Chapter 38

Richard barely noticed how uncomfortable his bed was after another exhausting shift coast-watching for enemy attacks. Not that there had been many lately, now the Jerries were focusing their attention elsewhere, he thought.

If only news was coming from the islands, and he could at least know she and Bobby were safe.

He took his book from his nightstand and opened it. Helen's telegram lay between two pages to preserve the flimsy paper for as long as possible. He reread it. Not that he needed to, having memorised the words, but it was comforting to know Helen had written them herself. He ran his fingertips lightly across the precious twenty-five words in pencilled capitals. Helen had touched this piece of paper, he reminded himself. It was the closest he had been to her since early 1940 when they had become intimate that one special time.

Should have spoken before leaving. Bobby (your son), Aunt Sylviaand I are well. Have job and friends. Keep safe. Please send word again. Helen

He murmured the words so as not to disturb any of the others trying to catch some sleep between their shifts. He needed to hear them as well as look at and touch them. Anything to bring her closer to him.

He wondered what his son looked like. Bobby must have been born sometime in December 1940, he guessed. He tried to picture his son playing. It was hard to believe he was two years old and they hadn't ever met. It had been nine months since Helen had sent her telegram, and though he had replied as soon as he could, there had been nothing since. Could she have changed her mind and decided she no longer wished to have contact with him? No, Helen wasn't cruel. She would never have begun communicating with him only to stop for no reason. Perhaps his had never reached her.

He sat up. Yes, that's what could have happened. He needed to send another one and hope it got to her.

Satisfied with his plan, Richard tried to recall what he had said in his previous message. Then, taking his notepad and pencil, he began drafting a telegram, to send that afternoon.

Happiest message about Bobby. Thank you. Also you and aunt being well. Wish was with you both. Am fine but sorry for damage caused. Richard

Later, at the telegraph office, having carefully rewritten the message, he added Helen's address and sent a silent prayer that this one would reach her and that her reply wouldn't be too long coming. His exhaustion meant nothing if he had word from Helen and their little boy. He slid the telegram across the counter to be checked and paid for it. As he left the office, he looked up at the cloudless blue sky and tried to imagine what the weather must be like in Jersey.

The south coast of England was only eighty-five miles from the island at its nearest, although in Sheerness he was further away than that, and the thought of their closeness helped him. He wasn't the only man missing the woman and child he loved, but most of the other men had met their children and, he thought miserably, married the women who had given birth to them. Another dreadful error on his part. He had behaved unbelievably carelessly towards Helen. Not that he had meant to, nor would he have done if he had thought for a moment that she was carrying his child. What a fool he had been. He groaned and closed his eyes, wishing desperately that he could go back in time and change the way he had behaved.

There was no going back though, he thought as he started walking to his base. At least she was with her aunt who loved her. Hopefully they would have a future after this tiresome war ended. All he wanted was to be given the chance to make amends. If he was lucky enough to be given a second chance, he intended making the most of every second with her and Bobby.

He pushed his hand through his hair and shook his head, frustrated that the two people he loved most were imprisoned at the mercy of the damn Nazis. And all because he hadn't thought to tell her earlier that he had broken things off with his fiancée. Richard didn't think anyone could feel as much regret as he did now.