Chapter 3

TOBIAS

The First doesn"t stay for more than a few minutes. Apparently the creature's short explanation is enough, and a quick twist of the knife before leaving. But where? The creature leaves us in a room choked with more negative, painful energy from my friends than I could ever hope to absorb.

The kitchen walls shake as the front door closes, and Maeve leaps to her feet, then crosses to the window to peer out.

"Has it gone?" asks Jamie.

Maeve nods. "Tobias. Take me to Andrei."

Fuck. No. What do I say? I"d readied an excuse that Maeve couldn"t see Andrei while she"s out of control and in distress. That won"t work now because she"s the opposite.

"Andrei isn"t in a good way, Maeve," I say. "And you know Andrei, he"d hate for you to see him in a bad state."

"If he might die, I"d like to see him before that happens."

"Maeve, what the hell"s wrong with you?" Jamie looks up from where he"s had his head in his hands since the First walked away.

"Why? Don"t I deserve to see Andrei before he dies?" she says.

"No. This. How you"re behaving. You"re freaking me out because you"ve totally shut down. I can"t touch your mind at all. Did Lex do something to you?"

"Why? How do you want me to behave?" she asks.

"Just show some fucking emotion!" Jamie"s voice cracks.

"Why?" she repeats. "Don"t you all hate when I lose control and the Blackwood takes over? Wasn"t that the point of our visit to Lex?"

"But this isn"t you, Maeve," I say, and she sidesteps when I approach her. "You"ve closed us all out. Holding back how you feel won"t help."

"Is that right? Perhaps I"ve taken lessons from you, Professor Whitlock." I inwardly wince but there, a glimmer of the Maeve she"s blanked out. "Take me to see Andrei."

I look at Jamie, who shakes his head. "Not me. I can"t cope with seeing him right now," he says.

Maeve"s gaze remains steady and when I reach out, she slams another barrier to repel my mental magic. If Jamie can"t feel Maeve"s emotions, where the hell are they? I"m not as in tune with Maeve since the curse broke, and that's as painful as anything else right now.

After confronting the First earlier, I cleaned up Andrei as best I could and left him on his bed. I checked on him around the time I estimated Maeve and Jamie would return, half-expecting the same gruesome scene, but he hadn"t moved from beneath the blanket.

But now?

"Tobias. Take me to Andrei and allow me to process this," she says.

Process. Maeve really is like me right now.

* * *

Maeve hesitates in the bedroom doorway, immediately looking at Andrei before walking over, the situation a sick mirror of a loved one visiting a patient in the hospital. She kneels on the floor beside him, and I dart over in case he"s vomited more blood that"ll frighten Maeve.

Nothing, but Maeve"s harsh look warns me to back off.

"Is Andrei worse than earlier?" she asks.

"He"s more peaceful."

Her lips thin. "That sounds like he died. Andrei isn"t dead. I can hear his heart." She places a hand on his naked chest, where blood no longer covers the raven tattoo. "But it's slow."

"The First"s heartbeat is slow," I remind her.

"How like it will he be?"

"I don"t know."

She strokes his cheek with the back of her steady hand and although her voice drops to a whisper, Maeve"s demeanour doesn't change.

But she has hope that he"ll "be"—that Andrei will live.

"You think he"ll die." I blink at her accusation. "I caught your thoughts earlier—he"s blood born and not fully hemia yet. Weaker than one who is, and definitely weaker than the original vamps."

"He"s Petrescu," I whisper, as if he might hear the name he tries to disassociate from as much as his mother"s. "And Tepes. They"re original, and their families survived against the human purge of vampires. Few did. He's strong, Maeve. All the original families are."

Maeve sits back on her heels and remains silent long enough that I"m worried she"s about to slip into a vision, but she watches Andrei"s chest rise and fall, her tight muscles finally slackening.

"Why, Andrei?" she asks quietly. "You promised."

Promised. My chest tightens. Like I promised Maeve we"d all survive.

"The First offered Andrei one chance only," I remind her. "He"d already made the decision; the creature made the offer too soon."

"I wish Andrei held more hope we could fix this without taking such a risk."

Maeve"s hair curtains Andrei"s face as she leans over and kisses him, and when she sits back again, the hand touching him shakes. Finally, something seeps through the cracks, reaching out to me for help.

Unsteadily, Maeve stands and pushes Andrei"s fringe to one side before placing a kiss on his forehead. Andrei hasn"t moved the whole time and I will him to, even a single finger, but this is no fairy tale where a kiss from a true love would bring him back.

"If you die, Andrei, I"ll bloody kill you," she says, words catching in her throat.

Then she finally turns to me and walks over, an emotional storm gathering behind her.

"I need your help, Tobias," she whispers.

Despite Maeve"s words, when I try to take hold of her she backs away and walks out of the room, heading straight down the stairs into the hallway between the main bedrooms.

Often, the TV or voices would echo through the house from downstairs, but tonight that"s a void, only the sound of Maeve"s shoes on polished floorboards. She passes her room and then pauses by mine, arms crossed over her chest.

"I can"t go into my room," Maeve says softly. "Not yet."

"You don"t need permission to walk into mine." I push open the door.

Maeve walks in and faces away from me and as the door clicks shut behind us her breath speeds, trembling starting in her arms and spreading through her whole body. She"s silent but screaming for me and I manage to reach Maeve before she collapses to her knees, bending over and gripping her hair, every part of her trembling.

This is the Maeve I expected—the one who broke down when she sensed Jamie"s distress the day Ione attacked him. I sit beside Maeve and hold tighter than I ever have in our time together, as if I could squeeze the pieces back together as she falls apart.

"This isn"t happening," she chokes out. "This isn"t real. Andrei isn"t dying. Tell me."

I pull Maeve onto my lap, and she curls up against me, seeming smaller and more fragile. What if I say the wrong thing and break her apart further?

"Please, Tobias. Tell me. Do something." Her breathless voice is muffled against my chest, against my own breaking heart. "Take this all away."

"That"s a lot of energy for me to deal with, Maeve," I say. "I"m torn apart by this, too. I"m not sure how much I can take."

"Not my emotions." She pulls back, wild eyes in her reddened face. "Do something to my mind. Wipe this out. Make me forget, so when I wake up tomorrow I won"t know."

Hot hands touch my cheeks, and I shake my head. "You hated me doing that to you once before."

"This time I"m asking you to."

I half-smile. "But if you forget that you asked me, imagine the trouble I"d be in, Maeve."

"This isn"t funny. What if Andrei"s state unleashes more Blackwood from me than ever before? That"s dangerous." Her breath shudders again. "Do you understand what it took not to walk into this house and attack that creature with everything I have? How loudly the shadows whisper? That would"ve been suicide, and I bet the First waited for that—for us to explode and then the thing could have its fun. Now, I"m ready to explode. Wipe my thoughts. Memories."

"Maeve, please don"t ask me this."

"Not forever. When Andrei"s well again, you can let me know."

"No. That"s insane. I can"t control your mind to the point you don"t even ask where Andrei is." I swipe her tear with my thumb. "What if he takes days to recover? Weeks? Or?—"

"Or if he dies?" she asks stiffly.

"Andrei can"t die, Maeve. I heard you—you won"t let him." I smile, but she doesn"t. "What if you spending time with Andrei helps bring him back?"

She sniffs, eyes welling again. "Okay. Take everything away for tonight?" she asks weakly. "Maybe tomorrow too?"

"Oh, Maeve." I kiss her fiercely on the head, struggling to even take a small amount from her to help ease the distress. I already battled the situation submerging me and I"ve struggled to swim above my emotions, but this new onslaught from Maeve drowns me.

"If you don"t help, I"m searching his room for Lix." In her current state, I can"t tell whether Maeve"s serious. "Because I can"t hold on to what"s in here much longer." She holds a palm against her heart. "Everything"s building and building, and because I"ve held down each word and feeling, things will be really fucking bad when I lose control and unleash."

"You can"t know that"ll happen."

"Believe me, I do," she says hoarsely and takes my face in her hands again. "I swore I"d learn to control the chaos in the shadows, and Lex has helped, but I can"t do that alone tonight. Please."

Maeve"s lips touch mine, salty from her tears that touch my face. I tip her chin and kiss her softly, Maeve's sweet scent and taste evoking memories of times I kissed and held a Maeve who isn"t broken. Mouth moving over hers, I gently let Maeve know that I love her with every part of me, but that I can"t do as she asks. But still Maeve"s arms wind around my neck, clinging to me as she urges me into a deeper kiss, unwittingly filling my mind with the anguish and pain she wants me to take from her.

I can"t, even if I wanted to. My own head is fucked.

Instead, I focus on soothing her with what little of my power I have after tonight"s exhaustion, stroking Maeve"s hair and skin, slowing the kiss. Drawing Maeve tighter to me as I smooth away the sharp edges of her thoughts, I attempt to wipe away the ones distressing her most.

Maybe the exhaustion helps, but I"ve barely touched Maeve"s mind before her breathing shallows and a lull fills the charged room.

I carry Maeve to my bed, where the scent of her already covers my sheets from a recent night together. As I lie with the broken-hearted girl I love, tucked against me, I stare at the yellow beams of moonlight across the ceiling, wishing somebody could take my thoughts too.

There"s a whole lot from my past life I"d like to forget; memories I wish someone would erase. But this? If Maeve weren"t in my arms, I would be screaming out everything within my body and mind that I"ve held back since I saw Andrei"s blood-soaked body on the floor.

I'm the loner. Never giving a shit because everybody shunned me until I fell into a life that created the twisted thing I became. The Tobias with a violent past stretching back before Ravenhold; one I can"t remember how much is true after Confederacy screwed with my mind.

Adeline cursed me but at the same time blessed me with something that"s now slipping away, and I refuse to lose what I"ve found. The future Adeline thought she"d filled with despair and misery became one filled with hope and happiness. Not only with Maeve but because I belong.These people know what I"ve done, who I still am, but embrace me as their own despite everything. If I lose just one of this family I"ve found, I"ll help Maeve with tearing into the world.

Once I finish ripping apart everybody who ever has, or ever will, threaten that family"s future again.