16. Connor

No part of me wanted to find Jessie out there. Not because?—

Well obviously, if I could have Jessie run right into my arms, that'd be all I'd ever want again. But a sick, twisted reality crashed over me that, no matter how I felt like Jessie was still just out there, waiting for me to swing them up on my shoulders, if Jessie was out there I—I couldn't?—

There was no way?—

Still, I couldn't stop from following Peanut through the woods. If Jessie was there, I couldn't leave them behind. Not any longer than I already had.

And then there were children laughing. I didn't see them, but I heard one voice above the rest—my Jessie, high-pitched and delighted.

I'd know that sound anywhere. My heart soared and I—fuck, I was going insane, wasn't I?

But as we crashed through the woods, I thought maybe the world was going as crazy as I was. We came to an empty clearing where Peanut wiggled his backside as he circled around a little girl.

She didn't look all that different than Jessie might've, if they'd been a girl and grown up a couple years. They had the same soft golden curls. Their eyes were similar shades of blue, but this girl's were a little darker.

Nevertheless, she didn't fit. Not with anything I expected in the woods or outside of them.

She was wearing a perfect dress, all fluffy white lace that didn't look like it'd ever snagged. Crouching to scratch Peanut's head, she smiled at him. There was an otherworldly air about her, like the light bent to follow her.

When Mattias and I got there, she looked up at us and her face shuttered. Her perfect smile disappeared.

"Who are you?" she demanded, straightening in a smooth motion, sticking her chin out in a way that didn't seem childish at all.

I crouched down to get closer to her level, which only made her roll her eyes.

"I'm Connor Darling," I said, my throat tight with emotion. My voice cracked and my hair stood on end, like everything in my life hinged on this strange meeting. "This is Mattias Hall—he lives in town—and that there is Peanut. What's your name?"

"Aurora."

"That's a lovely name."

"I know," she snipped.

"Is your house near here?"

Aurora snorted. "Is yours?"

"No, actually. I live in a different city. New York. Have your parents ever taken you there?"

"No, but I've heard it's loud and smelly. Isn't it?"

I smiled. "It can be. It can be really fun too. You might like visiting it one day."

Aurora crossed her arms. "Doubt it. What are you doing out here?"

I glanced up at Mattias. He was scowling, like he didn't recognize this girl, which was hard to imagine given the way she seemed to take up the whole clearing. There was no way she could move through a small town like Cider Landing without everybody knowing who she was.

"I'm, um, I'm looking for another little kid."

"I'm not a little kid."

Even the way she said it sounded... off. Not like she wanted to be recognized for how big and mature she was, but like I was missing something critical.

"Okay, well, I'm—I'm looking for my kid. My Jessie."

"Hm." Aurora's chin rose another inch. "Are they really still yours?"

My heart turned to ice in my chest. "Have you seen them? They're a little younger than you. Short, blond hair, blue eyes, they like frogs. They were wearing a green zip-up hoodie and overalls when they went missing."

"When you lost them?" the girl asked.

My throat went dry, but I nodded. "Yeah. I've been—I've been looking for them for two whole years. Do you know them?"

"I don't know your Jessie," she snipped.

I wanted to grab this girl and demand she tell me where my kid was, but that was—no, no matter how desperate I was, I couldn't scare a kid like that.

"Right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that they belong to me. Just—they're my kid. I'm their dad. It goes both ways, and I miss them so much. So if you've seen them?—"

Aurora huffed, turning her head away.

"If you've seen them, tell them I love them, okay? And I'll be here. As long as it takes."

Aurora turned back to me, her lips pursed. "I think you're confused."

Then, she started running. Peanut barked, but she was too fast for him.

"Wait!" Mattias rushed after her, but he barely made it a few steps before coming up short. He stood there, blinking. "She... disappeared. Like, poof. Just gone."

I tipped forward onto my knees. They sank in the mud, water seeping into my trousers as I sat there and stared after her.

In time—I couldn't tell how long, but my knees had begun to ache—Mattias's hand on my shoulder brought me back to myself.

"Connor?"

"What the hell just happened?" I whispered back.

When I looked up at him, all Mattias did was shake his head. He was holding Peanut's leash. The dog must've come back over to us, but I hadn't realized.

"Do you know that girl?"

He was still shaking his head when he whispered. "No. No, I can't have. I've never seen that girl before in my life."

But there was confusion in his eyes and something else I didn't understand.

He shook himself and held out his hand to me. "Come on. We should get home before it gets dark."

I sat there, staring at his palm. He was right; unless I thought spending the night kneeling in the woods was going to do Jessie any good, we needed to go. The sun was hanging lower in the sky, turning it pink beyond the trees.

So I took his hand and held it firm as I got to my feet, and if I needed to keep hold of it to find my way out of the woods? Well, he didn't say anything about it.