Chapter Eleven

E rin knocked on Tim's door again, banging louder this time before taking a step back to see if she could spot any moment through the windows. Nothing. Where was he?

She glanced at her watch again. The bakery would open soon, and she'd have to come back later. Turning, she began walking down the path, the narrow gravel walkway leading between flowerbeds on either side.

‘Erin?' Tim's voice, croaky and soft, filled the air behind her.

Turning, she felt her heart fill with hope again. She'd tossed and turned all night, not knowing what to say or how she'd treat him now he'd told her how he really felt, but right now all of those worries and concerns melted away and all she saw standing in front of her, his hair ruffled with sleep, was Tim, her best friend and the person she cared for most in the entire world. She walked towards him and stopped on the doorstep. ‘Can we talk?'

‘Yes, yes, of course. Come on in. I've got some coffee in the pot.' Standing back, he let her through into the hallway before shutting the world out behind them. ‘Thank you for coming. I didn't know if you would.'

Slipping her sandals off, she followed him through to the kitchen. She hadn't been sure if she would either, but with Ian's words on repeat in her mind, she had known she had to see him. She had questions to ask.

Tim poured coffee into two mugs and handed her one before indicating the table in the corner of the kitchen. ‘Do you want to sit down?'

She shook her head. She could think better standing up. Always had. ‘No thanks.'

His shoulders slumped as he drew his coffee mug to his lips.

Leaning against the counter, Erin took a long glug of coffee before lowering her mug again and wrapping her hands around the hot ceramic. ‘I have questions.'

‘Of course. Ask me anything.'

She took a deep breath. She was here now, she might as well ask the most difficult question first, the one she was most dreading the answer to. ‘When did you start having feelings for me? Like that, I mean. Not just friendship.'

Shifting position, Tim sighed. ‘I'm not sure. When you finished with Kyle, seeing the way he'd made you feel...'

‘Seeing my life falling apart around me, you mean?'

Tim nodded ever so slightly. ‘I felt an anger inside me I'd never felt before. The first time I saw you after he'd told you he was ending the marriage, that moment when I opened my front door to see you there, I hated him. I hated him for making you feel the way he had. I just wanted to protect you.'

She nodded. She knew all of this. He'd told her how Kyle had made him feel, how much he'd despised Kyle for breaking her heart. But what did that have to do with how he felt towards her? He'd just been a protective friend, that's all.

‘That's when I began to realise that what I was feeling for you wasn't just friendship.' He ran the palm of his hand across his face. ‘Of course, it took me a while to figure it out, but looking back, that's when my feelings began to change.'

‘And then you split up from Susie when you realised how you felt about me?'

‘Exactly. As soon as it dawned on me that I was seeing you, feeling about you in a different way, I broke things off with Susie. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her. I didn't want to string her along. I decided I'd rather be on my own than do that to her, to anyone.'

‘You told her? She knew how you felt?'

He shrugged. ‘She guessed, and I didn't deny it.'

Erin gripped her mug tighter in her hands. No wonder Susie hadn't been particularly welcoming whenever she'd run into her in the city. Erin had just assumed it was because she was Tim's best friend.

‘I'm sorry you had to find out like you did.' Tim looked down at the floor.

Erin frowned. ‘If Susie hadn't said anything, then when would you have told me?'

Finishing the dregs of his coffee, Tim turned to refill it, his voice quiet. ‘I may not have.'

‘You'd have just said nothing?' Isn't that what Ian and Elsie had done right up until Ian had almost lost his life? Hadn't he said they'd felt something for each other for years and neither one of them had taken that leap of faith to tell the other how they felt? She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes as they filled with tears.

Turning back, Tim looked at her, his voice full of concern. ‘I didn't mean to make you cry.'

‘No, no, it's not you. It's something Ian told me last night. He said that he wishes he had told Elsie how he felt long before he had. And you told me, you took that jump.' Placing her mug on the work surface, she stepped towards him, drawing him into her arms.

‘I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have jeopardised our friendship.'

‘But if you hadn't, then we'd have carried on living a lie, pretending one thing but feeling another.' Her voice was muffled, and she wasn't really sure what she was trying to say, just that she wanted him in her life still.

‘What are you saying?' Leaning back, he cupped her elbows, searching her eyes.

‘I'm not sure.' She dug the heels of her hands against her eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears. ‘I just don't want to lose you.'

‘You'll never lose me.' Shifting position, Tim pulled a roll of kitchen roll from the work surface, tore a sheet off and gently wiped it across her cheeks.

Opening her eyes, she took the kitchen roll, crumpling it into a ball. ‘Thanks.'

‘The last thing I want is for things to be strange between us. Can we try to forget about all of this and enjoy the time we have together before you go to America?'

Erin bit down on her bottom lip as everything came into focus. Tim standing there inches away from her, her oldest and closest friend, the man who had just told her he loved her and despite that was prepared to bury his feelings and carry on as if nothing had happened. The man who would do that for her, who would put her feelings in front of his own. She met his eyes, her voice a whisper. ‘I'm not sure if I want to.'

‘Right, yes. Of course.' Ducking his head down, Tim ran his hand across the back of his neck. ‘I understand.'

‘No, no, I don't think you do.' Tucking her finger beneath his chin, she gently pulled his head up until he was looking at her. ‘I can't promise anything. Heck, I'm moving halfway across the world in a few weeks, but I'd like to explore this, us, how we feel about each other. I don't want to risk turning you down and regretting my decision.'

Tim's deep brown eyes darkened with a love she'd not seen before. ‘You do?'

‘Yes, I do.' And she did. She didn't want to end up wondering if she'd done the right thing by turning him down, or worse, by never speaking to him again. She didn't want to be forever wondering if she'd let The One walk away from her. No, she and Tim were close as it was. A relationship between the two of them might just be wonderful.

Grinning, he tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘So where do we go from here?'

‘I'm not sure.' She glanced at the clock on his wall and grimaced. ‘But I need to get back to the bakery. Sorry, Diane will have opened by now.'

‘Can I see you later?'

‘Yes, I'd like that. Very much.' Stepping away, she turned and left him watching after her.