Chapter 18

18

ESTELLE

I've no idea how I stumbled upon this man, but I'm not complaining.

We showered after our fuckfest, and he ended up taking me from behind doggy-style, hard and fast.

He's like the goddamn energizer bunny. His dick never goes down.

Even now, as he sleeps on his back, my fingers tracing small circles over his chest, I can see the sheet tenting down below. He's beautiful in all his glory. Not only that, he's been doing everything he said to help me, without hesitation. I'm not the kind of woman that falls in love, or falls hard, but I know that I could fall for him, and that in itself is a breakthrough. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I have my head in the clouds, but when he looks at me, it's like he really sees me. It's like for the first time ever in a relationship — not that I'd call this one — I've finally met my match. And here I was making all kinds of excuses why a younger man was a bad idea. What was I thinking?

I didn't honestly think that Nevada would be emotionally mature enough, because a lot of men his age aren't. But there's a lot more to him than meets the eye. I trace around his body idly, wondering what the future might look like should the road take us that way, and I try to imagine myself as a kept woman. I wait for that trapped feeling to cave in my chest, making it hard to breathe. Remembering all the things about my ex that had me sworn off men for eternity. I try not to think of that asshole for too long, but sometimes the memories come flooding back. He was the first man I really gave my heart to; I trusted him, and he took that trust and crushed it, along with my heart. When he struck me, a piece of my soul slowly slipped away, and even though I promised myself I'd never be that woman, I thought that was all I deserved. A part of me stayed for way too long thinking I could change him, or that I could change to fit his needs. But as I soon found out, it was never me that was the problem.

I stop my tracing to slide my arm out from his body, needing to go pee, but as I do, his hand tightens on my wrist. "That feels nice."

I wasn't even aware he was awake, or maybe I woke him up. "I thought you were sleeping," I whisper.

"I was. Where are you goin'?"

"To pee."

He lets me go and I slide out of bed, naked, and make my way to the bathroom. Nevada wouldn't let me slide my pjs on or even his t-shirt, though he did tell me he'd get great enjoyment out of seeing me in his clothes.

I do my business and return to bed. He's rolled on his side, his head in his hand as he rests on one arm. He's fully awake now and pats the space in front of him. "It's cold without you."

See. It's shit like that that just gets to the heart of me. I know I should distance myself from him to avoid falling in too deep, but I've already jumped in with both feet. We both know this isn't just sex, though I haven't admitted anything back to him about any of that, even when he made that admission that it was only me. Did he just say that because we were having sex? Or did he mean it?

I slide under the duvet and tuck it under my arm. I turn to face him. "Sorry if I woke you."

He smirks. "You don't ever have to be sorry, Mama. You can wake me up touchin' my body anytime." I stare at him, prompting him to ask, "What is it?"

What the fuck happened to the smart-mouthed, lippy broad who kicked his ass at the Whiskey Straight? Why is it when I'm around him all I seem to want to do is tell him everything.

"When you said those things before," I clear my throat, "did you mean them? Or was it just because you had your dick inside me?"

He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You might need to elaborate because I said a lot of shit, all of which I meant."

I look down. "The part where you said I was yours and you wanted to mark me… by not wearing a condom… And all that stuff about not being with another woman since we met."

He cups one side of my face. "Want the truth?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Of course."

"All of it's true. I am yours. I did mark you — which felt fuckin' amazin', by the way — and I don't tell lies. If I've had another woman in between, I would've told you. You're no fool, Estelle. I'm fairly sure you'd be able to tell if I were bullshittin' you."

I stare at him, wanting to believe it so much. "You don't understand," I whisper. "Why I'm the way I am."

"So tell me."

So help me, he straddles one leg over mine, and it feels… like home. I close my eyes and breathe him in, knowing that if I tell him my sob story, he'll only feel sorry for me and I don't want that. I don't want his sympathy, but I do want him to know that I wasn't always like this. "Let's just say I had a bad relationship. The guy… hit me, and though I did get away, I stayed for far too long. I may have been able to fight back, but I just didn't have the confidence to try. He took my trust, the way I viewed men… He took all of that and smashed it to smithereens." I take a breath. "I believed him when he said I was useless and good for nothing. I'd been hearing that most of my life, even from my mom. I know she lost her marbles in the end, but the bar she set for me growing up to measure men against, wasn't very high. So I learned to be tough all on my own. I had to be to survive."

"I'm sorry," he says. "The bastard that did that to you?—"

"Don't worry about him. He ended up getting locked up for fraud, so he's doing time right now. It was years ago, but you never really forget your first love. Even though it was bad and toxic, there was a strange comfort in sticking with what you know, or so I thought back then."

He cups my face. "I'll never let anyone hurt you, Estelle. That I can promise you."

"Sometimes I need to hear that," I whisper. "I know I'm a lot. A handful. A tough talker. I can fight and swear like a sailor and pretty much get out of any situation, but now and again, I crave for a man to just have my back. Not prop me up, but be there for me when I fall."

He stares at me, his brow furrowed. He's so beautiful in the moonlight. It's like he's not real. "I never really understood that, and maybe I still don't because I don't know what this is, but I want you to know that I've never felt this way before." He pulls my hand and places it over his heart. His skin is warm to the touch and I feel my throat thickening. "It isn't just sex, though that is more amazin' than I could've imagined. I meant every single word I said. When I saw you that first night and you kicked me on my ass, I fell in love with you. Then when you crashed Priest's weddin', it only cemented the fact that I wanted you, and not just for the night. You had my heart then, baby blue. You have all of me now. Every single beat of my heart is for you."

Are my ears deceiving me? Did he just say… "You fell in love with me?"

"Yeah. Hook, line, sinker. I was done. Gone. I couldn't sleep. Eat. I didn't want another woman touchin' me, it felt disloyal, and comin' from me who had a couple of different women every week, it's not a small thing."

My heart races in my chest, my palm pressing harder. "I want to believe that this connection isn't just physical."

"It's not. You feel it too, you know you do, but you won't let yourself fall because you've had to stand on your own two feet and fight the world by yourself. But you don't have to do that anymore. I'm here. I'm on your team." He cups my face. "I will fight to the death to find out what happened to your sister. I keep my promises, and this is important to you, so it's important to me."

"I appreciate what you've done for me. I've never really been in love before," I admit. "What I thought was love, never truly was. It was just puppy love. Infatuation. He filled a void that was missing, and I believed his lies. I knew back then I had a lot of growing up to do, but I never imagined I'd find a man who truly got me like you do."

He presses his lips to mine. "I will never turn my back on you or hurt you. If spankin' you made you uncomfortable?—"

I run my hand up his arm, feeling his thick bicep. "That's different. I wanted it. It was for pleasure. You'd never put your hands on me like he did. I know that."

"We never have to do anythin' that you don't want."

"But I do want it. I want all of it, Nevada. I have… I do have feelings for you." I can't tell him that I've fallen just as much as he has. I have to keep something to myself. That way, when this ‘honeymoon' period is over and he forgets about me, I can tell myself he didn't get my entire soul.

"Well, that's better than just sayin' you want my dick."

"But I do."

"Yeah, and I get that. It's not a small thing." His lips twitch. "But I want you to want more than that. I want you to want me. Me ."

"I do want you…" The words slip out before I can stop them.

His tongue comes out and presses down his bottom lip as he watches me. He's so intense like this, nothing like the jokester I'm used to. A man who tattoos a fucking constellation on his dick for me? He's unhinged. And I find myself loving it.

"Nevada, I want you more than I can say in words…" I trail off. "I've never been good at expressing myself, and when I talk to you, I feel this weight being lifted."

"I like that."

"I like it too, but it makes me vulnerable. It takes me to places I've never been before."

"It makes me vulnerable too," he says. "But I've never cared much about what other people think. I do care about what you think, though. In fact, that's all I care about."

"Here I was thinking you were just a pretty fuck boy."

A slow smile spreads across his face. "I can be that, too."

My cheeks flush. "That ass thing was… hot."

"Your body is hot. I can't control myself around you. At the club, when all those men were watchin' you. I wanted to fuck you in front of them, show them who you belong to."

Who you belong to.

Again, my heart doesn't constrict out of fear or terror, it constricts because I feel that surge of love between us. Do I love him?

"And I belong to you?"

"You know you do."

He tilts my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. "I want that. I want to belong to you, Nevada. I didn't know right until this very moment."

"Then let me show you what a real man can do. I want to earn your trust."

"You already have my trust, especially after doing all of this…"

"Like I said, if something's important to you, then it's important to me." His words ring between us. "I'll do everything I can to make this right."

I stroke his cheek. "Want to know something?"

He kisses my nose. "Yep."

"Maybe I fell in love with you too, right back then without even realizing."

His face changes from smiling to eyes widening, his brows crease and his eyes watch me for any signs of rebuttal. "Are you shittin' me?"

I shake my head. "I didn't want to admit it to myself, and I know it's early days, but the more time I spend with you, the more I like everything I'm seeing."

His lips find mine and he kisses me like I've never been kissed. Before I know it, his huge body is rolling me over and he pins me to the bed. I wrap my arms around his neck. He reaches down between us and holds his dick at the base, then he slides into my wet, waiting heat. I bite down on my lip as he holds himself in balls deep, then stills.

"You were sayin'?"

"I can't confess my love when you're so deep like this."

He purses his lips in a pout. "Why not?"

"Because I lose all train of thought."

He slides out, then slowly slides back in and I let out a little mewl that makes his smirk widen. "You like that, Mama?"

"I'd say my pussy has had a workout these last twenty-four hours," I laugh.

He presses his lips to mine. "I belong to you. Say it." He slides out again.

As he slides back in, I groan, "I belong to you."

He does it again. "You're mine."

"You're mine," I pant.

His big, fat cock fills me so full. I feel every single part of him, including that piercing that feels fucking amazing inside of me. Knowing he tattooed my constellation… The man is insane, but I love that about him.

"Gonna make you come like this, nice and slow. Wanna know what this is called?"

I'm breathless as he continues this slow, wild torture. "What?" I stammer.

"Makin' love. I'm makin' love to my baby."

I clench my pussy and when he feels it, he hisses. He closes his eyes, his face a pure sight of ecstasy.

"You feel so good, Asher." He opens his eyes and I cup his face. "I want you. Do you hear me? Asher. I want all of you."

He groans as my hand slips to his heart. "I wanted to make this last, but you talkin' like that…"

He likes hearing it. He likes hearing that he's special, important, just like I do. Could it be we really are two peas in a pod?

"I love this," I whisper. "This pace. Feeling all of you inside me. Knowing that it's just us."

His huge body sets me on fire, but it's not just that; it's this possessive need we both have for each other. The emotion that I feel? I don't quite know what to do with it. "It is just us, baby ."

He rocks into me, refusing to speed up, and that's exactly how I want it. He nuzzles into my neck, kissing me as I widen my legs, letting my knees part. He moves his mouth to suck my pulse point and I let him, knowing it'll leave a mark. He leaves a trail of kisses down my neck and clavicle, peppering my breasts with kisses until he takes my nipple in his mouth and sucks. Jesus . I love him suckling me. I can't get enough of it.

This is different. This is so fucking different to anything I've ever known. As his body rolls back and forth, his hips moving slowly but surely, I fall even deeper because I can feel his love for me. He loves me. Jesus… He loves me?

"At this pace, I want your orgasm to go on and on," he murmurs. "Can you do that for me, baby? Can you squeeze that pretty little pussy while my dick takes what it wants?"

"Yes—"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Asher ."

He moves his mouth to my other breast, and his eyes lift to look in mine. He suckles, moaning as those fucking hips drive me into the mattress, but it's still slow and controlled. I feel my body aching with want, with need. " Mama… "

"Asher, please… "

"Please, what?"

"I can't come like this, it's… It's too intense…"

"Look at me." I do. "This is me makin' you mine. Markin' you with my cum because you're my ol' lady. Do you want to be my ol' lady, baby?"

I arch my back, trying to gain more friction. " Yes !" I cry. "I want that. I want you to want me, too. Me, Asher… "

He lets my nipple go with a loud pop. He stretches his hands over my head to the headboard and then at the same pace, he adds a thrust. "I do want you, you know it. Now tilt your hips. That's it baby, feel how deep I am. Now wrap your legs around my waist. That's it, Mama."

As I tilt, his pubic bone grazes my swollen clit and I'm already seeing stars. The pace is maddening. Simply maddening.

"I'm coming, Asher… Oh, god, I'm coming…"

He keeps rolling his hips, thrusting hard, in and out, in and out, and he's right, my orgasm goes on and on and doesn't end. My fingers clutch his ass, begging him to ride me harder, needing him to nail me to the mattress, but the bastard just smirks. My release makes him growl and it only sets me off again, coming long and hard as he thrusts harder on the uptake. In, thrust, out. In, thrust, out. I moan loudly, and I love every second of it, tipping my head back as I cry out, " Asher, Asher, Asher!"

He roars, then stills, my pussy pulsing around his thick cock as he spills inside me. I reach up and run my hands up his chest, clutching his bulging biceps. Every muscle in his body is tense as he lets go. He's choosing me. He wants me.

"I love you, " I whisper. I don't know why the words slip out, they just do.

His face contorts as he still leaks out of me, then he closes his eyes, pulsing so much cum that I melt into the pillows and take all of it. "I love you, too, Estelle. Mama. My baby. My fuckin' ol' lady. I love you… "

I swear I've never heard such beautiful words.

His ol' lady.

Somehow during this crazy ride, we both ended up in the same place. Where we're meant to be. I'm putting my heart on the line, but this has never felt so right. None of it has ever felt like home before, except with him.

He finally opens his eyes and they're glossed over. Is he… are those… tears?

"Nevada?"

He lowers his body to press against mine. His dick still buried inside me as he pulls me into a massive hug, his arms sweeping around my shoulders as he buries his face in my neck. "Nobody has ever said that to me before."

"Nobody?"

"Except my mom, but I don't wanna think about that while I'm inside you."

I start to laugh, then he does too. He lifts his head. My beautiful, sweet, dear Nevada.

I wipe his eyes with my thumb. "You might just be the cutest man I've ever met in my life, Asher. Do you know that?"

He screws up his nose. " Cute ?"

"Oops. I mean, badass . The most badass man I've ever met in my life."

His lips cover mine. "As long as I'm right here with you, Mama. That's the only place I wanna be."