23. Nikolai

Chapter 23

Nikolai

"Hey, Quinn," I answered the door with a heavy sigh.

"I swear, that's your new catchphrase," he said, stepping into the house and clapping me on the back in greeting.

"Hey, Quinn? How is that a catchphrase?"

"I meant the heavy sigh. I swear, every time I call, I'm met with one of those from you."

"Well… what can I say?"

"I guess you meant what you said about this whole thing not working out for you." Instantly, I was hit with a wave of regret.

I should just buck up and be honest. With Quinn, with Maddy, and above all, with myself.

And if I was going to reason with Maddy, I needed time. The one thing that was in short supply at the moment.

Quinn glanced around, looking for any sign of Maddy. " So… is she ready to go? The faster we can get this done, the safer she is."

"You know, Quinn, I have a favor to ask."

"Name it, brother," he said, as we stood in the foyer by the door.

"I need to drive Maddy to the new safe house," I explained with yet another sigh.

"There's that sigh, again. I mean, I'm here, and usually, it's on official law enforcement to transport witnesses from one place to another if a move is indicated." I couldn't blame him for hedging, but I needed this. Maddy and I, we needed this.

"I don't ask this lightly; could you bend the rules? For me? I… I need to speak to Maddy. Let me drive her over. I promise you, I'll handle it professionally," I all but begged him, my hand on his shoulder.

"Niko, I am not worried about your professionalism," he muttered with a short scoff.

It probably should be a worry for you, I thought to myself, remembering just how unprofessionally I'd handled this whole thing already.

"If you need this, then I trust you. You've never steered me wrong, Niko." He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, a business card by the looks of it. "You got a pen?"

I led him into the kitchen, pulling open the junk drawer and searching for a pen for a moment before I found it.

"Here you go," I said, handing it to him.

He scribbled on the back of the card before handing it to me .

"Here's the address. I don't think I need to tell you to properly dispose of this when you're done. I'll meet you there. How much time do you think you'll need?"

A loud crashing sound came from the second story, drawing our attention upward to the ceiling. Maddy was obviously packing , if that's what you could call it. Quinn shot me a sideways glance, obviously curious.

"Give me about fifteen minutes and we'll head that way. Sound good?" I led him back to the front door.

"I'll see you there, brother. And for what it's worth, thank you. You guys really saved my ass with this case. I can't thank you enough." With a clap on my shoulder, he made his way back out of the house and to his car. I watched him pull back down out of the drive, wondering just how in the hell I was going to smooth things over with Maddy.

Another loud banging sound came from upstairs.

This wasn't going to be easy.

I turned on my heel, taking a deep breath to steady myself for the conversation to come as I began ascending the staircase.

A moment later, Maddy's form came down the hallway, standing at the top of the stairs and pausing as our eyes met.

"Maddy…" I began, words utterly failing me.

"Where's Sully?" she asked after a deep breath of her own. She started down on the staircase. I shook myself from my thoughts, quickly taking the stairs two at a time to meet her.

"Here, let me help you with your bags," I offered, putting my hand on the handle of her suitcase, only to have her yank it right back away from me.

"I don't need your fucking help," she spat at me, her eyes brilliantly ablaze with anger and something else I could not quite pin down. "Sully?" she called out loudly over the railing as she made her way down the stairs, pushing right past me and spurning my help.

I couldn't lie. It hurt like hell. My chest tightened with the desire to protect her, to care for her. She was obviously upset about all of this, and I had fucked it up.

"You rang?" Sully chuckled from the second story. He had popped out of his room at her calling and leaned over the railing to see her as she stepped onto the main floor of the house.

"Hey, you big teddy bear. Get your ass down here and say goodbye, okay?" My eyes locked on hers, even as I heard the shocked gasp pour from Sully's lips as he came barreling down the stairs, shoving me back against the wall in his rush to get to her.

Her eyes looked glassy, like she'd either been crying or was about to. Perhaps both.

As soon as Sully had cleared the landing, he wrapped her in his arms, lifting her clear into the air in one of his famous bear hugs.

"It's okay, big guy. I'm sure I'll see you again."

"I don't even… what even…" he stuttered through his words, struggling to find coherent thought. I found myself having the same issue.

He took a deep breath as he set her back on the ground, holding her at arm's length for a moment. Then he wrapped her in his arms again, as Deacon made his way out of the living room to see what the commotion was about.

His eyes met mine for a moment, understanding written across his face, clear as day.

A noise pulled my attention back to the top of the stairs where Jax stood, hands in his pocket and a curious expression on his face. He came down the stairs slowly, allowing Maddy and Sully their moment to say goodbye before he stepped in.

"Hey Maddy," he said softly, pulling her in for a hug. Her arms wrapped up around his shoulders, almost clinging to him in a way that surprised me. He and Maddy hadn't seemed that close. But as he leaned in to whisper something in her ear, I realized perhaps I was wrong. Her eyes closed, a single tear slipping down her cheek as she nodded.

"I understand," she whispered, pulling away from him and swiping the lone tear from her face.

He took her by the hands, saying something so softly I could not hear him. She hugged him again, whispering, "Thank you."

Deacon clapped a hand on my back as he passed me, heading to say goodbye to our house guest himself. No hugs or special words were exchanged.

"I wish you all the best, Ms. Ayers," he said with his hand held out in a formal gesture of farewell.

"Really, Deacon? After all this time?" she said with a smile that lit up her face and an eye-roll that had my chest tightening for the millionth time since I'd made that call to Quinn two days ago.

She pulled him in for a hug, his eyes widening as he chuckled in a way only a Southerner could. Something between a chuckle and an awkward clearing of his throat slipped past his lips, but I could tell that even he was affected by her leaving.

I glanced at my watch, realizing that if we didn't get on the road soon, I'd be breaking my word to Quinn. So much for that talk I wanted to have with her. The car ride over would have to do, I supposed.

"We should head out," I said softly. Instantly, four sets of eyes were on me, three of them filled with frustration, and one set, Deacon's, filled with pity.

Nothing could have hit me harder than the pity and disappointment I read in my older friend's eyes.

Guilt flooded me; guilt, and more importantly, shame.

I had to fix this, but by all counts, it was far too late.

"Take care and…" Maddy began, pausing as she searched for words. "I guess all I know to say is thank you. It's not enough, but thank you for protecting me. For making me laugh. For keeping me safe."

"Anytime, Maddy," Sully responded, his voice thick with emotion. I was more than shocked to see a tear streak down his face. Sully may be the most emotional one among us, the one most likely to cry, but he didn't do it often. At least, not outside of his annual rewatching of Homeward Bound. That movie got him choked up and sobbing like a baby every damn time. I'd never understand why he still watched it.

"Where's Detective Mercado?" Maddy asked, looking out of the front door window and seeing the driveway empty.

"He left already." There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and I didn't catch it before my mouth was already open, spewing out the words that would crush her. "I'll be taking you to the new safe house myself."

Just as I suspected, the flicker of light in her eyes dulled, her face growing stern and emotionless before my very eyes.

"Then let's go." With that, she threw open the door, marching her way out towards the garage that housed our vehicles.

I sighed, heading out behind her, but Deacon's hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"Are you sure this is the right call, Niko?" he asked, a look of concern etched on his face.

"I have a feeling it's too late for that." My eyes met his, and he only nodded, that same look of pity and regret written on his face.

I didn't have time to think about that right now, though. I needed to get Maddy to the safe house. And I needed to figure out a way to express my feelings to Maddy in a way that made sense, while not compromising the mission at hand. All in the span of a short car ride.

I had a feeling I was well and truly fucked.

I jogged out to the garage, wanting to waste as little time as possible. I had already squandered my opportunity to talk to her. Hell, I should have talked to her yesterday, before all of this happened. I should have —

Well, I should have done a lot of things, and focusing on all my what ifs and should haves wasn't serving either of us. It was time to man up, and right the wrong I had done. I could only hope she'd listen.

By the time I got to my SUV, Maddy was already in the vehicle, sitting in the passenger seat with her bags safely tucked away in the backseat.

"I need you to sit in the backseat, please. Behind my seat." The words flew from my lips before I could think better of it. Jesus, I was fucking this up.

With a huff and an overly dramatic roll of her eyes, Maddy opened the passenger door, stomping her way around the vehicle to where I stood, holding the door open for her.

If looks could kill, the icy glare she threw my way would have absolutely been my demise. Seriously, those eyes were murderous.

I slipped into the driver's seat, my eyes checking the mirrors out of habit. But as my eyes met hers in the rearview mirror, I couldn't help but notice the glassy look in her eyes again, even if they were still shooting daggers out of the window.

"Maddy, I wasn't trying to be harsh. I need you to sit in that spot for safety reasons," I tried to explain kindly.

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid, Niko. I know how a car works. And I would have been just as safe in the front seat as I am back here. Didn't you tell me it's all armored and bulletproof, anyway? But you go ahead and do whatever you want. Lord knows you will anyway." Her harsh words, full of anger and vitriol, cut like a knife. "It's not like you care." Those last words were uttered so softly under her breath I almost didn't catch them. Honestly, had I not been looking in the rearview mirror and reading her lips, I would have missed them entirely. If her anger was painful to me, it was nothing compared to that last sentence. That cut like a goddamn knife straight to my heart.

"Maddy," I began again as I pulled out of the garage and headed off our property, mindful of the time. "It's a standard procedure that, when transporting someone, the safest seat is directly behind the driver. It is a natural response in an accident for the driver to protect themself, which makes your position directly behind me safer than up here in the passenger seat. I wasn't trying to be an ass."

As I drove off of our property and onto the country road, I glanced in the mirror just in time to see yet another eye roll from her. But no words were spoken.

"Maddy, I want to talk to you about all of this. I know I should have talked to you about it before this morning—"

"You should have done a lot of things, Niko," she grumbled, her arms crossing over her chest, half in defiance, half in what seemed to be self-preservation. I couldn't blame her. All I wanted to do was turn the damn SUV around and take her back home, where she belonged.

Immediately, that very thought struck and took hold. What the hell was I even thinking? Take her home? That wasn't her home. It was my home. Her home was nearly half an hour away, in a small apartment. This wasn't her home, and it wasn't her life. This was a job, just like Deacon had said.

Still, that didn't mean there weren't feelings involved. And that was the part I needed to fix. I cared for her, sure. But this was supposed to be a casual thing, nothing more. And I was letting it turn into something neither of us wanted.

The miles ticked away as I tried to figure out what to say to her, how to make her understand that I was doing this for her. That I had her best interests at heart. Finally, I just blurted out the best thing I could come up with. "Maddy, I know I didn't handle this well. But it's going to be good for you. You'll have protection from a retired police officer at an official safe house. This is a good move for your safety."

Somehow, the trip was gone and past, with almost no real conversation between us. Looking at the GPS, I made the turn into the driveway. The house was… surprising, to say the least. It was old, weathered, and unkempt. The grass was overgrown, almost knee-high, and the siding and simple roofing were faded and warped by exposure to the sun. All in all, it was a rather uninviting place.

The urge to turn around and take her home hit hard and fast once again. But that wasn't the answer. I had failed to put Maddy's safety and protection first, instead choosing my own selfish wants to claim her. It was time to adapt and overcome. It was time to be professional and put her first.

We pulled into the driveway, behind and to the side of Quinn's unmarked squad car, which he had pulled over in front of the one-car garage.

With her hand on the door, seat belt already removed, Maddy finally spoke.

"Niko, you can lie to yourself all you want. But if you think for a second that this decision had anything to do with me or my safety, you're wrong. So motherfucking wrong."

Before I could say a word, she had opened the car door, grabbed her bags, and slid out of the seat while I was still turning the engine off.

"Maddy, wait!" I hollered out after her.

I opened the car door, ready to pull her back and finish this. To actually have this fucking conversation. This was the right thing, letting her go to the new safe house. But I didn't want things to end between us — not like this, at least. And I had fucked it up too much already.

With a renewed sense of purpose, I stepped out of the SUV, immediately reaching out for her, but she was just far enough away that I could not reach her. It was poetic, in a cruel sort of way.

As soon as she slipped from my grasp, my feet went into motion. I was not going to let things end between us like this, not without at least a conversation. Honestly, I should have done it back at the house, but I'd been too stubborn to see past my own issues.

We didn't have time for my internal self-loathing. I needed to make this right. I made it two steps in her direction before it hit me.

Something wasn't right.

Something in my gut screamed out a warning, alarm bells going off in the back of my mind. I'd learned to trust this instinct, honed by years of duty and hundreds of sketchy situations.

Something wasn't right.

My eyes searched around the property for any sign of something out of place. I reached for her once more as she stalked away from the car.

"Maddy, get back here," I hissed out, not wanting to raise my voice. I snapped my fingers to get her attention.

"Whatever, Niko. I'm not your fucking problem anymore, alright?" she spat over her shoulder, her eyes not meeting mine and her feet still pressing ever forward towards the house. She was only a few feet in front of me, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

Something was very, very wrong.

"Maddy, get back in the car!" I hissed.

"You know what, Niko?" she spat, dropping her bags and spinning on her heel to face me, a finger pointed in my direction with all the anger and vitriol she had been harboring since yesterday. "You think you can—"

But her words were cut off as the sound of a gunshot rang out.