38. Dax

Chapter thirty-eight

Dax

"One day, the distance between us will be nothing but a memory. I'm counting down until that day."

I will never get used to the fact that I can wake up back in Jae's arms again.

After all the time I spent convincing myself it would never happen again, the fact it's now become reality blows my mind.

I felt guilty when he came downstairs, and I thought it was the music that woke him up, but I was instantly relieved when he explained it wasn't me. He thinks I don't notice that he doesn't sleep much either. When in fact, I notice everything. Maybe that's why I don't sleep so much myself. My brain is working overtime.

I don't like leaving Jae at home on his own, I know he's fine and I have nothing to worry about, but I also know he doesn't like being alone. I surprise myself sometimes because I think I know him better than I know myself.

He knows me better than I know myself.

I persuaded Tyler to have the day off today, it wasn't easy to do but I didn't give him a choice. He needed some time off; we own the shop together. It wasn't fair to him; he was here more than me, when we should be here the same amount of time. We're brothers. We do everything together. But recently I've been allowing him to do more than me, especially with the shop. And I hate myself for it.

I need to look after him as much as he looks after me.

But he's been looking after me for so long. Will anything I ever do be enough to be able to repay him?

Walking out of the back room with a pile of records in both hands, I make my way to the store floor, ready to do my alphabetical organisation of records, a routine I've gotten myself used to. Without thinking about it, I'm automatically doing it.

I'm lost in the moment, singing along to Love Story by Taylor Swift, allowing the tune to blast through the speakers, when the store front door flies open and in walks a woman that looks a few years older than Tyler, with long brown hair, who I've never seen before. Her face looks familiar, but I can't picture where I recognise it from. I don't think she's a tourist.

"Dax, right?" she asks. Her voice doesn't sound familiar, but she has a Welsh accent, so she's local.

Uh oh. What has Ty done wrong now?

"Yeah, who's asking?"

"Hello, sorry I didn't introduce myself when I walked in. I'm Novah, my two sons attend your music lessons, Theo and Frankie? Tyler has been helping me out this week with it being half term. He overheard me saying how I needed to work, so he suggested helping me with them. They've been here most days during school hours. He has them today, I managed to get away early so I thought I would surprise them and come pick them up. Are they not here?"

Why hasn't he mentioned this to me before?

"Oh, hi. No, they're not here, it's just me today. Um, if you take a seat at the back, I'll send a text to Tyler asking where he is."

"Thank you, Dax. Yeah, I left my phone in the car actually, so that would be helpful. Thanks."

Novah makes her way over to the sofas at the back. I'm glad Ty is helping her with the boys, he doesn't have a bad bone in his body. He would help anyone if they asked. But part of me can't help but feel a bit sad, confused that he didn't tell me anything about it. I understand why he's offering to help. I'd be pissed if he didn't.

I just wish he would have told me.

Picking up my phone from the counter, I send a quick text asking where he is and telling him Novah is here to pick the boys up. I see that he read the text straight away but didn't reply. He's most likely already on his way here with them.

I hurry towards the back room. "There's a mini fridge in the unit to the side of the sofa. Tyler had one put in there mostly for the boys when they come after school before lesson. Feel free to help yourself. There are some snacks, too, under the table in the box."

I hear the fridge door open the box under the table rattle.

"Rubicon and Wotsits?" Her voice trembles. "You got these for the boys?" She takes off her reading glasses and her brown eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Yeah. We know what the sunflower lanyard is that Theo wears. We know what it means. Theo, he," I pause for a moment, running my hand through my hair, "reminds me of myself. We just want to make sure they're both comfortable. If there's anything at all that we can do to help…"

I notice Novah's face turns into a sad smile, if anyone understands the difficulty of struggling to be understood, it's me.

"Thank you, Dax." She wipes away tears that have now started falling with the cuff of her sleeve. "Really. You both have been so amazing with the boys. Frankie speaks very highly of you both. I don't know how I can thank you."

"If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask him."

I carry on organising the records in alphabetical order, Novah asks a handful of times if I'd like any help, saying she feels bad sitting watching while I'm working, to which I instantly reply with a no.

I don't even let Ty organise the records, I'm not going to let someone I don't know do it.

I can't risk her doing it wrong.

Twenty minutes fly by unnoticed and the door swings open, Theo and Frankie walk inside, followed by Ty.

"Hey, Mum, Tyler took us to the Observatory. Theo was working on his scrapbook, and we didn't know what to do with the page, so he took us to one. Have you ever been before? I thought it would be boring, but it was really cool. I think you'd like it." Frankie throws himself into his mum's arms.

Novah's look of bewilderment quickly turns to one of softness and a smile forms on her lips.

"That's nice, baby. I'm glad you liked it." She brushes his hair out of his face and presses a kiss on his forehead, gently taking his arm and moving him to the side. Theo walks over to her but doesn't say a word. Instead, he proudly holds up his sketchbook, showing his mum what he's been working on. Novah instantly bends her knees, so she is now his height, putting on her reading glasses to see his artwork. After carefully studying what Theo is showing her, she brings her fingertips together forming a shape with her hand, pulling them to her lips and then pulling away. She repeats this motion twice, whispering the word beautiful, for only Theo to hear. Theo's face beams with pride from the acknowledgement his mum gave his work, carefully slipping the pad into the satchel he has hanging from his shoulder. With his back now turned to her as Frankie starts to talk to him, Novah stands up straight, removing the glasses from her face, smoothing out the crease at the bottom of her dress which formed from bending down. "You took them to the Observatory?" The sadness in her voice returns. "Thank you. I've been meaning to, I just lost track of time." Her shoulders slump, Frankie squeezes her hand, and she looks down at him. Her smile changing instantly. I can see the love she has for her sons and how much her being too busy is hurting her. She draws in a long breath and returns her gaze to Tyler. "Everything's just been so busy."

"It was no problem," Tyler replies without hesitating. He starts to lean onto the side of the counter uncomfortably, stroking one hand through his hair. "I'm sorry if I overstepped."

She smiles and shakes her head. I notice the way she looks at Ty as well as the way he looks at her.

I've never seen him look at someone this way before, this is something different, something more.

He looks at her as though he would pull down the moon from the sky, just to see her smile. And she looks as though she knows that, too.

I recognise the twinkle he has in his eyes for her, it's the same kind of twinkle Jae has in his eyes for me.

"I'll just be in the back." I cough. Wanting to remove myself from the situation, feeling awkward.

The way Tyler has been acting around the boys kinda makes some sense. He cares about them. He cares about her.

And instead of feeling happy for my brother and having an overwhelming feeling of joy, I'm left with a feeling of sadness.

Sadness because we normally tell each other everything.