28. Mark

28

MARK

I smile a little as I feel Leonor’s leg ride higher on my thigh, her body scooting closer to mine as she drapes her arm across my chest.

I’ll never say it to anyone, at least not yet, but this doesn’t feel real.

Leo and I cuddling in bed is normal, we all do it, this is different, though.

Because I’ve never cuddled Leonor or anyone else in the band while I was naked from the waist down, and she’s never been stuck to me the way she is right now without any clothes on, either.

It’s happening, though.

That’s exactly how we’re laying and it makes me a huge fucking sappy asshole for thinking like this, it’s just hard not to. Not when I genuinely believed that someone like Leonor Allan could never be attracted to a dude like me let alone fall in love with one.

She did, though.

She reassured me over and over, too, because I still thought she had sex with me out of pity or some other fucked up emotion. Leo also said that she gave up meaningless sex a long time ago so any banging she does now is as meaningful as it gets because it’s us.

Us.

That is what I’m afraid of.

Not because I think anything the four of them are doing or the five of us will be doing is wrong, I never once thought that, and I’m not really afraid of how whatever it is the five of us will be doing is a much bigger commitment than I originally thought it could be. No, I’m afraid of the same shit I was with Leonor, times three, because feelings and sexuality and all that shit comes a lot easier for Lucky and them than it does for me.

Eh, maybe not Pete.

Maybe.

But I never thought I had feelings for those guys, not really, and that’s because I ignored anything that could have been called that the same way I did with the ones I had for Leonor.

The three of them are real good looking, I’ve always known that, always thought so since we were kids but it stopped there because I wouldn’t let it go further.

Now, though?

With my girl wrapped around me, smelling like sex, her professions of love lingering just as strongly in the air?

It changes things.

It allows for things to change because she loves them, I love them, and I know they love me, it’s just a matter of exploring that love to see where it goes, I guess.

I’m not against it, not really. I’ve never been with a guy before, never even kissed one unless you count the times Leo dared us when we were hammered and since I only recall that from the photo documentation and nothing more, they don’t count.

I’m not as adventurous as Lucky or even Pete, definitely not Leo, but I’ve always been curious and open to trying new things.

There just wasn’t anyone I wanted to try shit with.

Which is more my own fault than anyone else because I’m insecure as fuck about my body. Especially with dudes like Pete and Luck around. I work out with them, we all did it together for a long time, and I can bench more than either of them can but I don’t have abs, I’ve never been able to get shredded or whatever and that can make you think.

It made me think, anyway.

Sure, I could pull hoards of groupies just like the rest of them but that was more from my sense of humor than anything else. I was never the girl’s first choice and that was fine with me because it didn’t really matter.

I’m the fat guy and I accepted that a long fucking time ago.

Which is why I never thought Leo would want to be with someone like me.

And now it’s why I’m afraid the guys aren’t going to be as open to bringing me into their relationship as I secretly hope they are.

I guess I’m more nervous than scared, worried about rejection and disgust, concerned it’ll change the dynamics of the band. I don’t want to lose my best friends over this. I’m also not a huge fan of getting my heart broken over shit I haven’t even tried yet.

The seeds are there, tiny little roots dug deep, and I’m ready to explore whatever it is I could have with the guys that goes beyond what we have now.

I just hope they are too or else this could really turn into a fucking nightmare.

With how things have been going lately, all the shit Leonor has been dealing with, the last thing we need is for me to get butthurt because one of my best friends since middle school won’t let me stick my dick in, well, their butt.

“I’m buying you an anal plug.”

With a sigh, I slowly turn my head as a very long leg drapes over mine from the other side, a long arm wrapping around my chest underneath Leo’s and holding tight. A chin comes to rest on my shoulder and as soon as my blurry eyes open and focus, I’m met with an intense gun metal gray stare and blinding smile. “Excuse me?”

Norm crawls up the bed in nothing but a pair of shorts, wiggling around on top of me and Leo until he’s burrowed and cozy with his head on my shoulder and limbs tangled with ours while Lucky scoots closer. “An anal plug. I’m going to buy you one.”

“An anal plug?” I arch a brow then watch Pete shed every stitch of clothing he had on, climb onto the bed behind Leonor and spoon her so hard he shakes the mattress. He reaches out over our girl and Norm, lacing his fingers with Lucky’s so we’re basically all trapped underneath their wall of arms. “How long have you waited to say that to me?”

“Long time. Too long, Markus.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s weird.”

“Not when you think about it from my perspective.” Lucky shrugs a shoulder as I turn to face him fully. “I don’t see you as a bottom, though.”

“No?” What an odd fucking conversation to have right after waking up from a nap. Not unexpected, just strange.

Luck shakes his head. “Nah, that weapon between your thighs deserves to do all the damage. Norm will like it. Hell, so will we but I don’t see you bottoming.” Then his lips curve into something sort of evil. “ Yet .”

And I can’t help but laugh.

I guess I didn’t really need to worry about any of that shit.

Should have known better with these guys, and I might still feel leery but I’m not as concerned anymore.

“Hence, starting you with the anal plug.”

“Ah,” I say with a nod. “Start small, see if I like it. Gotcha.”

“Exactly. Just don’t be shocked when Leo gives you a rim job or slips her finger in your ass while she’s going down on you.”

I do not need to get a boner right now.

I’m half naked under the sheet and basically any of them would feel it in this position, and I’m not sure I’m quite ready for what that’ll turn into.

Filthy minded group of fucks.

That’s what we are.

Proven when Lucky chuckles and leans in close, his mouth by my ear as he reaches down and gives my dick a quick squeeze. “Don’t be shocked when one of us does it, either.”

Ignoring what that does to me right now, I smirk in his face as he backs up a bit. “Gotta wine and dine me first, big guy.”

“Then I get to sixty-nine you.”

“Something like that.” Luck innocently wraps his arm around my gut and I hold my breath, almost like I need to suck it in even though he knows it’s there. I haven’t been shirtless in front of any of them in a long time and that’s something I’m going to struggle with, I’m sure.

It’s also something Lucky picks up on immediately.

“Markus,” he says as he moves his hand higher, grabbing my chin through my beard. He searches my eyes for a beat before a small, genuine smile forms on his face. “We love you.” Lucky leans in and gives me the sweetest, briefest kiss I’ve ever had. “We’ll go at your pace no matter what because of it, and that’s all I’m going to say about that right now.”

Filthy minded or not, these fucks are my best friends and that right there is one of the millions of reasons why.