Chapter 11

ANDREI

I havemy dream to walk in the sun with Maeve.

I can"t die at my mother"s hands.

I"m me, but I"m not.

How did I survive?

Because as the First"s blood took hold of me, the painful death at Dorian"s hands felt like falling into a gentle sleep in comparison. The only positive is the almost-death seized me into the darkness within seconds. As I swallowed the blood, acid poured into my veins, shooting through and gripping my whole body in agony until I could barely get the last drop past my lips.

The time Gabriella gave me her blood mixed with the First"s seemed like mild heartburn in comparison to the crushing pain in my chest.

Heartburn. I shake my head at the bizarre thought. But I"m worried. I should be starved after a week in that state, but I"m not hungry for blood or for food.

What am I?

Tobias and Jamie couldn"t hide their hesitation to speak to me when I walked downstairs, confused. The pair prepared to run—to Maeve no doubt—until I asked for help rather than attacking them.

Everything that grew louder and brighter after the blood Gabriella gave me sharpened further. The detail in objects around, the small sounds that few would hear unless sitting in a silent room, and every heartbeat—greater. Especially Maeve's.

Maeve.

Escaping Tobias to find her straightaway could"ve ended badly, but the need gripped and dragged me from the house. I"ve heard every word she"s said to me, stuck in my dark place, a void of nothing but frustration and sometimes anger holding me there. Maeve"s sorrow tore at my soul as she grieved for me, and I wanted to shout out to her that I"m still here but don"t know how to get back.

I couldn"t move. Couldn"t see. Laying day after day waiting for sensation to return—starting with one finger, a toe, an agonisingly slow spread as if Lix had numbed every cell and wore off at an agonising pace. Not painfully, just too fucking slowly. Only once every part of me filled with life again, could I come back to the world.

And when I did, I heard Maeve"s heart even inside the house, and when I sensed her blood on the breeze before I"d taken two steps outside, I hesitated. The sun kissed my skin instead of biting into it, and I breathed a fresher air than the night time. The flowers that Maeve places in vases filled the surroundings, their scent once muted by the world of the night when I would walk here in the evening.

But above everything, Maeve"s scent.

I would"ve paused before approaching her, but she sensed me.

And Maeve didn"t run. Her fear radiated at first, but that indescribable tie to each other bypasses everything. Did the piece of me Maeve holds inside recognise that she"s with the same Andrei?

I could"ve stayed with Maeve all day, inside my new world, but even though I don"t like to admit to or agree, I shouldn"t be alone yet. The others insist, but I"m not dumb. This isn"t "just in case" I relapse and land on the ground choking up blood, but "just in case" I turn into a murderous creature.

One thing"s sure, I"m not going back inside the house today. A few minutes of sun can"t replace twenty years in the dark.

Once we return from the woods, I sit on the metal chair by the glass-topped outdoor dining table. Maeve"s hand remains firmly in mine, and when Ash and Jamie join us I'm perfectly aware how on edge the others still are.

"Oh look, the daytime meetings I always missed," I say.

Jamie"s strained face holds more wariness than Ash. The guy stared at me like I"m an apparition since I first walked downstairs. He sits on a chair, and Ash stands close, arms tightly crossed as he looks down at me, face now filled with warning. I sigh. Once over, the guys never let me into their circle because they didn"t trust me. I guess I"m back there again.

"How are you feeling?" asks Jamie, darting a look between me and Maeve.

I stretch my legs forward and tap the toes of my sneakers together. "I"m not planning to attack anybody," I say pointedly. "For blood or for fun."

"Then how do you feel?" asks Tobias. "You left the house before explaining properly."

"The same, but different." Tobias sighs at my words. "I"m mentally myself, Tobias. I don"t feel any influence on my thoughts."

"Yet," mumbles Jamie.

I suck on my teeth; if I protest that might add suspicion. "The changes are physical."

"We can see some of those," says Ash. "You kind of glow."

"Have I not always had a glowing personality?" I ask with a smirk and stare at the back of my hands. "I"d say more of a shine than a glow."

"That"ll fade," says Maeve. "The thing"s skin isn"t like yours."

"The First is in a human body," says Tobias. "We don"t know how Andrei's hemia body might change."

"At least you don"t sparkle," says Maeve.

"Huh?" I frown at my luminescence.

"Twilight?" asks Ash. I look blankly. "Jeez, Andrei. That book"s halfway responsible for all the girls who wanted you to?—"

Tobias clears his throat to interrupt, and I side glance Maeve.

"The human girls fantasising about vampires, I know," she says, but there"s a bite to her tone. The past. "I wonder what would happen if the humans knew their fantasy was real?"

"We"ve spoken about this since the day you arrived at the academy," says Tobias. "That can"t happen."

"I"m not saying I want them to know," she says crossly. "I just wonder."

Ash rubs the side of his eye. "The Confederacy might stop the Dominion from revealing us. I doubt they"ll stop the First."

"What?" I ask sharply. "That"s what the creature"s planning?"

"The First implied it planned to when speaking to Ash," says Jamie. "The night you made the dumbest of your dumb decisions."

Maeve sucks air through her teeth. "We agreed there"s nothing we can do now, Jamie. That we move forward."

"Doesn"t stop me being pissed off with him!" says Jamie. "What you put Maeve through. Put all of us through."

"Jamie," says Tobias evenly.

"Why didn"t you wait?" blurts Jamie.

The question I"ve expected since the moment I stepped back into life. Maeve"s hand grows hotter in my palm, and she stares at her shoes. Yeah, that"s one big conversation we need.

"Because the First told me she"s leaving and if I wanted my chance, take it. I asked her to wait for Maeve, but she refused."

"Of course," Maeve mutters. "Maximum amusement for the creature."

I fix my eyes on Jamie"s. "Well, as you often remind me, I make dumb decisions. Don"t think things through. But you all knew I"d made my mind up, whatever any of you said or did." I catch Tobias"s look. "Could I have died? Yeah. Would I die without the blood? Also yeah, because we can"t allow Gabriella to live. I would've died with her."

"I don"t believe the First would leave us forever," says Ash.

"Maybe not, but I didn"t want to take the chance."

"Neither did the First," says Tobias flatly. "The creature told us the reason it chose to give you the blood, Andrei."

"Because I"m cute and the First wants to help me?" Stony silence. I get a sense this isn"t funny.

"Because now we can never trap the First," continues Tobias. "Because if we do, you"ll return to that state you"ve been in. Not for a week this time, but the whole time the First"s trapped."

"And if we kill the creature you"d die, but that"s not even a minuscule possibility," adds Jamie.

My stomach bottoms out. Fuck. Back to square one. "Someone else might trap or kill the First."

"Not without Blackwood and Winterfall magic. All the Blackwoods are dead apart from Lex and Dorian, and Maeve"s the last Winterfall. The First knows that Maeve would never use her magic if it would harm you." Jamie jerks his chin. "We"re stuck with the creature."

Maeve"s hand tightens, and she looks at Jamie with a small frown. Huh?

"I guess Maeve had better not have kids then," I say. "He or she might not share their mother"s thoughts that I"m more important than a world ravaged by a crazed... whatever it is."

Silence.

"Always the selfish angle, Andrei," comments Ash.

"Uh. That was a joke? Bloody hell. As if."

"Um. I think the topic of future motherhood isn"t important right now," says Maeve tersely. "What is important is discovering how powerful Andrei is. The creature could snap any of us in two or use magic I swear we haven"t seen yet. How much of that did Andrei inherit?"

"Ha!" I smirk and they throw confused looks my way. Leaning forward, I place my arms on my knees. "I"m a hybrid now. Not a witch-vampire hybrid, but something more."

"I suppose so," says Tobias cautiously.

Sinking back again, my mouth tips at one corner. "I"ll look forward to Dorian"s next visit."

"Andrei!" says Jamie in horror. "No."

"I won"t hurt him, but I"m gonna show him."

"We need his help still, Andrei, so don"t start trouble," says Maeve, hand closing over my leg. "We all need to band together to take down Gabriella before she spreads this blood further."

"And kill her," adds Ash gruffly.

"Try and fucking stop me," I mutter. "Where is she?"

"Good question," says Ash gruffly.

"We"ve learned Gabriella is in London and likely looking to get a boat out of the country sometime soon," explains Tobias. "We"re looking into shipping companies for links to supes."

"Ethan thinks the dragons are helping her," says Ash. "They"ve a lot of activity in London—much of it illegal. One of their syndicates would have overseas contacts."

"Dominion are everywhere in the world and spreading," says Tobias flatly. "Gabriella will find a safe haven somewhere."

"No, she fucking won"t," I growl. "Because we"re going to kill her. And if we don"t, the First will."

Jamie shifts in his seat and looks away. "And then?"

"What do you mean?" asks Maeve.

"Are we helping with Dorian"s crusade as well?"

Ah. Now I know why he isn"t looking at me. "Kill my grandfather, you mean?"

"Take down the Confederacy," he replies, looking back.

"I understand that they"re corrupt," says Maeve in a small voice, "but that isn"t our fight."

Tobias and I exchange glances. Maeve isn"t thinking straight. She"s as in demand by the Confederacy as she is by the Dominion.

Maeve catches our look. "Yes, I know we"re in danger too, but when Andrei and Ash are safe—when we"re all safe, I want to disappear."

"And let Dorian take down the Confederacy." I snort a laugh. "Imagine if he put himself in charge."

"Better the devil you know," says Tobias.

"Are you serious?" I gawk.

"The only person who"ll ever be in charge is that creature," says Maeve.

"If the First doesn"t go into hiding again."

"Yeah, or float around with no body," says Ash. "Sorry, but I can"t get my head around what the First is. Like, everything has a body. How can it not? Where did it come from?"

Tobias shakes his head. "I doubt we'll ever know or understand. What"s important is where the First went and what it plans to do next. I don"t think the creature finished playing with us yet."