Chapter 25

25

ESTELLE

"What do you mean, that's it?" I start to pace. I don't know what I was thinking. That my sister would magically just appear out of the back of that truck and we'd be together again. Have I been living in delusion all this time? I swallow hard. It's like the last few months are finally creeping up on me. The truth that I've been avoiding taps on my shoulder like an unwelcome guest. No. I don't believe —

"Matilda Jane St. Clair?" My head snaps up as I hear Harlem's voice. He's holding something… His eyes flick to mine, his mouth opens then closes again. "It was in the bag."

"The bag?" I know what it is.

The bag with all the IDs the men collected for all the girls that are dead. That's what it is. But I refuse to believe that this is real. It can't be. But then… Harlem has her ID.

"I'm…" He swallows hard. "I'm sorry."

I charge toward him as I snatch the driver's license from his fingers and stare at my sister's face. It's her ID. Her name. Her address. Which means… which means… she could be here… alive, somewhere… not dead. No, she couldn't be.

"This doesn't mean…" I stop when I see the other man, Tag, purse his lips. He's a big man too, and I don't like the look of sympathy I see in his eyes. That isn't meant for me. That's meant for someone else, someone who has actually lost their sister and best friend. Not me.

"It's the IDs for all the victims," Harlem says, his tone soft. "They keep ‘em as…"

"Trophies," I finish. I step away from him. "They keep them as trophies, right?"

I don't wait for an answer. I run outside the clubhouse and I don't even make it half-way across the lot when I drop to my knees and sob. This can't be right.

I can't believe it. But then why do they have Tilly's ID if she's safe? If she's alive?

I suck in a breath, but it feels like my lungs are collapsing. When the scream leaves my windpipe, it doesn't sound like it's of this world. It sounds like a woman who's been broken into a thousand pieces and there's no hope.

I sob, choking out every bittersweet, beautiful and innocent memory I ever had of me and my sister and the happy reunion I planned in my head. It was all a dream. The pain engulfs me and I don't even know how long I kneel, sprawled down as if I'm praying. I don't even care if anyone is watching. They can all go to hell because this is my own personal hell. I can't even be happy that the girls we have in the MC clubhouse are going to be safe and they'll get to go back home, or be housed until they can find suitable accommodations. Some of the girls were homeless, some were kidnapped from their hometowns. The whole thing just makes me sick, and that makes me mad all over again. The injustice… A shudder rips through my body. The pain feels like it may go on forever, and I welcome it.

Suddenly, big, warm hands envelope me as I collapse. All of my heart, all of my strength, disappears. Nothing matters now. Nothing matters at all if I don't have her.

I let the man pick me up. I don't even fight against him.

"Who?" I garble.

"Savage."

"Perfect."

He chuckles softly. "I don't hurt women."

He lifts me like I weigh nothing and I want to tell him to put me down, but I don't have the strength. I want Nevada. Where is he? Pick yourself up woman! But I can't.

I surrender.

I am done.

"Nevada?" I manage to squeak.

"He's comin', baby, just hold tight."

This man could be leading me anywhere, but it doesn't matter. I have nothing to live for anymore. Halo and Kyle have the directions to the clubhouse and they're enroute, but nobody else I know is here. I just need Nevada…

I turn my face into the man's chest and he takes me around the side, avoiding the clubhouse doors, and then we're going into a dimly lit room. Like I say, with a name like Savage, he could be anyone.

He lays me down on a bed and I don't even have the energy to shift back, to make myself small or to do anything to protect myself.

"You'll be okay here, until Nevada or your friends get here."

He pulls something from my belt… My knife… Maybe he thinks I'm suicidal.

"I'll take this."

It's my favorite blade. "That's sentimental," I choke, trying to reach for it.

He holds it back, and only now do I get a look at his face. He's got shoulder length shaggy hair, deep blue eyes like the ocean when it's wild and a small amount of scruff. "Then you'll get it back when your old man arrives."

He doesn't even know me, but he knows Nevada is my old man. This club doesn't fuck around. He moves off the bed and sets something down on the side table. "I'll be right out those doors if you need anythin'."

I frown. "Why are you being so nice to me?" I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands.

He turns. "Because I know hopelessness when I see it, and like I said, I don't hurt women. I'm only a savage to those who deserve it." And with that, he leaves.

I close my eyes, my head throbbing. I chastise myself for being so weak, for not being able to keep it together in front of these people who tried to help me.

I reach for the side table. It's my sister's license. She's really gone.

Tilly.

My baby sister.

She's gone forever.

I'm not asleep, but when I feel the bed tip, I know that it's him.

" Mama?"

I don't even turn my head. I can't. I can't face him like this.

His voice is soft. "What happened?"

I shake my head and he pulls me into his arms. I turn and clutch his cut, holding onto him for dear life and the floodgates open. I don't know how long I sob for.

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Did that asshole die?"

"He'll be meetin' his maker soon enough." He holds me for a long time, then presses a kiss into my hair. "This wasn't the outcome you wanted, but all isn't lost."

"It is." My voice is muffled from being buried in his chest. "Her ID was in that bag."

"That doesn't mean?—"

"Then where is she? I have to face the facts, Nevada. I'm a PI and there was no trace of her. I broke every fucking rule in the book to try and find her, and I turned to the MC for help." I prattle on. "You have the best people hacking security cameras and surveillance and we wound up here. I have to face the reality that Tilly isn't coming home."

"I spoke to Cash about the Stilettos."

"What about them?"

"Well, if anyone knows anything about girls across the Texan border, it'll be Diamond."

I look up to face him, tears clinging to my lashes. "And what then, Asher? Another wild goose chase that will only lead me to the inevitable; that Tilly is no longer…" I break off, unable to say the words.

He pulls me to him again, encasing me against his warm chest. "You just need to rest, babe. We're goin' home."

"Home?" I snort. "What home? I don't have anything anymore." Instantly I feel guilty for saying that.

"You have me."

"I know I do. But then you'll get sick of me, or I'll piss you off and then you'll be gone too."

He holds me tighter. "Never. It won't happen. I love you, boo ."

I snort, unable to help myself. "Boo?"

"Haven't called you that before."

"I want to go home."

"Okay."

" Your home. I don't want to be alone."

"I'm good with that."

I look up. "Why do you love me?"

He doesn't hesitate. "Because you're beautiful. Smart. Belligerent and strong."

"Belligerent?"

"I went to college. Shocker, huh."

"I'm not belligerent."

He gives me a pointed look. "Okay. Sassy. Sexy. Completely crazy, but when I look at you, I see the woman I was always meant to be with. You shine brighter than any star in the sky."

Tears well in my eyes again. "I love you."

"Love you more. Been waitin' a while to say that."

I smile despite myself. With him I can be myself. I don't have to self protect or pretend I'm okay. I'm seriously not okay. "Please take me home."

"At first light."

I swallow hard. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"A lot of shit went down, but it was successful. The Hellions are gonna strike the Skeletons and that ain't our fight, baby girl."

I nod. "Okay."

He kisses me on the forehead. "Try and get some sleep. Then we're outta here."

Panic hits me suddenly. "Where are Halo and Kyle?"

"They knew you were restin'. They're upstairs in one of the rooms."

"I need to see Halo."

He pushes me back down against the pillows. "Soon, baby."

"I can't sleep."

"Can you try?"

I shake my head.

"For me," he presses.

I'm exhausted, but I know if I close my eyes, all I'll see is Tilly. "Just don't go."

He kicks off his boots. "Not goin' anywhere."

"Promise?"

He lays down next to me. "Promise."

I let out a breath I've been holding for too long.

It'll be better now he's here. Things will be better as long as I don't break like I did before.

"Savage told me what happened."

"He brought me in here."

"I heard. Not happy about that. Another man touchin' my ol' lady is grounds for a fuckin' bullet in the skull."

"He was being nice."

He snorts. "Nice?"

"I was a mess."

He pulls my back to his front so we're spooning. "It's okay to let go sometimes, babe. You can't be strong every second of every day." He kisses the back of my hair. "Now rest."

I hold onto that thought because if I don't, I know that it'll be the final straw. I never thought I'd need a man to prop me up, but right now I'm glad for it. I can't do this alone. If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that. And for that alone, I'll always be grateful.

We ride home in silence. I glance out the window but don't see anything. Everything is just a non-existent blur.

So this is what defeat feels like.

Halo is with us in the back. When she saw me this morning, she took me in her arms and hugged the life out of me. Maybe she expected me to cry, but I had no tears left. Every ounce of feeling in my body has turned numb. I'm beaten. Broken. Like a wounded bird, which isn't like me at all, but maybe this is the new me.

The woman who couldn't save her sister. I couldn't find her, that's what bugs me the most. This isn't about me, but I was Tilly's only hope. And now that hope has dashed and all I have are memories.

I keep thinking over and over; what if they're wrong? What if she's somewhere else? What if…? But then I come back to Tilly's ID. Why would they even have it?

I want to scream at the world how unfair this all is. How did my sweet, innocent little sister deserve this? And why is the world so cruel? But I never get any answers.

When we get back to the clubhouse, Cash wants an immediate debrief and since Nevada doesn't want me out of his sight, me and Halo head to the bar.

The whole club is here, waiting to find out what went down, though I'm sure they already got the gist of it.

"Two double shots of the strongest whiskey you have, please," Halo asks the young woman behind the bar; I think her name is Amber.

She nods and reaches behind to the top shelf.

We dropped Kyle off at his apartment on the way. I think he's had about enough of motorcycle clubs for the foreseeable future.

Halo turns to me. "I'm going to help you get through this."

I smile weakly. "I know. I'm lucky to have friends like you and Kyle, dragging both of you across the countryside."

"You didn't drag us anywhere."

"Hey," a dark-haired woman says from behind us. "I'm Deanna, Cash's wife, I don't think we've met."

She's pretty, has piercing blue eyes and a look of concern crossing them that makes my stomach lurch.

Halo, thank God, does all the talking for the both of us. "I'm Halo, this is Star."

Deanna stills, focusing on me. "I heard about what happened."

Amber slides our drinks across and I take mine and down it, not even wincing at the pain it causes in the back of my throat. "Could I get another, please?"

Amber nods. A sisterly-type solidarity crosses her features, like she's heard all about my heartbreak, and even if she hasn't, she just gets it.

I turn back to Deanna. "Thank you. For the club's help, for everything."

"You don't have to thank me, I didn't do anything, though, I have someone here you may wanna speak to."

I glance up. "There is nobody that can help me now." I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I'm tired. I'm angry. I can't even face this woman who is the Prez's ol' lady and probably demands respect within the club. She probably means well, but I'm all outta nice. I don't give a shit about any of that. I just want to curl up with my self-pity for a little while and let the sting settle in. Is that too much to ask?

Halo, however, looks around. "Who?"

"Woman called Diamond."

My ears perk up. "Diamond?"

"Yeah, from the Stiletto Riders." Deanna thumbs behind her. "She got here a few hours ago, said she needed to talk to you urgently. Nevada was on the phone to her last night…"

I frown. "He was?"

"Yeah." She places a hand on my shoulder and I don't know if this is gonna get better or worse, though I don't see how much worse it could get. "I know about what they do, she filled me in, and well, you probably wanna hear what she has to say herself. Come on, we'll talk in my old man's office."

She doesn't give me any option because she loops an arm around mine and Halo manages to grab my second drink and follows along behind us.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," I start. "But I've had a hell of a night. We just got caught up in a takedown with another MC and I found out my sister's dead…"

Still, this infuriating woman doesn't stop walking. I let her lead me, because at this point, what have I got to lose?

One side of my brain wants to jump up and down and remind me that hope is never lost, that Diamond may know something and it'll all be okay, but the rational part of my brain tells me that I need to face the facts and stop deluding myself. That the reality is most women don't survive trafficking for very long. That's the point.

When she pushes Cash's door open, three women look up. One is sitting, the other two leaning against Cash's desk. They're all in deep discussion, or were, until our presence silences them.

I don't know what I expected, but they are biker chicks dressed in biker attire, cuts and everything, but they're… pretty.

The one sitting has a patch on her cut that reads: Diamond, Club President.

So this is the famous Diamond. She has shoulder length hair and piercing blue eyes. She'd be no older than mid-thirties. The other two look slightly younger, a blonde and a red-head.

"This is Star," Deanna announces. "And her friend, Halo."

We move into the room and I eye the women.

"Hey there," Halo says. She can't be rude for the life of her.

"Good to meet you," I say. I can't face any more heartbreak.

I can't tell if the look on her face means good news or bad news. She's unreadable.

"You have a very persistent old man." Diamond's lips almost curl up into a smile. She's all business. "I'm Diamond, this is Ruby and Sapphire."

"I've heard about you from Bane," I say.

The other two girls snicker but Diamond just raises a brow. "Is that right?"

"He said you two had history."

"Did he now?"

I look at the other women. "So? You heard about my sister from Nevada, that's why you're here? Do you know something? Are you here to help?"

She regards me coolly. I can't tell if she's a friend or foe right now. I guess if she saves women from trafficking, she must be a good person. "I'm here to help."

I take a few breaths as Halo presses a hand to my shoulder. "I had reason to believe she died. I got her identification from that asshole Jefferson. He gave a bag to Bane. He said all the girls in there were dead. He sold all the passports, IDs…"

"I'm glad Bane got to him before the authorities did." She smiles. "He'll wish he was never born when Savage and Viking skin him alive."

My eyes go wide. "Savage?" I trail off.

"Deceptively brutal." The one named Ruby smirks.

"Hot too." Sapphire laughs.

I can't say I took a whole lot of notice during my breakdown.

Diamond. Ruby. Sapphire. I sense a theme happening here.

"What we need to know is if you know anything about a girl named Matilda, Tilly, St. Clair. She went missing six weeks ago from a nightclub downtown and we believe she was drugged and then trafficked," Halo goes on. "We traced her to Mississippi then everything went ass up and we became embroiled in this shit with Monty fuckface Jefferson."

"I don't know the name Tilly St. Clair," Diamond says, and my heart sinks. I let out a breath and my heart could stop right at this very moment. "But when Bane called me first, I said I'd call you to get the details, then Nevada called me before I had the chance."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "The chance to what?"

"I think we have your sister." The words come out of her mouth, but I don't register.

"W—what?"

Ruby pulls out her phone and starts tapping away.

"About four weeks ago, we intercepted one of Jefferson's buses movin' across the border and we shot the tires out and killed the driver," Diamond says as my mouth hangs open.

"You forgot about the sidekicks." Sapphire blows on her nails. "They were real assholes. I don't think they got over the shock of being blown to smithereens by a bunch of chicks."

Then Ruby shoves her arm forward and I stare at the photo of… Tilly. Her hair is short for some reason and she looks pale, her eyes vacant as she stares at the camera. Not the happy smiling girl I'm used to.

I look up. "Where did you get this?"

"Is it her?" Ruby looks down at the picture, then back at me. The whole room feels like it's caving in on me.

Tears well in my eyes and I nod. "It's her. Is she… Is she still alive?"

"She's at our clubhouse." Diamond stands. "And the reason we had no clue who she was is she has amnesia, and we had no ID so we had no clue who she was or where she came from since we killed the guards transporting her. She's been with us ever since."

I slap my hands over my mouth but the tears don't stop.

"Holy shit!" Halo jumps up and down. "Holy fucking shit balls!" Then she turns and encases me in her arms, still jumping up and down and Deanna joins in too.

"Is this really real?" I croak, not even bothering to wipe my face. "She's really alive? Is this some kind of joke?"

"It's no joke," Ruby assures me. "But we had to be sure. I guess you could say it's your lucky day."

Deanna smiles. "I told ya you'd wanna talk to them."

Just then, the door opens and I turn to look over Halo's shoulder and see Nevada.

He rushes over to me and as Halo lets me go, he scoops me up. "She's alive," I cry. "Oh my God."

He kisses me over and over as I wrap my arms around his neck. "We're gonna go get her," he tells me as I close my eyes and all the weight of the world is lifted. "We're gonna go and get your sister, Mama."