Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

HUGO

Torin has a nice view from his apartment. If you look to the left, you can see the city of Los Angeles spread out in the distance, but to the right are green hills. It looks peaceful next to the city. It’s not completely natural, but it’s definitely greener and more beautiful than the city is.

The city is beautiful too. It’s just a different kind of beauty.

I love the big windows he has overlooking this part of California. It’s just stunning, and a very different perspective from what I see out my windows with the juxtaposition of concrete and nature.

Raising my hands over my head, I stretch my spine as I take in the view. There’s always something new to see. A little park. A big tree that’s taller than the rest, waving above the canopy. I think there’s a nest in the tree just in front of the apartment building. At least, that’s what it looks like.

Hands press to my lower back and I look over my shoulder. I didn’t hear Torin come out of the bathroom. His hands smooth over my sides and around to my stomach, splaying widely across my abs.

“Why are you still naked?” he asks, pressing his lips to the back of my shoulder.

“I would live naked if I could,” I tell him. He presses his body to mine. Damn man is still wrapped in a towel. I need to convince him of the beauty of nudity .

Reaching behind me, I tug at it gently. He puts a few inches between our midsections so I can pull it off him. As I drop it to the ground, his damp flesh presses to mine. I can feel his hard cock against my ass cheek.

Despite the fact I always had a different girl at home every night, I don’t really consider myself as obsessed with sex as it might seem. At least half of those times, I never even took my clothes off, or let them touch me. I focused on their pleasure and then getting them out of my house.

I think the idea of sex is sometimes more appealing than getting into the acts of sex.

It’s different with Torin. I won’t go so far as to suggest he fixed me because I’m not broken because I feel differently about sex. It’s just that… the appeal of sex matches what I physically feel when I’m with him. I’ve never experienced that before.

Part of me wonders if it’s that I’m more sexually into men than I am women, which is kind of wild to me since I’ve literally never considered even checking out a man before. I’m still not sure I’ve checked out any men. Besides Torin, of course. It’s not that I’ve had to convince myself not to look. It just… never occurred to me to be curious.

Maybe it all adds together. I wasn’t ever interested in someone beyond a mediocre hook up—physically or emotionally. But it’s all different with Torin. I am interested in him—as a person, as a partner, as a lover, as a future.

“You have such a perfect ass,” Torin murmurs, still pressing kisses to the back of my shoulder.

I grin. Here I am thinking some deep thoughts and he’s thinking about my ass.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Mmm,” he agrees.

“Do you think that—No, let me try it a different way. Do you believe that there is one person for everyone?”

“You mean monogamy?”

“Oh. No, I don’t mean that. Uh… like… soulmates? Like two or three or whatever people are just meant for another person or people? It gets complicated when I say it inclusively, so just know I’m not narrowing my intention behind the question, but I’m going back to asking for two people because it doesn’t sound confusing that way.”

Torin chuckles. “I don’t know. Why?”

“I was just musing that I don’t remember a time when something has ever felt so good with another person.”

“You liked masturbating more than hooking up?”

I snort. “No, that’s not…” I pause. “Yeah, actually sometimes I did. Maybe most of the time I did. But I’m not sure if it was because I was too afraid of getting someone pregnant, or if it was… me. Does that make sense?”

“Mm-hmm. It’s perfectly normal not to be into sex.”

“But it’s not just sex—though we’ll come back to that—I mean it’s all kind of combined for me. Like… sex, yes. But… emotional attachment? Is that what I mean?”

“Romantic interest?”

“Yes!”

“Are you familiar with the terms asexual and aromantic?”

Excitement makes me blurt, “Yes! Winny is both.”

“Do you know what they mean?”

“Yes. You don’t like sex or… romance.”

He chuckles. “Kind of, yeah. But it’s not black and white. It’s not that you don’t like sex or you do. Or that you don’t feel romantic attraction or you do. There’s a whole spectrum and a whole lot of different kinds of asexual and aromantic people. Maybe what you’re describing is more along the lines of demiromantic and demisexual, meaning your feelings about sex and romance—and I’m using romance as a generic term to encompass things like emotions and stuff that go with a romantic relationship—are fluid and can change depending on who you’re with at the time.”

“So… a soulmate.”

Torin grins. “Sure. An individual person may connect with you in a specific way which allows you to feel things in a way you might not have before. Kind of like a dimmer switch. Maybe that switch is always off, but a few people manage to move it just a little. A taste of what it feels like to become emotionally close to someone or sexually attracted to them. And maybe you connect with someone who allows you to move that dimmer to the other side completely, so it’s on. But it’s not a one and done thing. At least, it doesn’t have to be and I’d go so far as to say it isn’t usually. You can feel that way about many people over your lifetime. Or maybe just one or two people.”

I sigh. “I really like that answer. I didn’t know I could be words like that.”

“Demi?”

I nod. “Yeah. I kind of thought my ambivalence to sex was fueled by my fear of pregnancy.”

Torin chuckles. “Maybe. But it comes down to the women you brought home. Tell me about that.”

“You want me to tell you about my hookups?”

He’s grinning again. “Not details, Hugo. Just… did you enjoy it? Were you into it?”

“I was just thinking about that. A lot of the time, I liked the idea of hooking up more than the act. There were times I wasn’t into it at all, so I was solely focused on her pleasure. I think that happened more than I’ve been willing to admit to myself.”

“It’s not shameful.”

“I know. I guess… I guess I’ve been kind of ambivalent about everything having to do with another person outside of my friends. Thinking back on our discussions about marriage… does it make sense now? Do I fit the definition of demi-things?”

“Yes. From what you’ve told me, it does. Just so we’re clear, there’s no pressure to be into anything with me.”

I turn and bring his body to mine, making sure he feels how my dick is hard for him. “You’re not listening, Torin. Everything is different with you. Maybe because we were friends first and I didn’t feel like you were just another person looking for a piece of me. Maybe because I was lonely and wanted a friend who wasn’t already married or whatever. But it’s all different with you. It has been from the beginning. I’ve never wanted to be touched like I have with you. I realize that sounds sexual but I mean.” Pausing for a minute, I stare into his eyes. “Cuddling. I crave your arms around me all the time.”

It feels whiny when I get those words out.

Torin smiles. “Me too.”

“So is that it? I’m demi, double demi?”

“I can’t tell you that. You need to make that decision for yourself. What I am telling you is you seem to fit into that definition. But Hugo, you don’t need to define yourself with labels. You are who you are and that’s completely okay.”

“I don’t need a label. I don’t even really care why it’s different. It’s just that I was thinking about how different it is and how much more enjoyable life is with you.”

“So much better,” he agrees, voice quiet.

“I even like that you’re roughly the same height as me. When I press my forehead to yours, I don’t have to bend my body awkwardly to do so. I say this as if I’ve been affectionate with other people before. Is it weird if I tell you the thought of bending awkwardly was one of the turn offs about getting involved with someone?”

Torin chuckles. “No, Hugo. It’s not weird if that’s how you feel. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and just breathe him in. He smells like shampoo and body wash. There’s a soft note to it. Not quite floral but… herbal maybe. His hands drop from my back to my ass, where he digs his fingers into my ass cheeks.

I grin. “You like my butt, huh?”

“I’ve never considered myself an ass man, but walking out of the bathroom and seeing your ass… Yeah, I’m into it.”

Grinning, I hug him tightly as I focus on his hands moving over my ass. Tracing the round globes. Running his fingers along my ass crack. Though his body isn’t moving against mine, the feeling of his dick pressed to mine has my heart beating a little harder. I swear, he’s been hard against me since the very first time I hugged him.

Then again, I think I have been against him too. How did I not figure out he was something different then? Literally no one has ever had that effect on me. I have to think that the reason we were able to get to this point is because I let my guard down and we became friends. There’s no pressure in friendship.

In our friendship, my trust in him grew. My confidence in him grew. My affection for him exploded. There’s the question as to why my other friends didn’t affect me the same way. Why only Torin?

I sigh.

“What’re you thinking about?” Torin asks.

“Piecing together why you’re so special. ”

I can feel his skin heat again when he hides his face in my neck.

People just click differently. I definitely clicked with Winny, Noah, Egon, and Atty. Me and Winny were instantly friends. He’s definitely my best friend in the whole world. I was immediately comfortable with him.

In much the same way I was with Torin, and yet, Torin is so incredibly different. Our friendship was immediately different. I knew right away. That’s probably why I asked him to cuddle. I innately knew Winny wouldn’t be into that. Maybe in the same way I knew Torin might be.

“Are we going to get dressed today?” Torin asks.

“Not if I can help it.”

He laughs quietly. “What do you want to do then?”

“For starters, walk around naked.”

“And then?”

“Well… want to cuddle? Or are you getting tired of cuddling?”

“I’m never going to be tired of cuddling with you.”

“Good.” I let my hands fall and grab the backs of his thighs, hiking him off the ground. His arms are trapped under mine since his hands were glued to my ass. Torin laughs, his fingers digging into me as he tries to hang on.

As if I’d drop him. Pfft.

I don’t bring us to bed, but to the couch where I fall back, bringing Torin with me. He continues to laugh, burying his face in my chest as he pulls his hands out from under me.

We move around for a few minutes, adjusting ourselves until we’re comfortable. I somehow end up with him between my legs, his dick against mine still as he gently, almost absently rocks against me.

It’s sexual in nature, but right now, it feels like part of cuddling. Torin sighs. His mouth presses to my chest every minute or so, as if he can’t help but kiss me.

“This is one of my very favorite things to do,” I say.

He nods. “Mine too.”

After a while, he hovers over me, his weight on his hands that are on either side of my head. He doesn’t say anything as he stares into my eyes. At first, he’s still, but then his hips begin rocking again. Just as they were before. Keeping us both floating within an undercurrent of arousal.

“Can I make you feel good?” Torin asks after a minute longer.

I nod. I expect him to touch me, but his hand goes to the base of his own dick. He rubs his dick against my ballsack. I’m not sure about everyone else’s balls, but mine have always been sensitive. You know, when I’m in the mood. So the pressure of his cock rubbing against them has me shivering with pleasure.

Torin adjusts again and takes my cock into his free hand, rubbing me as he continues to press his dick to my balls.

“I love how big you are,” Torin murmurs, his eyes down where he’s working us together. “I’ve never seen someone so glorious.”

I grin. I swear, this is the only person alive who feels that way about my obscenely large dick. Like, what is the point of a cock this big? I swear, it’s evolution’s way of making sure my genes don’t spread.

“I’m glad you like it. I can’t change it.”

He flashes a smile at me. “Definitely don’t change it. I love how big you are.”

“Now that you’ve seen me hard… do you still think that…” I can’t even get the words out. We’ve talked about sex quite extensively to some degree, but it’s been abstract. Not explicitly about sex between us.

“That you’re perfect?”

“Yes, but… perfect for you?”

His eyes meet mine and they’re burning with heat. “Yes. When you’re ready. We have so much more we can do that isn’t that though. There’s no hurry. No pressure. We never have to if you’re not interested.”

I think what’s going to make me fall in love with him in a rather short time frame is how he understands that sex hasn’t been colored in a positive light in my world. It’s not in a shameful way, but the circumstances surrounding it have always been terrifying because of the outcomes that I’ve seen.

“I want to,” I tell him. “Not today. Not now. But I want to.”

Torin leans over me, kissing me. It’s soft and sweet, and I take a deep breath. Feeling like I’ve found my place in the world. I’ve found my other half when I didn’t think I had one.