Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

TORIN

I hate away games. Especially now. It’s really lonely without Hugo, even though we still talk all the time. The amount of time we talk isn’t different, but that we’re only talking via electronics instead of in person is what sucks.

“I hate away games,” I tell Fish Hugo as I lean over the side of my tank. Calling it a tank is being really generous. It’s more like a kiddie pool, but slightly larger and deeper. The kind of pool you might sink into the ground and call a fish pond.

Letting my fingers graze the top of the water, my fish get close to explore me. I’ve had them for a long time and I’ve spent a lot of time getting them familiar with me. Most will get close. One of the sharks will even nudge against my fingers from time to time. The suckerfish lets me pet him as long as I don’t do so for too long. A couple finger strokes and he’s fine. More than that and he’s like a cat—go away!

Thankfully, this isn’t one of the team’s really long away streaks. It’s only been five days and they’ll be home tomorrow. The longest away period will be something like eleven days at the end of January. Maybe I can tag along and be the equipment manager’s assistant. Is that a thing? Can it be a thing for short periods?

I sigh dramatically. Hugo’s game ended a while ago. Maybe half an hour. So he’s probably out with his friends. He messaged me as soon as he was in the locker room, and I don’t expect to hear back again tonight. Which is fine. I’m just bored and missing him.

The knowledge I’m falling for this man even more is loud in my head. Even though I wait up, just in case he wants to message me when he gets back to the hotel, I fall asleep somewhere around one in the morning, clutching my phone to my chest.

I’m not sure how it happens, but I’m awake at two in the morning texting with Hugo. But not as me. As this anonymous ‘girl.’ I think it’s my fault. If I scroll back far enough, I’ll find I gave into missing him so much that I texted him. Except I chose the wrong app.

It’s not a bad thing. Hugo isn’t different in one place or another. He’s just his same sweet, maybe a bit na?ve self. He’s so damn good and lovable. I love it. There really is no question as to why I’ve fallen for him.

Hugo

I just realized the time. Why are you awake?

Me

Can’t sleep. Why are you awake?

Hugo

Dunno. It’s always really weird to be sleeping in a hotel bed. So many people have slept here before me. And they don’t disclose at the desk whether someone has been murdered in the room you’re sleeping in.

My eyes widen.

Me

Wow… I wouldn’t have thought of that.

Hugo

Haha sorry. These are the things I think about. Did you know a guy from the NY mafia once killed a man, one of his associates, and hid his body under the mattress in the frame of a hotel room? He wasn’t found for days. And the room had been rented out many times. People slept on that mattress! With a dead body under it!!!!!!

A shudder runs down my spine.

Me

WTAF

Hugo

Yep. I once watched a documentary on Sammy the Bull. I’m filled with nightmares. And he wasn’t even the worst. Have you read about what the Hillside Stranglers did to their victims? They *injected* window cleaner into their bodies! Fucking window cleaner. Like one does heroin. And that’s just the start. I had nightmares for weeks!

Me

I think we need to talk about what you watch on television…

Hugo

LOL On one hand, it’s fucking fascinating. On the other, I’m surprised people lived through the seventies and eighties. Did you know there were more than 200 active serial killers in those two decades alone?

Seriously, what does this man watch? Holy fuck.

Hugo

And here I thought the worst thing in the world was the date rape drug. Not that I’m discounting how awful that is, but I can’t even tell you some of the things I’ve watched. It makes me never want to date.

Me

Not to be a Debbie Downer but you know a lot of times, they’re not even on dates when they get drugged. It’s just going out into clubs and bars and being unaware of your surroundings.

Hugo

I suppose that makes me feel just a little better. Considering I can’t remember the last time I’ve been on an actual date.

Me

Me either. I haven’t ever been on one.

Hugo

You haven’t? Ever? You’re not like twelve, are you?

I laugh.

Me

No. I’m 24. Just never been on a date. I guess when I do go out, it’s only been to hook up and that’s been sparingly. People are… they make me uneasy.

Hugo

I get that. I’ve spent my entire adult life hooking up. Recently, it’s lost its appeal. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve been on a date either.

Me

Do people still go on dates? Is it now a historic custom?

I can practically see him grinning.

Hugo

RIGHT?!

I laugh and close my eyes again until my phone buzzes in my hand.

Hugo

Hey… do you think that maybe we can meet? We’ll go on a date. A real one.

My heart jumps. Oh, fuck! He wants to meet. What is he going to say when he learns the truth?! I should tell him no. I should have been putting distance between us this whole time because I want him to want me.

But I’m still me. I’m not lying or anything in any conversation we’ve had. I’m not even being intentionally vague. There are some things we haven’t talked about and I know if we did, the whole thing would be exposed.

It’s as if he doesn’t want to ask those things because there have been plenty of openings for them to come up. Yet, they haven’t.

Me

What do you have in mind?

Hugo

I guess I should ask where you live. If you live in Alaska, this probably won’t happen as easily as I’m thinking it will.

Grinning, I answer.

Me

West L.A.

Hugo

Yes! That’s close. I’m closer to the ocean. So it’ll work out. There’s an Italian restaurant called Antonio’s on Martin Ave. Do you know the place?

My stomach both jumps and drops. Didn’t he tell me he’s never brought anyone there before? Just me. Me as in Torin. And now he’s inviting the me he thinks is a girl. I’m ecstatic he wants to treat me to his favorite place, but I’m also really super sad that it’s no longer just between us.

This is getting complicated even in my own head. I’m ready for the secret to be out.

Me

I’ll figure it out if you send an address.

Hugo

Okay. Sweet. How about on the twenty-first? Technically that’s tomorrow. Six-thirty?

Oh my god, I’m going to do this! My first date could end my friendship with him entirely. I should tell him no. I should cancel tomorrow. I should do literally anything at all.

Me

Yes. It’s a date.

Anything but that. The idea that I could lose Hugo completely has me panting. Short of breath. I need to tell him I changed my mind.

Hugo

I’m excited to share our first date together. The food is sooo good so come with an appetite.

I send him back an emoji. It’s a big smiling face.

For just one minute, I allow myself to hope. Then I fall asleep and dream of serial killers.

Even though I have nightmares about being tortured, I still manage to sleep well through the morning. It isn’t until my phone buzzes half a dozen times that my eyes flutter open. It’s Hugo, which immediately puts a smile on my face. I half expect him to be texting anonymously again. Saying good morning to the ‘girl’ he thinks he’s been talking to and has set up a date with in just over thirty hours.

Instead, he’s in my messages asking me to come over when he gets home. I confirm I’ll be there and close my eyes. My phone buzzes several times and while it’s almost physically impossible to ignore it because I know it’s Hugo, I do my best.

The idea that he could walk into the restaurant and see me as the anonymous ‘girl’ and get angry, leaving me there, and effectively ending our friendship has my stomach feeling sour. I should cancel. I should make that person disappear.

If I do that, it means he can never have my phone number. Or I’ll have to change phone numbers.

I don’t think Hugo is the kind of guy who would end our friendship. But… I’ve been lying to him. Especially once he told me he’s been talking to a girl and he really likes her. That should have been my opening. I should have told him the truth.

Honestly, if I lose him, I have no one to blame but myself.

That doesn’t mean it’ll hurt any less. I’m already sick over it. Tears sting my eyes and nothing has even happened yet.

After lying in bed for a while longer, I force myself to get up and eat something because I’m starving. I don’t think I ate much yesterday. I wasn’t even nervous yesterday!

I dally around my apartment for as long as I can stand it before driving into the heart of L.A. He’s not going to be here for another hour or so but I’m not sure what else to do. So I sit in his driveway and pull my phone out to scroll mindlessly for a while, even though I still have Hugo’s key.

That is, until Hugo messages me again.

Hugo

Is that you sitting in my driveway?

I look around a little spooked that he knows I’m here. Seriously, he’s still on the plane!

Me

Yes? How do you even know that? Are you clairvoyant?

Hugo

Hahaha no. I have a video doorbell. Why didn’t you just go inside?

At least his response sets me at ease. I also appreciate that he doesn’t ask me why I’m here so early.

Me

It’s your house and… I don’t know. You didn’t tell me I could.

Hugo

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you can. You still have my key, right? You can be there anytime you want to.

His words do not make my stomach flutter. Those are the sour nerves that this might be the last time we hang out. He may demand his key back tomorrow.

Can I even call it a date if he sees me and leaves?

“I need to stop thinking like that,” I demand to myself as I get out of the car. Then I stop talking to myself because if his doorbell has video, it also has audio.

I let myself in and reset his alarm with the instructions he sent before.

The house is quiet. There’s no trickling sound of water moving in a pond that takes up approximately a fifth of my floorspace. There aren’t any sounds of traffic since we’re far enough away from the main road. Just silence.

This is fine. This is not my last time here. We’re going to remain friends, even if he’s horrified and angry with my lie. Because I don’t believe for a minute that Hugo would just drop his friends.

I pace around for a while, unsure what to do now that I’m inside. I wander from room to room, not touching anything and not opening doors. I peek out every window, just to see the different views he has. For a long time, I stare out his back doors into the yard and imagine him having his friends over.

He sends me another text twenty minutes later.

Hugo

Help yourself to whatever food or drink you can find. Just check dates since I’ve been gone for the past week. And make yourself at home. I’ll be there as soon as I can.

Me

Thanks.

I don’t look at food or drink. I’m not sure I could keep anything down right now anyway. I’m too nervous.

I spend nearly the entire time Hugo is traveling home debating on how to proceed with tomorrow. I could just tell him now. As soon as he gets here. It’s easy to prove because I can show him my phone with the texts.

The truth is, I’m far too cowardly to do that. So the next option is the one I’ve been debating this entire time, since before I even agreed to ‘meet.’ I can just cancel. I can disappear and we will never speak of this again.

There are a few reasons I don’t do this. One, because of the phone number thing. He’ll find out eventually and then I’m just going to look like even more of an ass. Two, it could hurt his feelings and knowing I hurt him is not something I’m willing to do. Three, this is a date. A real date. With Hugo Bladen. I’ve wanted a date with Hugo since I first saw him. Since the first time he said hi to me when absolutely everyone else walked by without noticing me there.

I may get that date.

Is there even a possibility this could turn out well? Maybe he’ll just roll with it.

Knowing there’s a very good chance I’ll be spending the night tonight, I packed my date outfit in my car. I don’t know how I’ll make it to the restaurant before him, which is my plan. But I’ll have to figure it out.

Maybe I can claim I need to go to the arena for something and leave early. How am I going to hide my nerves?

Already, this might backfire before it happens.

My heart jumps into my throat when I hear the front door. If I were brave, I’d just blurt it as soon as he walks in. But when the door opens and I’m caught standing there staring like a deer in headlights, Hugo’s smile fills his face. He’s always so happy to see me. It makes my pulse race.

It’s going to destroy me if I lose this.