around Tasha, but she must be doing something wrong. Possibly a lot of wrong if Tasha had gone from elated to withdrawn so quickly.

‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ isn’t working. What am I going to do? Stay positive and smile. It will be alright! It’s not going to be alright. Breathe, girl.

“Do you want to have a movie night tonight?” Tasha asked.

“Yeah, that would be fun.”

“Maybe one of those Hallmark or Lifetime holiday rom-coms that you seem to like so much.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“It’s a date, then!”

They were both forcing enthusiasm, and Megan felt like neither of them was convincing the other. “Hey, Tasha. We got this, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks, Megan.”

“Do you want anything special for our movie date? Popcorn, pizza, candy?”

“Uh, anything is fine. You pick.”

“Okay, I’ll surprise you.”

This is awful. We have all the energy of two middle-schoolers being forced to read a passage from Shakespeare in class. What is wrong with us? You know, besides me. I’m sabotaging this and I don’t know why. I want this! It’s like Estelle and John talked about, I can’t imagine my life without Tasha and yet somehow I can’t seem to show that.

The vast well of anxiety that Megan felt inside of her was straining to get out. She could feel the panic starting to build, the hairs on the back of her neck beginning to rise. “I, uh… I forgot that I need to go in a bit early today. You’re still alright with walking Sophia to school, right?”

“Yeah, I got her.”

“Okay, thanks!”

And now I’m running like a coward. Oh, and abandoning my daughter as well. That’s just great, Megan. You’re really hitting every mark today, aren’t you?

She drove to school and then sat in her car, crying for a good ten minutes.

Get your shit together, Megan. You are a professional and you’re going to get through this school day. You might be a wreck on the inside, but these kids are never going to know that, are they? That, at least, you can do. Then you are going to go home and be with your daughter and your best friend.

Megan held it together at school that day. As she got in her car, her phone rang.

And here’s the cherry on the shit sundae that is my life right now.

“Hi, Brad.”

“Hi, Megan. Um, please tell Tasha that I started the reading that she wanted me to do. I’ll get her the reports soon.”

The what? Did she give him homework? What reports? What the hell?

“Uh, sure, Brad. I’ll tell her.”

“Thanks.”

“That can’t be the reason that you called.”

“Oh… No, it isn’t. On Sunday, Tasha mentioned that you took Sophia to… roller derby, I think she said. That sounds dangerous for an eight-year-old.”

“Yes, we went to roller derby, but she isn’t playing it. Not yet, at least. She wants to, though. I actually wanted to talk with you about that before I signed her up or anything.”

“I’m not sure about this.”

“Brad, what do you know about roller derby?”

“My dad used to talk about watching it in the 70s. Lots of fights and stuff.”

“I don’t know about that, but this is very different. It’s a real sport and there are no fights. For kids Sophia’s age, there are apparently limited contact rules too.”

“Huh, that doesn’t sound so bad. What team is this?”

“It’s a league here in Portland for adults and juniors. Rose City Rollers. Why?”

“I want to see their website. What’s this about Wreckers?”

“That’s their recreational league for adult skaters.”

“Ohhhh… Wreckers, recreational… I get it.”

“Of course you like the pun.”

“There’s a juniors championship in a couple weekends. I’d like to come and see it for myself.”

“What? Really?”

“Yes. You and your hired muscle have made it clear that I need to get my shit together. So, this is me trying to get my shit together for my… for our daughter’s sake.”

“Don’t think that this changes how I feel about you.”

“I know. According to Tasha I’m a big pile of shit. I have the divorce papers. Really though, if Sophia is interested in watching or playing roller derby, then I want to learn about it, too.”

“What the hell did Tasha say to you, Brad?”

“Let’s just say that it was a learning opportunity for me.”

“Huh. Look, Brad. Sophia wants this really badly. I think that it could be really good for her, too.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, is it alright for me to see this with you two Sundays from now?”

“With us? I mean, I encourage you to come and see it. I’m not sure how I feel about you being with us, though. I will think about it.”

“Okay, I get that. I do want to spend some time with her, if possible. I miss her. I also want to experience her interest and find out what she likes about roller derby, if that makes sense.”

“It does. I’ll think about it and then get back to you.”

“Thanks Megan.”

“Sure, Brad. Bye.”

Tasha must have put the fear of God into him. She is fierce. And confident. If I had half of her confidence then maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess with her.