17. Mattias

We came out of the woods in a park in the middle of town, which was a little weird all on its own, since I could have sworn it was miles from where we'd been. But honestly, nothing about the evening had been normal.

A disappearing girl in the woods. The way she'd acted and spoken and... I wanted to both go back and yell at her for the way she'd been so cruel to Connor, and I wanted to never, ever see her again. Never be in her presence.

Something about her had made me feel like a bug pinned to a board. Like there was a huge monster in the room who'd already killed me, I just wasn't smart enough to know it yet. It wasn't just a prey instinct reacting to a dangerous predator. It was... well, this felt like what those old school horror authors had written about. Something huge and terrifying and unknowable. A cold and chaotic universe that didn't care what happened to me, a tiny ant, but saw me nonetheless.

Like I'd captured the attention of the great elder gods.

But I was being ridiculous.

Right?

I shuddered, and Connor next to me was doing the same. At once, we turned and looked at each other, and he took a deep, shaky breath. "The diner in town has amazing cake, right? I seem to remember amazing cake."

"They do," I agreed. "Best hummingbird cake in the state, in my opinion."

He nodded, turning to look around, then visibly shaking off whatever feeling had invaded that moment in the woods and marching forward. How very Connor. "I have no idea what a hummingbird cake is, but presuming no actual hummingbirds were harmed in its making, I say let's get one. Maybe the whole cake. Jessamine would probably like some too."

"It's her favorite," I agreed. "And only a few hummingbirds go into them. Little buggers are too hard to catch." He turned to stare at me, wide-eyed, and I couldn't hold in my laughter. "Okay, fine, you got me, no hummingbirds. It's just like a carrot cake, but with pineapple instead of carrots."

At that, he slumped into my side, letting out a hysterical-sounding laugh and nodding. "Okay. Sounds... actually, that sounds delicious. I love pineapple."

"Me too."

So we headed down to the diner, hand in hand, to pick up some cake to go. They had half of one left, so I just bought them out, and they packed it in a box for us to take back to the inn. And since Peanut was excited about the promise of food, definitely couldn't have cake, and had been frankly incredible at tracking, I asked for a burger patty to be cooked up for him. It wasn't the healthiest thing for him to have, but it wasn't as bad as feeding a dog straight up sugar like was in the cake.

Neither of us mentioned that we'd heard more than one kid laughing in the woods, so that one little girl couldn't have been alone out there. I tried not to think about my day in the woods, so many years earlier. A bunch of kids in the woods, playing, who'd taken me into their group easily. Who'd tried to convince me to stay with them, saying I never needed to go home.

I shivered again, and Connor dropped my hand. For a second, I was bereft, thinking my motion had reminded him of the point of contact, made him realize he didn't want to be holding my hand. But he didn't move away. He stepped in closer and wrapped the whole arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I wasn't even sure he knew what he was doing, since when I looked up at him, his gaze was a million miles away.

A buzzing in my pocket grabbed my attention, and I immediately reached for it. Every phone call since Grandma's fall, unless she'd been sitting with me when the phone rang, I'd been worried it was about her. Worried she was in the hospital again.

When I managed to put the leash in my left hand and wiggle the phone out of my pocket with the right, I knew it wasn't her. Instead, I sighed, pressed decline, and stuffed the phone back into my pocket.

When I lifted my head again, Connor was raising a brow at me. "Don't want to talk to your mom?"

I groaned and leaned on him. "Sorry. I know it's awful, but she's... it's complicated."

"You don't have to tell me." He scrunched up his nose a little. "Actually, I decline my own mother half the time these days. She's still annoyed with me for the divorce. She agrees with Trev that it's time to move on with my life. Stop coming back here, leave Tadpoles, go back to Darling International and ‘do my job, the way I was born to,' like I can just get over Jessie."

I winced at the notion, shaking my head. "That's terrible, I'm sorry. Mine... she's been pressuring me to sell the inn. I'm sure you've noticed Grandma's struggling more than before, and money is always tight, of course, so she just thinks the best way to handle it is by giving up." I scowled, glaring into space and shaking my head, jaw clenched. "It's how she's always handled everything."

Connor sighed. "I get that. It's how everyone wants me to react to Jessie. Like there was a two-month time limit to emotions and looking for them, and now it's just time to throw up my hands and walk away."

"That's not in your nature, Connor Darling," I told him, wantonly laying my head on his shoulder, like I had permission. Like it belonged there. It felt like it belonged there. "You're not a man who gives up, and I like that about you. I think it makes you amazing."

His arm around my shoulders tightened, and I felt like I was fucking flying. We were talking about misery and tragedy, but we were together in it. We were persevering. We could do this.