14. Spencer

Chapter 14

Spencer

I had to get out of that bathroom. I was hard as a fucking rock, and I didn’t want her to see how much she was affecting me. We agreed not to start something while we were here. I couldn’t go back on that, especially since it had been my stupid idea in the first place, and there were no damn condoms available in case we lost control, which was highly likely given how we were getting closer with every passing moment.

Keeping my distance was vital. Being close and touching her became more and more essential with every second I spent with her, and it could not happen tonight. Washing her hair had been too much for me. I palmed my erection, willing it to go away.

I stopped to look outside, where the relentless snow was still falling. I placed a hand on the pane and stared into the dark, leaning my forehead against the glass to cool my racing thoughts. But heat rippled up my spine despite the icy press of the glass against my face.

It was late. The sun had long since set.

We’d slept the morning away together, and then I spent most of the afternoon reading a book while Lucy continued to sleep off her headache.

She’d been so peaceful, so beautiful—I’d never seen a face as pretty as hers. She was lovely, with the twin dark fans of her lashes resting against her delicate cheekbones and the light constellation of freckles sprinkled across her nose. Her face was relaxed, so her dimple was just a tiny shadow on her cheek. I’d wanted to kiss it and wish her good dreams.

I had to grab the book so I didn’t spend the day getting lost in my feelings and watching her as she slept.

Each morning here, we’d woken up all over each other. We did in our sleep what we couldn’t allow to happen when we were awake.

This was not the direction I should let my thoughts go in. I let out a frustrated growl. I had never been an impulsive man, but something about Lucy made me want to deconstruct my carefully built walls and let myself go.

Needing something to do, I headed to the kitchen and gathered the ingredients for pasta. I laid out plates, silverware, and glasses on the island.

The water was simmering in the pot when she came out of the bathroom dressed in leggings and the hoodie I’d left on the counter. It was huge on her, and the sight of her wearing something that belonged to me had my stomach turning somersaults and my heart racing out of control.

“I hope it’s okay that I’m wearing your hoodie. It looked cozy and warm.”

Why was this sexier than that black bathing suit?

I had to look away. Turning back to dinner, I dumped the noodles into the water.

“Yeah,” I cleared my throat. “Of course.” It was more than okay. It was everything.

She was going to be mine.

But I’d wait until we got out of here to tell her that.

“Pasta for dinner?”

“Yeah, are you hungry?”

“Starved.” She slid onto the stool at the island. “Should we wait to have the cider at midnight?”

My lips twitched. “Ahh, yes, let’s save the toast for what is arguably one of the most romantic times of the year,” I teased.

“The midnight kiss.” Her eyelashes fluttered playfully. “No pressure there.” She added with a mock pout, “I didn’t get one last year. Unless you count the one on my cheek from my mother.”

“I did.” I met her eyes over the counter. “And it was not worth the trouble.”

Tonight would mark a year of me being alone. No dates, no one-night stands, no flirting, no texting, talking, hoping, or planning—nothing because I had been done with trying.

Cut to finding Lucy on the side of the road…

“Oooh, there’s a story there.” With her elbows on the counter she rested her chin on her hands. “Tell me all about it.”

“It’s nothing, really, just the typical not right for each other, wanting different things out of life stuff—which basically sums up the entirety of my dating life. The only story I care about is the one happening right here with you.” I touched her nose with a fingertip. “Compared to now, everything else feels like I was just passing the time.”

She sat up straight, shaking her head. “How do you do that?”

“Do what? Am I in trouble?” One glance at her playful grin told me I wasn’t.

“If I were a Victorian, I would have swooned, Spencer. Like, you’d have to carry me to the fainting couch and put some freaking smelling salts under my nose to wake me up.”

“What—?”

Her stunning eyes warmed on mine. “What I love most about you is that this stuff just comes naturally. You’re not saying sweet things to get me into bed or placate me somehow. In fact, the only reason why I haven’t already jumped your bones is out of respect for you.”

“Lucy—” I had to set her straight.

“You’re a romantic, Spencer,” she cut me off before I could explain. “Any woman who couldn’t make it work with you is a complete idiot or dead inside.”

“I’m not a romantic?—”

“Bullshit.” She threw her head back and laughed, sending a cascade of butterscotch waves over her shoulders. I wanted to tangle my hands in it. I wanted to pull her into me and let myself go.

Shit.

“It’s you.” I blurted.

“What?” Curiosity shone in her eyes. She inhaled a sharp breath, holding it as she waited for my answer.

“In the bathroom, when we were joking around about our relationship flaws, I left something out.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Tell me. I won’t judge you. This is a safe space.” Her smile was as kind as it was beautiful. I knew right then I could tell her anything.

“I’m not romantic,” I confessed. “Not one bit. I’ve been called cold. Good at orgasms and bad the romance.”

“Noooooo. I don’t believe that.” She slapped a hand on the countertop. “The hell you say.”

“I’d given up. New Year’s Eve last year didn’t go well. We broke up for petty reasons not even worth mentioning, and that was it. The next day, I went to the shelter down in Sweetbriar and got a dog for company. I don’t like living alone, and I was done trying to find someone to be with; it was going to be just him and me. We go for slow jogs every morning; he loves watching football with me, and yeah, he’s great.”

Her head jerked back on her neck. I’d surprised her. “No shit?”

“None. Zero shit.”

“Where is he? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, Tucker—brother number three—picked him up for me. He’s hanging at his place with him and his kids until I get back home. He loves kids.”

“Okay, good. I was thinking of getting a dog for the same reason—I’m supposed to be on a man-ban, but clearly—” She gestured to me, then back to herself, then around the room with a wave of her hand. “I’m not good at sticking to any sort of rules. Anyway, I also thought about getting a cat but couldn’t decide, so I got some fish. I have a big-ass aquarium in my living room.”

“That’s cool.”

One of the things I liked best about Lucy was how we could talk about anything. Jumping from subject to subject, serious or not, without missing a beat.

“It really isn’t. Fish are boring as hell. You’d better stir that pasta, Spencer.”

“Oh yeah.” I turned back to the pot. Luckily, it was not stuck together too badly and was ready to drain. I dumped it in the colander and gave her a smile while I was at it.

“What’s your dog’s name?”

“Larry. He’s a Newfoundland. He might be bigger than you are.”

“Hey, just like my Larry the Llama stories!”

“Yeah, I named him after your Larry. Tucker’s kids love your books.”

I paused, taking in the way her face was lit up, and my heart jerked in my chest. “Damn, Lucy,” I whispered through yet another subject change. “I want to kiss you so bad right now. But if I do, I’ll never be able to stop.”

She leaned forward across the counter. “Why would we have to stop? I understood your reasoning on the first day. You’re so sweet. And respectful and protective, and—okay, I’ll stop getting sidetracked by listing all your awesome qualities. You didn’t want to take advantage of me. But it’s different now. You know it wouldn’t be taking advantage, right?”

“It’s because we don’t have any protection here.”

“Huh?” Her brows dropped down in confusion.

“Condoms, Lucy. I kept a box in the bathroom cabinet, and they’re gone. Believe me, my brothers will hear about it when I get back.”

Her eyes widened and she flopped back in her stool as the realization that now we were bound to our agreement and couldn’t change our minds hit her.

“Well, damn. Okay. Crap, this changes things. I mean, I wasn’t going to try to tempt you on purpose. But I admit, I was halfway hoping you’d change your mind.”

“I have to be honest with you. I changed my mind when I went looking for the condoms. Or at least I was more open to seeing where things between us could go. And for the record, I didn’t expect sex from you, but I also didn’t want to, uh, get something going and not have the option if the need arose.”

She huffed out a disgruntled breath. “Maybe I’ll join you whenever you have a chat with your brothers. I’m not on the pill or anything. I’ve been tested and all that, but—how sad for us. We deserve so much pity right now.”

“We need one of your silver linings,” I said. “We have the pasta? Speaking of—” I added butter, a bit of olive oil, some seasonings, and minced garlic to the pan heating on the stove. “It’s the fourth best thing after sex,” I informed her as I stirred.

She burst out laughing. “What are the other two?”

“My chocolate chip cookies and—” I shook my head. “Never mind. This isn’t the time.”

“It’s naughty, isn’t it? Tell me. Wait, no, don’t tell me. I want to guess.”

I added the noodles to the pan before turning back around to send her a smirk because I knew it would rile her up. “You’ll never guess.”

“Wanna bet?” She held up a hand. “I forgot something too. I mean from the bathroom chat about our flaws. I’m—” She used her fingers to air quote. “Too competitive. Whatever.”

“Sweetheart,” I drawled. “Come on now, I already knew that. The Monopoly game yesterday made it crystal clear, and it’s not a deal breaker for me. It’s the opposite, if I’m being honest. No worries.”

“Opposite?”

“It was sexy as hell. You beat the shit out of me, and I loved it. I don’t care what it says about my manhood.”

“Oh, well, that’s good to know.” She bit her lip, and I chuckled as she grew lost in thought. “Okay, I’ll put a pin in that to contemplate later.”

“Whatever you say.” I placed a plate of pasta in front of her and sprinkled parmesan cheese over the top. “Say when.”

After a few beats, she tapped a cute little pink-painted fingertip on the counter. “When, thank you. Come around here and sit by me.” I scooped my serving and joined her on the other side of the island. “Let’s talk about Spencer Cassidy’s hierarchy of needs.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. “Number one: Sex. Two: Chocolate chip cookies. Number four is pasta. What could number three be?” She tilted her head to the side, making a show of thinking it over. “I got it: Blow jobs.”

I couldn’t control my burst of laughter. “Ah, you’re so close, but not quite there.” It's a good thing I hadn’t yet taken a bite, or I would have choked on it.

“Close? Food and sex, food and sex,” she murmured. “Ohhh!” She grabbed my arm, shaking it excitedly. “I got it. I bet you’re a giver. Everything about you says you’d be generous in bed. Isn’t that right, Spencer? You said you were, “ Good at orgasms but bad at the romance.” That’s it. Wow. Okay then.” She let go, slugging my shoulder lightly. “You’re a downtown man, aren’t you?” She didn’t wait for an answer before holding her palm up for a high five. “I approve.”

I smacked her hand lightly, wondering what it said about me that I was now hard from this ridiculous conversation. No, it wasn’t the conversation. It was simply her . It was the leggings like a second skin, the fact that she was wearing my hoodie and looking far too sexy in it to be real. She made me laugh. She touched my heart. It was everything about her. All of it.

“Should we really be talking about this right now?” My grin slid sideways as I watched her face flush. “If I recall correctly, we’re supposed to stick to non-sexy topics. And yeah, I know I’m equally guilty of breaking the rules.”

Her need to win, to guess my number three, outweighed her need to be discreet, and it was hilarious. I almost told her it was actually number two, but I didn’t want her to think I was a horndog pervert.

“We’re mature adults, right, Spencer?” She sipped her water, the picture of innocence. “What’s a little sex talk going to hurt?”

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. Looking directly at her would only serve to make my dick get harder, like staring straight into an eclipse and going blind.

“We’re two mature adults who can’t do anything about the raging attraction between them, you mean?”

“Yeah, that,” she squeaked out. “We got this, Spencer. We’ll be fine.”

Fuck it.

I faced her fully. “So if I told you I wanted to wear you like a necklace, it wouldn’t affect you at all, Miss Mature Adult?”

“Uhhh.” Her eyes were as big as saucers. She blinked, then blinked again.

“You’re driving me fucking crazy, Lucy.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’m not fine anymore.” She squirmed in her seat, and I yanked my napkin into my lap to hide my erection. “I mean, seriously, I’m not going to lie to you. I haven’t been fine since I got here. You’re driving me equally crazy, all right?”

“Let’s eat,” I suggested, raising my fork like a glass for a toast. “You’re right. We’re adults, and we want what’s best for each other. We got this.”

“Oh, right? Cheers to the fourth best thing we could be doing right now.” She grinned, rolling her eyes as she stuffed a huge bite into her mouth.

I followed suit, twirling noodles around on my fork.

Then, side by side at the kitchen island, we shoveled pasta into our faces, and I tried not to think about the top two things we would not be doing later tonight.

Shit.