42. Jae

Chapter forty-two

Jae

"Things are getting hard. I don't know how to think or how to feel. But what I do know is, above everything, I love you."

It probably wasn't fair to leave Noah the way I did, but I didn't care. Adrenaline was rushing through my body at high speed. The world could freeze over right now, and I'd still find a way to get to Dax. I attempt to ring Tyler another two times while I start the car. He answers neither.

Their house is on the other side of town, but thanks to the bad weather and most people deciding to stay at home, the roads are empty, allowing me to get there in no longer than twenty minutes, speeding through all three red lights on the way.

I will welcome those speeding tickets with open arms.

Pulling into the driveway, my eyes go straight towards the bike lying on the ground. Dax would never do that normally. Something is wrong. His bike is his pride and joy. Turning off the engine hastily, I climb out, rushing towards the bike and standing it up against my car. If there's one thing Dax wouldn't forgive me or himself for, it would be for ruining his bike.

Please be okay.

Striding towards the house, I'm filled with nothing but nerves and panic. Instead of knocking and waiting for someone to answer, I immediately try the door handle. I'm thankful to find it unlocked and walk straight inside, closing the door behind me; but I am on alert soon after, when the first thing that catches my attention is the sound of pain. The sound of hurt.

Someone's crying.

And it's not the brother I thought it would be.

Following the sound up the staircase, I hear a whimper and turn to the right to follow the noise. From the corner of my eye, I see Tyler sitting outside a bedroom door, knees brought to his chest with his head tucked inside. I don't want to startle him, but I also need to know where Dax is. Gently approaching him, I put my hand onto his shoulder so he knows I'm here.

"Are you okay? Where is he?"

"He's okay. He's just fallen asleep. You can check if you want, I'm sorry I called, man. I panicked. I didn't know what else to do. I was scared."

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. I haven't seen him like that in a long time, since… since Mum died. He'd just left work. I got the notification on my phone when he locked up the store, but when he got off his bike, he just seemed out of it. He didn't seem himself. Nov –" He stumbles. "– I saw him throw his bike on the ground outside, so I rushed out to see what was wrong. He just pushed me to the side and wouldn't speak. He's never done that to me before." He wipes his face with the back of his hands. "I panicked, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't help him. I didn't know who else to call. I'm sorry I couldn't get through to him, Jae. I'm scared I've lost him."

Tyler drops his head back into his arms. I know how he feels in this exact moment because I think he feels similar to how I do. We both feel as though we could have done something better, something that would help.

Something good enough.

"What do you mean you couldn't help him? Tyler, you put your life on hold. You've been there for Dax endlessly. He's always spoken about how much you do for him; how lucky he is to have you. It was my fault the way he was tonight. You gave him the world but held yours back. Trust me, he knows, we both do. Tonight was just…" I stop to catch a breath, my hands shaking as I brush one through my hair. "I don't know. A friend of mine came who Dax had met previously, they've never seen eye to eye, I think it made Dax panic. I'm sorry I didn't plan ahead and consider his reaction properly, I take full blame for what's happened tonight."

And I should have. It wasn't fair for me to throw it onto Dax the way I did. I shouldn't have done it over the phone, I should have had time to prepare. I should have asked Isaac if Noah could come tomorrow, or the day after. I didn't think things through. I threw him off.

I should have known better.

I do know better.

"There's one thing I need to ask you. If you're not ready or if you don't know, that's fine. I just need to know. Are you in love with him?" Tyler asks.

It doesn't take me long to reply back to that question.

"Yeah. I am."

I've loved him since the first time I saw him.

His shoulders relax and he finally lets out the breath he seemed to be holding. "Good, because if you said no, I'd have totally punched you right now. I'm sorry I was so upfront asking. I didn't want to put you on the spot, but I'm just scared, you know? I made a promise I'd look after him and I'll be damned if I ever break it. But sometimes I just feel like I'm not enough. I wonder if he'd be better off without me. And honestly, the thought of that eats me alive."

His confession makes my heart ache. I've always been open and honest to others about loving Dax, I couldn't not love him, even if I tried. But getting to know Tyler since I moved here is a blessing too. I've not only got my love back, I've made a friend in his brother.

"And I'd deserve it. I'm sorry for upsetting him. I didn't mean to. I wasn't thinking." He acknowledges what I've just said but doesn't reply, nodding his head instead. He's exhausted, I can see it in his face. I recognise the look of defeat. I wish he knew deep down just how much he helps his brother. They are lucky to have one another, I don't think they'd have made it this far if they weren't by each other's side.

I don't think either would have survived.

"Was there still a Land Rover parked outside by any chance?"

I notice the way he plays with the hem of his shirt when he asks that question, not wanting to give me any eye contact. He's nervous to ask.

If it were another day I would joke about ‘star girl' but I can't bring myself to when Dax is behind this door, needing me.

"No, mate, sorry. It was just the bike on the ground when I pulled in."

He nods, letting out a low sigh, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Slowly standing up, he rubs his hands against the sides of his sweatpants. "I'm going to go give her a quick call. I probably have some explaining to do… Are you okay to stay here? I didn't interrupt anything did I?"

"Yeah, I'm going to stay, you didn't interrupt anything. You go do what you need to do, don't worry about Dax, I'll make sure he's okay."

He nods again. "Thanks." I sit and watch as he turns his back and starts to walk towards the top of the stairs

"And, Tyler? You deserve to be happy too. I know you're looking out for Dax. But who's looking out for you? You don't need to put your happiness to the back anymore. I've got him now."

He takes in a deep breath, turning to face me once again. "Maybe one day I'll deserve someone who looks at me the way you look at him. I'm glad he's got you. You both deserve each other." He quickly turns, facing the stairs, slowly making his way down one step at a time.

And my heart weighs down in sadness. Not only for the brother I've hurt in the room behind me, but for the other brother who doesn't realise he deserves just as much happiness as he gives.