6. Jae

Chapter six

Jae

"When you're back, I'm never letting you go back on tour again. I mean, I'm going to try anyway."

It's been almost two weeks since I moved into the new house, and I don't think I'll ever be sick of the views from the bedroom window, or the sun which greets me every morning, instantly bringing me a feeling of serenity. The last few days have been filled with endless amounts of online shopping, half of which I don't need. However, going from living in dorms on an army barrack to having my own space, I'm taking every chance I get to make sure this place feels like a home and not a bachelor pad.

Since the only form of interaction I've had apart from watching endless amounts of Grey's Anatomy reruns is texting Isaac and Bee for the thousandth time that I'm okay, I decide to take another walk around the neighbourhood, taking advantage of the good weather. I have to repeatedly remind myself Jackson and Sloan will be there upon my return.

I've always been grateful for being introduced to this town. Living in barracks or being on tour didn't allow me to really appreciate the world around me. Being here has allowed me to do that in such a short amount of time. Coastal views and green fields now surround me instead of destroyed buildings and debris. Even in the short amount of time I've been here, I understand the power this town has to make people feel so calm.

More importantly, I understand what it is about this town that made Dax feel so calm.

And in turn, knowing that he felt calm, helps me feel the same.

He became everything I knew I wanted, without even knowing. The only way I can describe how I felt when Dax came into my life is to imagine how it would feel being on the tallest roller coaster, at the top of a drop. That moment when you're unaware of what will happen next. The fear and the excitement all combined together in one. That's how I felt when I met him.

And without being aware of what was happening, Dax became my lifeline.

Romantic relationships had never been important to me in the past. The idea I could be asexual crossed my mind a number of times, because I didn't have any attraction to anyone sexually. People had tried to engage with me and wanted to get to know me, but I soon realised I was making up every excuse humanly possible to stop allowing people to get close. The plus side about being in the army meant I didn't have the extra time to dedicate myself to a relationship. I would never be able to give someone my all and what they truly deserved. However, that all changed with Dax. For the first time in my life, I knew I was fully prepared to do everything in my power to allow someone to have the time and dedication required of me.

I was more than willing to ensure he had me in every way possible, and that whatever we had between us, could grow into a relationship. No matter how busy or tired I became from training and working out, I'd make sure he knew exactly how important he and our relationship was to me. People tend to say fate works in mysterious ways, and this was definitely one of them.

After the time we spent together, being called away on tour was the last thing we needed. He understood it was my job, and no matter how much I wanted to stay with him and never leave, I couldn't.

Or so I thought.

We spent as much time as possible together soon after we met. It took me by surprise as I had never been this way before with anyone else, but for some unknown reason, our personalities gravitated towards one another more than they had done in the past, and I think that's when I realised what I had with Dax was different to anything I'd had before.

And that's when I noticed just how effortlessly I was falling in love with Dax Whitmore.

The morning before my departure was one of the hardest I've ever had to live through.

The photographic memory of his face is still seared into my mind.

His beautiful ocean blues, filling with tears, longing for me not to go. I could see the pleading coming from him without him speaking a word.

It's funny how much you learn about a person after spending every moment of your spare time with them. You start to learn their routine, how they take their tea, what their favourite TV shows are, how they sleep, and how their hand fits inside of yours.

I knew it took all of Dax's strength for him not to fall to the floor and beg for me not to go.

Because his feelings mirrored my own.

I would have done anything to stay.

After pulling on my boots and the first jumper I can find, I decide it's time for me to stop moping around the house and venture outside for some fresh air. It's time to take the walk I'd been thinking of. I silently thank the universe that I'm here and proud of myself, for proving I could do this.

I can be Jae.