Chapter 4

MAEVE

The shadows aren"t pulling at my body, but something"s dragged me into a void. This place is beyond darkness—a nothingness pressing down until I can"t pull air into my lungs, where my scream is soundless, and I can"t escape. Escape what? Pressure builds from the tight band around my head and builds into an agonising grip until my mind implodes and fills with voices and faces. They"re distant and echoing at first until they speed closer, forcing me to watch as if my eyes are now pinned open.

And I see something.

Not anything I witnessed first-hand or a vision, but something that I"m dragging from another"s mind.

Andrei. Blood. Tears that aren"t mine and a fury that would fuel my Blackwood magic for days. The image flickers over and over as if I"m the one now standing over Andrei, but can"t touch the guy whose death slices through my heart and soul.

Death.

The soundless scream comes again, and I grasp around for a way out, trying to find who"s calling my name. Finally, air forces its way into my lungs and my eyes open into a different darkness.

"Maeve." Cool hands wipe across my face, and I focus on another"s—Tobias looking down at me. "Breathe. You"re okay."

They were histhoughts. How?

Nodding, I gulp in breaths, too quickly as I dizzy again, and Tobias talks me through in the way people once did when others believed my visions were panic attacks.

"I had a nightmare," I tell myself and him, my voice tiny and lost. "I dreamed..." How is this Tobias? I twist my head to where the window should be on my left in the bedroom at Lex"s place. Where"s Jamie?

"What"s happening?" I ask and try to sit. "When did I come back to...?"

Tobias continues to stroke my hair, slowly, gently. "Looks like the Winterfall won"t let me interfere with her thoughts, just like she"d fight me if I went too far physically."

My head bangs as if I spent the night drinking and I press a palm to my temples, hyperventilating.

"Careful," he whispers. "Steady your breathing and thoughts. Slow them both down."

My lungs and mind do the opposite as they fly into action. I know how I"m here. Everything Tobias must"ve tried to take away falls, like a house of cards collapsing inwards. Andrei.

Tobias"s gentle touch and murmured words as he soothes the nightmare from my mind does nothing. Last night"s events tumble towards me, a rock gathering speed ready to smash my body and heart apart.

"Andrei. The blood." I"m shaking, clinging to Tobias with one eye on the bedroom door. "Is he…?"

No. Because the heartbeat I"d connected to through the blood Gabriella gave Andrei beats above us, slower but a steady beat in my mind every few seconds.

"I can"t," I whisper. "Tobias, I can"t."

"What can"t you do?" His gentle fingers stroke my damp cheeks. "Because nobody expects you to do anything you don"t want to."

I squeeze away the image of Andrei that"s clearing in my mind"s eye. "I can"t walk out of that door. If I stay here, nothing"s changed out there."

Tobias"s emotions choke me as much as the shadows could, but the magic stays away. Did Tobias do something to me? I'm fooling myself—I can"t hide in here from what"s outside that door because whatever memories are behind his eyes brings everything into this room with us.

"You found him," I say, sitting. "You found Andrei. Did you save his life? Will he be okay?"

Tobias"s eyes squeeze closed and the barrier to his thoughts grows. "Don"t look into my mind."

"Will he?"

Tobias touches my cheek lightly. "He"s alive. The First said he might survive and?—"

Covering my face with my hands, I choke on a sob. "I can"t go out there. This isn"t real."

Tobias gently peels my fingers away and kisses them. "Stay here until you"re strong enough to walk out. Nobody will judge you."

"But I should be with him." I"m pulled in two directions, clambering from the bed. "Andrei can"t be alone. He needs me."

"Maeve." Tobias"s warm hand circles my wrist, stopping me. "Nobody knows how much Andrei"s aware of his surroundings. What if he can see and hear? You don"t want Andrei to see you breakdown." I bite down hard on my lip, and he cautiously adds, "Or do you?"

"To punish him?" I choke out in disbelief. "Nothing matters now but bringing Andrei back to us. How do we do that, Tobias?"

His grip loosens and he shakes his head. Tobias always has answers. He always knows what to do. How to help. Why doesn"t he?

"I don"t know," he whispers, the weight of defeat sinking onto him. "I"m sorry, Maeve."

This is a reality I don"t want to belong to.

"Take this away from me, Tobias. You helped last night. Do more." I grab his face and crash my mouth on his. Tobias responds with surprise, fingers threading into the back of my hair as I push my tongue into his mouth, desperate for every part of him to take me away from the nightmare.

As he pulls back, there"s a soft sadness in his eyes. "I"m sorry."

"For what?" I murmur, lips touching the edge of his.

"Sorry that I couldn"t take away the pain you"ve woken with."

"Try again," I urge. "Wipe my mind. Please."

"I"ll do anything for you, Maeve, but nothing I do will change what"s happened."

"If you alter my mind, you will help me." I sneak a hand beneath his shirt and run my nails along the solid muscle beneath. "I can"t face what"s outside that door. Please." He lifts a hand to run fingers through his hair, eyes wary. "Tobias. I need you."

As my breath hitches, his mouth closes over mine, this time with a harsher kiss. I settle my body against his, pushing myself harder against his warm chest as I slide my lips across his stubbled cheek. As the raw energy flowing inside rises further to the surface, he pauses, taking deeper breaths.

I tug on his bottom lip insistently, then tease him into returning my kiss, feeling his jawline beneath my fingers. Tobias slides his hands along my back and kisses me tenderly again.

Happiness hummed through my world the last time I kissed Tobias; this time the world outside this room fills with a horror I'm unprepared for.

Tobias holds my face away from him, and I meet his eyes as my hair falls across his face. Both thumbs rub at my cheeks as tears I hadn"t noticed spill dampening his skin. "I will stay with you as long as you want, and give whatever help you need, but I won"t do either of what you"re asking me now." I swallow and he takes a shuddery breath. "You"re vulnerable and the emotions circling you hold us both. I don"t have the capacity to take on your pain now, and I can"t give you what you want by sex, either."

"Not even to help me forget?" I whisper.

His dull eyes remain on mine. "I need to hold on to myself, Maeve. If I fall into us, I might never find my way out again."

Tobias"s distance and lack of emotion lead to mistrust in the past because the others believe this drives him. I"ve come to understand the real reason. Of everything that scares Tobias, losing himself when he thinks we need his carefully constructed calm worries him the most.