29. Connor

Ayear ago, I'd been afraid of making Mattias my rebound after a failed marriage. I'd worried that I would get overwhelmed or pull back and ruin everything. Each year, I looked forward to returning to Cider Landing, reconnecting with him and Jessamine and walking the woods and talking to the locals and, well, I hadn't wanted to lose that too.

I'd been a fool. To think that I wouldn't realize how happy he made me, the thrill of making him smile, how it felt to be with him, in him.

It'd been years since I'd been with anyone, since I'd relaxed enough to let someone that close, to enjoy something without the horrible, crushing guilt that said I didn't deserve happiness, pleasure, or connection—not when I couldn't even keep my kid safe.

I'd shut the world out well before Trevor had given up on the idea of us. I didn't think we could've grown back together, but with any luck, we'd both be happier now than we could've been together.

Mattias had cracked open a door to let in the light and I—I couldn't imagine not adoring him for it.

My fingertips brushed over his arm, tracing the shape of his elbow, then back up to his shoulder. It was slow, languorous, and I never wanted to stop touching him.

In time, he hummed softly and his eyes opened, squinting against the soft morning light.

"Good morning," he said, his voice slightly raspy from sleep.

"Hey there." Did he have any idea how gorgeous he was, first thing in the morning? Even with a little crust at the corner of his mouth, his eyes were warm and inviting, his curls were an absolute mess that I just wanted to run my hands through.

Squinting one eye shut, he arched his back. When he relaxed again, he asked, "Can I interest you in some room service?"

I hummed, pressing my elbow down into the mattress to flip him onto his back. I trailed kisses over his neck and down, down, while his breaths came sharper and shorter.

"I have everything I need right here," I growled against his stomach.

I set to proving it, licking him everywhere, swallowing down his cock while his hands flexed on my shoulders and his pants hitched to soft cries.

When we were finished, panting, my weight pressing him down into the bed while he hugged me close, my cheek against his chest, I thought about staying there forever.

Then, I heard his stomach rumble.

I laughed, turning to kiss just above his belly button before looking up at him. "What if we got dressed and I helped you cook?"

"I like the sound of the second part better than the first," Mattias admitted, screwing up his lips. "But I guess we don't want to traumatize Peanut with naked man butt."

I laughed, squeezing him before I crawled out of bed.

Mattias was a force in the kitchen. He knew where everything was, how to use it, but it was more than that—he was confident there.

And I didn't mind it a bit when he ordered me around. He set me to making coffee while he pulled out more complicated ingredients.

Once the coffee was going and there was nothing left for me to do, I turned back toward him and leaned against the counter.

Mattias was beating eggs, a serious look on his face that made me want to kiss him again.

Yes, this. This was what I wanted.

But I thought of poor Peanut's sanity and the fact that a professional chef probably wouldn't want to make a mess of his kitchen, and shook myself out of it.

"I want to move to Cider Landing," I blurted out, trapped between feeling like this was coming out of nowhere and that we'd been building to it for the past year with late night chats.

Mattias froze, setting his bowl on the counter in front of him.

"Really? Like . . . now? For serious?"

"Absolutely for serious, yes. As soon as possible. I don't want to leave Tadpoles entirely, but I can do a lot remotely, and I want—if we can give this a real shot, I want to. A hundred percent."

Mattias's smile at that was so sweet, my heart flipped over in my chest. "But it's not... just because of me, is it?"

I shook my head. "It's for me too. I don't know if I really fit in the city? I was born there, so I can fake it, but it doesn't make me happy. Cider Landing makes me happy. You make me happy. Hell, Houdini the heron makes me happy."

Mattias bit his lip, like maybe he wanted to ask what else made me happy. He could've; it was a short list. Right then, he was at the very top of it.

"Do you want—I mean, you could move in here. It's not like we don't have the space. We could just make your room, you know, your room."

I grinned. He'd joked about it, sure, but the way his cheeks colored said that he meant it.

"We can talk about it," I said. "I don't want to rush into anything, and I feel like a sane person would suggest I should get a place of my own—" I certainly had enough things to fill it, but none of that felt important. It was a privilege, sure, but in that moment, I was considering never going back and just purchasing whatever I needed moving forward.

That was actually a step too far, but maybe...

"But it seems, well, kind of pointless if I'm going to be spending all my time here anyway. Which is, uh, what I'd probably do, given the option." It wasn't just the thrill of new romance either. I'd feel better with someone else to keep an eye on Jessamine, not leaving Mattias to take care of running a business, running a kitchen, and managing a house all on his own.

What was the point in not taking more on when I wanted to take more on. With him. Specifically.

I couldn't imagine anything better than moving forward together, no matter what came at us.

I glanced at Mattias, and he was biting his lip, trying not to grin at me too hard. "You have that option," he said. "I love that option."

"And Jessamine?"

"Thinks you're the best thing to ever walk in our door. I'll run it by her, but I feel pretty confident saying she'd adore the extra company."

I blew out a slow breath. "Will you let me pay rent?"

Mattias grimaced.

"Or take over utilities."

That was the thing—I didn't care how I was contributing, so long as I was contributing. And maybe it was a manipulative CEO move, but giving him two options made it more likely that he'd pick one instead of telling me to fuck off.

"I'll have to keep the place in the city for work events, that kind of thing. Maybe I could clean it out and rent it to tourists when I'm here, but it'd be no trouble to pay both sets of utilities at once. It'll help keep my head on straight if there's someone else counting on me to do it. Plus, you'll have to help me improve my cooking skills, and I'm pretty sure a class with a chef of your caliber would cost way more than your utilities."

Mattias had gone the color of a beet. "It's a big place. Utilities can be pretty expensive."

"Have you... have you tasted your pork roast?"

"I guess . . . "

"I rest my case."

When I stepped in closer and slipped my hands around his hips, Mattias groaned and rocked toward me.

"Really," I whispered, "I'd feel less like a visitor and a guest if I were contributing. I know you can manage, but I want to manage with you."

His shoulders dropped, and a wry smile played over his lips. "Okay. Okay, fine. You can cover utilities if you actually let me teach you about cooking."

"Done." Easy. I knew shit all about cooking. This seemed like a pure win from my side. "So, uh, tell me what you're doing there." I glanced at the bowl on the counter, a whisk abandoned inside it.

Horrorstricken, Mattias stared at me. "You've never scrambled eggs before?"

I grinned. So maybe I wasn't quite that useless. Having a kid meant someone was relying on me to keep them alive. Jessie liked scrambled eggs.

"Assume I'm helpless, oh great master," I said anyway, and when I turned him back toward the counter, I pressed in behind him and hugged his middle, dropping my chin onto his shoulder. "Show me your ways."

Mattias scoffed, but I wasn't too worried. Another soft kiss against my cheek said he was more charmed than exasperated, and maybe if I'd lost all my moves, or never had any good ones to begin with, he liked me anyway.

What a fucking wonder.